Interests Twitter 1/30 - Chris's D&D sheet

[Deadpool]

I remember someone said that if the character sheet gives unfair advantages, he'll tear in front of Chris and start over again.
Now's the time to do so.

I said that, and if I had physical access to that character sheet, I'd wipe my ass with it and set it on fire. Then I would refuse to let him use the dice he colored due to tampering. Any complaining would result in permanent negatives to ability scores, which he'd roll in front of me.

 

[muh_moobs]

I know nothing about DnD, so I don't know how he fucked up, but considering the fact that Chris is a fuckup, I definitely know he fucked something up. So would anyone mind explaining exactly what he fucked up and how badly he fucked it up?

Everything. And badly.

To be fair, it appears he at least read the parts he was interested right, but it seems as though he picked things like his level arbitrarily based on his inflated opinion of himself and his abilities.

Take, for instance, where he wrote "Mix" for his background. Your background is your life before you became an adventurer, so basically a job you held. In the features box he has written in a very large list of backgrounds.

You get one.

 

[A Grey Cat]

Chris would whine and wail so fucking hard whenever he fails a roll. In my experience spergs who play D&D (especially snowflakes like chris in their first game ever) tend to want the experience to be perfect. If they roll low they will beg and whine and plead to re-roll a saving throw.

I would let chris play his character as is, but... the moment he tries to bitch and take over the game he'd find out how brutal I can be. A personal favorite tactic of mine to instill a sense of mortality in the game is to keep a paper shredder in the middle of the room. Your character dies? Can't pay the fee to rez them or the party simply elects not to? Your character sheet gets shredded. I'm no idiot, I know a dozen monsters and traps that can take chris down.

Hell, a few ghouls in a cramped room, despite being low level monsters can BUTCHER a character of any level.

Damn who knew d&d players could be so... serious but I kinda see why. Once d and d was a highly successful and even respected series. But ever since Gary died it's been remade, updated and licensed out to some of the most assine franchises there are.

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

Wait so Chris created another dimension? Is this new or have I not noticed since Chris has been boring as shit lately and I’ve been zoning out?

Read this. He always believed CWCville was real in some way (like Toontown from Who Framed Roger Rabbit.)

 

[Yamcha's Only Fan]

Damn who knew d&d players could be so... serious but I kinda see why. Once d and d was a highly successful and even respected series. But ever since Gary died it's been remade, updated and licensed out to some of the most assine franchises there are.

Nah. D&D was the king of nerd activities until things like comic con became hip and trendy. No one thought it was cool. And it was when Gary sold it to Wizards of The Coast that they started watering down the threats in the game to make it less likely that characters die. And that's supposed to be the case in company run adventure leagues: players don't die because if they die they won't buy the game.

And Gary's modules were unbalanced, poorly written meat grinders. Everything wants you dead, and everything was save vs death. The man was a grim reaper at the table.

 

[Rogowski]

Read this. He always believed CWCville was real in some way (like Toontown from Who Framed Roger Rabbit.)

I know all that and I know about C-197 but the new d&d dimension is what I was referring to here.

 

[Sexy Senior Citizen]

Nah. D&D was the king of nerd activities until things like comic con became hip and trendy. And it was when Gary sold it to Wizards of The Coast that they started watering down the threats in the game to make it less likely that characters die. And that's supposed to be the case in company run adventure leagues: players don't die because if they die they won't buy the game.

And Gary's modules were unbalanced, poorly written meat grinders. Everything wants you dead, and everything was save vs death. The man was a grim reaper at the table.

>Chris rolls a 1
Gary Gygax: Roll to see how hard you cry.
Chris: (cries without rolling)

I know all that and I know about C-197 but the new d&d dimension is what I was referring to here.

D&D is just another manifestation of his warped C-197 beliefs. Based on what he tweeted to End Games (before they blocked him), he thinks that if he stats himself out in D&D, the Merge will be one step closer to happening.

