Martial arts lolcows

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I got a multi-level MA lulcow for today. Music, martial arts and guns! His name is Grandmaster David Bateman. That's right - Master Bateman, his name is genuinely a juvenile latter-day Adam Sandler joke. He is, of course, the founder of his own organization, the United States Expert Karate Association which he uses to trade belts and ranks with other similar bullshitty martial arts traders.

I first discovered him through this video and had no idea about any of his dealings in martial arts.


After searching for "God Rock Ministries" I found some other stuff, including this website which just links to a now defunct myspace page.

And this youtube channel which reveals that he owns a TaeKwonDo/Karate/"Adult kickboxing" mcdojo.


For the younger kids, it's mostly the usual kind of harmless "bring your kid after school to get them tired" type shit. The skills of the teenagers and adults are utterly embarrassing though, but that's just the way it goes sometimes with shitty schools, so it's all good until he introduces...SUL SA DO CORP. Sul sa Do Corp seems to be a combination of wilderness/ninja/weapon training. These videos are, frankly, grounds for this guy never teaching anything to anyone again.


He'll probably get someone killed at this rate.

As I continue to find more, this guys might honestly deserve his own thread...
 
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Yellow Yam Scam said:
I got a multi-level MA lulcow for today. Music, martial arts and guns! His name is Grandmaster David Bateman. That's right - Master Bateman, his name is genuinely a juvenile latter-day Adam Sandler joke. He is, of course, the founder of his own organization, the United States Expert Karate Association which uses to trade belts and awards to other similar bullshitty martial arts traders.
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*SIGH* such a shame he went full bullshido because underneath it all it looks like he's had some training. It also looks like he drank the Kool aid and believes himself to be a better martial artist than he actually is.
 
Phil Ken Sebben said:
*sigh* such a shame he went full bullshido because underneath it all it looks like he's had some training. It also looks like he drank the Kool aid and believes himself to be a better martial artist than he actually is.
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Something my old teacher at the Kempo dojo I trained at for a bit told me: "There is always someone better than you out there. That cuts both ways."
 
Phil Ken Sebben said:
*sigh* such a shame he went full bullshido because underneath it all it looks like he's had some training. It also looks like he drank the Kool aid and believes himself to be a better martial artist than he actually is.
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He definitely looks like someone who took it seriously at some point - but he's been a "Grandmaster" since at least 1984 and he moves like someone who's had about 3-4 years of actual TKD training.
 
The Knife's Husbando said:
Something my old teacher at the Kempo dojo I trained at for a bit told me: "There is always someone better than you out there. That cuts both ways."
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Ain't it the truth. No matter how good you think you are, there's always somebody better.

Yellow Yam Scam said:
He definitely looks like someone who took it seriously at some point - but he's been a "Grandmaster" since at least 1984 and he moves like someone who's had about 3-4 years of actual TKD training.
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Couldn't really comment on the style but his stances were strong and his moves showed that he had a lot of practice.

But yeah, "Grandmaster". To put this into perspective, this is a guy I met in my travels:

He's the head of his organization, a very humble and simple man who's real job is he's the fire marshal for Naha. Does he put Grandmaster in front of his name? Last time I checked he didn't but then he doesn't need to. His skill speaks for itself.
 
Yellow Yam Scam said:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=7_t1nE7Q9rs
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Everything about this is painful to watch. Everything from the grown man wearing what looks like a Naruto headband to dumb shit like shooting a gun between your legs or right next to another person's ear.

Also slight pimping for the martial art threads on the Hulkamania forums for more serious discussion. https://kiwifarms.net/threads/martial-arts-thread.9277/
 
Yellow Yam Scam said:
I got a multi-level MA lulcow for today. Music, martial arts and guns! His name is Grandmaster David Bateman. That's right - Master Bateman, his name is genuinely a juvenile latter-day Adam Sandler joke. He is, of course, the founder of his own organization, the United States Expert Karate Association which he uses to trade belts and ranks with other similar bullshitty martial arts traders.

I first discovered him through this video and had no idea about any of his dealings in martial arts.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=M87C3bPgakA
After searching for "God Rock Ministries" I found some other stuff, including this website which just links to a now defunct myspace page.

And this youtube channel which reveals that he owns a TaeKwonDo/Karate/"Adult kickboxing" mcdojo.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=GMMXDNelJB4https://youtube.com/watch?v=Gza9d-MLKM8https://youtube.com/watch?v=hUI8VZDUCA0https://youtube.com/watch?v=xvIAbysmQMk
For the younger kids, it's mostly the usual kind of harmless "bring your kid after school to get them tired" type shit. The skills of the teenagers and adults are utterly embarrassing though, but that's just the way it goes sometimes with shitty schools, so it's all good until he introduces...SUL SA DO CORP. Sul sa Do Corp seems to be a combination of wilderness/ninja/weapon training. These videos are, frankly, grounds for this guy never teaching anything to anyone again.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=7_t1nE7Q9rshttps://youtube.com/watch?v=rCEfu471oS8
He'll probably get someone killed at this rate.

