Nintendo Switch (Currently Plagued) - Here we shit post about the new Nintendo console, The Switch

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I had plenty of fun gaming the hell out of FFTA so that one unit could practically solo the entire map and fucking with the law cards so that enemies would just jail themselves and I didn't have to do shit.
 
Becomemysoulreaver said:
I completely agree, I had to force myself to finish it, the worst part is that I was actually kind of exited for it.
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I was excited too because I'm a fft sperg but over the years it's really started to show its age and it's baffled me that we haven't really got any good successors with QoL fixes that nail the feeling aside from FFTA. Triangle looked like it was trying to fill that niche but instead it just pissed me off from the second I saw the awful UI design.

Seriously if they wanted a good fft sequel just do Crusader Kings lite and slap FFT combat into it structured like FFTA. Add a ton of gimmick characters analogous to Orlandu/Olan/Mustadio who appear randomly, and keep the level cap at something you can hit in a few hours so you don't have the Disgaea problem.
 
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So, for a fun change of pace, I purchased eight games for less than fifty dollars total and have over the last few months been playing them. No individual game cost me over 6 dollars so the stakes are pretty low for each title. I did curate these slightly by looking at Metacritic reviews before hitting buy, so lets see how we did. My eight purchases were (in order of being played,) Pure Mahjong, Monster Sanctuary, Elli, SteamWorld Dig 2, Ara Fell, Crown Trick, Bit Orchard Animal Valley and Good Night Knight. My reviews will be condensed, due to how many of them there are, but I will still give them a rating and dollar per hour guestimate.

Since this post would be too big otherwise, here are quick rundowns and then spoilered 1-4 paragraph reviews.

Pure Mahjong was cheap phone crap and got a 0 out of 2.
Monster Sanctuary was an inspired Pokemon clone and a basic, bad Metroid-vania. It got a 1 out of 2.
Elli was pure shit and got a 0 out of 2 after like twenty minutes of play.
SteamWorld Dig 2 also got a 0 out of 2 and I bet that makes you mad.
Ara Fell, the decade-old RPG maker game, gets a 2 out of 2 because it has heart! <3
Crown Trick ran like shit on Switch with long load times and dropped inputs (in a turn-based game, wtf) and got a 0 out of 2.
Bit Orchard: Animal Valley was incredibly short and got docked from 1 to 0 out of 2 after I found out that they wanted me to buy DLC after 100 percenting the game in 5 hours.
Good Night, Knight was an unfinished port of an unfinshed game and got 0 out of 2 stars.

Overall, I spent less than 50 dollars and got 100 hours of gaming, so that’s fine, but it would have been even finer if I had just brought Monster Sanctuary and Ara Fell (and maybe SWD2 or BO:AV.) Am I going to do this again? Not any time soon, that’s for fucking sure.

The first game I tried was Pure Mahjong, which came really cheap. So, uhh, Pure Mahjong…. its not Mahjong. It’s a Shanghai game, which is placed with Mahjong tiles but is 100 percent not Mahjong. I knew that going in, like Shanghai and purchased it for that reason but hey, just throwing that out there. What I didn’t know going in was that this was an extremely cheap mobile port with shoddy controller controls, which is bad since I almost always play in docked mode. They also way oversold the amount of puzzles included. You can’t just change which pair of tiles has which symbol and really count it as a new puzzle guys. My Switch tells me that I played at least three hours of this game so I guess it makes its dollar per hour but there’s no way I am recommending this thing. I give Pure Mahjong a 0 out of 2.
Monster Sanctuary was the second game I played and it is best described as a Pokeroidvania game, featuring bad platforming and okay monster battles. For the mons, you can only have three out at once (oh yeah, its team battles) and they fight more like a traditional RPG party with heals, tanks, etc. There was clearly a lot of thought and care put into the monsters, from their lovingly rendered sprites to their very detailed upgrade trees (and an enemy AI that knows what its doing, too.) I did feel somewhat of a connection to my crew of beasts, which games that stray from the Pokemon formula often lose.

And yet… I was less than fully pleased with the battling. Being designed by what I can only assume were competitive Pokemon players, the story battles all require strategy or grinding and when I reached my level cap I pretty much found myself stuck outside the final boss unable to beat him. The fact that new areas are obviously level-locked to your own team also takes away from a lot of the sense of progression that you would want from a game like this.

Oh, and as to the -troidvania half of the game. Godawful. God-fucking-awful. Do you remember how in the Gameboy version of Link’s Awakening how you had to go to another screen to change powers every five seconds? Yeah, they have that. Do you remember being bored of very generic mobile platformers? Yeah, they play like that. Oh my word, the traversal in this game is so damn boring and you don’t go anywhere interesting to boot. Its bad. Its baaaaaaad. Bear in mind I played Metroid Dread a few weeks before this, but I played PL:A too and its clear which of the two’s legacy did not get lived up to.

