The Cole Smithey Thread

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Anyone know why Chris was obsessed with contacting Cole instead of contacting his other half brother and half sister? If I remember correctly, both of them were more financially successful and lived closer. I also don’t recall a big falling out like there was with Cole. If anything, they should have be more likely to help.
 
Cole's an asshole, but he's not a tard like Chris. If he's going to spill the beans, he'll do it in a way he can monetize, i.e. a book deal or one of those shit magazines that pay for real life stories. It will happen after the plea bargain or trial or whatever determines Chris's sentence. The negotiation with agents/publishers could be underway now.
Same goes for the halfsiblings on Bob's side. The dentist brother who has a wife and kid isn't going to be desperate and stupid enough to shit on his family like that for money. The daughter who's a medical researcher or whatever probably isn't desperate enough either.
 
turdburger said:
Cole's an asshole, but he's not a tard like Chris. If he's going to spill the beans, he'll do it in a way he can monetize, i.e. a book deal or one of those shit magazines that pay for real life stories. It will happen after the plea bargain or trial or whatever determines Chris's sentence. The negotiation with agents/publishers could be underway now.
Same goes for the halfsiblings on Bob's side. The dentist brother who has a wife and kid isn't going to be desperate and stupid enough to shit on his family like that for money. The daughter who's a medical researcher or whatever probably isn't desperate enough either.
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I've compared Cole to Chris unfavorably in the past, but I'll have to revise that opinion after the motherfuckery. I would at this point not piss on Chris if he was on fire, but I suppose I'd piss on Cole if he was on fire, but I'd have to drink a couple craft beers first so it would be up to his standards.
 
Shiversblood said:
I want to meet Cole face to face to discuss these matters. And record it on videotape.
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I don't think that would be a good idea. I saw Cole Smithey at a grocery store in Queens last tuesday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen frozen mini cheese pizzas in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the pizza boxes and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each box and put them in bags and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
 
stets said:
Anyone know why Chris was obsessed with contacting Cole instead of contacting his other half brother and half sister? If I remember correctly, both of them were more financially successful and lived closer. I also don’t recall a big falling out like there was with Cole. If anything, they should have be more likely to help.
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They're Bob's kids and Bob's dead to Chris. Getting Cole back in the family would gain Chris so many good boy points he could stick his tendies in mommy's honey mustard for weeks.
 
stets said:
Anyone know why Chris was obsessed with contacting Cole instead of contacting his other half brother and half sister? If I remember correctly, both of them were more financially successful and lived closer. I also don’t recall a big falling out like there was with Cole. If anything, they should have be more likely to help.
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Like it was said above, his sperg brain probably saw Bob's side of the family as dead along with Bob. Not to mention, think about it this way.

Who is this tard more likely to get even a reply from? Two half siblings who are both highly educated and have cut their Father out of their life due to his behaviour but are thriving, or a half sibling manchild who's up his own ass and completely living off his rich wife, who Chris has what he thinks is "leverage" against (basically he can just pester Cole about Barb buying him a car/paying for his schooling)
 
stets said:
Anyone know why Chris was obsessed with contacting Cole instead of contacting his other half brother and half sister? If I remember correctly, both of them were more financially successful and lived closer. I also don’t recall a big falling out like there was with Cole. If anything, they should have be more likely to help.
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Because he met Cole on a number of occasions and is closer to Cole in age. Also if you watch Cole's videos or read his reviews, it's pretty clear that he's related to Chris Chan even though he's not as bad.
 
No Batty Boys in Jamaica said:
Because he met Cole on a number of occasions and is closer to Cole in age. Also if you watch Cole's videos or read his reviews, it's pretty clear that he's related to Chris Chan even though he's not as bad.
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Plus he desperately wanted to pawn Barb of on somebody so he could put more time into his sweetheart quest, with Cole being the last viable relation to take the job. And, in Chris idiot brain, he pictured Cole as incredibly wealthy and living in a penthouse above Carnegie Hall. So you get a new cash cow to milk if you can bring him back into the fold.
 