 

[Lord of the Large Pants]

Nah. D&D was the king of nerd activities until things like comic con became hip and trendy. No one thought it was cool. And it was when Gary sold it to Wizards of The Coast that they started watering down the threats in the game to make it less likely that characters die. And that's supposed to be the case in company run adventure leagues: players don't die because if they die they won't buy the game.

And Gary's modules were unbalanced, poorly written meat grinders. Everything wants you dead, and everything was save vs death. The man was a grim reaper at the table.

You say that, but I've found AL fairly deadly at low levels. Not that much as oldschool grongard gaming, obviously, but I wouldn't call it safe. And as AL rules have been revised, they've become more lethal, not less.

 

[Yamcha's Only Fan]

You say that, but I've found AL fairly deadly at low levels. Not that much as oldschool grongard gaming, obviously, but I wouldn't call it safe. And as AL rules have been revised, they've become more lethal, not less.

Yeah sorry. I got my RPG orgs mixed up. I meant the RPGA.

 

[A Grey Cat]

Nah. D&D was the king of nerd activities until things like comic con became hip and trendy. No one thought it was cool. And it was when Gary sold it to Wizards of The Coast that they started watering down the threats in the game to make it less likely that characters die. And that's supposed to be the case in company run adventure leagues: players don't die because if they die they won't buy the game.

And Gary's modules were unbalanced, poorly written meat grinders. Everything wants you dead, and everything was save vs death. The man was a grim reaper at the table.

Yeah RPGs used to be where the men got separated from the boys, where if you weren't smart, tactical and even a bit Lucky you failed and had to start over from square one.

Nowadays it's too casual and friendly on amateurs like Chris with ressurection spells and items and the fact that there can indeed be pony characters or Sonic characters or oc fan characters that have little to nothing to do with the original high fantasy the series was built on

 

[Space.Muffin]

And of course he's disgustingly overpowered. I know nothing about D&D, but a short read at ANY part of his character sheet just oozes with wish fulfillment.

I wonder how a proper equipment list looks like, because he put a boat load of stuff for his character. He puts all the comodities a princess would have in her bedroom, but only puts 5 food rations. I like to imagine his character carrying a huge bag of shit all across the land, and in that huge horde there's 5 sandwiches all squished and lost.

And that whole math part is weird. It's like Mr. Campbell's explanation to the end of the world, where he literally pulled numbers out of his ass to explain stuff. I just laugh at the notion of Sonichu running and taking 3 breaths per second. So he's hyperventilating every time he goes slightly fast.

Also, I've always wondered if Sonic's fans think Sonic is faster than what he really is so I looked it up and ...

Spoiler: What are the chances?

 

[IAmNotAlpharius]

Sonichu doesn’t fit D&D. However, it wouldn’t be that difficult to make the character in Mutants & Masterminds, which is a superhero rpg. The issue would be that Chris would still have to take weaknesses and find a group that would tolerate him.

 

[Tikbalang]

Chris should've just play Elder Scrolls Online

 

[Alex Krycek]

Yeah RPGs used to be where the men got separated from the boys, where if you weren't smart, tactical and even a bit Lucky you failed and had to start over from square one.

Nowadays it's too casual and friendly on amateurs like Chris with ressurection spells and items and the fact that there can indeed be pony characters or Sonic characters or oc fan characters that have little to nothing to do with the original high fantasy the series was built on

I’ve played a few 3.5 Campaigns (mostly just comedy ones drinking with buddies) but I was really into L5R for its lore and mechanics for a while. There’s a whole unique system called “honor” where if you don’t behave yourself properly you end up basically pissing off or at least being deemed untrustworthy in social settings. Not only that but there’s also a complicated faction system involving the Great Clans and even the Clans in those families and a generous DM May let you play as a Minor Clan member or even as a member of the Imperial Families, but any campaign involving players from various clans, even if you were called together on Imperial Business would result in getting weird looks from your clan mates and losing honor points. If you weren’t playing a human character? You’d better either be able to shapeshift or stay the fuck out of civilization and even then our DM used to say to all of us when someone decided to make a Naga, Nezumi, or a Kenku that our responses to whatever explanation the non human player gave wasn’t realistic of the lore and we instead all just do battle unless like someone had a background learning magic from a Naga or trained as a Swordsman under a Kenku and could pass a persuade AND Honor check and even then fights were likely. Nezumi are respected in Crab Clan and in their own lands but discouraged from ever entering anywhere else. The locals don’t see them as guides and mystics, they’re no different than any other abomination carrying the Taint.

