The Cole Smithey Thread

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DeeCeeBees said:
They made Cole have sex with Barb and impregnate her. In a shocking revelation, Cole is actually Chris’s father.
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And then Chris traveled back in time after the Snyder hit and run and lost his virginity to a younger Barb, who was moonlighting as a cherokee hooker at the time, making him Cole's true father.
 
Hex Cat said:
View attachment 2354637
bruh moment
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Wow, I never realized how much Chris and Cole have in common. Read that review snippet in Golden Age Chris's voice, but replace all the current year commiespeak with more appropriate Chris insults. It's the same person. Cole is what Chris would have been like if he had been raised in a slightly less dysfunctional household, right down to the delusions of persecution.

"People of the internet and fans of- of Sonichu. I have just watched a most terrible movie called Lady Bird, and let me tell- let me- me tell you something; in contrary to what the movie- the title of the movie will tell you, she is no lady. *removes glasses* Lady Bird is a damn troll and a dirty liar, and that's the truth. *puts glasses back on* And another thing, Hollywood has been has- has profited against- profited from me while silencing me. I have sent numerous messages to the president of Hollywood and received no response. I mean what does he have against people with high functioning autism anyway?"
 
Unassuming Local Guy said:
"People of the internet and fans of- of Sonichu. I have just watched a most terrible movie called Lady Bird, and let me tell- let me- me tell you something; in contrary to what the movie- the title of the movie will tell you, she is no lady. *removes glasses* Lady Bird is a damn troll and a dirty liar, and that's the truth. *puts glasses back on* And another thing, Hollywood has been has- has profited against- profited from me while silencing me. I have sent numerous messages to the president of Hollywood and received no response. I mean what does he have against people with high functioning autism anyway?"
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Jesus, I can hear it....
 
Liber Pater said:
Imagine being Cole Smithey right now. Imagine what his email inbox must look like.
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Thanks for pointing this out, Liber Pater.

I politely request epic weens refrain from trying to contact Cole about Chris raping his mother. Cole has clearly decided Chris and Barb are not his family and wants nothing to do with them, and this is a perfect example of why. He doesn't even tell any of his family from his marriage that they exist.

Blood is not binding.
 
I've always empathized with survivors especially when it comes to an abuser passing away, and in Cole's case it would be his mother. But never in my life could I begin to grasp the horror that Cole could be feeling. It's tragic. Cole's an ass, but he doesn't deserve this. Nobody does.
 
DawnDusk said:
Thanks for pointing this out, Liber Pater.

I politely request epic weens refrain from trying to contact Cole about Chris raping his mother. Cole has clearly decided Chris and Barb are not his family and wants nothing to do with them, and this is a perfect example of why. He doesn't even tell any of his family from his marriage that they exist.

Blood is not binding.
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Oh, but they obviously can't resist. I mean, imagine being a ween who's recently just discovered Chris. A lot of them are ignorant to the fact that you should generally leave the Chandlers alone, even Cole.
 
DawnDusk said:
Thanks for pointing this out, Liber Pater.

I politely request epic weens refrain from trying to contact Cole about Chris raping his mother. Cole has clearly decided Chris and Barb are not his family and wants nothing to do with them, and this is a perfect example of why. He doesn't even tell any of his family from his marriage that they exist.

Blood is not binding.
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Knowing the typical Twitter/Reddit underage weens, they're probably already flooding Coles inbox with the audio chat logs as we speak.
You can't reason with these people.
 
You can downvote me all you want, but I am starting to feel genuinely sorry for Cole. He did his best to escape his past, and be his own person, and this crazy shit just keeps happening. I hope he can move on and find peace.
 
Vapid_Idiot said:
You can downvote me all you want, but I am starting to feel genuinely sorry for Cole. He did his best to escape his past, and be his own person, and this crazy shit just keeps happening. I hope he can move on and find peace.
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Cole is fine. Just some dude who retired early to follow his dream of becoming a boring jazz guitarist and pretentious movie reviewer. There's no reason to hate him.
 
Vapid_Idiot said:
You can downvote me all you want, but I am starting to feel genuinely sorry for Cole. He did his best to escape his past, and be his own person, and this crazy shit just keeps happening. I hope he can move on and find peace.
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I think Cole is happy in his little niche. We might make fun of him for being a pretentious snob who lives off his wife, but there are far worse things to be in the world. If nothing else, he’s accomplished a complete 180 from the world of 14BC.
 
Terrorist said:
I think Cole is happy in his little niche. We might make fun of him for being a pretentious snob who lives off his wife, but there are far worse things to be in the world. If nothing else, he’s accomplished a complete 180 from the world of 14BC.
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Definitely. His pretentiousness is funny in itself, but when he talks about growing up in a abusive home, I 100% believe him, and respect him for getting himself out of there and building his own life. It is not easy to do that, so him being a pretentious NYC snob and not a Virginia redneck retard holds a lot of respect in my opinion. He did not have it easy.
 