AnOminous said:
I suppose I'd piss on Cole if he was on fire, but I'd have to drink a couple craft beers first so it would be up to his standards.
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HeilDave said:
They're Bob's kids and Bob's dead to Chris. Getting Cole back in the family would gain Chris so many good boy points he could stick his tendies in mommy's honey mustard for weeks.
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Has Chris mate his Bob side of the family at all(not including the eye appointments). I know with Barb's side after Aunt Corrina's death they cut Barb and Chris (not including the calls from Harriet and tom) but not including the funeral did they every visit before his death?
 
stets said:
Anyone know why Chris was obsessed with contacting Cole instead of contacting his other half brother and half sister? If I remember correctly, both of them were more financially successful and lived closer. I also don’t recall a big falling out like there was with Cole. If anything, they should have be more likely to help.
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Over the years I imagine Barb probably lied about all the drama with Cole to Chris, while I bet Bob's kids were hardly mentioned. Perhaps the drama and resentment built up over the years makes Chris think Cole "owes" him and Barb something.

Also do we know for certain who we're the relatives Chris was gonna stay with after getting kicked out of 14blc before his invitation was revoked? Was it David?
 
Penrowe said:
I don't think that would be a good idea. I saw Cole Smithey at a grocery store in Queens last tuesday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen frozen mini cheese pizzas in his hands without paying.
The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter.
When she took one of the pizza boxes and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each box and put them in bags and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
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Cole is asking for some reaction with that bad attitude, especially towards the cashier who was just trying to do their job. I'd also want to know why he was trying to steal totinos pizza 🍕
 
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Tranimal Farm said:
Over the years I imagine Barb probably lied about all the drama with Cole to Chris, while I bet Bob's kids were hardly mentioned. Perhaps the drama and resentment built up over the years makes Chris think Cole "owes" him and Barb something.

Also do we know for certain who we're the relatives Chris was gonna stay with after getting kicked out of 14blc before his invitation was revoked? Was it David?
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To be fair, Chris takes the "You owe me attitude" with a lot of people. He's an entitled rapist.
 
I want to know how this dude supports himself in New York being a “film critic” with no clout other than second hand fame from his retarded half brother. I know it’s probably his wife that carries him, but I want to know what exactly is the origin of Cole’s tugboat.
 
Monado_penis said:
I want to know how this dude supports himself in New York being a “film critic” with no clout other than second hand fame from his retarded half brother. I know it’s probably his wife that carries him, but I want to know what exactly is the origin of Cole’s tugboat.
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He doesn't need to hang on his brother, in fact he stays away from chris as much as he can

He is a verified critic on rotten tomatoes and has had many of his reviews published in the newspaper, you're really underestimating Cole. Sure, he is snobby and equally egotistical as his half-brother, but at least he was able to make a professional life for himself.
 
GumballFapper said:
He doesn't need to hang on his brother, in fact he stays away from chris as much as he can

He is a verified critic on rotten tomatoes and has had many of his reviews published in the newspaper, you're really underestimating Cole. Sure, he is snobby and equally egotistical as his half-brother, but at least he was able to make a professional life for himself.
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He's a member of an online critics society, which allowed him verification into Rotten Tomatoes. He isn't an accredited reviewer for any news entity or entertainment site. Anyone could apply, as it seems to be based on writing samples. So it's hard to take him seriously. If anything it's more like a hobby. And shows how low the bar for Rotten Tomatoes accreditation really is.
 
Monado_penis said:
I want to know how this dude supports himself in New York being a “film critic” with no clout other than second hand fame from his retarded half brother. I know it’s probably his wife that carries him, but I want to know what exactly is the origin of Cole’s tugboat.
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I mean, it's not like he isn't a well known critic. He writes for a pretty well known publication and is verified on Rotten Tomatoes.

Then again, really anybody can become a film critic and get paid for it. Chris Stuckmann who has no credentials, experience, or good taste in film got that way by sucking off Marvel and Star Wars movies in his room.
 
Mason Verger said:
in Chris idiot brain, he pictured Cole as incredibly wealthy and living in a penthouse
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Well, Cole does burn cash in a fireplace to heat his home, which probably costs a lot of money and is an inefficient method vis-à-vis heating a residence.
 
I wonder if Cole saw the signs that Chris & Barb were unnaturally close, or even more horrifying, if he himself was also being groomed by Barb when he lived with her. I know he talked about abuse, but knowing that he may have been the one in bed with her had not Chris come along is a whole other beast.
 
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