I did tough it out and get 45+ hours of gameplay out of this game, so it was definitely worth my five dollars. You’ll note that I didn’t bother to mention the story or presentation of the game so far. Well I guess I’ll give them their due on that: Meh. I had a lot to say about this game, obviously. Anyways, cute monster art and battling plus terribly boring platforming equals a 1 out of 2 for Monster Sanctuary, only buy it if you want a Pokemon competitor with cute art and sperglord battle design.
I played Elli, a 3D platformer, very briefly and found it to be shit. Extremely cheap art, unfun controls, bland level design and zero interest from me in continuing to play. I did not get my 2(?) dollars’ worth here and give Elli 0 out of 2.
So Elli was a bust, and a big one, but surely the most well-known and well-loved of my purchases would make up for it, right? Well, I had played the original SteamWorld Dig a few years back and liked it, having beaten it in a day. But everyone says that 2 is the truly notable entry. So what did I think? Nah, fuck this thing. I didn’t like the emphasis put on the puzzle rooms, the bosses, the dripping lava. It just wasn’t fun to me and I stopped five hours in. Oh yeah, and this might be sacrilege but the art-style in these games is incredibly ugly, just unpleasant to look at. I think that fails to give me my dollar per hour but am not quite sure. 0 out of 2 for SteamWorld Dig 2, surely there’s a better Loderunner-like out there somewhere?
Well the, having taken it to the beloved indie darling, surely the cheap RPG Maker 2005 game Ara Fell wouldn’t stand a chance with me, right? Wrong, I quite liked it. Obviously, the game is very generic due to being made from preexisting pieces and yet the upgrades and combat encounters were well placed and made the game quite balanced, with it being neither too easy nor too hard/grindy. And while I am not a huge fan of the creator (who whines about Steam reviewers being racist/sexist so hint, hint there guys) I did like seeing a story that wasn’t made by someone like me, in the same way that I might like the different perspective of a tv show from the UK, Russia or Japan. As an RPG I obviously got my dollar per hour worth (over 30 hours on a sub-5 dollar game) and give Ara Fell 2 out of 2. If you like generic SNES-styled RPGs then you should definitely spend the very small amount of money necessary to try this one.
I also, relatively briefly, played Crown Trick from Team 17, which I would describe as a very well-made piece of shit. Despite the game, a turn-based strategy rogue-like, being mechanically sound it feels less than the sum of its parts. This is especially true due to the dodgy port- the game (which lacks impressive graphics or complex mechanics) chugs with dropped frames, dropped inputs (first and only time I ever saw this on Switch, Jesus Christ its that bad) and obnoxiously long loading times. Across all versions, bar I assume PC, the UI/UX is terrible with you wondering how or why to do certain actions. And as a very specific nit-pick, if you accidently reject picking up an item in the middle of battle you cannot, due to the Y button serving multiple functions, go back and undo that decision to pick up the item without backing off and then backing back onto the item (which takes two turns.) I put five hours into the game, in theory, but a significant portion of that was the game sitting idle while I looked at my computer or watched a film- the price of giving me 30-40 second load screens every time you die in a “die a lot” game. Crown Trick gets 0 out of 2 stars and a suggestion that you play something else.
Bit Orchard: Animal Valley is a very new release, having come out only four months ago and yet its already on the discount page. This Gameboy-styled farm sim -and I do mean Gameboy-styled, think lime-green backgrounds with muted black outlines- tasks you with running an apple orchard and exploring its very limited surroundings. Its fun but very short (I did practically everything within about 5 hours despite guides being pretty much non-existent,) which is a bit of a shame since the genre is famous for giving you a good dollar per hour rate. I mean, the game still makes it, but not by the margin that a traditional farm-sim would. If you want to support a truly hidden release or play a “small” farming game then sure, you can buy this but its clearly not up to snuff when compared to the greats of the genre. Stardew is still the king but this will scratch the itch too and gets a 1 out of 2 as being “good enough.” Wait a minute… I just got an e-mail from Nintendo advertising paid DLC for this five-hour content-bare game. Bit Orchard Animal Valley gets a 0 out of 2.
Good Night, Knight, the last game I played is actually a port of an early access roguelike with twin stick controls. Since Switch doesn’t allow early access releases it was sold to me with no indication that it was not finished which is a shame since it clearly isn’t finished. I’ve heard people mention bugs/glitches but my big indicators that it isn’t fully baked are that the game tells you to press B to do an action that is actually preformed with Y and the fact that you get a little mouse cursor to click okay on text windows (as opposed to using the A button.)

So setting aside that bullshit, how’s the actual game? Ehh, its kind of bleh. The story is serviceable, with an emphasis on trying to be humorous while also having a “legitimate” plot- think Shovel Knight. The controls aren’t unfair, but they are clunky and your cool-down is often annoyingly long. Binding of Isaac it isn’t. The graphics are serviceable but I didn’t see any of the love and care of Monster Sanctuary’s sprite-work here. If you are going to cheap out and go the 16 bit route these days you better put in some damn artistry to make up for it’s limitations and I did not see that here.

