Season 9, Episode 5
Here we go!
I wonder just how many people we have in the US who are 600+ pounds. We seem to have a never ending supply, based on this show, just like we have a never ending supply of serial killers, if you watch Criminal Minds enough.
Melissa M: 36 years old, in Sunrise, FL , weight: unknown. Well, that doesn't bode well.
JFC, that open. It looks like she just faceplanted on the bed, said fuck it, strapped on her cpap and went to sleep. Obligatory shower scene, and damn, she's black, but her feet are BLACK. Looks painful. But at least she's pretty mobile, compared to Cindy Lou DisasterWho from last week. Goddamn, from the hips up, she's shaped like a box. She put her gunt on her dresser and she's eating out of a gigantic casserole dish.
Ah, she went back to bed and just flopped onto it.
Trauma time! Blames her mother for her getting fat. Claims moms was verbally abusive and fed her enough food to feed a small village out of guilt. Or some shit. Says moms made her eat all of it, etc. "You just eat what's made for you."
Not the same with her pops, he just wanted her to be happy. When she was eight, pops left, but didn't take her. Does she live alone? Says by the end of that summer, she was 150 pounds. Put on another 100 pounds so was 250 by the time she was in her teens. Canned cheese sprinkling over an enormous pan of lasagna.
Got pregnant at 15, had an abortion. Moms wasn't happy, but took her in for the procedure. She started stuffing her face out of guilt and depression, dropped out of high school at 16. Yeah, that'll show the world.
Has a friend named Shay who would come over to check on her, and does to this day. 400-ish by 18. Got her ass back to high school, finished, got a job. Went to college for awhile, got a better job. Lost that job. Was 450 pounds by 23 years old, got a receptionist job. Pops died when she was 27. Was over 500 pounds by then.
JFC, she's eating an entire Danish right out of the package.
Moms died when she was 35 (kidney failure), she couldn't go to Mom's wake or funeral because of her weight. Says the only person she has now is Shay, and only when Shay is available to pop by. Otherwise, she sits around and eats all goddamned day. You know, you could read a fucking book or ten.
Shay has brought over two gigantic bags of food. Wings, onion rings, lots of ranch. Breadsticks?
Shay says Melissa is a "very bubbly, very intelligent person" - well, you're not helping bring that out, FRIEND, by bringing all this shit for her to eat, you know.
Looks like some loaded potato skins there or some damn kind of potato shit she shouldn't be eating. Says food is killing her and she wants to get better, etc. She says something something, people who are "counting on me". Who the hell is counting on you?
Month 1!
She's heading to Houston to see Dr Gnome. Looks like we're going on an airplane boys and girls! Shay is coming with her to Houston. Damn, these people seem to have friends that would throw themselves in a volcano for these fatties. Says it's been awhile since she's flown. No shit. Man, she has the unfortunate fridge-style obesity, although her legs are pretty damn big. Another friend, Wendy, is driving them to the airport. Hey, she crawled her ass up into the minivan's back seat, so there's that, good for her.
Wendy is rather normal-sized. Melissa is wearing shoes. Huzzah! Wendy's going to pray for her. Yeah, that'll help, thanks.
First ad break: :19 past the hour. It's a good start: we're already en route to Houston by the first ad break. Don't let me down, Melissa, by being a dick to Dr Gnome once you get there, or acting like you know everything, or have some jam packed schedule or whatever other bullshit excuse we've all heard a million times. Dude's a certified saint, and we could all use a win here.
And we're back, in Houston - no "inscrutiating" airport scenes, bummer. Time to get us a weight here! I'm going to say....605. scale says: 592. OMG, these peoples' upper arms continue to terrify me. She's saying all the right words in the VO, need to change, tired of this, etc.
Her BMI is 115, so that means she must be...5'? Ah, under 5'. Geez. Normal weight for her would be 90 fucking pounds? Just how short is she? Standard lecture, and the usual quizzing by Dr Gnome. What are you willing to do. She replies with the usual non-specific goals, and I'm so sick of that shit. Dr Gnome says, well, why is now different, you've had 36 years. LOL
Wants her to lose 60 pound over next two munt. ZERO carbs (I'm guessing zero of the traditional carby crap, because veggies are on the list), and protein. She also needs to see a shrink to break the vicious cycle of feel bad, eat, feel bad for eating, eat. Dr Gnome says you'll need to move to Houston. She says ok.
Hallway talk with Dr Gnome! He hopes Melissa realizes what a shit ty situation she's in and if she doesn't get the goal over the next two months, we might need to consider something more extreme (i.e., controlled environment).
She says she feels good about the appointment, even with the tough love thing. She's going to give it all she's got. Sure you will. We've watched this show far too long to think you'll be another unicorn who does everything right. But I'm willing to be wrong.
Ad break at :33 past the first hour. Now I'm hungry.
Back in Florida! Month 2
She's exercising, so that's a plus. Says she is not cheating on the diet at all, and we know how rarely that is true. What the hell is going on with her gunt and pubic area? Well, she's doubling up on exercising, walking in the morning and the evening, venturing outside, checking the mail, etc. Get it, girl! As long as you ain't lying, you got my support. Likes the endorphin rush from working out - yeah, girl.
Cutting back on food is harder (yes). What do we have here? She's cooking? Good lord, are we dreaming? Salmon, broccoli, water. Says she has tripped up a couple of times, but got right back on track.
Month 3
Houston! Has she been lying to us and will break our heart on the scale? Or will we cheer for her? I bet we'll get another ad break before this weight displays. She's moving a lot better.
I knew it! Ad break at :44. I hate these fucking ghost chaser shows. You know, all these advances in dishwasher soap/cleaner technology, and we're still scraping shit off dishes after they're washed after being told it isn't necessary before running the machine. We can land on the moon and Mars, but can't eliminate that?
And we're back! Melissa weighs in at 548
That's 44 pounds. She says "That's a lot, but it isn't enough." Wonders what Dr Gnome will say. Oh, girl, we know.
Dr Gnome: you're short of the goal. What happened? She replies with the same nonsense everyone else does about working really hard. At least she's owning that shit: I guess I was not working as hard as I could. Two more munt, lose 40 pound. Think you can do that? She's 100% in on that and meeting with a shrink.
Hallway talk with Dr Gnome: Happy Melissa is working at making the progress she needs to make, and if she continues that, and goes to the headshrinker, we'll get her approved for surgery. But if she doesn't, it shows her commitment was short-term.
Unlike virtually Everyone else, she thinks his next goal is fair.
Three days later:
Back in Florida, time for some dome therapy with the tiny doctor! Hi, Dr Paradise! It's via video. Says a lot of the weight was due to her mom's death, but that doesn't really match with how much she said she weighed at various points in her life. Whatever, Dr Paradise points out that she should work on the thought of not meeting the expectations of her parents. Melissa is WAY more intelligent than many of the other people who have been on this show. Ha! Dr Paradise just said she's so articulate and smart, etc. That went well. Doc wants her to get out and do something. Good for her for getting through that and on camera, too. She's got that can-do tude going on and I LIKE IT.
Final ad break of the first hour.