I posted about this in the incest leak main, but if the case becomes criminal will investigators be able to get testimony from Cole? Cole is a dick but like others have said I believe him about Barb being abusive and that's a huge part of why I suspect Barb is less an innocent victim and more someone that groomed and abused Chris for years and Chris is just repeating the abusive behaviors she taught him.

I know dealing with Chris/Barb bullshit is probably the last thing Cole wants to do right now and I don't blame him, but I think he'd have some key insight that would help investigators get a clearer picture on what possibly happened and what needs to be done. Like if it turns out Barb sexually abused Cole in addition to physically and psychologically abusing him, that would be huge and I think confirm my suspicions that Chris is just doing shit that Barb groomed him to do and thus belongs in a mental hospital more than prison.

If investigators come knocking and Cole tells them to fuck off would there be any way for them to try and get info from him? Because I think Cole has some pretty key insight about Barb especially that will be vital in piecing together what exactly went down.
 
Android raptor said:
I posted about this in the incest leak main, but if the case becomes criminal will investigators be able to get testimony from Cole? Cole is a dick but like others have said I believe him about Barb being abusive and that's a huge part of why I suspect Barb is less an innocent victim and more someone that groomed and abused Chris for years and Chris is just repeating the abusive behaviors she taught him.

I know dealing with Chris/Barb bullshit is probably the last thing Cole wants to do right now and I don't blame him, but I think he'd have some key insight that would help investigators get a clearer picture on what possibly happened and what needs to be done. Like if it turns out Barb sexually abused Cole in addition to physically and psychologically abusing him, that would be huge and I think confirm my suspicions that Chris is just doing shit that Barb groomed him to do and thus belongs in a mental hospital more than prison.

If investigators come knocking and Cole tells them to fuck off would there be any way for them to try and get info from him? Because I think Cole has some pretty key insight about Barb especially that will be vital in piecing together what exactly went down.
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I doubt Barb sexually abused Cole, but that doesn't make much of a difference. She's a classic narcissistic mother, and a parent like that can be just as bad as any sex abuser.

Some common issues in narcissistic parenting result from a lack of appropriate, responsible nurturing. This may lead to a child feeling empty, insecure in loving relationships, developing imagined fears, mistrusting others, experiencing identity conflict, and suffering an inability to develop a distinct existence from that of the parent.
 
Android raptor said:
I posted about this in the incest leak main, but if the case becomes criminal will investigators be able to get testimony from Cole? Cole is a dick but like others have said I believe him about Barb being abusive and that's a huge part of why I suspect Barb is less an innocent victim and more someone that groomed and abused Chris for years and Chris is just repeating the abusive behaviors she taught him.

I know dealing with Chris/Barb bullshit is probably the last thing Cole wants to do right now and I don't blame him, but I think he'd have some key insight that would help investigators get a clearer picture on what possibly happened and what needs to be done. Like if it turns out Barb sexually abused Cole in addition to physically and psychologically abusing him, that would be huge and I think confirm my suspicions that Chris is just doing shit that Barb groomed him to do and thus belongs in a mental hospital more than prison.

If investigators come knocking and Cole tells them to fuck off would there be any way for them to try and get info from him? Because I think Cole has some pretty key insight about Barb especially that will be vital in piecing together what exactly went down.
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There’s no way there will ever be an investigation that digs that deeply into the situation. Two mentally incompetent people doing gross sex stuff to each other will result in social services just gauging the level of care each needs. Figure out if Barb needs to be put in a home or if she could remain at home with a aide assisting her 20 hours a week. I’m betting she will be put in a nursing home. (Not a nice one like people seem to think, but the type that old people fear.)

I know there’s been debate on how far gone Barb is but she will definitely exaggerate her symptoms now to try and remove any culpability from herself. It could also get other people to deal with the trashpile of her home and life for her while she lays in bed and watches TV in some grotty Medicaid nursing home. I personally think Barb is pretty far gone. Her grifter instincts are still there but her brain is Swiss cheese.

The one interesting part is how far they will go to separate Barb and Chris and for how long. Chris will have to be removed from her financial accounts. I figure the state might assign a conservator to handle her estate, debts, benefits and medical decisions. The same might be done for Chris. Allowing mother and son to visit each other, given they are pretty much the only family each has, will be a sticky situation. I’ll assume closely supervised visits at a nursing home will eventually be allowed if she lives that long
 
Terrorist said:
I think Cole is happy in his little niche. We might make fun of him for being a pretentious snob who lives off his wife, but there are far worse things to be in the world. If nothing else, he’s accomplished a complete 180 from the world of 14BC.
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Cole’s kind of a silly douche but considering the starting hand he was dealt in life, he’s doing okay for himself.
 
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