Ultimately this game just wasn’t fun enough for me to keep playing, if a game turns into the “chore” I have to do between rounds of Civ III then its just not good enough, I felt at times like a reverse DSP, putting in little bits of this game between long bouts of another one that I cared about more. So, while you might want to try out Good Night, Knight, a game I am giving 0 out of 2 on Switch, you should only do so on PC.
 
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The Switch is officially getting everyone’s favorite anti-piracy tool, Denuvo. Because the best course of action for an aging console that can barely run its own first party games, let alone graphics-heavy AAA titles, is to implement a system that makes games run significantly worse.
nintendoeverything.com

Denuvo launches first Switch emulator protection

Denuvo by Irdeto, known for its anti-tampering and digital rights management protection on PC, has now announced that it is introducing “a revolutionary technology to protect games launching on Nintendo Switch from piracy.” Today’s announcement notes that any Switch title can be emulated from...
nintendoeverything.com nintendoeverything.com
As with all other Denuvo solutions, the technology integrates seamlessly into the build toolchain with no impact on the gaming experience.
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lol
lmao even
 
Two Dollars said:
The Switch is officially getting everyone’s favorite anti-piracy tool, Denuvo. Because the best course of action for an aging console that can barely run its own first party games, let alone graphics-heavy AAA titles, is to implement a system that makes games run significantly worse.
nintendoeverything.com

Denuvo launches first Switch emulator protection

Denuvo by Irdeto, known for its anti-tampering and digital rights management protection on PC, has now announced that it is introducing “a revolutionary technology to protect games launching on Nintendo Switch from piracy.” Today’s announcement notes that any Switch title can be emulated from...
nintendoeverything.com nintendoeverything.com

lol
lmao even
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Judging by how shit Nintendos lineup currently is I doubt anyone will notice

They can blame the coof all they want but they literally have nothing coming up in the next year but Advance wars and Pokémon.
 
There's games with concrete dates more likely to become vaporware than fucking BotW2 of all things.
 
SSj_Ness said:
There's games with concrete dates more likely to become vaporware than fucking BotW2 of all things.
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Neither of you guys really got my point. It's a meme now for games to take years to release, with years worth of delays. This has been intensified with the coof., which I still believe to be a bitch excuse.

As for BOTW2, I would not be surprised in the slightest if it gets pushed back to 2024.
 
Two Dollars said:
The Switch is officially getting everyone’s favorite anti-piracy tool, Denuvo. Because the best course of action for an aging console that can barely run its own first party games, let alone graphics-heavy AAA titles, is to implement a system that makes games run significantly worse.
nintendoeverything.com

Denuvo launches first Switch emulator protection

Denuvo by Irdeto, known for its anti-tampering and digital rights management protection on PC, has now announced that it is introducing “a revolutionary technology to protect games launching on Nintendo Switch from piracy.” Today’s announcement notes that any Switch title can be emulated from...
nintendoeverything.com nintendoeverything.com

lol
lmao even
Click to expand...
Screenshot_2022-08-24_20-50-57.png

This made me chuckle.

EDIT: Someone Delivered
Buy a Wii U if you don&apos;t like DRM.jpg
 
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Two Dollars said:
The Switch is officially getting everyone’s favorite anti-piracy tool, Denuvo. Because the best course of action for an aging console that can barely run its own first party games, let alone graphics-heavy AAA titles, is to implement a system that makes games run significantly worse.
nintendoeverything.com

Denuvo launches first Switch emulator protection

Denuvo by Irdeto, known for its anti-tampering and digital rights management protection on PC, has now announced that it is introducing “a revolutionary technology to protect games launching on Nintendo Switch from piracy.” Today’s announcement notes that any Switch title can be emulated from...
nintendoeverything.com nintendoeverything.com

lol
lmao even
Click to expand...
The actual fuck? Who thought this was a good idea?
 
Two Dollars said:
The Switch is officially getting everyone’s favorite anti-piracy tool, Denuvo. Because the best course of action for an aging console that can barely run its own first party games, let alone graphics-heavy AAA titles, is to implement a system that makes games run significantly worse.
nintendoeverything.com

Denuvo launches first Switch emulator protection

Denuvo by Irdeto, known for its anti-tampering and digital rights management protection on PC, has now announced that it is introducing “a revolutionary technology to protect games launching on Nintendo Switch from piracy.” Today’s announcement notes that any Switch title can be emulated from...
nintendoeverything.com nintendoeverything.com

lol
lmao even
Click to expand...

Jesus, how petty is this company? I can just picture Nintendo execs coping and seething with impotent rage after Linus Tech showed to its millions of subscribers how to dump Switch ROMs into the Steam Deck and done in such a way that Nintendo cannot copyright strike or bully them like they do other smaller Youtubers. They really feel so threatened by such a niche practice as emulation that they are willing to cut their own nose to spite their face putting Denuvo on Switch games.

Nintendo has become so used to the idea of having a monopoly in the portable gaming space that they cannot fathom someone else finding a niche for themselves in that market. Enter Valve having a modicum of success with the Steam Deck by appealing to Linux/PC/Tinkering/Emulation enthusiasts and suddenly Nintendo is hyperventilating.
 
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