Martial arts lolcows

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Da Big Staw said:
Fake/semi-useless shit like Akidio, or Dillman's shit. This stuff is often creepy cultist shit
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My buddy AC has been involved in martial arts for a while, and he agrees that Aikido really brings all the weirdos to the dojo: dorks, fat guys, old guys, spergs, weebs... Aikido is where you will find the most of them. Wonder why?

Krav Maga and Systema are also huge sperg magnets, these attract the really intense tryhard ones, with Systema being the worst in that respect.

MMA attract all the wannabe tough guys, I've heard something about some MMA Dojo that was just wall-to-wall fat guys in Affliction shirts. MMA fangirls are also quite creepy, some of them admit that they really get off on seeing men beat each other up.
 
For The Internet said:
Well, my favourite would have to be my personal sensei and life hero, Ashida Kim.

He's a levitating ninja master who has written a dozen ninja novels that were so good they were stolen by the publisher. You can witness his powers of awesome here:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=5F3tJHuZDIo
https://youtube.com/watch?v=W92z1DOu0D8
https://youtube.com/watch?v=q0TSnpwx45Q
This is his website, which is a mess of 1998 awesomeness: http://ashidakim.com/shitlist.html (I just linked you to the best page. You're welcome)
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Don't forget Ashida Kim's greatest technique:
 
Big Nasty said:
My buddy AC has been involved in martial arts for a while, and he agrees that Aikido really brings all the weirdos to the dojo: dorks, fat guys, old guys, spergs, weebs... Aikido is where you will find the most of them. Wonder why?
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Like I said earlier in the thread Akido has everything a sperg would want from a martial art. It's foreign and mysterious, there's a rigid hierarchy based on rank/time spent instead of skill (Most lolcows love effortless respect even if it's from wearing magic pants) the training isn't intensive most akidokas I speak with say they jump into the throws to make it easier for their partner.

Not really related but it's funny to see Akido vs Capo due to capoeiristas already flipping themselves so it makes Akido even more useless.

 
Stress Sigh said:
and mysterious, there's a rigid hierarchy based on rank/time spent instead of skill (Most lolcows love effortless respect even if it's from wearing magic pants) the training isn't intensive most akidokas I speak with say they jump into the throws to make it easier for their partner.
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Maybe you've been exposed to a weird Aikido dojo, like Ki Aikido, but most mainstream ones are not like this. Moves are explained as to why they work (basic physics), testing is done to examine skill before awarding rank, and resistance is offered until it becomes a safety issue...like pretty much all martial arts.
 
Holdek said:
Maybe you've been exposed to a weird Aikido dojo, like Ki Aikido, but most mainstream ones are not like this. Moves are explained as to why they work (basic physics), testing is done to examine skill before awarding rank, and resistance is offered until it becomes a safety issue...like pretty much all martial arts.
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There's a lot of fake schools around here so it's hard to tell the real school from a belt factories. I blame it on how big Shoalin-Do got here in Kentucky.
 
I have a lot of respect for the school my friend goes to, because it acknowledges that there can't be a pretense of it (tae kwan do) being meant for "street" fighting, realistically.

It's real tae kwan do and it focuses hard on perfecting the skill set and applying it in competitions with other schools, with solid instructors. Never are they claiming that you'll be whipping a brazilian jiujitsu fighter in a serious fight with your fancy kicks. Tons of focus on physical development in order to be strong and winded and flexible.

Much like a kendo thing I did for a while. A really fat kid quit the first day, couldn't handle the running.
 
I think another source of all these lulzy martial artists is the insistence by some teachers the art they teach is some swiss army knife. I know what I was getting into with my stuff it's to look fancy and have fun I'm not expecting myself to just flip out on someone in the street and it working like it would in the roda. Really though this could get into the discussion of what makes a marital art a martial art instead of contact dancing?

Like some you'd like to learn for competitions others you'd like to learn because you like the way it looks or what you think it could offer you.
 
