Interests Twitter 1/30 - Chris's D&D sheet

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Chris is the kind of idiot who would shoot an arrow through an arrow slit thinking it would spur a booby trap. Except arrow slits are used to shoot arrows from the inside. Not as some kind of switch.
 
Back in my playing days, we had lizardfolk and human slaves to rescue.
One way to incorporate Sonichu into DnD is a slave camp of Sonichus and Rosechus. The MaryChu player character could be one surviving spawn of the slaves.
Oh God, imagine if there are female players. The abomination will 'protect' and flirt with the "young Laydee" and claim to be a Lesbian in Body and Soul.
...and since parties start at taverns, God help the party once they see that colorful abomination.
 
Miel67 said:
Back in my playing days, we had lizardfolk and human slaves to rescue.
One way to incorporate Sonichu into DnD is a slave camp of Sonichus and Rosechus. The MaryChu player character could be one surviving spawn of the slaves.
Oh God, imagine if there are female players. The abomination will 'protect' and flirt with the "young Laydee" and claim to be a Lesbian in Body and Soul.
...and since parties start at taverns, God help the party once they see that colorful abomination.
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Forget rolling to see if you're getting drunk. Roll to see if you fucking puke!

Also, we already know how Chris going on a date in a tavern would work out. When even a ginger hambeast doesn't want to have anything to do with you, imagine how a fictional character will react.
 
Interesting observation. For all that Chris has drunk alcohol and smoked weed (almost certainly mixed with tobacky), neither has any place in the worldview of a Sonichu. Sonichu refuses a toke when Inos offers him one, and the only beverage available in CWCville seems to be one's preferred flavour(s) of CWC Soda.
 
He
Autumnal Equinox said:
If anything, Chris would be most like a Promethean from New World of Darkness instead of anything D&D related.

An anomaly so grotesque and unnatural the universe itself says "you shouldn't exist!" and does everything it can to correct the problem. A creature who can't stay in one area too long without corrupting it, who can't befriend anyone because it's presence eventually causes fear and hatred. Chris is a Promethean.
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Oh that's Chris to a tee alright, he corrupts everyplace be goes has lost and driven away every potential friend since college and all of Ruckersvile/Charlottesville can't stand to be anywhere near him just look at the Fridays after five photos and the university tribute to pulse for proof
 
Lol I want Chris to play in a campaign for one week, run by Spoony, except in the middle of one year with neither having access to their precious heroin of the internet. (Realtime updates would come to us via another player.) And tardragequits are not an option.

I don't even need a functional understanding of the game to know how amazing that would be.
 
Last night I had a few drinks and thought about what I'd do if chris came to my group and plopped this character sheet down and demanded he could use it. I'm the kind of DM who you don't want to fuck with, and a bringing a borked character sheet like this is like throwing the gauntlet down. He would be bringing a nearly unkillable, overpowered character to a game and expect to just run around and do whatever he wanted. That is just like smacking your DM in the face daring him to find a way to kill you.

So, without knowing chris's stats lets assume he played special snowflake and gave himself nothing below a 16 for everything. The biggest problems are that stupidly OP speed, his cleric magic, his OC special snowflake artifacts (the medallion, the sonichu ball, ect), and that ridiculous +10 to everything cheater transformation.

So let's kill chris's OC.

His weapon choice is pretty basic: slashing and piercing with no magical properties and no bludgeoning weapons: so slimes and skeletons are a good start, but we can assume he'll use that transformation and fudged stat rolls to over power them unless they're epic level.

There are certain monsters that are immune to divine magic, but let's hold onto that for now.

Mind Flayers are a good idea since it'd only take one failed save before they mind blank Chris's OC, make him stand still, and then suck out his brain. But that +10 to save and his stats Chris might have to roll a 1 to fail even their Elder Brain's Psychic attacks.

Throw the gods at chris? Eh. Chris's speed is impossible to keep up with even for them. Many of the gods can use Teleport without Error but then the fight just turns into a Loony Toons skit.

The Tarrasque? Even harder since it can't chase chris down.

