The Cole Smithey Thread

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Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Batman said:
drmccoy said:
Honestly, he probably would get along with Coleslaw in a weird sort of way. At least Coleslaw would not be the lump of living bugs that Barb most likely is by now. Who knows? Who cares? We do. No shit it to minor.
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They seem to get along reasonably well at the moment, but that's because they have limited interaction. Put those two together for any extended period of time and they will begin to hate each other. Why? Because they're exactly alike, and neither of them fit any sane person's definition of 'good people'.
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True. Cole has managed, at least, to acquire the necessary social cues to become a small time hipster douchebag with pretensions of fame. Comparatively he is Chris if Chris was left to fend for himself at an early age and not coddled into uselessness by Hoardzilla.

Caretaker wife? Check*
Suave hipster/jazz douche persona? Check
Very small time reputation as a movie reviewer? Check
Lives in a place with civilization? Check

*We assume. There's no way he could support himself on what little he could possibly make from his shitty reviews

Basically, Cole's Sonichu is shitty movie reviews. Complete with self-insert. At least he saved us the horror of similar "artwork".

I agree. Cole and Chris are very much alike. But Cole won the game of Hoardzilla. He escaped and made his "franchise" just viable enough to become a very small fish in a large pond. Complete with sweetheart.

Jesus. Chris is trolled by everybody. His half-brother. His dad. Everybody. Only his mother remains not-a-troll.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

drmccoy said:
cahoots said:
Batman said:
I'm sorry, but if some ween asked me exactly the same thing, I'm pretty sure I'd respond exactly the same way.
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But you'd probably phrase it different than "may I entreat you..." because you aren't a pretentious douche from 1800s London.
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He may be a douche but I can't say I blame him. We do not know how many hundreds of weens have sent him messages about his idiot half-brother. And half of the Google results for him are connected to the Cwciki.

He's a small-fry movie reviewer. He's trying to make it. And if you search for him on Google the first result is an article to an entire site about his half-brother leaking e-mails he sent in the hopes to find out the identity of his father. I honestly don't blame him for the anger.
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Then he should make his movie reviews more notable than his connection to Chris. Or hang it up. Or just quit bitching.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Holdek said:
drmccoy said:
He may be a douche but I can't say I blame him. We do not know how many hundreds of weens have sent him messages about his idiot half-brother. And half of the Google results for him are connected to the Cwciki.

He's a small-fry movie reviewer. He's trying to make it. And if you search for him on Google the first result is an article to an entire site about his half-brother leaking e-mails he sent in the hopes to find out the identity of his father. I honestly don't blame him for the anger.
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Then he should make his movie reviews more notable than his connection to Chris. Or hang it up. Or just quit bitching.
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I have to agree with Holdek. Cole isn't seeking privacy, he wants to be famous. I'm sorry if he's famous for reasons he doesn't like, but that's not a luxury we get in life. The city of Waco, Texas would love to be known for having a museum dedicated to Dr. Pepper. Instead, most people know them for a massacre that occurred in 1993. Them's the breaks.

In typical Weston fashion, Cole is actually really lazy when it comes to his reviewing and promoting himself. If he actually did a better job at communicating his work to the general public, he'd be known for something other than being Chris's slightly-better-off brother.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

ChurchOfGodBear said:
Holdek said:
drmccoy said:
He may be a douche but I can't say I blame him. We do not know how many hundreds of weens have sent him messages about his idiot half-brother. And half of the Google results for him are connected to the Cwciki.

He's a small-fry movie reviewer. He's trying to make it. And if you search for him on Google the first result is an article to an entire site about his half-brother leaking e-mails he sent in the hopes to find out the identity of his father. I honestly don't blame him for the anger.
Click to expand...

Then he should make his movie reviews more notable than his connection to Chris. Or hang it up. Or just quit bitching.
Click to expand...

I have to agree with Holdek. Coleslaw isn't seeking privacy, he wants to be famous. I'm sorry if he's famous for reasons he doesn't like, but that's not a luxury we get in life. The city of Waco, Texas would love to be known for having a museum dedicated to Dr. Pepper. Instead, most people know them for a massacre that occurred in 1993. Them's the breaks.

In typical Weston fashion, Coleslaw is actually really lazy when it comes to his reviewing and promoting himself. If he actually did a better job at communicating his work to the general public, he'd be known for something other than being Chris's slightly-better-off brother.
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Well, he's also just not that good. His reviews are average quality at best (completely bog standard for any random draw from the barrel), and at times he says some retarded things (I'm pretty sure it was his Avengers review that said the CGI Hulk was less convincing than Lou Ferigno in body paint). He provides utterly nothing of interest.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

To be fair, if you're old enough to remember Lou Ferrigno in body paint, you might prefer that version out of pure nostalgia. I can absolutely picture Chopped Cabbage Guy wishing he could turn green and smash Barb and/or his various jerkass stepfathers. When a CGI face is less expressive than a freaking dragon voiced by Benelux Cumberbund, you might, might, want to consider making the model a tad less stiff overall.

[standard disclaimer goes here about not necessarily agreeing with Smithey about anything else except possibly Barb]
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

ChurchOfGodBear said:
Holdek said:
drmccoy said:
He may be a douche but I can't say I blame him. We do not know how many hundreds of weens have sent him messages about his idiot half-brother. And half of the Google results for him are connected to the Cwciki.

He's a small-fry movie reviewer. He's trying to make it. And if you search for him on Google the first result is an article to an entire site about his half-brother leaking e-mails he sent in the hopes to find out the identity of his father. I honestly don't blame him for the anger.
Click to expand...

