The Cole Smithey Thread

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Fuck that stupid Rotten Tomatoes where the opinion of a single fucking idiot can put your movie into the "guaranteed rotten" and destroy your career.

Then you have complete assholes (I'm not naming names, even though he never comes here) forcing you to w e e n his fat retarded half-brother in exchange of a mediocre review. Fuck Rotten Tomatoes!
 
AnOminous said:
I wasn't expecting Cracked to be the ones to do this. After all, they're usually pretty SJW these days, and they're actually trashing Cole for silly SJW bullshit.
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Also for being badly written (misuse of "ostensibly", pointless use of fancy words like "filmic", "guise", putting a hyphen in "bisexual") and - in classic Cole form - picking up on a very minor aspect of the film that has little relevance to the overall plot
 
Mashed Potato Grenade said:
Fuck that stupid Rotten Tomatoes where the opinion of a single fucking idiot can put your movie into the "guaranteed rotten" and destroy your career.
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It takes a majority actually. It's just that that majority includes clowns like Cole Smithey, who really have no more credibility to be on the TomatoMeter thing than any other random blogger. I wonder who he blew to get that.

And yes, he really is on the Tomatometer.
 
AnOminous said:
It takes a majority actually. It's just that that majority includes clowns like Cole Smithey, who really have no more credibility to be on the TomatoMeter thing than any other random blogger. I wonder who he blew to get that..
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He joined the Online Film Critics Society when only a few people were doing online movie reviews. So basically he's been at this for decades without any success at all.
 
I don't know if anyone has posted this is (or if this breaks the discussion) but I found this in a Cracked.com article.
Apparently Cole's comment is so asinine it made it as a bad example. No, I didn't check the comments for any CWC mentions.
I cropped the picture, but you can see even the article author can see how bullshit a critic Cole is.

CrackedCole.jpg

Disclaimer- I have no interest in zombie vampire whatever is the overdone theme of now superhero movies so I can't really comment on what the fuck Cole is talking about. But I assume it's bullshit.
 
Dr.Research said:
Disclaimer- I have no interest in zombie vampire whatever is the overdone theme of now superhero movies so I can't really comment on what the fuck Cole is talking about. But I assume it's bullshit.
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It's about Deadpool supposedly being simultaneously a Captain Harkness level sexually indiscriminate bisexual while also being a trash-talking politically incorrect shitlord. Which supposedly has made people like Cole Smithey upset.
 
AnOminous said:
It takes a majority actually. It's just that that majority includes clowns like Cole Smithey, who really have no more credibility to be on the TomatoMeter thing than any other random blogger. I wonder who he blew to get that.

And yes, he really is on the Tomatometer.
Click to expand...

Dr.Research said:
I don't know if anyone has posted this is (or if this breaks the discussion) but I found this in a Cracked.com article.
Apparently Cole's comment is so asinine it made it as a bad example. No, I didn't check the comments for any CWC mentions.
I cropped the picture, but you can see even the article author can see how bullshit a critic Cole is.

View attachment 99187

Disclaimer- I have no interest in zombie vampire whatever is the overdone theme of now superhero movies so I can't really comment on what the fuck Cole is talking about. But I assume it's bullshit.
Click to expand...
You know if you really want to fuck with Cole getting him delisted on Rotten Tomatoes or something like that would go a long way. Theres no way he meets the requirements of being a Rotten Tomatoes reviewer.
 
AnOminous said:
It's about Deadpool supposedly being simultaneously a Captain Harkness level sexually indiscriminate bisexual while also being a trash-talking politically incorrect shitlord. Which supposedly has made people like Cole Smithey upset.
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You know what is the easiest way to act like you're intelligent, righteous, and relevant, all at once, without having to be any of them or even do any real work at all? Pretend to see LGBT/minority messages where none exist and jump on the critical bandwagon.

What am I talking about, I don't have to tell anyone here. We live on a forum dedicated to mocking SJW dipshits.
 
ChurchOfGodBear said:
Is there literally anything Cole can bring to the table when putting himself up against Ebert? Hell, it's starting to sound like Chris making a list of his prospects as a potential boyfriend.
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Cole's Attraction Sign:

~ Makes at least 100k a year
~ Loves to abuse thesauruses and make up shitty band names
~ Must know how to dodge bullets
~ Enjoys old people dropping dead
~ NO HOARDERS
~ White trash and Republican curs need not apply
 
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China and Crystal said:
Cole's Attraction Sign:

~ Makes at least 100k a year
~ Loves to abuse thesauruses and make up shitty band names
~ Must know how to dodge bullets
~ Enjoys old people dropping dead
~ NO HOARDERS
~ White trash and Republican curs need not apply
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~ Must hate Toy Story 3.
~ Must own at least 25 percent of all Criterion Collection releases.
~ Must namedrop hipster bands, or classic musicians who are universally respected.
~ Must not remind me of the existance of my retarded half-brother.
 