Traps based on Reflex Saves are worthless, but poisons that work on contact might work however that +10 is back to cause problems. Even a Sphere of Annihilation which is a miniature black hole isn't a a guarantee. Even with the Slow spell, Chris will still be 30x faster than the average player. However, traps are probably a great idea for chris since no matter how high is intelligence or wisdom score is, its still Chris at the wheel.

What we need is something that doesn't require a save, can be triggered by contact or shrouded with illusions, and he can't run away from.

The answer is simple: portals. Let chris get teleported straight to another plane of existence. The Elemental planes are almost certain death sentences, with the Negative and Positive energy planes causing death in mere minutes regardless of who you are. Of the 3 evil planes, Gehenna would be the most entertaining as Chris's character is slowly crushed under the weight of pure evil until his character becomes a soulless husk. You could even 'port him to the Far Realm or Limbo and let him fight some unwinnable fight against a Cthulhuoid monster.

There is a problem here: his cleric magic might give him a gate spell, and if not, he might try to pull a teleport spell out of his ass claiming one of his mcguffins can do that. That can be circumvented by asking him to list EXACTLY what they do before you start and counter him accordingly when he tries to recton their abilities when he gets in trouble.

There is the simplest method of him going to Sigil and fucking with the Lady of Pain.
However, the Lady of Pain just dumps your ass in a Maze that you probably won't escape from, making your character effectively dead. However you don't age or need to eat or drink. Chris might be removed from the game but his character isn't dead.

There is 1 place I can think of that fits the criteria for ruining all of chris's advantages.
The Elder Evil Atropos. An undead moon. its basically the moon from Majora's Mask.
- Chris is teleported there by dicking around with some magic item or runs thoughtlessly through a portal. No save.
- Chris can run all he wants, its a evil, airless moon filled with all manner of high-level undead and 3 epic level monsters that are immune to cleric magic and take no damage from the puny mundane weapons he's carrying. He can fight in his Ultra transformation as much as he wants, its a losing battle.
- You can argue that divine magic doesn't work well on Atropos since its an Abomination immune to the power of the gods. Maybe only allow him spells up to 3rd level.
- The environment itself is airless, chris might be able to bork some reason why he can survive in a vacuum but its a totally lifeless moon with nothing but powerful undead. There's no place to go, no place to sleep, nothing to drink, and nothing to eat.

another option, although not a perfect one is Ravenloft.
Just keep giving chris rope. Present him with scenarios that cause him to make Dark Powers checks so that the primal evil that are the Dark Powers reward chris. Chris will like that he's being gifted things regardless of their source, and not realize the Dark Powers are setting him up to be tormented with an eternal living hell.
A twisted version of CWCkville would eventually form from the mists and Chris would be tormented by some cwcki-inspired villain from his past.
However he'd probably quit the game at this point for obvious reasons.

If you really wanted to get sadistic: Throw the Apocalypse Stone module at him. Spoony made 2 videos explaining how batshit impossible it is. Even if you win, you lose.
 
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TheOnlyYamchaFan said:
Last night I had a few drinks and thought about what I'd do if chris came to my group and plopped this character sheet down and demanded he could use it. I'm the kind of DM who you don't want to fuck with, and a bringing a borked character sheet like this is like throwing the gauntlet down. He would be bringing a nearly unkillable, overpowered character to a game and expect to just run around and do whatever he wanted. That is just like smacking your DM in the face daring him to find a way to kill you.

So, without knowing chris's stats lets assume he played special snowflake and gave himself nothing below a 16 for everything. The biggest problems are that stupidly OP speed, his cleric magic, his OC special snowflake artifacts (the medallion, the sonichu ball, ect), and that ridiculous +10 to everything cheater transformation.

So let's kill chris's OC.

His weapon choice is pretty basic: slashing and piercing with no magical properties and no bludgeoning weapons: so slimes and skeletons are a good start, but we can assume he'll use that transformation and fudged stat rolls to over power them unless they're epic level.

There are certain monsters that are immune to divine magic, but let's hold onto that for now.

