The Cole Smithey Thread

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Now, if in some fantasy world it turned out Cole had been cheating on his taxes and then his wife left him and he had nothing but debt…That is pretty much the only scenario I can see him answering questions about Charb. And I’m not sure how satisfying it would be since it’s been decades and he barely knew Chris IIRC.
 
Honestly, I'd pay him a decent chunk of change if he was willing to talk about Chris. But that seems like the last thing he wants to do.
I hope he ends up homeless and has to choose between blowing hobos for craft beers or talking about Chris.
 
If Cole were strapped for cash or simply the kind of man who chases (e)fame because that's the way his ego works,
didn't he try to do that when he review bombed lady bird and toy story 3?
im guessing he learned his lesson.
i wonder why cole never joined channel awesome or that guy with the glasses. im pretty sure nostalgia critic would of wanted cole on for the clout. speaking of nostalgia critic, has cole ever acknowledged nostalgia critic?
 
i wonder if cole ever met any of the other chandlers, like his stepbrother, david chandler. i have a feeling he'd get along with his stepsister, they both seem to really dislike bob.
It´s curious how we don´t know absolutely anything about Carol Chandler, not even a photo, if she´s alive or her location...sometimes I wonder if she really had a grudge with Bob like everyone said, maybe she´s living in Morocco or some shit and she didn´t even knew that her father conceived a retarded half-brother with some random redneck bitch
 
It´s curious how we don´t know absolutely anything about Carol Chandler, not even a photo, if she´s alive or her location...sometimes I wonder if she really had a grudge with Bob like everyone said, maybe she´s living in Morocco or some shit and she didn´t even knew that her father conceived a retarded half-brother with some random redneck bitch
In regards to Carol Chandler, it's possible she's one of those people who seem to be extended family members that aren't really close and people in the family like Cole may only really know her by name, or potentially seeing her once or twice in his life when associating with that side of the family, not only because of geographical distance but because there may be no major effort to reconnect with them either because family members have gone their separate ways and drifted too far apart or they are just completely toxic unhealthy individuals, that you eventually decide to just cut these people out of your life because it's better for you.

It's not really a strange concept, many families across the United States are like this, so it's not really surprising when you have people like Cole basically having an extremely limited family tree that he can reach out to, the same goes for Chris really when you have a look at list of family members like this.


Or better yet take a look at the family tree and have a lot of the sort of people that Cole would have to associate with


Hmm well based off Cole's upbringing and early history, he really didn't spend much time with anyone else in the Weston side of the family, only seeing Barb from time to time, and quite frankly since her side of the family didn't have that much of a impact on his life, it's not like he's obligated to start doing so out of nowhere now.
 
It´s curious how we don´t know absolutely anything about Carol Chandler, not even a photo, if she´s alive or her location...sometimes I wonder if she really had a grudge with Bob like everyone said, maybe she´s living in Morocco or some shit and she didn´t even knew that her father conceived a retarded half-brother with some random redneck bitch
My guess is that Barb strained the relationship, but we know so little.
 
A shred for what could have been if she wasn’t awful, sure.
Yeah she was but even so she was fucking raped of all things, regardless of how bad a mother she may be she was the only one he had, Barb is genuinely not a good person but even I would feel bad if that happened to my mother I would hit the roof and try my best to comfort her anyway I can. I’d honestly try and get revenge on the fucker who dared do that to my mother.
 
Yeah she was but even so she was fucking raped of all things, regardless of how bad a mother she may be she was the only one he had, Barb is genuinely not a good person but even I would feel bad if that happened to my mother I would hit the roof and try my best to comfort her anyway I can. I’d honestly try and get revenge on the fucker who dared do that to my mother.
You (I assume) and I weren’t abused by our mothers. It really does make a difference, as people who have had abusive parents have said. You might feel sad when they die because they chose to be shitty and ruin your relationship, but it wouldn’t go beyond that. That is, based on what other people have said. I’d kill a bitch, but my mom is a literal Sunday school teacher who never harmed anyone. Barb is Barb.
 
Yeah Cole SHOULD feel ashamed of himself for leaving his elderly mother in the care of a mentally retarded man with extreme autism, but I guess Barb was just such a horrible mother to Cole that he just don’t care. Do you think Cole believes Barb deserved this to happen to her, as a punishment for Coles childhood? Maybe when Cole first learned of his mother’s rape on Twitter, do you think Cole sat back, smiled, and said, “bitch got what she deserved.” I can see Cole holding onto a lot of animosity towards Barb.

Here’s a very odd thing to think about, sometimes when people get arrested and go to prison they get raped. However, it almost seems as if, the prison itself came to Barb directly. Such as that, chris Chan. A very disturbing way to view it I know.
 
These never get old to me
hank azaria.png
 
Cole just seems to want to be as far away from Chris and Barb as possible. Who can blame him though? Yeah, he's a hipster douche but he isn't hurting anyone. He's just another guy in NY trying to make it big. Unlike his half brother, Cole seems to have friends, hobbies, and gave up on the toxic cesspool of a family he came from.
The guy owes Barb nothing.
I kind of feel sorry for him. Imagine, you try your best to be a film critic and your social media accounts are flooded with random Chris Chan shit from normies. It hurts his business and his life.
 
Cole Smithey is an assmad hipster retard. He wants to look all urban but he is a hick spawned by a white trash town bicycle whore who spawned a motherfucker, his half-brother, who raped her. That's what he is. He wants you to admire his sophistication, but he's one step removed from pure white trash.
You know what you look like to me Cole, with your IPAs and your Bossanova guitar? You look like a rube. A well scrubbed, hustling rube with hipster glasses and a little hair. Good nutrition has given you some length of bone, but you're not more than one generation from poor white trash, are you, Cole Smithey? And that accent you've tried so desperately to shed? Pure West Virginia.

What was your father critic? Was he a coal miner? A magician? Does he stink of fried pigs feet and flash paper? You know how quickly the those inbred hick girls found you... all those tedious, sticky fumbling in the back seat of Son Chu... Dodging your mother's pistol, trying to forget the blank, empty silent stare of your drooling half brother, while you could only dream of getting out... getting anywhere... getting all the way to trashing Toy Story 3 on the Internet
 
You (I assume) and I weren’t abused by our mothers. It really does make a difference, as people who have had abusive parents have said. You might feel sad when they die because they chose to be shitty and ruin your relationship, but it wouldn’t go beyond that. That is, based on what other people have said. I’d kill a bitch, but my mom is a literal Sunday school teacher who never harmed anyone. Barb is Barb.
This, cutting off an abuser is difficult and Cole said he tried to keep the relationship going. He made multiple trios to Virginia and even let Chirs stay with him in California for a week without his parents (I wish we knew more about what happened during that "bros" week. But it was likely just Chris watching tv).
I have no doubt that Barb tried to get money out of him multiple times before he realized that she just wanted him as a bank. Just look st the "Piss and Burn" drawing by Chis, likely repeating everything Barb told him about Cole.

Barb hurt a lot of people in her life and none of them should have the responsibility to take care of her if they don't want to. Yeah, what happened was horrendous and nobody deserves to be raped by their sped tranny offspring.

Aunt Harriet (who had to deal with Barb going after her husband) and her younger brother sound like very good people for stepping up to take care of her even though it would be 100% understandable if they just decided to dump her in a home. But they weren't raised by her and we have no clue what she would have done to a child when she was at her worst.
 
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