Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

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DoNotReadTheFinePrint said:
In primary school there was this kid in my class who huffed and ate glue. He wasn't the brightest and left after one year.
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In first or second grade, one of my classmates used to eat her Elmer's Glue when we'd have our periodic arts & crafts session. Although she had no mental issues (as far as I know), she always insisted it tasted just like salad, but none of us seemed persuaded.

IsaacShraeder said:
For some reason, our primary school decided that it was a good idea to "integrate" the kids who would normally belong deep inside spedial ed into normal classes. We basically had to wrangle them ourselves because the teachers had no idea how to.
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Someone I know that retired as a special education aide often shared stories about parents that either insisted or outright demanded their special needs children be mainstreamed when it wasn't in the kid's best interest all because the parents wanted their kids to be accepted and make friends. It rarely worked out that way and the kids ended up frustrated when they couldn't keep up with the classwork.
 
Kiwi Lime Pie said:
Someone I know that retired as a special education aide often shared stories about parents that either insisted or outright demanded their special needs children be mainstreamed when it wasn't in the kid's best interest all because the parents wanted their kids to be accepted and make friends. It rarely worked out that way and the kids ended up frustrated when they couldn't keep up with the classwork.
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Class would always come to a scREEEEEEEEEEEEching halt whenever a tard was brought in there with us.
 
Here's a story. I was in drama club in high school. Since I was coming from a swim team workout I was wearing sweatpants. I was talking to a fellow club member (not chatting her up) and another dude pantsed me. Not a big deal, except the idiot grabbed my boxers with the pants. Well, all I did was grin, my perfect teeth flashed in the light. "See anything you like?" I asked her, massive dick swaying in the breeze. "Oh yes!" She cried, then started sucking it right there. Everyone started clapping. The dude who pantsed me, the gay choreographer, everyone in the chorus...hell, even the stage crew came out to applaud.

...Oh no wait, I just got embarrassed, pulled my pants up, and everyone pretended it didn't happen. My bad.
 
For some reason I never figured out, in 3rd grade we had a three week kazoo craze.
I guess some store near the school got a big ole bag of them and put them on sale but for what felt like an eternity class was interrupted by kazoo noises and in the hallway teachers would confiscate them and destroy them.
Around this same time some kid decided the Vulcan nerve pinch was real and it took a few failed tries before he really got the shit kicked out of him.
He tried it on me and I mule kicked his nuts.
 
My primary school had, and still has, a facility for speds despite being a mainstream school. This means that high-functioning spergs' parents all fought tooth and nail to get there, and means that we ended up with not just a bumper crop of tards, but that they were tards from entitled middle-class families.

One of the main things I remember happening was a guy running backwards down the corridor screaming the alphabet. We also had a boy decide that pulling the fire alarms was a fun thing to do whenever he didn't get his way. He then went to a special school for secondary, and according to a family friend that works there has moved on to blocking the toilets and flushing them if anyone annoys him.
 
M'aiq the Liar said:
Oh boy, where do I start..
Had a sub who was a double amputee. Was missing one of his arms and the other was a hook hand. The guy was nice enough but he always smelled like burnt flesh.

In fourth grade or something we all had to take our standardized tests. Imagine a room of 20 8-year-olds, entirely silent and working at their desks. One kid decides that won't do, so when the teacher's out he stands up on his chair, screams at the top of his lungs for a few seconds and calmly goes back to work.

Had another sub for band that made 5th grade me cry after not showing up for a concert (I had a taekwondo event on the same day) who also threw a chair at another kid. Turned out to be a massive alkie and I swear I saw him at a music concert a couple of years ago.

In seventh grade was the one and only time I got in trouble. Creepy kid kept sending me pics so I and a friend got together and photoshopped his face into a bunch of shit, like onto anime girls with big tits (i could dig the pics up if anyone wanted). Before that I was always afraid of getting into trouble but to this day I am fucking proud of that moment because it marked the beginning of my shitposter career. Teacher vagued about me in front of the whole class and gave a spiel about 'taking responsibility online' but he let us play minecraft every friday so that was cool.

Had a giant fucking crush on this one girl and one day in English she just changes her shirt next to me like nothing. We were in the back rows so no one else saw, but it wasn't a big classroom in the first place so that shocked me. Also happened with a guy I liked during a hypnosis show, so I guess I just have really good luck with seeing people take their shirts off.

My TA was hosted in the computer lab, and it was a big mistake giving me the ability to display 20 different screensavers to whoever walked by. I put Animorphs book covers as all the screensavers among other things and would do daily upkeep to make sure they stayed that way. For anyone who doesn't know/has repressed their memories of these literary masterworks, I'll put a few under the spoiler. They're good for a laugh.