This is why Chris in Sonichu form and thinking he’s a Goddess is just so amusing to me. First of all there’s not even a mythic precedent for his race, it just shows up. It’s not familiar to anyone in society so by default it has a -3 honor (which means any interaction other than combat gets a -3 to all throws). Clerics don’t exist in L5R; Cleric, Wizard, and Sorcerer are all kind of lumped into the “Shugenja” and “Shaman” classes depending on your race, family, and culture (barbarians like Yobanjin for example use Shaman.)

In essence I could see all the characters meeting after a giant raid from the Shadowlands has slaughtered a caravan with the PCs and perhaps a couple of NPCs being the only survivors. Talking about what they’re going to do next, plotting a course of action, trying to figure out the best way to get back to civilization and then this crazy Hedgehog monster who worships itself shows up and starts rambling in a weird accent and an incomprehensible language. Everyone immediately can’t understand it, doesn’t trust it and starts trying to kill it thinking it must be some new abomination created by Fu Leng or Daigotsu. For the sake of leveling and fair play he’s a level 3 Shaman/1 Ranger. It turns into basically an introductory boss fight. Rather than killing him outright though they wound him, the first quest of the game is to take him to the Imperial City to present him to the Emperor and he spends the rest of the game basically being experimented on while alive by various Shugenja and Doctors while the rest of the party are made Magistrates to find out where in the fuck this thing even came from.

Then they have a normal campaign while Chris is basically tortured for the rest of the game until he decides to make a normal character. Knowing our DM back in the day, he’s let Chris make a character about the same level as the party was at the time, and knowing Chris he’d either join the Moshi family of the Mantis Clan (formerly the ruling family of the Centipede Clan - Feminist Shugenja with some Lesbians), the Kitsu family of the Lion Clan (Descended from anthropomorphic Lions and have access to the Spirit realm), or someone from the Unicorn Clan because MLP despite that clan being the most patriarchal and rigid of all the clans despite its name.

 

[SpeedBaller]

It's really hard for me to imagine a game of D&D with a healthy, well adjusted and sociable group. Everyone I've met who was into it were greasy, fat, awkward types with menial jobs and naturally they were not fun people to be around with. It seemed D&D was more of a social club for misfits where they could pretend to be magic dwarfs instead of face their shitty reality. Chris has taken the escapism and playing pretend so far that his presence is intolerable to almost everyone and every situation including D and D.

 

[The Dude]

Damn who knew d&d players could be so... serious but I kinda see why. Once d and d was a highly successful and even respected series. But ever since Gary died it's been remade, updated and licensed out to some of the most assine franchises there are.

Some people take their hobbies very seriously, and I can't blame them.

Imagine if you will, you're an RPG enthusiast. Doesn't matter if its D&D, Rifts, Battletech, or Warhammer 40k. You've got your group that you play with. You've got your game master who comes up with really enjoyable campaigns. Its game day. For the next several hours you get to forget about your job, forget about your life problems, forget about being a virgin who can't get a girlfriend. For the next several hours you get to have fun with your bros, maybe have a few drinks or pass around a joint, order some pizzas, and lose yourself in the campaign. You get to be fucking Conan the Barbarian, or Legolas, or a power armored badass with the biggest fucking guns you've ever seen. You've spent time and love crafting your character and leveling them up, and you've spent enough time with your bros creating a cohesive group that works well together.

Then there is a knock on the door. One of your buddies says "Oh yeah, my friend/cousin/little brother is joining us today. It's his first time playing." You think to yourself "OK. I was a first time player once." The door opens and in walks some fat tard dressed like a pre-teen girl, toting bags full of kiddie toys and portable gaming devices. The newcomer sits down and rifles through one of his bags. He proudly proclaims "I've created my own character!" and slaps down a character sheet that is woefully unbalanced, has obviously fudged stats, and isn't even a race/character class from the game you're playing. The newcomer doesn't get the rules, whines every time things doesn't go his way, and argues with the game master.