As I continue to find more, this guys might honestly deserve his own thread...
[MEDIA=facebook]4144985761139[/MEDIA]
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Awesome stuff. He looks like Dog the Bounty Hunter's long lost brother who went in a different direction in life.

The video before the rap one almost looks like someone put together a bunch of his clips to make fun of him, but I'm guessing it's actually supposed to look badass.
 
Phil Ken Sebben said:
Ain't it the truth. No matter how good you think you are, there's always somebody better.
Click to expand...

It also means that as crappy as you may think you are as a serious martial artist, you're still better than some folks. Train hard, fight easy.

Case in point? Some of the shmucks in this thread. I'd give you even money on them vs. a three-tournies-under-his-belt SCA heavy fighter.
 
The Knife's Husbando said:
It also means that as crappy as you may think you are as a serious martial artist, you're still better than some folks. Train hard, fight easy.
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Or as my sensei used to always say, "walk away if you can. Run if you have to. Fight only as a last resort." This of course coming from a former Marine who was a black belt in Karate, did Aikido, Kendo, Judo and Kobudo and would go to tournies with his dogi in the event that somebody didn't show up and they would ask if there was anybody there who was willing to fight in his stead.

Case in point? Some of the shmucks in this thread. I'd give you even money on them vs. a three-tournies-under-his-belt SCA heavy fighter.
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Why bother? @Holdek already showed what happens when a Kiai Master goes up against a real fighter. He gets his ass handed to him and it's funny as hell.

But seriously, I'd love to have seen George Dillman or Steven Segal while in their prime go up against a real martial artist. They were good back in the day and could be good again if they focused on the art and not on the bullshido aspect of it or just making money.
 
OK, which one of you did this?
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Yellow Yam Scam said:
He is, of course, the founder of his own organization, the United States Expert Karate Association which he uses to trade belts and ranks with other similar bullshitty martial arts traders.
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This is probably a common thing amongst them. For example, Ashida Kim seems to help organize yearly events where the "practitioners of the secret deadly arts" convene in a hotel in Florida and give each other awards and induct each other into various martial arts "Hall(s) of Fame."

Lido26.jpg


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This has the primary benefit of being able to put more trophies/framed certificates in your dojo's lobby, but they also make money from charging people $100 to learn some moves in seminars in the hotels' convention rooms.

Lido13.jpg

Yawning Asperchu said:
He looks like Dog the Bounty Hunter's long lost brother who went in a different direction in life.
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To me he looks like the late, great Klaus Kinski

p16_NowThen_Fitzca_1113599h.jpg
 
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Holdek said:
This is probably a common thing amongst them. For example, Ashida Kim seems to help organize yearly events where the "practitioners of the secret deadly arts" convene in a hotel in Florida and give each other awards and induct each other into various martial arts "Hall(s) of Fame."
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Oh man, the levels of smug pollution in those rooms must be off the charts. Like a comic or game convention but where the cosplayers really believe they are superheroes.

That and actually "teaching" people (not to mention kids) this garbage (not to mention charging real life money for made up bullshit) takes balls. Tiny weasely balls.
 
Oh sweet thread! after wrestling most of my life i recently started training MMA myself and hopefully should have my first amateur fight later this year.

Seems like you guys got most of the ones I was aware of, Seagal, Dillman, akidio and shit like that. Dunno if guys like Paul Harris or Mazzagotti count?

From hat I have see Martial arts lolcows inevitably have one or more of the following characteristics

  1. Overweight, and obviously do not take care of the body. Yes there are some legit martial artists who are a bit out of shape but it's generally a telling sign.
  2. Fake/semi-useless shit like Akidio, or Dillman's shit. This stuff is often creepy cultist shit
  3. Weapons: swords, nun-chucks ect.. Your average the guys who legit train with swords and shit tend to be more fantasy martial artists and perhaps a prime lolcow breading ground based on my interactions with them. I recently met an autist whom after overhearing my friend talk about wrestling went on and on about how he would kick our ass with his badass samurai swordplay. The dude was super out of shape and uncoordinated of course. When we gently teased him about his physical attributes he defiantly told us how they were unnecessary to be a true samurai or something.


Overall, I would say the combat sports community is rather unique in having an excess of both really well put together people and guys who can be completely unhinged. Most of the ladder are not really cows but hopefully we find some good ones!
 
Mec Loc/Rob Ot, the self-professed "top martial artist in California" (who I talked about on the first page), has been forced to take psychiatric medications (specifically Depakote) that he believes are diminishing his martial arts prowess. As such, he has lowered his reward money for beating him in a "challenge" from $1500 to $250.

Videos that he's using as proof of how his martial arts "skills" are diminishing because of the psych meds.

 
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