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Gym teacher took us on a little canoe trip. The idea was that we'd set off under this bridge and go downstream to where the high school was. Only thing was that the dude chose the local Heroin Bridge as the start off point, so it was already a shit idea to go under the bridge, where the ground was littered with needles and broken glass and we were all wearing sandals. Anyway, that's not the main part. Someone had an hero'd under the bridge that night and the body was still there at the time we arrived. It wasn't immediately obvious until someone pointed it out, and at first the gym teacher was in denial and said it was a rock. The phrase "That's not a rock, it has arms" is etched into my brain. Realization sets in and we all back the fuck up and the cops eventually arrive. Needless to say I don't like canoeing and stay the fuck away from that bridge.

There happens to be a bank across from the school. Anyway, someone with a gun robs it and crosses the street to go on campus. School is immediately on lockdown and I hang out in the fetal position for about 2 hours. There was a standoff between the guy and the cops for like 90 minutes until they finally shoot the guy on the baseball field. All in all a standard piece of the American Public School Experience™, but the shitty part was that this is a small town so he had gone to this school, so a lot of teachers remembered teaching him. His younger brother was also at the school, and while he's scummy in his own right I do feel bad this happened to him.

This all probably makes where I live sound like a violent shithole, but I promise it's nice :)

I have some other shit but I don't want to make this post more of an essay than it already is. I'll share that if anyone wants.
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How old are you?
 
Nig ward said:
I had a pretty good autistic sperg out moment.

I was in 3rd grade and i used to ride on the r-tard bus since i have "ADHD". I always hated riding it and always told my parents about it, they eventually had enough and just put me on a regular bus as long as my brother picks me up from the bus stop. So once i got used to the normal school bus "culture" i realized that the back of the bus was the best part of the bus since the driver couldn't see you (or so i though) but i could never get a seat on the back of the bus.

So one day when class rang out i went to the bus and to my luck the back of the bus had one vacant seat left and not only that i saw my friend there. So i rushed to the seat and my friend notices me and i sit and then the bus door closes and we take off. Along the way we get stuck in traffic and i had a brilliant idea. To keep a long story short i flipped off the car behind us. The bus driver quickly noticed and said "Is your finger broken?" and me being an autistic sperg say, while moving my middle finger and flipping her off "Works just fine". So at that point we just were going back and forth I just go into chimp out mode and started cursing at her which eventually led to me cursing the entire bus.

To my surprise the bus driver forgave me after i apologized but one of the students on my bus that got off the same bus stop as me snitched me out to my brother, who was waiting for me.

I also got put on the special ed bus again and didn't ride a normal school bus until 9th grade.
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UK secondary. Age 15-16. Design & Technology class, akin to woodworking/metalworking/shop etc.

Each Thursday we got a homework task to design or setout a product and consider the usual design-related criteria. One week, it was to lay out the design aspects of a compact torch.

Wednesday morning class, time to hand the assignment in. Me and the two lads on our table submitted ours, when at that point one of us noticed the presence of a kid - Don (I swear to God his real name) - who had been missing from class virtually all year due to truancy, had actually turned up to this class. Knowing full well this arsehole wouldn’t even be aware of the existence of the homework assignment, one of us had an inspired idea.

Let’s do Don’s homework for him.

Frantically scrabbling for an A3 sheet, we drew a torch consisting of a rectangle adjoining a triangle with some lines emanating from the ‘lens’. We then wrote ‘TORCH’ as the title, made a few choice annotations thereupon such as ‘lite’, ‘swich’, ‘handel’ and ‘plastick‘, signed off as ‘DON’, and hurriedly shoved the creation to the near bottom of the assignment pile, just before teacher Mr. Grey rocked up and collected them for marking, choosing to do so during that lesson, on the table next to ours.

The tension was unbearable. All three of us fought back the laughter with everything we had. Virtually all the lesson passed until we saw Mr. Grey’s brow furrow in utter disbelief. Stopping only to whisper to himself “what the bloody hell”, he roared across the room at the hapless Don “This isn’t on, lad, what the hell do you think this is?”

The gormless, jug-eared simpleton slowly rose from his seat, open-mouthed, completely shocked and unfamiliar at what was being held up in his direction. By now we were beetroot red with snorting spittle barely being suppressed when the bell saved us. We packed up and sprinted out, I looked back at Don protesting his innocence and made it as far as far as the department corridor before collapsing in uncontrollable, knee-buckling laughter along with my cohorts. Everyone else walked passed us, almost unsettled by how violently we were in his hysterics without knowing why. My temples ached for hours afterwards.

No matter how miserable I ever feel, I never fail to raise a smile when I recall the unforgettable image of poor old gobsmacked Don, getting bollocked for a homework he never even did, by a teacher who just wouldn’t believe him.
 
