random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Brain Power]

>CW: Religion

 

[Sawamura Simp]

The White House wishes you a very Happy Valentine's Day

It's hilarious to me that Derek Chauvin killed Ubisoft

I still can't get over Iraqi Sesame Street.

"It's just one main story arc of defending a time traveling synagogue"

U.S. House Oversight Committee announces task force on declassifying information regarding JFK, UFOs, BFGs, WTFs and BBQs.

Spoiler: 2x1 Bonus

Explaining Trump's worldview would take a long time, and I'm sure biographers will struggle with that for centuries. Memetically it has been condensed down to Winning.

I go away for one day and miss Trump getting a fucking legendary samurai helmet like it’s a fucking anime holy shit.

 

[Thé au lait]

"The nose is so big, the lips are so thin, the jaw is so square, but something about this just screams 'I'm from Berlin'. I don't know, I'm really 50/50 on this. Troon or Berliner? Even though I know they're Dutch..."
- Null, Mad at the Internet (August 4th, 2023)

ETA: I'm sorry Null, I know you don't like being quoted here but it's so perfect

 

[CaddestSlown]

it's an interesting implication God mellowed out after getting his dick wet (spiritually).

 

[GunCar Gary]

You know if you think about the skyrim main quest is the player character learning to day the dragon version of the n word

 

[#FreeRoss]

by @Just A Butt

#FreeRoss, you're a dumbass but who knew that your take on street murder would be rational and well thought out

 

[Gog & Magog]

Just noticed something:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=O-imyHk6KtY:260
Farmer: "giving the animals the best life we possibly can, by putting them in small pens and giving them hormones..."
Nathen: "it's not necessary"
Farmer: "it's not necessary"
Nathen: "they give them hormones"
Farmer: "would you give your children hormones?"
Nathen: "no"
Farmer: "of course not. So we don't give our cattle hormones"

I love the unintended implication that cattle farmers are trooning their cows out

 

[Toji Suzuhara]

Ignore the tripleposting retard, it has a 2025 join date.

 

[Betonhaus]

$2K to $3K isn't that much money.

 

[Betonhaus]

@Sinner’s Sandwich “All People need food, no one needs trannies.”

You know you can highlight text to just quote that bit, and can pull that quote to any thread right?

 

[Dolly Brooks]

You know you can highlight text to just quote that bit, and can pull that quote to any thread right?

No I didn’t, thank you.

 

[Dolly Brooks]

All People need food, no one needs trannies.

 

[HyperboreanRightsActivist]

No one is going to click off if they don't hear some random black man going OH MY GOD

 

[Maniacal Foreigner]

The current culture war is nearly old enough for Razorfist to not want to have sex with it.

 

[Crex Crex]

Crack stocks at an all time high, we fucking did it crackbros.

 

[Male Feminist]

Bryan claims that one of the best biomarkers for a person's health generally is how much of their sleep they spend erect

 

[Nancy]

WTF qualifies this nigga to run a symphony orchestra?

 

[Gentlebastard]

Its called cursive you, you... doublenigger

I don't think there's a gayer way to eat sausage unless he was cupping small potatoes like they were balls at the same time

God used to be angry, then had Jesus, and became less angry.

it's an interesting implication God mellowed out after getting his dick wet (spiritually).

If you haven't been consistent in your statements, time for the burger suit.

it's a simple dish like your mom used to make for you before you left to live alone as a corporate slave in a soulless efficiency apartment

I cannot think of a single excuse that doesn't sound akin to an obese fuck saying "I DON'T WANT TO GO ON A DIET, I WANT MY OZEMPIC".

I’m so broken and destroyed by this website that I dare not even guess that this is satire.

he ordered eggs benedict with the egg scrambled because he doesn't like runny yolk

He needs to be killed for that alone.

Having been a cashier before working retail, you really learn to hate the vast majority of humanity.

Posting here after getting banned from Reddit is basically a right of passage. Some of us have been banned hundreds, if not thousands of times per year. I'm singlehandedly making mods earn their paycheck.

My random.txt for this page is "I curse you all in the name of YHWH" and I don't think we're ever getting a better conflux of events here.

Truly, God has abandoned us.

On one hand I'm horrified, but on another hand I eagerly await the first-ever third generation Lolcow.

random.txt is the true oracle of all knowledge.

The average euro thinks there should be a limit on what you can say. the limit varies, the reason for it varies, but you cucks firmly believe that american styled free expression is harmful, especially if its something innocent and fun like sieg heiling and denying the holocaust.

 

[Crex Crex]

I've just read this entire thread. Jfc. Humanity was a terrible mistake

Saint Floyd was hiding the drugs up his ass, aka hooping. Taking drugs rectally is "boofing".

I fucking love this site sometimes. Only place I can simultaneously laugh at meticulously documented retards, say nigger without getting banned and also get informative lectures on how crack works.

Seriously the Bossmanjack thread is a goldmine

 

[Larry David's Opera Cape]

Mercer, 57, had worked at the mill on and off for years. Folks called him Muffie Dog. He walked over to sit on a plastic bucket as blood poured from his mouth and nose — his left eye shut, his cheek with a “pressed-down indentation,” according to Broadwater. Co-workers called for an ambulance.

A medical examiner’s report detailed how just 23 pounds of one employee was recovered after he was caught in a machine.