Mind Flayers are a good idea since it'd only take one failed save before they mind blank Chris's OC, make him stand still, and then suck out his brain. But that +10 to save and his stats Chris might have to roll a 1 to fail even their Elder Brain's Psychic attacks.

Throw the gods at chris? Eh. Chris's speed is impossible to keep up with even for them. Many of the gods can use Teleport without Error but then the fight just turns into a Loony Toons skit.

Traps based on Reflex Saves are worthless, but poisons that work on contact might work however that +10 is back to cause problems. Even a Sphere of Annihilation which is a miniature black hole isn't a a guarantee. Even with the Slow spell, Chris will still be 30x faster than the average player. However, traps are probably a great idea for chris since no matter how high is intelligence or wisdom score is, its still Chris at the wheel.

What we need is something that doesn't require a save, can be triggered by contact or shrouded with illusions, and he can't run away from.

The answer is simple: portals. Let chris get teleported straight to another plane of existence. The Elemental planes are almost certain death sentences, with the Negative and Positive energy planes causing death in mere minutes regardless of who you are. Of the 3 evil planes, Gehenna would be the most entertaining as Chris's character is slowly crushed under the weight of pure evil until his character becomes a soulless husk. You could even 'port him to the Far Realm or Limbo and let him fight some unwinnable fight against a Cthulhuoid monster.

There is a problem here: his cleric magic might give him a gate spell, and if not, he might try to pull a teleport spell out of his ass claiming one of his mcguffins can do that. That can be circumvented by asking him to list EXACTLY what they do before you start and counter him accordingly when he tries to recton their abilities when he gets in trouble.

There is the simplest method of him going to Sigil and fucking with the Lady of Pain.
However, the Lady of Pain just dumps your ass in a Maze that you probably won't escape from, making your character effectively dead. However you don't age or need to eat or drink. Chris might be removed from the game but his character isn't dead.

There is 1 place I can think of that fits the criteria for ruining all of chris's advantages.
The Elder Evil Atropos. An undead moon. its basically the moon from Majora's Mask.
- Chris is teleported there by dicking around with some magic item or runs thoughtlessly through a portal. No save.
- Chris can run all he wants, its a evil, airless moon filled with all manner of high-level undead and 3 epic level monsters that are immune to cleric magic and take no damage from the puny mundane weapons he's carrying. He can fight in his Ultra transformation as much as he wants, its a losing battle.
- You can argue that divine magic doesn't work well on Atropos since its an Abomination immune to the power of the gods. Maybe only allow him spells up to 3rd level.
- The environment itself is airless, chris might be able to bork some reason why he can survive in a vacuum but its a totally lifeless moon with nothing but powerful undead. There's no place to go, no place to sleep, nothing to drink, and nothing to eat.

another option, although not a perfect one is Ravenloft.
Just keep giving chris rope. Present him with scenarios that cause him to make Dark Powers checks so that the primal evil that are the Dark Powers reward chris. Chris will like that he's being gifted things regardless of their source, and not realize the Dark Powers are setting him up to be tormented with an eternal living hell.
A twisted version of CWCkville would eventually form from the mists and Chris would be tormented by some cwcki-inspired villain from his past.
However he'd probably quit the game at this point for obvious reasons.

If you really wanted to get sadistic: Throw the Apocalypse Stone module at him. Spoony made 2 videos explaining how batshit impossible it is. Even if you win, you lose.
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You say all that assuming Chris will play fair without chimping and sperging out once he's told he can't use his tard totems and charms to op his way out of any situation you throw at him
 
Jasonfan89 said:
You say all that assuming Chris will play fair without chimping and sperging out once he's told he can't use his tard totems and charms to op his way out of any situation you throw at him
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Eh, hard to say. Chris can be a sperg but when he's around people he tends to get meek and quiet and does as he's told. I think you could brow beat him into following the rules for a while. Of course he could just as easily turn into a total sperg and flip his shit when he feels he isn't getting enough attention or being targeted. I was just purely working off what we saw of his character sheet and assumed his optimal behavior would be presented at all times. The moment he chimps out its all over, of course.

