The Cole Smithey Thread

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Shiversblood said:
I remember something about Cole trying to get people to pay him 100 dollars for a hour to spend with him at a bar drinking craft beer and talking about movies or something because he is the most interesting film critic in the world according to him. Something like that I forget what it was but, somebody should offer to pay him 100 dollars for a hour with him drinking craft beer but it must be video taped and Cole must discuss and answer questions strictly about Christian Weston chandler and no talk of movies. A video of Cole discussing Chris Chan after the arrest of chris Chan it would just provide so many unanswered questions and it would be such a gold mine of information. Cole is sitting on so much information that he is just hoarding all to himself just because he thinks he is too good to get online! It really frustrates me that Cole won’t make a account on this forum and start talking about Chris Chan or better yet make posts here and also make YouTube videos of himself talking about Chris Chan and post the videos here and also make posts discussing the YouTube videos he could make about Chris Chan
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You couldn't pay $100,000 to get cole smithy to touch his narcissistic demented mother and weird developmentally delayed/disabled brother with a 10 foot pole.

I wonder if the state of virginia will try to contact cole to be some sort of gaurdian for barb or pay for her care but I doubt he'd cooperate.
 
Shiversblood said:
I remember something about Cole trying to get people to pay him 100 dollars for a hour to spend with him at a bar drinking craft beer and talking about movies or something because he is the most interesting film critic in the world according to him. Something like that I forget what it was but, somebody should offer to pay him 100 dollars for a hour with him drinking craft beer but it must be video taped and Cole must discuss and answer questions strictly about Christian Weston chandler and no talk of movies. A video of Cole discussing Chris Chan after the arrest of chris Chan it would just provide so many unanswered questions and it would be such a gold mine of information. Cole is sitting on so much information that he is just hoarding all to himself just because he thinks he is too good to get online! It really frustrates me that Cole won’t make a account on this forum and start talking about Chris Chan or better yet make posts here and also make YouTube videos of himself talking about Chris Chan and post the videos here and also make posts discussing the YouTube videos he could make about Chris Chan
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He may know a bit more about what's happened to Chris here and there, but at the same time, he has had hardly any time at all getting to know chris in his adolescence and did as much as he could to stay away from that side of the family, whatever he may reveal to people probably wouldn't be that much different from what we already know that's documented on the cwcki.
 
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Flavius Anthemius said:
Hey may know a bit more about what's happened to Chris here and there, but at the same time, he has had hardly any time at all getting to know chris in his adolescence and did as much as he could to stay away from that side of the family, whatever he may reveal to people probably wouldn't be that much different from what we already know that's documented on the cwcki.
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Yeah, I'd be shocked if Cole knew much about Chris. I can't lie, I too have wondered what it'd be like to take Cole up on his "Pay Me Money to Hang Out" offer, then use the time allotted to spring a whole bunch of questions on him about the one thing in his life that matters - his brother. But even if Cole was willing to humor me (which is doubtful), he likely knows far less about Chris than your average Christorical sperg.

Honestly, you'd probably have more luck (and get more laughs) asking him about Toy Story 3, if he knows who his real dad is, or why Ted Rall is such an insufferable douche.
 
I don't think Cole auctions himself off on eBay anymore. He doesn't even review regular box office films anymore like he used to. Nowadays Cole just writes rambling reviews of classic noir or edgy elite arthouse films that no one reads and gives a daily walking tour of 5th and Park to octogenarians who won't ask him questions about his retarded family and will eagerly throw their retirement money at him to be told "Buster Keaton once touched the lamp post you're standing next to".
 
Solid Snek said:
Yeah, I'd be shocked if Cole knew much about Chris. I can't lie, I too have wondered what it'd be like to take Cole up on his "Pay Me Money to Hang Out" offer, then use the time allotted to spring a whole bunch of questions on him about the one thing in his life that matters - his brother. But even if Cole was willing to humor me (which is doubtful), he likely knows far less about Chris than your average Christorical sperg.

