The Cole Smithey Thread

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I'm actually surprised Cole hasn't used Chris for popularity for his reviews. You know Chris probably told Cole about the trolls and the cwciki. He should know thousands of people read and write about Chris everyday. Hell, get Chris a job on his site making reviews of legos and MLP movies. You'd get all the viewership.
 
Wagman said:
I'm actually surprised Cole hasn't used Chris for popularity for his reviews. You know Chris probably told Cole about the trolls and the cwciki. He should know thousands of people read and write about Chris everyday. Hell, get Chris a job on his site making reviews of legos and MLP movies. You'd get all the viewership.
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Cole Smithey is too embarrassed to admit that he didn't just step full formed from the head of Zeus as a fully grown adult hipster douchebag. He's ashamed of his white trash heritage. While having Chris as a half-brother is somewhat embarrassing, I'd be more embarrassed to have a poseur like Cole Smithey in my family than Chris.
 
AnOminous said:
Cole Smithey is too embarrassed to admit that he didn't just step full formed from the head of Zeus as a fully grown adult hipster douchebag. He's ashamed of his white trash heritage. While having Chris as a half-brother is somewhat embarrassing, I'd be more embarrassed to have a poseur like Cole Smithey in my family than Chris.
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Nothing says an ego like being the self-proclaim "Smartest Film Critic in the World"

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AnOminous said:
Cole Smithey is too embarrassed to admit that he didn't just step full formed from the head of Zeus as a fully grown adult hipster douchebag. He's ashamed of his white trash heritage. While having Chris as a half-brother is somewhat embarrassing, I'd be more embarrassed to have a poseur like Cole Smithey in my family than Chris.
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Yeah, at least with Chris you could use the "Yeah he's like, actually retarded" excuse. Cole is...on purpose, and that's awful.
 
DragoonSierra said:
He could have totally played this up ironically because hes a hipster but he didnt.
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He is as embarrassingly sincere about it as Chris is about Sonichu being a vast media empire.

Never mind the absurd gall of calling himself that in a world with Pauline Kael, Vincent Canby, Janet Maslin, fuck, pretty much any well known published film critic.

And he'd probably consider someone like Roger Ebert a pleb film critic for plebs, but Ebert's encyclopedic knowledge of cinema would put his simpering film school sophomore bullshit to shame.
 
AnOminous said:
And he'd probably consider someone like Roger Ebert a pleb film critic for plebs, but Ebert's encyclopedic knowledge of cinema would put his simpering film school sophomore bullshit to shame.
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Yeah, if you're going to tear down one of the most well-known critics ever, you really might want to show how you're better than him in any capacity.

Cole, do you know more than Ebert? No.
Are you more likable? No.
Do you write better? No.
Are you more entertaining? No.
Do you have more influence? No.
Do you have better connections? No.
Do you have more experience? No.

Is there literally anything Cole can bring to the table when putting himself up against Ebert? Hell, it's starting to sound like Chris making a list of his prospects as a potential boyfriend.
 
Wagman said:
I'm actually surprised Cole hasn't used Chris for popularity for his reviews. You know Chris probably told Cole about the trolls and the cwciki. He should know thousands of people read and write about Chris everyday. Hell, get Chris a job on his site making reviews of legos and MLP movies. You'd get all the viewership.
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That decision makes sense to me. For one thing, if you invite Chris, you invite a whole lot of bullshit as well.

It also denigrates the whole operation. The guy is trying to write proper, thought-out movie reviews, and be respected in that world. Inviting an internet laughingstock to give completely ridiculous reviews might increase your pageviews, but it would completely destroy any claim of credibility or respect you have or hope to build. Whether you call it posing and self-importance, or integrity and self respect, it is just not something he would want to do.
 
Cole seems quite arrogant and has a clearly inflated ego, but he's not always wrong. He goes against the grain quite a bit, and can be reasonable at times, but from what I've seen frequently attacks the rating rather than the film itself – quite noble, if somewhat besides the point.

He gained infamy as one of two critics to give Toy Story 3 a negative Rotten Tomatoes review. IMO, it's not a bad film, but as YMS said, it is so derivative of Toy Story 2 that it's basically just a graphical update.
 
Marvin said:
He plays in a jazz band. They've got kids together. She seems to make good money.
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His original band was a rock band. Does he still do gigs, but in a jazz band?

Whose kids? Cole was 50 years old before he married Catherine. So, did they have children together? Did she have children by a previous relationship? Is she still a bartender?

I'm interested in your sources when you make statements like that. People tend to treat your input as knowledgeable with secret insights. While no one expects you to reveal any sources, it would be enlightening to know if you have relatives/friends in Manhattan as well.
 
TaterBot said:
His original band was a rock band. Does he still do gigs, but in a jazz band?

Whose kids? Cole was 50 years old before he married Catherine. So, did they have children together? Did she have children by a previous relationship? Is she still a bartender?

I'm interested in your sources when you make statements like that. People tend to treat your input as knowledgeable with secret insights. While no one expects you to reveal any sources, it would be enlightening to know if you have relatives in Manhattan as well.
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Oh, heh, nah, with Cole, I just go off of what people have already scraped together on the cwcki.
 
Jewelsmakerguy said:
Well, when your brother's one of the biggest laughing stocks on the internet. You might as well try to play yourself up as something better than that.

Even when you're not all that better than he is.
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He just made himself the biggest A-Log brother of the biggest laughingstock on the Internet.
 
Cole gets dinged by Cracked!

http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-truly-bizarre-sections-otherwise-normal-websites/

"why is it that when I log onto the page for Deadpool, a universally loved moneymaking machine, I am greeted by a review like this one?"
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"Nothing against this website that I've never visited and almost certainly never will, but how in fuck's full name did this opinion make it to the main page for one of the highest-grossing R-rated films of all time? And it's not just new movies like Deadpool, either. When you open up the page for The Godfather, you're greeted with much of the same caliber of criticism. You have reviews from The Los Angeles Times and the legendary New York Daily News right alongside a whole bunch of sites that positively no one is relying on for movie reviews."

Is this the beginning of the end of his RottenTomatoes credentials?
 
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