The Cole Smithey Thread

[Marvin]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Like, personally, I can't stand passwords. Either I can't remember them, and have to use a password manager like keepassx, or they're weak as hell. And I think that's what a lot of people end up dealing with. But with Chris, the paranoia from the trolls drove him to come up with irrationally complicated passwords. They're probably way stronger than necessary.

Also, Chris probably thinks that trolls legitimately hack his stuff rather than just guessing passwords or getting him to reveal information. A password's strength is only as strong as the user's intelligence; someone who gets tricked into giving it out to someone they think is a hot chick or always uses the exact same password for everything will never have good security no matter how complex the password is.

That's why the vast majority of hackers prefer to use social engineering and typical "spy" techniques: lying, sneaking into buildings, looking for notes, and guessing security questions. Just about every website worth its salt has strong enough security that you can't casually break in through scripts and looking through source code. Best way to get into someone's Facebook is to get them to hand the password right over to you, just like the best way to take down a server is to walk into the building and whack it with a hammer.

Marvin did say that if the inner circle wanted to, they could easily get Chris' passwords. Of course, for reasons I hypothesised, there's no cracking them straight up. They'd have to do what you suggested, which is get him to talk.

Well, back in the day, anyway. Not nowadays. Nowadays, his paranoia will include people talking as well.

 

[Pikonic]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Yeah. It's telling because it sounds like he's making shit up. Like I said, unless she was using a cheap knockoff fingerbuster Chinese revolver or a six shooter straight from the wild west, that couldn't have happened. They're designed in such a fashion that the firing pin will catch unless you've delivered enough inertia behind the hammer. He claims she didn't, invalidating his story

Also, when Cole was telling Chris about how horrible Barb was, almost shooting him in the head would have come up.
I'm calling BS as well, I think it's Cole getting hipster cred by saying "look how redneck me childhood was"

 

[GFYS]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Yeah. It's telling because it sounds like he's making shit up. Like I said, unless she was using a cheap knockoff fingerbuster Chinese revolver or a six shooter straight from the wild west, that couldn't have happened. They're designed in such a fashion that the firing pin will catch unless you've delivered enough inertia behind the hammer. He claims she didn't, invalidating his story

The most probable answer is Barb had her finger on the trigger when she shouldn't have, and negligently discharged the weapon.

Negligence... That seems like an apt description of every aspect of the Chan-clan.

 

[pickleniggo]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

From Coleslaw's "articles" section of his website;

My mother Barbara left the living room for the adjacent bedroom where said pistol sat waiting. She returned with a fully loaded gun. I stood beside her about ten feet from the door where the would-be thief was still loudly at work trying to break down the front door. My mother pulled back the hammer, attempting to cock it. But she didn’t pull it back far enough for it to lock. BLAM! The gun fired. The bullet hit the floor, ricocheted onto the steel door, then onto the ceiling, before lodging in the plaster wall less than a foot to the left of my head. The would-be thief was scared off, so mission accomplished there, but I could easily have died. I remember sticking a pencil into the hole in order to measure how far the bullet had lodged after ricocheting so many times.
We never discussed what had happened that night, but I revisited the bullet hole in our living room wall anytime I wanted to remember the event. I’ll never forget the angle of the richochet that nearly killed me.

You know, Cole could write a really great novel including all the potentially fictional elements of his young life plus those of Chris'. He could even say that the would-be robber was an ancestor of Clyde Cash.

 

[Batman]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Yes, but if there's one trait common to the Weston clan, it's a complete unwillingness to do anything that would make them even remotely successful.

 

[pickleniggo]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Yes, but if there's one trait common to the Weston clan, it's a complete unwillingness to do anything that would make them even remotely successful.

Yeah but who said anything about success?

 

[Butta Face Lopez]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

The most probable answer is Barb had her finger on the trigger when she shouldn't have, and negligently discharged the weapon Cole is a liar.

There that's better.

 

[A-Stump]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

I'm sure Barb accidentally fired off a shot with an impartially pulled back hammer, and it ricocheted off the floor, hit a door, hit the ceiling, and popped into a wall. I'm no trajectory genius but I don't even think Revolver Ocelot could do that. Because a ricochet doesn't fucking work like that.

 

[GFYS]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Cole being a liar/drama queen or Barb being an idiot are both equally likely scenarios.

I thought we had outside confirmation of some kind of situation where Barb shot at a home invader, leaving an inch-deep hole in a door frame. I vividly remember it conjured up a Revolver Ocelot / Barb Photoshop, and several jokes about how they never fixed it. I swear I heard that on one of the Yuku forums - possibly from the individual confirming the story that Barb was a barfly who chased after Bob('s money). Am I totally just imagining that?

If that's not the case, I'd agree the more likely alternative is Cole's dropping big ol' load of Chris here.

