random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Dead Gay Muppet Gangbang]

No child, Insight Software does not possess a stargate and Dan Mullen does not use it to teleport dirty diapers into my vagina.

Neil Degrasse Tyson says that heat rises so having the microwave up high heats the food better.

 

[Tablet County]

Look, I don't wanna sound like a commie or anything, but what if we had the government give everyone private security? We could even call them something cool, like "the police."

Someone has to caffeinate the crustaceans.

Why use that when you can ingratiate yourself with the Communist Gangster Computer God? Then you’ll get wall-to-wall deadly gangster protection.

Remember when Elvis kept declaring himself king of the United States and the government constantly had to overturn his declarations? It got so bad that the CIA had him assassinated in the 70's.

 

[Dire Dire Cocks]

Tell your twink buttslaves to slap him for ban-evading through his alt too.

 

[Local Fed]

Let me preface this by saying that I DON'T like the idea of teens fucking dogs.

You should probably get checked out if your worried about getting an STD from Tarl Warwick.

Personally I think he'd make a great preacher one day. There are people who did far worse things than showing their asshole on a stream and they still maintain their congregations.

Calls his penis a “hyperclit.”

No fucking way. He is not going to turkey baste Laura Loomer. I want to get off the ride!

 

[Blackhole]

"I SWEAR TO GOD IF I DIE IN A PLANE CRASH ON MY WAY TO TELL DICK JOKES TO FURRIES BECAUSE OF TRUMP'S INCOMPETENCE I WILL NEVER STOP HAUNTING ELON MUSK."

You don't goon to interracial pornography? What are you, Jewish?

 

[AllieKat]

Going back to the war, nothing Trump says or does will affect the war in the least.

 

[Bucephalus]

No... Descartes would be, "Cogito ergo sum." Here, it is more like "Cogito ergo sum..."...Body peed in your popcorn.

 

[Catgirl Tyranid]

That's because I am worthless ^_^ just a useless side piece, right? Like a dripping, juicy crispy breaded chicken thigh. I wish the kfc here was any good.

 

[30+GameOvers]

why would i give a rats left asscheek about kiwifarms i have better things to be doing watching pirates of the Caribbean or jerking off

Source:

This morning's tweets

 

[HyperboreanRightsActivist]

You are still an ausfag, which means you've lost

nigga you watch hentai on a regular basis your going to hell.

 

[Aquarius]

Here's an easy test. If you come home from work and the first thing you do is take your bra off, you're probably a woman. If the first thing you do is put a bra on and get a boner, you're not.

 

[Oliver Onions]

Has Tom's love quest come to an end?
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Relevant random_text:

I made a reservation for two at two on Taco Tuesday at Cafe Santa Rosa.

 

[The Spoils of War]

Regroup and replan. Learn your craft. Refine your ideas. Don't groom anyone.

 

[Thé au lait]

What the fuck man i remember this guy... He posted his face everywhere and he looked like ftm tommy wiseau

 

[NoReturn]

They're just like "Why don't we like to suck a dog off? If we examine our priors, we'll find the motte and bailey of the in-group is a steelman. Consider, if you will, a hypothetical alien who loves to suck a dog's dick...."

 

[obsdj]

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Can't...breathe...

Russell Greer, Real Live Paralegal, ladies and gentlemen.

 

[Wodanaz]

you know in your bowels there's a lot of microbiotic 'gut flora' that assist with digestion, and it makes me wonder if there's more to this gut flora than we suspect. i bet you indians and mexicans have way better gut flora for eating spicy contaminated gross foods, but what if they're even more important? kind of like the worms that live in Fry in Futurama and make him sexy and smart. Like if you take the gut flora from the smartest people around the world and mix them together and do a fecal transplant (that's what it's called) do you get superpowers? and you know the flora passes matrilineally, so if flora does impact your behavior, it would explain why jewishness is also matrilineal.

 

[Dagoth AMOGUS]

@Napoleon Bonerfart

 

[CaddestSlown]

Maybe I'll go make a late-in-life baby just to show you how it's done.

You'ur are turbo-tard, burger-bound crystal-clad lucky charm.

Can I be a sixty year old man, get student loans and live in the dorm before my heart attack? I wanna fuck fat art chicks bareback claiming I’m a professor, when in all reality, I can barely read.

It's called Heroes of Might and Magic III you uncultured swine, I'll kill you.

 

[Return of the Freaker]

Would you marry Europe? Would you let a friend marry Europe?