Then he should make his movie reviews more notable than his connection to Chris. Or hang it up. Or just quit bitching.
Click to expand...

I have to agree with Holdek. Coleslaw isn't seeking privacy, he wants to be famous. I'm sorry if he's famous for reasons he doesn't like, but that's not a luxury we get in life. The city of Waco, Texas would love to be known for having a museum dedicated to Dr. Pepper. Instead, most people know them for a massacre that occurred in 1993. Them's the breaks.

In typical Weston fashion, Coleslaw is actually really lazy when it comes to his reviewing and promoting himself. If he actually did a better job at communicating his work to the general public, he'd be known for something other than being Chris's slightly-better-off brother.
Click to expand...

Probably without OPL, Coleslaw would be just another self-important egotistical ass who think he's cooler/smarter than those around him.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Last night I dreamed that Coleslaw was in my kitchen eating my food, except that he was an octopus with multiple flesh colored tentacles that were spinning wildly around in circles breaking everything.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

littlebiscuits said:
Last night I dreamed that Coleslaw was in my kitchen eating my food, except that he was an octopus with multiple flesh colored tentacles that were spinning wildly around in circles breaking everything.
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No more drugs before bed for you.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Ziltoid said:
littlebiscuits said:
Last night I dreamed that Coleslaw was in my kitchen eating my food, except that he was an octopus with multiple flesh colored tentacles that were spinning wildly around in circles breaking everything.
Click to expand...

No more drugs before bed for you.
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No more CWCKI forums before bed for me. *yawn*
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Xarpho said:
ChurchOfGodBear said:
Holdek said:
Then he should make his movie reviews more notable than his connection to Chris. Or hang it up. Or just quit bitching.
Click to expand...

I have to agree with Holdek. Coleslaw isn't seeking privacy, he wants to be famous. I'm sorry if he's famous for reasons he doesn't like, but that's not a luxury we get in life. The city of Waco, Texas would love to be known for having a museum dedicated to Dr. Pepper. Instead, most people know them for a massacre that occurred in 1993. Them's the breaks.

In typical Weston fashion, Coleslaw is actually really lazy when it comes to his reviewing and promoting himself. If he actually did a better job at communicating his work to the general public, he'd be known for something other than being Chris's slightly-better-off brother.
Click to expand...

Probably without OPL, Coleslaw would be just another self-important egotistical ass who think he's cooler/smarter than those around him.
Click to expand...

He still is.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

littlebiscuits said:
Ziltoid said:
littlebiscuits said:
Last night I dreamed that Coleslaw was in my kitchen eating my food, except that he was an octopus with multiple flesh colored tentacles that were spinning wildly around in circles breaking everything.
Click to expand...

No more drugs before bed for you.
Click to expand...

No more CWCKI forums before bed for me. *yawn*
Click to expand...

No more coleslaw or potato salad before bed for you.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

I just realized how awful his site's design is.
5fLOERU.png

Look at all that unused space on the right! Look at the social buttons going over some of the links! And going down, the site just looks unorganized, and there's random pictures of him on the sidebars. Really, there's just nothing visually pleasing about it.

Also, "The Unpretentious Film Review Video Column for Smart People" at the top. That's just gotta be satire. I refuse to believe it isn't.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Holdek said:
Xarpho said:
Probably without OPL, Coleslaw would be just another self-important egotistical ass who think he's cooler/smarter than those around him.
Click to expand...

He still is.
Click to expand...

Pretty much, except now, he's a self-important egotistical ass with an audience who probably follow him mainly because he's actually doing marginally better than his idiot half-brother is.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Having spent the last day or so watching the entirety of Red Letter Media's Mr Plinkett reviews, I think I can make a new entry into my ongoing doctoral thesis on Cole's shortcomings as a critic: he lacks a higher aim.

In creating the reviews for the Star Wars prequels, Mike Stoklasa had a particular challenge as to how to make them interesting, as critical and popular consensus on the prequels is common knowledge, not to mention that there were likely hundreds of preexisting Internet reviews that fell into the amateur trap that an angry rant equals instant comedy. So, he couldn't repeat the same talking points, nor could he let fan rage get the better of him.

So, a short list of everything Stoklasa/Mr Plinkett touches upon:

  • *An extended intellectual discourse on each movie's failings and occasional merits (Whether the length of the collected reviews was just a gimmick or the extent of his honest opinion, it got attention and paid off.)
    *The regression of a beloved artist/art versus commerce (He studiously avoids condemning the latter solely for having a bottom line.)
    *The growing disconnect between big studios and their audiences
    *An audience's relationship to movies, and even the concept of participatory culture
    *The nature of criticism itself (Just how much are we supposed to invest in the opinion of a senile criminal psychopath?)

In short, Stoklasa/Plinkett not only review the movies on an individual level, they also connect them to a larger, more important picture. It should also be reiterated that these reviews can take up the better part of a day to watch in full; this is a guy whose opinions and evidence and arguments cannot be contained in ten minute videos. He breaks the form because his passion dictates he do so.

And now, a short list of everything Cole touches upon:

  • *What the movie is about
    *Who is involved with it
    *Whether or not he'd recommend it

Nothing you can't get out of your local paper. In fact, your local paper's critic is more likely to be aware of his limitations. Nicer, too, probably.
 
Re: The Coleslaw Smithey Thread

Seriously does he even review movies anymore?
 
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