And as for the rules, its why I said I'd want chris to list all the shit his precious mcguffins can do. I'd copy them down and show them when he tries to add another power to that list. 'We agreed chris, that you don't have that power. So quiet down.' or 'That's not how cleric magic works chris. Let me cite you from the book. Sorry, you're wrong. Take the L.'

And of course, this is me sticking to the rules of the game without fudging dice.

EDIT: And suppose chris does die on that moon. Chris would get butt hurt and say "I'm gunna write another character with all my special gear!" To which you can easily say 'If you want your old equipment, you gotta go find your previous character's corpse. You're level 1. go for it.'
 
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TheOnlyYamchaFan said:
plotting
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there was a trap in ToA where the moment you stepped in, you were trapped, with no way to open in from the inside. you find the corpse of an adventurer in there detailing how he slowly starved to death. maybe something like that, and add in a null magic field effect so he can't teleport or get out. My character ( a reckless, not very bright barbarian) got out through a very specific set of teamwork and magical effects, with the entire party working together. Our DM even said "well that was some good thinking, this was supposed to be a PC-killing trap.
 
Some Manajerk said:
there was a trap in ToA where the moment you stepped in, you were trapped, with no way to open in from the inside. you find the corpse of an adventurer in there detailing how he slowly starved to death. maybe something like that, and add in a null magic field effect so he can't teleport or get out. My character ( a reckless, not very bright barbarian) got out through a very specific set of teamwork and magical effects, with the entire party working together. Our DM even said "well that was some good thinking, this was supposed to be a PC-killing trap.
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That would definitely work. I could see chris jumping up and down screeching at the other players need to come save him, but he ran so far ahead of the party they can't meta game where he went to. Chris would then rant about how unfair that was.
 
See, its not even that the grandstanding or over the top acting chris might do would be that much of a problem in and of itself. most D&D groups tend to have people who are quiet and don't mind sharing or giving the spotlight most of the time, while they're happy playing part of the team, and others who tend to roleplay a lot and thus tend to do a lot of the talking. Whats going to get him killed is his desire to be the center of attention at all times. Players treating the game as though all the other party members are NPC's is a sure fire way to make the rest of the table close ranks and rapidly not give a shit whether he lives or dies.
 
Never mind rules-lawyering. The whole point of any decent RPG is that, no matter how powerful your character may be, there are myriad NPCs who can squash you under their metaphysical heels like dogshit. Hence the need for teamwork, strategy, off-the-cuff improvisation, etc.

My personal inclination would just be to have some suitably callous deity-level being turn Chris's character, in full Sonichu mode, into a sentient but powerless clockwork toy version, and just wind him up, watch him go - impotently round and round, for all Eternity. With no chance of escape. Ever. Roll a new character, Chris.
 
TheOnlyYamchaFan said:
A lot of ideas on how to kill a Sonichu
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Atropos seems to be the best bet, but let's keep scheming.

Those are a lot of ideas, but you failed to notice that Chris's character has only 2 hit die. Let's say, for the sake of bullshit, that he managed to roll perfectly on them, so he has 18 + whatever his CON bonus x23 is. I'll assume he's tried to bullshit his cumulative possible +15 bonuses into CON rolls (which as a DM I would shoot down because those would be temporary forms, rant aside). So, we'll assume all stats except DEX are 20, again, because bullshit, and that leaves this Mary Sue with 35 CON for the sake of experiment, or a +12 to the roll. This leaves him with a cumulative hit point total of 294, more than enough to shrug off any single attack in 5e. With his nonmagical equipment and without casting spells, he can do at most 2d6+STR damage, or 2d6+12, for an average of 19 damage/round.

