Super Secret Reehouse - Don't tell the grown ups

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Why is it always people named Phil we end up doing secret covert operations against? Is Phil the ultimate lolcow name?
 
Mr. Brown said:
I'm going to break into his house tonight and shit in his shoes.
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That'll give you plenty of time to make a cleen getaway as it won't be noticed until next Tuesday when the Pig leaves it's Pen for the once a week gin & slop shopping ritual.

See if you can't place a few cat toys in it so he blames his son Jasper.
 
This is the Frogger Unit, we are entering through the sewers system and will be sending a Mini Amphibious Drone (MAD) through the toilet. Reports tell us his extreme potato diet that his maid feeds him has made his shits thick and will make it difficult to send the MAD but we won't waiver. Once the MAD is in and out of the toilet we will have it access his Lemon PC to find those PandaRee nudes that most likely are still on his desktop. Once retrieved we will have the MAD unlock the front door so the other units can go in and retrieve their targets/objectives. After that MAD will retreat back to the toilet and come back to the Frogger Unit. After retrieval of MAD, we will use the Renton sewer system to escape to a nearby LZ and be extracted. Remember everyone Dave has prepared us an ax by the front door to use because he is an idiot and thinks an ax in the front entrance will deter intruders. Also, bring a spray bottle as Intel told us that Jasper's ultimate weakness is a spray bottle. Captain Gutter Falcon out.
 
I tried to disguise myself as Kat so I could dig up Patti laugh at Phil's penis, but some asshole broke in, replaced me with a squirrel, and rode me off into the sunset. Now I'm lost, my ass hurts, and the balls touched so it's gay.
 
Punished Benis said:
I tried to disguise myself as Kat so I could dig up Patti laugh at Phil's penis, but some asshole broke in, replaced me with a squirrel, and rode me off into the sunset. Now I'm lost, my ass hurts, and the balls touched so it's gay.
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Agent burned.
 
I'll unplug all his wires so he spends a day trying to figure out what the fuck goes where!
 
Screenshot 2020-10-15 at 10.47.23 AM.png

I know this is a joke thread but to the faggots that think it isn't...
 
tripmix said:
who says its a joke? we have a treehouse overlooking the gout mansion and we all chow down doritos while chugging fanta laughing at the fat man play games.
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Dammit! That was Agent King's Disease performing a diversion tactic so that the Pigstapo will think we're doing this in jest and not for real. Now they'll know that we've got a treehouse in Renton as our gay op HQ!
 
yoshitsune said:
Dammit! That was Agent King's Disease performing a diversion tactic so that the Pigstapo will think we're doing this in jest and not for real. Now they'll know that we've got a treehouse in Renton as our gay op HQ!
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But there is a lot of trees around the pig sty.

They're not gonna send Squirrel Team 6 up all of the trees looking for us are they.

....are they?
 
Agent Dust Bunny reporting in. My position was compromised, but only slightly. I lost consciousness at some point during the mission due to the overwhelming smell of juniper the room became enveloped in. Coupled with the methane, stale vestments, and pungent unwashed body odor, my respirator was as useless as a screen door on a submarine. I may have to exfil to acquire better protective equipment if I am to continue much further.

The compound is mostly silent at night, but the juniper is still in abundance. The silence is punctuated by what sounds like thumbs tapping a screen, the occasional jingle of The Child's medal of honor, and...a sound I can't say I've ever heard before. It was the muffled sound of a man yelling "AS GOD AS MY WITNESS HE IS BROKEN IN HALF!", which has me completely terrified. Around 0400, there came the sound of something being sawed. I do not know what evils go on in this home of depravity, and I'm not sure that I was right for this mission.

I have since returned to my post. I hear The Child making his rounds. I've tucked my dust ghillie back under the rats nest, I can't risk my cover being blown if the target sprays The Child with water.

I will observe at least one more day. Rations are running low. Can't risk microwaving a Hungry Man meal, they are meticulously counted. Potatoes are arranged in order of size and shape. This is truly a bizarre place.
 
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