Can someone explain all the Cole hate for me? All the reasoning for hating him I've gotten so far is that he's narcissistic, pretentious and doesn't like Toy Story. Maybe I'm being a little bit of a white knight here but honestly if that's all that's wrong Cole seems like a better person then the majority of the users on this site.

He doesn't try and get involved in Christory he has never tried to use his half-brothers lolcow status to get any views or attention. He hasn't even publicly acknowledged it. He's just a guy trying to live his life and he's not different than any other film critic, I see people using the fact his videos don't get many views against him like it's proof he's as much as a failure as a 30 year old autistic manchild who drinks his own semen. People who review movies and get million of views aren't film critics, Cinemasins and Everythingwrongwith don't get quoted in Metacritic and Hollywood Producers don't look at what they had to say to gauge the critical acclaim of their film. Besides Siskel and Ebert every single film critic on earth basically is just like Cole in terms of personality and popularity.

He doesn't deserve Kiwi Farmers plotting to get his reviews discredited from Rotten Tomato and having people comment JULLLAAAY on every single one of his videos, almost as much as he doesn't deserve to be related to Chris. We should be spending out time making giant threads about Pedos like Nick Bates or people who beat up their mothers like ADF not a middle aged man with a successful, career, social life and marriage who's biggest crime is making videos for his job that are boring and being related to Chris.
 
Mr Zero said:
Can someone explain all the Cole hate for me? All the reasoning for hating him I've gotten so far is that he's narcissistic, pretentious and doesn't like Toy Story. Maybe I'm being a little bit of a white knight here but honestly if that's all that's wrong Cole seems like a better person then the majority of the users on this site.

He doesn't try and get involved in Christory he has never tried to use his half-brothers lolcow status to get any views or attention. He hasn't even publicly acknowledged it. He's just a guy trying to live his life and he's not different than any other film critic, I see people using the fact his videos don't get many views against him like it's proof he's as much as a failure as a 30 year old autistic manchild who drinks his own semen. People who review movies and get million of views aren't film critics, Cinemasins and Everythingwrongwith don't get quoted in Metacritic and Hollywood Producers don't look at what they had to say to gauge the critical acclaim of their film. Besides Siskel and Ebert every single film critic on earth basically is just like Cole in terms of personality and popularity.

He doesn't deserve Kiwi Farmers plotting to get his reviews discredited from Rotten Tomato and having people comment JULLLAAAY on every single one of his videos, almost as much as he doesn't deserve to be related to Chris. We should be spending out time making giant threads about Pedos like Nick Bates or people who beat up their mothers like ADF not a middle aged man with a successful, career, social life and marriage who's biggest crime is making videos for his job that are boring and being related to Chris.
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He's a fraud. At least with other internet movie critics, they've at least seen the movies they review. Cole has been caught cobbling together a full review from what he gleaned from its trailer.

Let's not even get into his reviews that end up being a vehicle for his mommy issues, rather than looking at the substance of the film.
 
Mr Zero said:
Can someone explain all the Cole hate for me?
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Can't speak for everyone in this thread, but I have no beef with Cole. What you say about him being head and shoulders above actual lolcows, I agree very much with, but I never got the feeling that anyone here is saying he should be considered a cow.

I just think it's funny that despite their vastly different interests and lifestyles, Chris and Cole can be equally pretentious and narcissistic. Blame it on the Weston genes?
 
Alec Benson Leary said:
It's really kind of dumb. Were it not for his place in christory, no one here would know who he is. He doesn't come close to meeting the requirements for the average lolcow.
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Eh, to me he straddles just slightly above the line of lolcowdom. What keeps him from dipping down into it is that he's either smart enough not to engage trolls or he thinks he's too superior to interact with the common internet rabble. Also he has a wife and a job(?) so that also helps.
 
King n Yellow said:
What keeps him from dipping down into it is that he's either smart enough not to engage trolls or he thinks he's too superior to interact with the common internet rabble.
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That's a real big stretch. It's not like we or any other internet group is banging down his gate. Internet trolls don't really matter to his life. He knows they swarm his brother, but all that means to Cole is one more reason to not talk to Chris.
 
Dr.Research said:
I don't know if anyone has posted this is (or if this breaks the discussion) but I found this in a Cracked.com article.
Apparently Cole's comment is so asinine it made it as a bad example. No, I didn't check the comments for any CWC mentions.
I cropped the picture, but you can see even the article author can see how bullshit a critic Cole is.

View attachment 99187

Disclaimer- I have no interest in zombie vampire whatever is the overdone theme of now superhero movies so I can't really comment on what the fuck Cole is talking about. But I assume it's bullshit.
Click to expand...
Does he realize Deadpool has been bisexual for a few years now? (okay technically pansexual, but the distinction between that and bisexual only really comes up if you believe in special snowflake genders) The LGBT movement did not just "get" him. Last time I checked, too, the "LGBT movement" (or rather just some people who are LGBT) was actually happy about Deadpool's sexuality, to the point where he was considered an icon for pansexuality or whatever.

tl;dr the smartest film critic in the world even can't do fucking research apparently
 
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