Let's think about equipment now. His bullshit equipment items are as follows:
" Sonichu Medallion, CC Sonichite, Magic Wand, Celestial Key, Magic Amp, Elixer Bottle [sic], Magic Stones"
Of these items, the only one I know of that has any use is the Sonichite, which could give him +5 to all stats, but he will forgo this, as per his own rules, to use the Chaos Emeralds he undoubtedly has up his ass for a +10 instead of a +5 (he gets another bullshit +5 for no reason because whatever.) He also wrote this: "Single Transformation lasts for one action." Now, I think he meant to say it's a Swift action to activate these, but RAW it says that they last a single action, so for maybe one attack. Of course, by RAW, Chris has placed no limit onto how many times he can do this, but hitting him when it isn't his turn could be argued to bypass these stat boosts. This pushes his saves down by -7, leaving him with +11 (assuming proficiency with all saves and 20 base stats).


So, let's think about this carefully. Chris's AC is 15, (Chain shirt's 13 plus a maximum of 2. Even though he's running around with an (assumed) effective DEX of 31 (16 plus bullshit transformations), the maximum DEX bonus for a chain shirt is 2. This means that higher level enemies won't have much difficulty hitting him, as long as he stays within range.

So, what does this all mean? There are attacks and items that can very slowly chunk his HP away, in confined spaces so running invokes attacks of opportunity (as Chris has no special defense against these, by items.), and his damage output depends on either burning through his limited spell slots or is basically nonexistent. So the best way to fight this creature would be something with regeneration in an antimagic field in an enclosed space. Chris's character cannot cause meaningful damage, his AC is too low to dodge forever, and he cannot heal through Divine Magic. With an assistant creature to grapple (against a presumed +18, +6 prof with +12 for stats), this means that he cannot run away either. You could very easily kill this character in the Material Plane alone with some careful planning and a small room.
 
Dr W said:
Lots of plotting to kill chris's character
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Oh no doubt there's plenty of things that could kill a normal character regardless of level. Hell, I nearly TPK'd a party with 1 encounter with 3 shadows (each attack does 1d3 Strength damage and kills when they hit 0). Ghouls as I stated earlier are a good scare since they will tear PC's apart in large numbers. I was mostly trying to cover the bases:
- Countering Chris's game breaking base speed
- Countering that +10 to everything super form he can presumably do every round
- Forcing him to list exactly what his Sonichu/CPU shit does so he can't add more powers when shit hits the fan.
- Counter his magic.
I wasn't aware that he listed his HP as having only 2 hit dice. And that mid level AC is definitely workable. However with that stupid +10 that gives him a AC of 25.

As for creatures that could kill him, there are plenty for sure. Mind Flayers would be a favorite with chris flipping his shit as you describe one sucking his brain out the back of his head. But of course Beholders would shut down most of his powers with their central eye, Mimics could easily trick him into touching their adhesive skin, Succubi would EASILY ruin him with negative levels, Nymphs can kill with their beauty, a Lich with Hold Person could ruin chris, Jublix or Orcus would utterly destroy chris (Jublix because ooze and Orcus because mf Orcus). Hell, you could kill him just by having him hold the Book of Vile Darkness or hand him a portable hole and a bag of holding which would utterly destroy anything nearby.

A personal favorite of mine would be a Spawn of Kyuss, tell chris he sees a worm digging its way under his skin toward his brain, then we have an undead sonichu infested with worms and chris pouting that his OC self insert is an abomination.

Of course, you could just create your own Sonichu based on chris's stats and hand him something like the Sword of Kas or 9th level magic. Chris would think it unfair if something was faster than him or simply more competently played. Hell, an evil sonichu committing acts of barbarism might be enough to make him wheeze in rage.

And this of course is completely not taking into account traps that would imprison chris until he suffocates, drowns, or dies of thirst. Or even just polymorphing him (seriously the most evil thing I ever did was transmute a BBEG into ice... while we were in the desert. When the spell ended and he changed back it wasn't pretty.) But if we want to go old school cheese: have the BBEG just teleport chris to the maximum distance upward and let him drop, or port him into a wall.

but @Some Manajerk is right. Players who share a table with chris would have to be dedicated we'ens or knights to put up with chris's behavior. Even then, chris would eventually demand the spotlight too often and the party would try to knife him in the back. Then we'd either see chris run screaming from the table or actually feel a sense of power by dropping normie PCs with this character.
 
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