Mix Me a Molotov! said:
UK secondary. Age 15-16. Design & Technology class, akin to woodworking/metalworking/shop etc.

Each Thursday we got a homework task to design or setout a product and consider the usual design-related criteria. One week, it was to lay out the design aspects of a compact torch.

Wednesday morning class, time to hand the assignment in. Me and the two lads on our table submitted ours, when at that point one of us noticed the presence of a kid - Don (I swear to God his real name) - who had been missing from class virtually all year due to truancy, had actually turned up to this class. Knowing full well this arsehole wouldn’t even be aware of the existence of the homework assignment, one of us had an inspired idea.

Let’s do Don’s homework for him.

Frantically scrabbling for an A3 sheet, we drew a torch consisting of a rectangle adjoining a triangle with some lines emanating from the ‘lens’. We then wrote ‘TORCH’ as the title, made a few choice annotations thereupon such as ‘lite’, ‘swich’, ‘handel’ and ‘plastick‘, signed off as ‘DON’, and hurriedly shoved the creation to the near bottom of the assignment pile, just before teacher Mr. Grey rocked up and collected them for marking, choosing to do so during that lesson, on the table next to ours.

The tension was unbearable. All three of us fought back the laughter with everything we had. Virtually all the lesson passed until we saw Mr. Grey’s brow furrow in utter disbelief. Stopping only to whisper to himself “what the bloody hell”, he roared across the room at the hapless Don “This isn’t on, lad, what the hell do you think this is?”

The gormless, jug-eared simpleton slowly rose from his seat, open-mouthed, completely shocked and unfamiliar at what was being held up in his direction. By now we were beetroot red with snorting spittle barely being suppressed when the bell saved us. We packed up and sprinted out, I looked back at Don protesting his innocence and made it as far as far as the department corridor before collapsing in uncontrollable, knee-buckling laughter along with my cohorts. Everyone else walked passed us, almost unsettled by how violently we were in his hysterics without knowing why. My temples ached for hours afterwards.

No matter how miserable I ever feel, I never fail to raise a smile when I recall the unforgettable image of poor old gobsmacked Don, getting bollocked for a homework he never even did, by a teacher who just wouldn’t believe him.
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That is absolute genius. Honestly.
 
My French teacher was a Geordie boomer who was blissfully ignorant of technology. One day she decided to give us an exercise to do, again to prepare us for the GCSE's. She wrote some vocab on the smart board, including the words ”le fast food” and ”ouvert open”, but didn't choose to translate ”le fast food” because we were supposed to know what fast food was.

Cut to 20 minutes later and this guy is reading his response to the question out loud. The first sentence?
”Quand je vais à Westfield [local shopping centre] avec mes amis, je mange toujours le ouvert open”.
 
Dwight Schrute said:
Oh dios mio. You all are in for a treat about my past!

So, back in my middle school days, I knew these two freaks named Dylan and Shawn. These two were the most spergy people you could have EVER met. And keep in mind, these two thought I was FRIENDS with them! I even told them I wasn't because, let's be honest, I refuse to be friends with people who are obsessed with cats and Minecraft, or dinosaurs.

Let's start with Shawn! Shawn was this weird.. thing. He was average height, but had the face of a deformed mongoloid. He had this massive overbite, which made his words slur. All the funnier! Anyways, this kid.. He was fucking sticky for some reason. I found that out the hard way when he touched me to get my attention cuz he needed help on his Math. Figures. And he smelled awful. It literally smelled like he crawled around in one of those McDonald's play place tubes for hours and didn't shower for an entire week. He had this really weird obsession with dinosaurs, I remember. He would bring these small figurines into school and play with them DURING CLASS. He was often redirected because he would always play with dinosaur toys while the teacher was teaching us. And that is all he would talk about, too. Everytime someone asked him about his hobbies, he would go on and on and on about dinosaurs, the different type of dinosaurs, which dinosaurs are the coolest and why, etc etc. I avoided that kid as much as possible.
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Sounds like you went to school with Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes.
 
During Elementary, in the middle of a test we were all dead silent. Then some sped kid outside in the hallway seemed to just be running through the halls while screaming "SUPERMAN" at the top of his lungs. We lost it. A whole 10 minutes of uncontrollable laughter completely ruined our test grades but I doubt any of us cared.

I had a reputation of being a very scary and strict lab partner during Chem, mostly because my usual partner is a spastic who never took the lessons seriously, even while handling dangerous substances. One particular case had the teacher request I be put into a different lab group because I spent a good part of a lesson telling (well, shouting at, rather) my retard partner to stop playing around with the Hydrochloric acid (he had caused several spills and damaged my lab notes). Was put in a lab group with a much better behaved girl who I ended up becoming good friends with.