Honestly, you'd probably have more luck (and get more laughs) asking him about Toy Story 3, if he knows who his real dad is, or why Ted Rall is such an insufferable douche.
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I think if one were to pay him money to hang out, the questions that would have invaluable answers would be ones that ascertain Barb and what Barb was like as a person when Cole was growing up which in turn might shine some light on how she probably interacted with and raised Chris indirectly. At least that's the kind of questions I'd ask him.

That and being a coffee house liberal cosmopolitan, Cole probably knows the best restaurants and theaters in the area to visit while on vacation there.
 
FightenGnome said:
I think if one were to pay him money to hang out, the questions that would have invaluable answers would be ones that ascertain Barb and what Barb was like as a person when Cole was growing up which in turn might shine some light on how she probably interacted with and raised Chris indirectly. At least that's the kind of questions I'd ask him.

That and being a coffee house liberal cosmopolitan, Cole probably knows the best restaurants and theaters in the area to visit while on vacation there.
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While we're on the subject, Bob's children are probably full of info too. We still don't even know exactly why they disowned him.
 
It's very likely that Cole either doesn't care or will hit you the sentiment that he already knows (that is, if he just doesn't see you as an outright nuisance and just blocks you instead or after the fact.) What do you think his reaction would be to a billion weens tweeting: "HEY DID YOU KNOW THAT YOUR TRANNY BROTHER RAPED YOUR MOM?"

Either way, trying to pry info out of Cole concerning Chris is like trying to squeeze blood out of a stone.
What do you think he'll have to say about Chris? Nothing we don't already know already - at most, he'll tell you that he's, at present, pissed at Chris and wants nothing to do with him after the e-mail exchange, and would rather talk about films instead.

There, I saved you $100, which is more than twice as much as Cole even earns on his Patreon.
 
Ser Ciappelletto said:
While we're on the subject, Bob's children are probably full of info too. We still don't even know exactly why they disowned him.
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Cole said Bob was crazy and abusive and I think something people forget about Bob is that he could act pleasant and well-meaning but likely was both of those things once. Bob & Barb had Chris way later into their lives and by then he may have chilled out.
 
El Rodrigo said:
It's very likely that Cole either doesn't care or will hit you the sentiment that he already knows (that is, if he just doesn't see you as an outright nuisance and just blocks you instead or after the fact.) What do you think his reaction would be to a billion weens tweeting: "HEY DID YOU KNOW THAT YOUR TRANNY BROTHER RAPED YOUR MOM?"

Either way, trying to pry info out of Cole concerning Chris is like trying to squeeze blood out of a stone.
What do you think he'll have to say about Chris? Nothing we don't already know already - at most, he'll tell you that he's, at present, pissed at Chris and wants nothing to do with him after the e-mail exchange, and would rather talk about films instead.

There, I saved you $100, which is more than twice as much as Cole even earns on his Patreon.
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If anything, we will teach Cole about Chris.
 
Ser Ciappelletto said:
While we're on the subject, Bob's children are probably full of info too. We still don't even know exactly why they disowned him.
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Judging by when Bob married Barb, David was in likely his mid-late teens when Bob broke up with his mother, and Carol was either pre-teen or early teens. It could just be as simple as Bob and his first wife having a particularly bad break-up, and that poisoning his relationship with his first two kids - though if that's the case, they probably wouldn't know much about Bob post-1980 or so, and even less about Chris.

David would probably know more than Carol, since he and Bob at least seemed to be on speaking terms (if not particularly close) during Bob's final years, while Carol really did want absolutely nothing to do with her father, IIRC. That being said, I can imagine that David has had to put up with weens calling up his office for years now, so probably best not to bother him.
 
A-Stump said:
Cole said Bob was crazy and abusive and I think something people forget about Bob is that he could act pleasant and well-meaning but likely was both of those things once. Bob & Barb had Chris way later into their lives and by then he may have chilled out.
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It's true for a lot of people actually. There are quite a lot of people out there who will stab you constantly with a smile on their face while insisting any negative response on your part is your fault and they do nothing but help. It's even worse if that person seems good to everyone else but the one person they do it to and people think it's some misunderstanding or that both individuals are in the wrong. If it's not the case HarryHowler presents it's probably how you're thinking. Maybe Bob's the type that promises to pay for your college provided you call him every week and when you don't one time he cuts the money off and is like "I just want a 5 minute call to make sure they're all right and not spending the money on drugs." and comes off as a really caring person when he's just being a controlling prick.