Stress Sigh said:
I think another source of all these lulzy martial artists is the insistence by some teachers the art they teach is some swiss army knife. I know what I was getting into with my stuff it's to look fancy and have fun I'm not expecting myself to just flip out on someone in the street and it working like it would in the roda. Really though this could get into the discussion of what makes a marital art a martial art instead of contact dancing?

Like some you'd like to learn for competitions others you'd like to learn because you like the way it looks or what you think it could offer you.
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I first got into fencing and sparring because of the first Highlander movie, honestly.
At first I was just messing around with broomsticks with friends, but I started getting more serious to the point that I can do things I thought were basically impossible at the start, like throwing a sharp spinning sword hard into the air and catching it again.

Not that I haven't had some injuries, from sparring and self-inflicted.
 
Splendid Meat Sticks said:
What about Historical European Martial Arts? Would you guys consider them martial artists? If so, there's a whole lot of material out there I can drop here.
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It seems sensible to include them
The term martial arts isn't exclusively for eastern or modern western forms of fighting, right?

Drop that material.
 
Ok, for those of you who don't know, Historical European Martial Arts is a legitimate attempt to reverse engineer actual historical European weapons techniques. However, many of the practitioners overestimate their capabilities, would clearly rather be cosplaying, or are the kind of people with 20+ fantasy swords. While I'm looking for a particularly cringeworthy site (which claims, amongst other things, that taking up swordfighting is a good way to defend your home,) enjoy a few of these videos. I'll explain why they're stupid.

This one's pretty self-explanatory.

A three section staff is an improvised weapon. It's not nearly as good as a purpose built one like a spear, but this guy doesn't seem to get that idea.

One of these guys is holding a "flail" that's absurdly lightweight. This thing that they're using has none of the disadvantages of the real-life weapon. It's utterly pointless. Still, you get to watch two men hug each other on the ground to the sound of bongoes at the end.
 
Most of the prevailing fighting styles of medieval Europe were designed around defeating other prevalent weapons/defences and fighting styles of the same era.

So ridiculous in conception. Very nice.
 
ssj God ssj Vegeta said:
Most of the prevailing fighting styles of medieval Europe were designed around defeating other prevalent weapons/defences and fighting styles of the same era.

So ridiculous in conception. Very nice.
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This is why you don't see pole arms in use any more, which were largely for dealing with mounted enemies.

Not even the cool ones like halberds and glaives, outside of ceremonial uses like the halberds of the Swiss Guard. (Though when they're actually doing something serious, they use Glocks or SIGs.)
 
AnOminous said:
This is why you don't see pole arms in use any more, which were largely for dealing with mounted enemies.

Not even the cool ones like halberds and glaives, outside of ceremonial uses like the halberds of the Swiss Guard. (Though when they're actually doing something serious, they use Glocks or SIGs.)
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The ones you see dressed up like that are the ceremonial guard. The guys really protecting the Pope are plainclothes.
 
ssj God ssj Vegeta said:
Most of the prevailing fighting styles of medieval Europe were designed around defeating other prevalent weapons/defences and fighting styles of the same era.

So ridiculous in conception. Very nice.
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Anyone who practices a martial art that is used against spears and swords instead of knives and guns is either a stupid traditionalist (if from that cultural background) or a weaboo
 
autisticdragonkin said:
Anyone who practices a martial art that is used against spears and swords instead of knives and guns is either a stupid traditionalist (if from that cultural background) or a weaboo
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I don't know arnis and other Philippines martial arts seem pretty legit. Though they focus in simple tools like sticks and have a healthy blend of unarmed techniques too.
 
autisticdragonkin said:
Anyone who practices a martial art that is used against spears and swords instead of knives and guns is either a stupid traditionalist (if from that cultural background) or a weaboo
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Isn't the only decent anti-gun martial art simply having a gun yourself?
 
"Rob Ot"/"Mec Loc"/"James Jackson" (real name?), the "Top Martial Artist in California/America", recently made a video where he demonstrates his "fists of fury", the product of his "hatred".

Also, he accidentally knocks some stuff off a table.

 
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