Naked guy once entered our school and beat up several teachers and other staff members. I only found out through hearsay because I was off in a different part of school at the time, either sleeping or drawing.

I myself did well to avoid much sperging from myself, but during a period of severe sleep deprivation I suffered from exceptionally poor situational awareness and slammed into a glass door once. I think not too long after that day I also collapsed in the middle of a busy hallway due to a freak cardiac problem.
 
When I was in primary school (in a very small village) we used to take turns cutting firewood for the potbelly stoves in our classrooms. We also had to break the ice off the sandpit with a shovel, so the little kids could play.

Best place I ever lived.
 
I went to a military school for a semester but I have some fond memories of my time there.


There was a big guy named Stegosaurus Jones, he earned his nickname by eating nothing but greens and the way he slowly chewed his food. Stegosaurus Jones looked absolutely miserable because he had to lose weight in order to pass his PT Test. I think a couple of kids started singing the Jurassic Park Theme in order to get him motivated.

After lights out, the campus would be filled with students screaming HUH-YEAH! It turned into a game to see how long they could keep it going before somebody yelled "Shut the Fuck up".

In each Dorm room, there was a white board right next to our door. You had to put in your location and your ETA back to the dorms if you went out. One joker would erase some of the boards and replace it with "Cadet X is currently in JOT for Y mins" JOT stood for Jerk Off Time, so when you returned, everyone would snicker and asked how was your JOT? One guy got done with a hard test or something and played in with the joke. He describe it as "Long, painful, and wished he finished up sooner" lol.

In early December before our winter break, a couple of my peers came up to me and ask for my penis size. I was called BBC due to being one of the few nogs up there and I told him it was a humble 12 inches. They said thanks and I asked him what it was for. They said they wanted to give one of our peers a foot long, black dildo as a Christmas present. About a week or 2 later, I got sick, and was confined to my room. I ended up wondering if they were actually going to do it. Then out of the blue, I hear: "GET THAT BIG BLACK DICK OUT OF MY FACEEE!!!!" The mad men actually did it! I couldn't fucking believe it, my sides were in orbit throughout the night.

I remember hearing a big argument about the guy who received the dildo. Apparently, he had to take it home because everyone would get in trouble if a faculty member saw it. The guy argued that he should just throw it away but everyone kept sperging him that it was rude to throwaway a nice, thoughtful gift. I think he ended up taking it home with him :story:

Shit was wild.
 
Once at school, my teacher called me not very smart, because I did not do homework, and I put on his chair according to the classics a piece of my toast with peanut paste, I was funny then. But after this incident, I just started to study even worse because I thought that the teacher would still not praise me. However, later I read the reviews of the top 5 homework help websites on the site and realized that the problem with poorly done homework can always be solved. It is good that now there are services that help in learning and save our time. After all, we are often asked too silly tasks.
 
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Marshal Mannerheim said:
I'm reposting this from the ”autism you witnessed IRL” thread since I guess this counts as a school story?
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In my French class I sat next to a girl who was known as a politisperg. She was, and still is, the sort of person who gets her politics from TikTok and Instagram memes, and has always enjoyed pretending to be an ”activist” despite never doing anyactual activism.

We were given an assignment where we had to write a French essay about our heroes to prepare us for the GCSE's. Most people just waffled about their family members or a film star. This girl chose to write a pretty lengthy paragraph about Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.

This would put you on the verge of lolcowdom in and of itself, but it got even funnier when we discovered that she didn't know how to spell AOC's name and didn't know what her policies were, so she just waffled about her ”iconic red lipstick” for the duration of this essay. She then chose to accompany the essay with a printout of AOC's face, with her lips painstakingly coloured in red biro.

Before you ask, she wasn't a sped but was just an incredibly rich white girl who follows politics because she thinks it makes her interesting.
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Is she "goddess sized" by any chance?

EDIT: It just occurred to me. You are in a class with Pandora Braithwaite.
 
Ginger Piglet said:
Is she "goddess sized" by any chance?
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Surprisingly enough, no. She's a ”bi lesbian” who reads the Guardian and goes skiing though.
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Back when I chose my GCSE options, my school put me down to do full course RS. Because I live in Londonistan this meant that about 40% of my class was made up of white atheists and the rest was made up of black Christians and Pakistani Muslims - I was the only religious white guy there and I think was the only Catholic in the room.

Obviously I got a lot of stupid questions, but my two ”favourite” experiences were when I got marked down for using the book of Maccabees as a quote on a question that asked what Catholics believe, and when a girl asked me with a straight face if I worshipped Pope Francis.
 
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