Chris is a child in an adult body. He doesn't care about the rules, doesn't care about the lore, and doesn't care about fairness. Chris wants to feel like an invincible hero who never loses. Like a child, he thinks that's cool. He doesn't understand that an invincible character who never loses is boring and pointless. No one wants to play with a child who wants to be all powerful and invincible because it sucks out everything that makes these kinds of games fun.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

blue heart sonichu

I just thought of something: people unfamiliar with Chris may think that Twitter avatar he's using is Sonic in drag or trans.

 

[A Grey Cat]

Some people take their hobbies very seriously, and I can't blame them.

Imagine if you will, you're an RPG enthusiast. Doesn't matter if its D&D, Rifts, Battletech, or Warhammer 40k. You've got your group that you play with. You've got your game master who comes up with really enjoyable campaigns. Its game day. For the next several hours you get to forget about your job, forget about your life problems, forget about being a virgin who can't get a girlfriend. For the next several hours you get to have fun with your bros, maybe have a few drinks or pass around a joint, order some pizzas, and lose yourself in the campaign. You get to be fucking Conan the Barbarian, or Legolas, or a power armored badass with the biggest fucking guns you've ever seen. You've spent time and love crafting your character and leveling them up, and you've spent enough time with your bros creating a cohesive group that works well together.

Then there is a knock on the door. One of your buddies says "Oh yeah, my friend/cousin/little brother is joining us today. It's his first time playing." You think to yourself "OK. I was a first time player once." The door opens and in walks some fat tard dressed like a pre-teen girl, toting bags full of kiddie toys and portable gaming devices. The newcomer sits down and rifles through one of his bags. He proudly proclaims "I've created my own character!" and slaps down a character sheet that is woefully unbalanced, has obviously fudged stats, and isn't even a race/character class from the game you're playing. The newcomer doesn't get the rules, whines every time things doesn't go his way, and argues with the game master.

Chris is a child in an adult body. He doesn't care about the rules, doesn't care about the lore, and doesn't care about fairness. Chris wants to feel like an invincible hero who never loses. Like a child, he thinks that's cool. He doesn't understand that an invincible character who never loses is boring and pointless. No one wants to play with a child who wants to be all powerful and invincible because it sucks out everything that makes these kinds of games fun.

Like I said even today the image of the average d&d player being an overweight sweaty manchild loser is kinda a dead horse portrayal, (no pun intended) some can come of as nuerotypical or even pure normie thought I will conceed and admit no full on Chad would be even a little into it.

Then there's Chris, even nearly in his 40s he's like if the comic book guy on the Simpsons and every stereotype of a fanboy was blended down and distilled into living flesh and unleashed on the world. Just to drag every form of popular media fandom he touches through the mud.

 

[andr0id psycho sho(ker]

Like I said even today the image of the average d&d player being an overweight sweaty manchild loser is kinda a dead horse portrayal, (no pun intended) some can come of as nuerotypical or even pure normie thought I will conceed and admit no full on Chad would be even a little into it.

Then there's Chris, even nearly in his 40s he's like if the comic book guy on the Simpsons and every stereotype of a fanboy was blended down and distilled into living flesh and unleashed on the world. Just to drag every form of popular media fandom he touches through the mud.

So instead of being comic book guy, he's sonichu "girl"? Figures

 

[A Grey Cat]

So instead of being comic book guy, he's sonichu "girl"? Figures

Yeah actually now that I think about it, aside being a walking tank of human and a snarky dickhead to everyone at least comic book guy could legitimately make me laugh now and then.

But back to bussiniess, sorry I don't mean to derail threads it's just that this has been such a dry spell when it comes to this lolcow. Least the tugboat came in last night so maybe we'll have a post about him buying a brand new d&d game book instead of some decent food or hospice care for his dying mom.