And we're back again for another round in what has thus far been week after week of disappointment this season. But as the cards say, their chances at success are slim (heh).
Season 9, Episode 8 "Isaac's story"
Location: Hutchins, TX
Weight: Unknown
Age: 23
Man, if this opening shot is Isaac, his entire fucking family needs to get their shit together. JFC, it is. Where the hell do they find jeans that big? He's whining about how getting dressed is a chore. Then WTF don't you do something about it?
Lives with mom, dad, brother Angel, and sister Angeliza. Real unique naming. Moved back to take care of mom, who has cancer. Seriously? How the fuck you gonna help when you're 600 pounds? So his job is to cook for the family. And in the spirit of this series, he gathers up all the ingredients and heads to the living room to cook. It's just a family of fatasses sitting around, cooking in their living room like a bunch of squatters with a bombed out kitchen. The entire family is fat.
He feels like he has a special connection with food. Yeah, being 700 fucking pounds will do that. Goddamn, how do they unhinge their jaws like that?
"His biggest struggle is his weight." No shit. "He's like a prisoner in his own body. He wants to go outside and can't;"
Well, WHAT THE FUCK are you doing to help him not be a gigantic bedbound deathfat?
Obligatory trauma time! Sure, he was allergic to a bunch of shit as a kid, so he was underweight. And so, of course, they just let him eat whatever the fuck he wanted. Guess he wasn't as allergic as much as a picky eater. Good job, family. Gran died. OK. Lost the house, had to move in with an aunt. OK. mom had a stroke, had to relearn everything. OK.
So when mom had a stroke, he had to cook and clean and homeschool. Mom couldn't, and dad worked all he time. 200 pounds at the age of 10. Mom got better, everyone went back to school, and he just kept eating, 300 pounds at age 14 because no one told him no.
Mom says his weight didn't hold him back, he was social, musical, etc. Translation: he's the fat gay dude. Sophomore year at high school, 450 pounds at 16, had to stop playing in the band because he was a fatass. At least he graduated. First year at college, mom diagnosed with uterine cancer, so he dropped his full ride and came home. So now he just stays home and eats. What a fucking waste.
He says it isn't his mom's fault, or anyone's. Yeah, dude, it kinda is partially their fault. Mom has had a hysterectomy, but somehow they don't know if it helped? Why? Is she, like Big Al, too fucking fat to fit in the scanner? That's what it looks like.
Dad's home with what looks like half a dozen pizzas, and four boxes of wings. Great.
They had gone to the ER for his lymphedema, which was infected, dx of cellulitis, they treated with antibiotics. He slipped into a coma, cardiac arrest, recovered. And now, he's shoving himself into the rear of a minivan so he and someone can go get burgers. Because that's what you need. So he's eating three cheeseburgers, fries, nuggets, a giant frappe, JFC.
First ad break at :18 into the first hour, and I'm already pissed off. Great start, MSHPL! If I pay D+ 4.99/month, will they ensure I never have to see Guy Fieri again?
We're back with this bullshit. It kills me when these people claim to just love cooking, and they're so good at it, but they cook shit. Every meal doesn't have to be 6K calories for everyone at the table.
Month 1
Today is appointment day with Dr Gnome! Alas, his brother cannot drive him as planned. Everyone else has a job, unlike SOME people, so can't drive him on such short notice. Mom says she'll hire a cab to take him down and back - 5 hours each way. He's going on his own. The dog's a cutie! Dog's name is Pablo.
Goddamn, his gunt is fucking enormous. Dude's definitely over 700 pounds. I guess they hired the driver for the day. Isaac's all nervous about going, so the first thing they do is stop for something to eat. The driver's joking with him about this last "splurge" meal. I doubt it. Blah blah, he's ready to get healthy, etc.
He says he tried to do it on his own before, but couldn't because he couldn't resist the food he loves, so WLS is his only option. Have you SEEN this show? You're going to have to do just that.
Did that meter say 700 dollars one way? Wow. You know, you could have hired a limo for there and back for not much more.
Scale time, but first: AD BREAK, at :30 minutes past the hour on the dot. I'm not going to read anything into it, though, having been disappointed these past weeks from them blowing off the usual timing.
Back, and the scale says: 661 pounds.
"That's not good," he says. "If I get help today (to change that), I'll do whatever it takes." We've heard this before, dude.
Dr Gnome! How y'all doing?
Dr Gnome tells him his BMI, asks him if he knows what that is. Nope. Dr Gnome explains this some bad juju. What do you do in a regular day? I cook, I clean. Do you think it's a good idea to be around that much food? How many time you eat a day? Twice and snacking in between. So, all day, basically. Dr Gnome gives him the diet and exercise. Goal: 80 pound in next two munt. Wants him to exercise an hour in the morning, hour in the evening. LOL
Dr Gnome pointing out the success rate for people over a BMI of 50 is 2%. Dr Gnome points out that tragedy hits everyone's lives, but they have to also take care of themselves. Isaac says his mother's cancer has spread to her vagina, so....
Hallway talk with Dr Gnome! Isaac's going to have to help himself. He probably doesn't understand how hard this is going to be if the whole family doesn't pull their shit together to support him.
Isaac says he's gonna go back and start the whole process and get himself healthy.
Ad break at :44 into the first hour.
Back in Hutchins for a couple of days. He's planning a healthy meal for the family tonight: shrimp and salad. OK then. A test drive. His mother wonders if his father will fill up on that. Train your attitude and your appetite, woman. Angel, the brother, doesn't like seafood - doesn't like any food, according to the sister. Picky eater. Imagine that. Everyone gets six shrimp, some veg, and salad. Mother says it's good, needs more seasoning.
He says he'll get better with cooking. The brother hates it.
Month 2
How long did our chef last? He thinks he's been working hard, mom has to start chemo again. Says he's been sticking with the diet and exercising. He's been using weights and an exercise ball. Amazing! He's been going outside to walk. Well hell, dude, are you going to be The First this season? Says his legs feel achy and shaky after walking. Yeah, I bet.
Month 3
Days are hard because mom is having a hard time recovering from chemo. He's supposed to go to Houston for his next appointment tomorrow, so he's going to have a video chat, because he doesn't think he can go. Says if he has to choose between doing the program and helping mom, mom wins.
And that takes us to the end of the first hour.
