random_text.txt / Random Quotes - Back in the day it was literally a text file on the webserver called random_text.txt and now it's a whole thing.

[Thé au lait]

This one would probably be difficult to format as well, but it was still very funny

What kind of absolute fucking pozzbrained consoomer mongoloid has this reaction mere moments after hearing about a mans dea....
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....erm....well....when I did it it was actually really funny and endearing and....and....why are you looking at me like that?.....IM NOT LIKE FATRICK!

How many calories are in an L? Is that how he gets so fat?

 

[KiwiFuzz2]

I'm not sure I would take someone claiming to be a nazi seriously if he said it on a porn site called Nude Africa.

Like it or not, this man reflects the American Values that few politcians can ever hope to achieve. Perversion, debauchery, racism with confusing reasoning...this man is a true patriot.

at least BotP added that weird R2D2 rip off. 7Zark7. stupid, but could fit in. academia? communism and gay studies for third wave feminism's final conclusion? no thanks.

Make the toaster oven, let me buy the toaster oven, and shut up while I make my pizza bagels.

“Please feel soothed by the powered-up cat testicles.”

it’s unclear if the ω is meant to actually be read out-loud as “omega” or is just there because it looks like a nut sack

To keep the good-luck ball rolling, purchasing the calendar through Amazon Japan or Rakuten also gets you a good-luck nyantama card, sized to fit in your wallet or smartphone case, so that you can have cat testicle photos close at hand even when you have to leave the comfort of your cat testicle calendar-decorated home.

For something so worthy of comments, I have become speechless.

I know at least three women and one redditor in my life who would be absolutely thrilled to get something like this as a gift.

There’s some cute Japanese anime that we thought was something like My Neighbor Totoro - nope. Ballflation raccoons of doom overthrowing the government or some shit. Wow.

 

[Hamplanet Fitness]

Unfortunately, he forgot to rape his own mom, so the Commonwealth of Virginia might take his crimes seriously.

 

[Pedophobe]

..

I don't condone harassment, but when it happens, we can still laugh at it

 

[Adash]

"I wish there was a leftist kiwifarms. It's only fair."

Quote of a quote from a discord server, but I find it funny.

 

[Hamstirer]

WTF are you talking about? You are a nigger faggot retard of the highest level. The door is over there, do I need to show you how to operate the handle, slugger?

 

[JethroTullamore]

you're yiffing up the wrong tree.

 

[Tablet County]

"BRO SOMONE JUICE MY COMISSARY PLEASE!"

Calling Austin 'Jack' is like going to Wings' thread and calling him 'Redemption'

Crucify a minion. Let the algorithm do the rest.

 

[Faceless Whore]

“Please enjoy cat testicles in the two different ways, decorating your room with the calendar and carrying the card with you at all times wherever you go,”

 

[Syzyg]

it's quite common for them to call me the c word and the b word and to have giggle parties after they throw me out. This is The Life of a quant.

 

[The Nothingness]

I do not want them in my home,
I do not want them free to roam.

I do not want them, brownses nor blackses,
I do not want them taking all my taxes.

I do not want them in my town,
I do not want them, silly clown.

I do not want them raping my daughter,
I do not want them taking my cat for slaughter.

I do not want them in my state,
I do not want them, now or late.

I do not like foreign refugees,
I do not like them, you elected sleaze.

 

[Poonocchio]

They don't even need to see the ditch to know it's not a vagina because there is a fucking man attached to it.

Based page number.

 

[everybody in Portugal]

I cringed so hard I think I regrew my wisdom teeth

 

[lol cow supreme]

By the way regarding Indians they happen to be some of the smartest software engineers on the planet today.. they are thinking outperform probably everybody on this website including myself.

 

[Pendulous Dong]

Admittedly if you're planning to kill yourself to enter the Jesus dimension you're not too focused on Christian theology.

 

[Bloitzhole]

Ain't nobody going to come in with an avatar that says not a financial advisor and they're going to come in in all caps and yellow and red letters and start talking s*** to me.

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

Beavers are more industrious than niggers. They build dams and make houses out of wood.

 

[Gentlebastard]

There is no guilt in laughing at a man that not only always steps on rakes, but purposefully goes to Home Depot, buys their entire stock and happily spreads them in front of himself.

Did we not mock them then? We did.

No way she’s taking a break. Caring for manbaby is a 24/7 commitment.

 

[Drip Torch]

he wont stfu about you and urinals and he wont stop tagging me in it

 

[Tablet County]

The pedo is still taller than Ralph.