 

[Butta Face Lopez]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

I wish Cole had told the real story, about how the bullet made that cartoon ricochet noise and then passed through his cowboy hat and spun it all around on his head and by gum was he lucky

 

[pickleniggo]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

I wish Coleslaw had told the real story, about how the bullet made that cartoon ricochet noise and then passed through his cowboy hat and spun it all around on his head and by gum was he lucky

And then from a window outside, Bugs Bunny winked at Cole and held up a sign depicting a screw and a ball.

 

[Butta Face Lopez]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Now you're on the trolley

 

[Holdek]

Well, that 'riddle' he did last year should tell us exactly how good his password strength is.

Hmm? Not sure what you mean.

Like, personally, I can't stand passwords. Either I can't remember them, and have to use a password manager like keepassx, or they're weak as hell. And I think that's what a lot of people end up dealing with. But with Chris, the paranoia from the trolls drove him to come up with irrationally complicated passwords. They're probably way stronger than necessary.

We should start a distributed computing project like that one that looks for alien radio signals, except we'll be brute force testing random passwords for Chris' account. Whoever cracks it gets to make a ween Facebook post.



On Disconnect, 2013:

The subject of shrouded online identities, and their ability to infiltrate and damage the lives of their victims, may sound like old news to some but the threat is constant.

Andrea Riseborough’s quick-witted television journalist Nina carries on a webcam conversation with Kyle (Max Thieriot), an internet sex worker for an underage sex site. Self-assured Kyle likes what he does. He makes good money showing off his nubile bod and the erotic tricks it can do. Nina earns his trust, but all she really wants is to break a juicy story that will put a feather in her cap at the TV station she works for — not that she isn’t susceptible to Kyle’s very direct charms.

Ben (Jonah Bobo) is a sensitive teenage loner. He writes plaintive songs on piano when he gets home from high school. Ben hides behind a swath of long hair that hangs down over his eyes. The fragile son of a successful attorney (well played by Jason Bateman), Ben takes the bait when a “girl” from his school professes her attraction in the form of Facebook instant messages. Unknown to Ben, her identity is comprised of a couple of bullying classmates — one of whom is the son of Mike, an internet-crime investigator and former cop (played by Frank Grillo).

 

[sparklemilhouse]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Jonah Bobo

 

[Holdek]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

I wish Coleslaw had told the real story, about how the bullet made that cartoon ricochet noise and then passed through his cowboy hat and spun it all around on his head and by gum was he lucky

Boom! Peew! Peew! Peew! Boinnng! Julay!

 

[pickleniggo]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

I wish Coleslaw had told the real story, about how the bullet made that cartoon ricochet noise and then passed through his cowboy hat and spun it all around on his head and by gum was he lucky

Boom! Peew! Peew! Peew! Boinnng! Julay!

"Julay!" should be the new Wilhelm Scream.

 

[Da Pickle Monsta]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

So I guess this means . . .

that Barbara went off half-cocked.

Sorry, that was a low-hanging fruit. But let's take a look at Cole's story. A kid almost gets killed and never says anything about it. Strike one. Somebody tries to break into Casa de Chandler and Barb never called the police--and this is from a family that calls the police every time somebody trolls them on the internet, or even writes the President about pro-gay ads on a website or over getting kicked out of a second-rate community college. Strike two. Cole, Barb, or Chris never trotted this story out for sympathy in the past. Strike three. A revolver goes off without the trigger being pulled. Possible, but encroaching into the realm of impossibility. Strike four.

TL;DR: story's full of shit.

 

[Carlson]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

I'm sure Barb accidentally fired off a shot with an impartially pulled back hammer, and it ricocheted off the floor, hit a door, hit the ceiling, and popped into a wall. I'm no trajectory genius but I don't even think Revolver Ocelot could do that. Because a ricochet doesn't fucking work like that.

It shouldn't. Ricocheting off the floor into the door could be very possible if the floor was a bare, hard surface like concrete or hardwood (maybe a layer of carpet over cement like my house), but a pistol cartridge would likely smash flat against the door and would only bounce slightly off a metal surface due to the loss of energy from the first impact; a wooden door, even with thin metal covering, would be punctured. And even if it miraculously bounced off the door and into the ceiling, it would be lucky to even leave a pockmark against the surface. Assuming it bounced off all of that and hit the wall next to Cole, it probably would have barely enough energy to even make him bleed, let alone kill him.

Also, I find a dumbass woman pulling the trigger accidentally much more likely. Revolvers with the hammer cocked have a really light trigger pull, and it would be pretty easy for Barb to not be paying attention and put a little too much pressure on it. Even in the case of a half-cocked hammer on an unsafe old revolver slipping down, the primer strike would likely be too light to guarantee a detonation of the primer; that usually only happened if you dropped a half-cocked gun on its hammer with enough force to break the hammer mechanism.

 

[CatParty]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Lol the metal word filter

 

[sparklemilhouse]

Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Just realized that Coles reviews where he misses the point of a movie might have something to do with that brain injury Chris says cole got growing up.