The Cole Smithey Thread

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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Null said:
Altissimo said:
my question is what are they both smiling at
cuz it's Christmas and they're getting their picture taken?

Reminds me of that question 'art historians' always ask: "Why is the Mona Lisa smiling?!?!" -- because she's getting a fucking portrait done who wants to look like a grumpy prick in their picture?

Neither of them are even looking at the camera, though. (Mona Lisa at least is.)
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

You don't have to be looking at the camera to be smiling and having fun.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Null said:
Altissimo said:
my question is what are they both smiling at
cuz it's Christmas and they're getting their picture taken?
It was Chris' birthday. Dodo brain

I'm not surprised that Cole made up/interpreted/whatever all that bullshit. After all he was convinced that Spongebob promotes pedophilia and projected his mommy/family issues onto Toy Story 3.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

I know I'm super late to this thread but I just had to say this dude is such a chode.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Has he really reviewed Frozen yet?
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Pikonic said:
I think it's Coleslaw getting hipster cred by saying "look how redneck me childhood was"

+2 extra hipster points for an Irish accent. :lol:
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

A-Stump said:
I'm sure Barb accidentally fired off a shot with an impartially pulled back hammer, and it ricocheted off the floor, hit a door, hit the ceiling, and popped into a wall. I'm no trajectory genius but I don't even think Revolver Ocelot could do that. Because a ricochet doesn't fucking work like that.

Talk about a bizarre scenario!
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

So according to Cole the lego movie has a secret anti-capitalist message telling kids to rise up against the "greedy powers that enslave us". So he's saying its a movie with the intent of indoctrinating children towards anti-capitalism and for that he's totally ok with it? So much stupidity and holes, I just can't....

Also I wonder if the greedy powers include firemen?
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Lego's entire existence these days seems to be "market and sell a Lego-fied version of this money making franchise."

They probably HATE capitalism.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Guilty.
 

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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

EleSigma said:
So according to Coleslaw the lego movie has a secret anti-capitalist message telling kids to rise up against the "greedy powers that enslave us". So he's saying its a movie with the intent of indoctrinating children towards anti-capitalism and for that he's totally ok with it? So much stupidity and holes, I just can't....
Every big budget movie these days is some romantic haves-vs-have-nots story that always roots for the underdog, despite being made by greedy multi-million dollar corporations. And half the time there's some faux-green save-the-earth message too, like Avatar, despite being made by an industry whose business model is predicated on wasting thousands of tons of plastic every year. The world's young people are made of millions who think it's okay to do nothing, click "like" buttons on facebook protest pages, and still feel good about having "principles", and those greedy corporations love nothing more than to let these self-absorbed children believe that they know anything about the world and make money hand over fist by selling their empty feel-good causes right back to them.

It shouldn't take a geinus film critic to figure that out, Cole.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Alec Benson Leary said:
Every big budget movie these days is some romantic haves-vs-have-nots story that always roots for the underdog, despite being made by greedy multi-million dollar corporations. And half the time there's some faux-green save-the-earth message too, like Avatar, despite being made by an industry whose business model is predicated on wasting thousands of tons of plastic every year. The world's young people are made of millions who think it's okay to do nothing, click "like" buttons on facebook protest pages, and still feel good about having "principles", and those greedy corporations love nothing more than to let these self-absorbed children believe that they know anything about the world and make money hand over fist by selling their empty feel-good causes right back to them.

It shouldn't take a geinus film critic to figure that out, Coleslaw.

If Cole were actually relevant, he'd at some point be in a discussion with a real critic or filmmaker (as opposed to wannabes and "indie" tryhards). When that happened, Cole would have his ass handed to him by someone who actually knew something about film.

Oddly, Cole's obscurity is the only thing protecting his thin veneer of credibility. If he got famous enough to be noticed, he'd be ridiculed back into the Ruckersville from which he came.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

sparklemilhouse said:
Just realized that Coles reviews where he misses the point of a movie might have something to do with that brain injury Chris says Coleslaw got growing up.
Or being a shitty movie watcher. I assume he missed the "subtle" imagery in Elysium.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

ChurchOfGodBear said:
Alec Benson Leary said:
Every big budget movie these days is some romantic haves-vs-have-nots story that always roots for the underdog, despite being made by greedy multi-million dollar corporations. And half the time there's some faux-green save-the-earth message too, like Avatar, despite being made by an industry whose business model is predicated on wasting thousands of tons of plastic every year. The world's young people are made of millions who think it's okay to do nothing, click "like" buttons on facebook protest pages, and still feel good about having "principles", and those greedy corporations love nothing more than to let these self-absorbed children believe that they know anything about the world and make money hand over fist by selling their empty feel-good causes right back to them.

It shouldn't take a geinus film critic to figure that out, Coleslaw.

If Coleslaw were actually relevant, he'd at some point be in a discussion with a real critic or filmmaker (as opposed to wannabes and "indie" tryhards). When that happened, Coleslaw would have his ass handed to him by someone who actually knew something about film.

Oddly, Coleslaw's obscurity is the only thing protecting his thin veneer of credibility. If he got famous enough to be noticed, he'd be ridiculed back into the Ruckersville from which he came.

Instead he gets ridiculed a lot more for his particular connection to Ruckersville than his film opinions.

To quote Robert De Niro's character from Heat, Coleslaw "ain't never going back."
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Batman said:
It seems that Cole's not the only one who thought that the Lego movie was anti-capitalist. Fox News....

:roll:
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

A children's movie made by a company who demands their customers use a specific nomenclature when referring to their products.

It's not Legos, it's Lego(TM)-brand building blocks. Tell your friends!
 
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