minecraft the movie - aka autism the movie; aka stuck in development hell

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How many fucking recent kids movies involve a plot of being transported to a magical world? Harold and the Purple Crayon had the exact same plot and that really well at the box office. Like, it's Minecraft, a game where you unleash your creativity to build stuff. You're not exactly restricted on ideas here.
 
Mike Matei's Penis said:
Can't wait for the Notch cameo they won't do
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(Archive)
 
They've really been working on this since at least 2016? :story:

Only for it to look like a "Minecraft IRL!!" Machinima from 2013 or 2014 :story:

Anyways, as usual, YouTube promotes all the Hollywood slop by manually making them Trending

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Looking up the trailer also gave me some videos of some of the older Minecraft YouTubers "reacting" to it

Most of them are pushing 30, and the fact that they were so quick to "react" to it is just more embarrassing (:_(
 
What I'll never understand is why every time stylized games these days are turned into movies or cinematics they always have to be a fucking hideous rendition of the source material? Couldn't they have gone literally any other route? I haven't watched it but the 3d animation in SpongeBob seems like a way better choice here. Also why does everything like this need to be "real people injected into realistic animated world"? Why not go the route "the page master" did and do something unique for a change? The page master was ugly as hell, but at least it was unique and that gave it a special charm. Hell, Spy Kids had this shit style figured out 20 years ago, just copy that. But no, it's gotta be a weird multicultural "kids" movie while also pandering to 20 something weirdos who can't accept not everything needs to relate directly to them.
 
Ace888Ace said:
Here's the blurb, from the trailer

If you told me ChatGPT generated that, I'd believe you. Literally the most boring, uninspired idea for a Minecraft film, not that I really expected better because it doesn't need to be good, it'll probably make a million billion shekels dollars for Hollywood from all the seven year olds dragging their parents to see it.
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This sounds like a late 80’s/early 90’s video game movie plot, ffs.
 
pinstripe said:
le funny animals with eyes that point opposite directions is peak 2024 comedy and absolutely didnt go out of style in 2011-2012
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The sad thing is the animals look far better/cuter than the humans. And the animals don't look that good.

ETA:
Catch The Rainbow said:
Only thing that looks good is the bee
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I'm still so fucking pissed they trooned out the bee. Bumblebees are based and also adorable, and it's an affront to nature to drag the poor things into the rainbow dogshit.

Maori Kiwifruit Growers said:
why do all these shit movies have loud fat sassy black woman? i know it's for "diversity" but why is it the same type of black woman?
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What other type of black woman is there? Philicia Rashad is one-in-a-million. And don't give me that Debra Wilson crap either -- go watch some of her more obnoxious MadTV characters to see just how black & sassy she can be.
 
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WelperHelper99 said:
It's shit but it's going to make money because every child in the world is going to beg their parents to see it. The children WILL eat the slop
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I'm not so sure, I am sure it will make some amount of money but do kids even go to cinemas anymore? I recall seeing figures showing that the number of young people who actually visit cinemas is way lower nowadays. Plus the cost of going is high for families.

It will probably do well on streaming services though.
 
I never imagined I would see the day where a beloved children’s franchise had a movie created from it which managed to miss the point of the source material even harder than (excuse the autism) Thomas and the Magic Railroad. There are many here reasonably assuming that since BRAND: MINECRAFT is attached to this, it could literally be a single frame of a shit turd dump in the toilet, and kids would still force their parents to go see it, but that has not always worked. For TATMR, the movie bombed so hard it nearly killed the entire franchise. The studio producing the series basically went bankrupt and the original brains behind the entire concept of the TV show, Britt Alcroft, had to sell the rights to Hit Entertainment. TATMR is infamous for trying to make a human character driven story with live actors greenscreened into a model world where the humans had always been stationary wooden figures with barely any episodic plot relevance whatsoever. I can’t say if it was kids being confused by the lack of Thomas in Thomas: The Movie and not being interested, or parents thinking it looked stupid and not giving in to their kids’ demands, but sure enough, TATMR flopped hard. Let us hold out hope that this will go down a similar path.

 
Always kikes and niggers, with the occasional beaner for shitskin DEI

Literally a sassy nigger bitch

And jack black the turbojew aka less bitter Seth rogen
 
Funny you mention Jumanji, I just described this film to somebody and they got really confused and said they already seen it and sure enough they thought I was talking about Jumanji lmao
 
I can't even really bring myself to give a shit about the fat black lady being part of the cast because I think the fact that they're going for live action humans in this butt-ass ugly stylized world to begin with wildly supersedes it in retardation. The fact we're gonna get some "GERRRRRL YOU PUNCHIN TREES N SHEEIT?" is just icing on the cake at this point
 
BohrokSwarms said:
I never imagined I would see the day where a beloved children’s franchise had a movie created from it which managed to miss the point of the source material even harder than (excuse the autism) Thomas and the Magic Railroad. There are many here reasonably assuming that since BRAND: MINECRAFT is attached to this, it could literally be a single frame of a shit turd dump in the toilet, and kids would still force their parents to go see it, but that has not always worked. For TATMR, the movie bombed so hard it nearly killed the entire franchise. The studio producing the series basically went bankrupt and the original brains behind the entire concept of the TV show, Britt Alcroft, had to sell the rights to Hit Entertainment. TATMR is infamous for trying to make a human character driven story with live actors greenscreened into a model world where the humans had always been stationary wooden figures with barely any episodic plot relevance whatsoever. I can’t say if it was kids being confused by the lack of Thomas in Thomas: The Movie and not being interested, or parents thinking it looked stupid and not giving in to their kids’ demands, but sure enough, TATMR flopped hard. Let us hold out hope that this will go down a similar path.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=LTizNBmz90M
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Sparkle sparkle sparkle!
 
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