random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

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ME ALPHA ACT LIKE CRO-MAGNON BECAUSE ME NO HAVE DEVELOPED PRO-FRONTAL CORTEX

Perhaps a traumatic trigger causes Ernest's personality to change from dorky introvert to giant flaming asshole, and he's trying to explain this in terms of videogame characters because he melted his brain with LSD and that's his way of coping.
 
You will never convince me that this man isn't gay.

Quick reminder that no matter how bad shit gets not to kill yourself.

Given current birth rates there is a 27% chance you will be reincarnated as a jeet.
If you're a jeet, give it a shot. Odds are in your favor.

I didn't need to do much "parody" if she's doing my job for me.

I actually started watching him for quite a bit. Then after ten or twenty videos, it dawned on me, like a lightning bolt from beyond: wait a minute...I fucking HATE THIS GUY!

"Your Honor, I would like the record to reflect that Mr. Greer is all fucked up and his shit's all retarded."

"Sustained!"
 
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