random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Brap God]

imagine someone kisses you as a baby and you just get herpes forever

 

[SNEED.EXE]

I have now confessed to controlling the movements of the sun, according to your logic. My reach is all-encompassing. You may call me Sunny D; for I am able to unleash the power of the sun.

I am going to rob a bank. I am now the chief suspect in any and all bank robberies that occur from here out till the end of time until I'm finally identified and put behind bars.

 

[Oliver Onions]

I think quoting the verse about modesty to show how humble and modest you are isn't very modest.

 

[Dr. Butt]

I just feel like someone being rude doesn't merit fisting corn threshers about it

 

[Gentlebastard]

The attention economy is suffering from rampant hyperinflation. Nudes are so common and abundant that they're handed out as free teasers to even harder shit for anyone who bothers looking, to the point that being half naked is the default minimum state to draw any kind of attention.

In a few more years, they're gonna be rolling out wheelbarrows of hardcore gangbangs just for five likes on instagram.

Considering we're talking about the French they'd probably consider it a travesty that women are being forced to wear modest garments.

I don't know who you are, stalker. I don't know what you want, child. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money since I paid Quasi. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills like rooting for truffles, arguing with my toilet, telling you that you died, and responding to calls of "soooo-ie!". Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you, little baby girl. You sound like you have peanut butter in your mouth, little child. Wait for the knock.

Every hot take is more retarded than the one before it. I never would have thought that was possible but here we are.

He sees nothing absurd or outlandish about the proposal that one truly dedicated troll is making hundreds or thousands of accounts and fake phone numbers for the sole purpose of having a laugh at his expense. He sees nothing strange about that idea because he would do it himself.

Fuck feeding the troll, this guy is a five star hotel buffet.

God, looking at these people makes me so glad to be a normal person.

We're on Kiwi Farms.

the idea that social media is somehow a metric in which to judge the strength, dedication and love in a relationship makes me feel so old, my bones threaten to crumble into dust

YOU ARE THE HUMAN EQUIVALENT OF TRYPOPHOBIA

*You are horrifying to see but no one is afraid of you and you hold nothing of value for there to be any sense of resentment.

He is using a strange brain instead of the default one.

You can't have your own culture if it's drowned in shit.

 

[Tablet County]

Feminists are Satan's strongest demons.

 

[Waffle Iron]

unless porn is turning people black, the cause and effect direction is known in that case.

 

[SSj_Ness (Yiffed)]

Even in a lot of the lolcow threads I'm getting lifemogged by morbidly obese neets.

 

[Betonhaus]

I cannot fathom how anyone could write that description of themself, read it, and not think: "yes, I deserve to be mercilessly bullied."

 

[Super Mario Brothers]

I always wanted opinions, judgment, and reviews from an ex-crackhead homosexual who wants to fuck dogs and small animals.

 

[Aunt Carol]

I haven't done any lobotomies before, but I'd be willing to learn and help you out if you'd like.

 

[Dr. Butt]

Remember:
When these faggs are forced back into the light - No mercy.
Stomp stomp stomp.

 

[sex haver]

If I want sex I have my hand, if I want nonsexual physical affection I have a pillow, if I want companionship I can just fantasize that I am loved, the only thing I crave that I have no substitute for is children of my own(not in a sicko way).

 

[3MMA]

"We're like ham and cheese" is still the most romantic thing I've ever heard

 

[Dr. Butt]

So, to reiterate in the event that OP is reading: DO IT, FAGGOT.

 

[Super Mario Brothers]

Symmetrical docking is only for super robots and lesbians.

 

[Inco G. Nito]

I wish clown girls were an actual race of people. Their entire skin is white. The clown nose is natural. Their nipples and pussy lips, aka Clussy, have alternate colors, sometimes the same as the lips. Their skin probably tastes funny Imagine the taste of their breast milk. Grabbing their breasts or ass causes a honk noise. Want to playfully grope Clown wifes butt in public, loud ass honk is heard echoing from her. Everyone turns to you too, knowing full well what is going on. She embarrassingly honks her nose, trying to play it off.
original profile comment link

 

[Dr. Butt]

This nigga ain’t no Steve Jobs.

 

[Uh Oh Stinky]

I know stupidity has no limits but... What the fuck

"Thank God for Vinegar Pussy"
-John Andrews Stan

Never underestimate the power of a dent's sunk cost. Those monthly SSI checks aren't going to spend themselves.

She will do anything for food, even if that means blackmailing a Muslim man in Syria.

 

[Aero the Alcoholic Bat]

I’m autistic and I don’t like shit I think it’s nasty