random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Gentlebastard]

Noooooo sodalite is a cool mineral, don't fag it up.

That's the exact "we have to humor the retard so we can go about the day" face I've seen on teachers who have special ed students in their regular classes.

how does this guy not know how to use capital letters or commas, yet he somehow knows how to correctly use apostrophes?

After reading what I just read, I am genuinely disgusted and disturbed.

chili was invented by Alexander the Great (who was greek) when he took over Mexico (which was part of India at the time)

Wow, even his fridge is autistic.

I must need to significantly increase my pepperoni intake in order to comprehend why it makes sense to tweet this sentence.

I feel like I need two showers and mace in arm's reach to feel clean again.

Only in the Current Year West would you see people expressing regret and jealousy that they don't have a fucking birth defect.

I want to believe this is just a pure shitpost, some guy having fun but I'm deeply concerned that this person is actually looking to Dragon Tales for his political opinions.

 

[grenouille crétine]

Maybe then you can produce some strapping Mennonite sons who are just really good at math and fixing tractors, but even that isn't guaranteed.

 

[Sneed's Feed n Seed]

At least the amount of rule 34 with Bob the Tomato is incredibly small.

 

[JustSomeDong]

If I had a dollar for every retard that pisses and moans about J6 now saying the election was stolen, I would be able to afford groceries!

 

[306h4Ge5eJUJ]

Laurace child, its over Laurance child, not in your wildest dreams you could ever comprehend hoi over it really is Laurace child, we went to the deep end Laurace child, and we crossed it Laurace child, Point of no return Laurance child, Event horizon Laurance child trump afghestnistan 1984 handmaidtale nazi germany mussolini Laurance child

 

[Tablet County]

Do you know how many sinks Dan has? I'd be scared too.

There's very little need to be loquacious when speaking to the masses, especially if the gestalt of your oratory is going to be "belay that, I masticate phallus".

 

[Gog & Magog]

At the risk of sounding harsh, I call this "natural selection."

When the world is "naturally" selecting for funny, eventually there will only be clowns.

Oh great. This is horrifying... WHERE IS THE UNSEE JUICE?!?!?!

I was not able to evacuate in time as the mountain near where I lived began to smoke and quake.
As the ash rains down on me I grab the person nearest to me. Both for comfort and to shield ourselves from the immense heat and debris.
Nearly 2000 years later, people find my final resting place. They assume me and the random guy I held on to were a loving couple.
50 years later, they determine both of us were guys. Reddit calls me gay.

 

[CharlesBarkley]

Seriously? He's drunkenly misspelled shit all the time lately. He just called April "Sevierville" (a city in Tennessee) today.

 

[Dead Gay Muppet Gangbang]

He is insane.
The election has broken what little remained of his grip on reality.
We are now in the Fatzone.

 

[DickMain]

I you can't handle me drunk you don't deserve me on coke

Not an expert since no homo, but I’m pretty sure that’s super gay.

Lol the only daki pillow cover I have is a NSFW of Vinyl Scratch and I don't even use it

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

You should be impressed (or disgusted) about how much of an unbearable fat ugly cucked faggot he has become since leaving the brony fandom.

That man is a holodomor denialist teapot meat kettle and he just calls everyone he doesn't like a fascist he's also someone who is creeping on this one Greek Australian YouTube saying he was hot when he was 16 years old

>He doesn't have a kettle for his teapot meat

 

[Sneedenhagen Chew]

When you hear the word ‘clown’, what is the first thing that comes to mind? It probably isn’t giant, bloodthirsty predators who ruled over humanity after usurping all the earthly kingdoms of an antediluvian age.

 

[DickMain]

He's the hero because he invited his abusive gay lover into his home where they relentlessly pegged each other while he graciously let the wife of this lover sleep on his couch. I think I'm reading this right.

 

[Poonocchio]

It used to be MJ's ghost, now it's Loki implanting pedo thoughts in the ghost of MJ's head.

 

[Cnidarian]

Obese Felines 225 deviations
Swastikas 92 deviations

 

[Overly Serious]

Very British, wanted biscuits and tea soon after

 

[Oliver Onions]

He talks about how God can be bound by magic words and blood sacrifice and other Jewish things.

He thinks this is crazy and probably part of Jewish culture we cannot escape.

(I thought they were funnier as separate quotes)

 

[Gentlebastard]

My pleasure at this news is immeasurable, and my day is prosperous.

Is Tailor Swift the new "this is just like a Marvel movie!" for retarded millenials?

My eyes were so drawn to his AGP smirk that I actually totally missed the hair. That's fucking dreadful, it looks like he just pulled some hair our of a drain and glued it to his forehead.

One time I met a guy whose fav artist was Kim Petras and it took all my self control not to call him a faggot.

Theres no way for a straight dude to suck a dick or get a stick shoved up his asshole heterosexually.

Come the fuck on.

WHY AREN'T THE POLITICIANS MY PERSONAL ARMY AAAAGH

"Sucking girldick to own the libs" isn't the win he thinks it is.

Pat is getting fucking pounded so hard on X right now, I almost feel gay for watching it

Took a lil break from the thread for my own personal sanity and BOY WAS THAT A FUCKING MISTAKE

The gonorrhea arc from the drag makeup artist and his ladyboy bf.

It's like Power Rangers but fat and gay

I figured this guy was that troon dev at first, but he's actually a different one!

How dare you! How dare you make my heart flutter with such hope!

playing hall of the mountain king while scrolling through the pages in this thread over the past couple of days

Bluesky is like shooting fish in a barrel for Insanity

These people are so fucking high on their own supply I'm amazed they haven't collapsed into catatonia from their own rectal methane.

 

[DickMain]

@Megatardingo (via chat)

 

[Thé au lait]

And after all of this, A-me rewarded her fat fuck of a diabetic self with chocolate covered raisins.

It's also been disputed as the word was mistranslated to Virginians.

So...

72 Chris Chans. Or, 71 Chris Chans and one Borb.

Not washing your rice every time before cooking it is like not washing your penis every day. There's no excuse for it, unless you're a disgusting subhuman.

Like eating a chocolate cookie and finding raisins inside, everyone will get mad at your shenanigans.

If you listen too much to the people who tell you what you want to hear, you end up going on HRT, cutting your dick off, and calling yourself Fifi Trixibelle.