It would explain some of Bob's questionable personal decisions, especially with lawsuits, conspiracies and putting up with Barb's shit. While Chris probably enjoyed his father's company, it's clear his father didn't have hope for him to stand up for himself as a man and he himself never stood up for Barbara's shit. If Bob was such the kindly old man that he likes to give off, you'd think he'd at least be more easy going and clean up the kitchen for his son instead of hiding in his green house or record room trying to forget about the world as his piece of shit wife and son spend all their time and money on junk, television and vidya.

HarryHowler said:
Judging by when Bob married Barb, David was in likely his mid-late teens when Bob broke up with his mother, and Carol was either pre-teen or early teens. It could just be as simple as Bob and his first wife having a particularly bad break-up, and that poisoning his relationship with his first two kids - though if that's the case, they probably wouldn't know much about Bob post-1980 or so, and even less about Chris.

David would probably know more than Carol, since he and Bob at least seemed to be on speaking terms (if not particularly close) during Bob's final years, while Carol really did want absolutely nothing to do with her father, IIRC. That being said, I can imagine that David has had to put up with weens calling up his office for years now, so probably best not to bother him.
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Ser Ciappelletto said:
While we're on the subject, Bob's children are probably full of info too. We still don't even know exactly why they disowned him.
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If his "I've seen crosses burnin' fella" statement holds any water, it might be easy to see why Bob's kids don't want anything to do with him.

The devil is in the details, and you only need to observe Chris's behaviour in the Attraction Sign era to paint a picture.

Notice that he didn't want to date any dark women, and once blurted out the 'N' word at Surfshack Tito. That tells me that Chris's parents are not only the type who'd 'shoot themselves if their child dates a black person', but also must have said that word several times enough for Chris to have internalized it (but, realizing it, told him that it wasn't a nice thing to say.) Chris' abhorrent views on homosexuals are most likely the result of Bob's own views and the views of his church, and Bob was not afraid to tell Chris that he was being a "fag" when the latter came out as a Tomgirl.

As somebody who may be unfortunately familiar with a similar situation, I can also guess that a big reason why the family gave up on that branch of the family tree is because they want nothing to do with a certain toxic member of the household. My money's on Barb being said person, and it's likely that they told Bob about various things, such as Barb's sociopathic behaviour, hoarding and the absolutely horrid state of the house, but Bob refused to listen, hence, they threw their hands up, said, "FUCK IT" and moved on with their lives.
 
A-Stump said:
Cole said Bob was crazy and abusive and I think something people forget about Bob is that he could act pleasant and well-meaning but likely was both of those things once. Bob & Barb had Chris way later into their lives and by then he may have chilled out.
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No, the "bare-assed beatings", "cold showers" and "bizarre scenarios" Cole talked about were from Barb and this Jerry Harmon guy Barb was with at the time.

Bob didn't raise Cole, he was 17 when Bob and Barb married and about to get the fuck out of there.
 
Shiversblood said:
I remember something about Cole trying to get people to pay him 100 dollars for a hour to spend with him at a bar drinking craft beer and talking about movies or something because he is the most interesting film critic in the world according to him. Something like that I forget what it was but, somebody should offer to pay him 100 dollars for a hour with him drinking craft beer but it must be video taped and Cole must discuss and answer questions strictly about Christian Weston chandler and no talk of movies. A video of Cole discussing Chris Chan after the arrest of chris Chan it would just provide so many unanswered questions and it would be such a gold mine of information. Cole is sitting on so much information that he is just hoarding all to himself just because he thinks he is too good to get online! It really frustrates me that Cole won’t make a account on this forum and start talking about Chris Chan or better yet make posts here and also make YouTube videos of himself talking about Chris Chan and post the videos here and also make posts discussing the YouTube videos he could make about Chris Chan
Click to expand...
With how much people have been willing to pay Chris, I'm surprise someone hasnt taken him up on it. Just to show up dressed in a pickle suit and yell "JULLLLLLLAYYYYYY" Then sit there awkwardly for 40min has he explains that he's a genius for disliking Toy Story 3.
 
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