- Joined
- Jul 18, 2016
So yeah, if you guys want to actually see the Namingway subplot and not just jokes, or see the super bosses, go find a Let's Player who didn't start playing Dark Souls because it wasn't as soul crushing as that goddamn pudding.
When you reach the core, you're treated to a scripted battle of Fusoya and Golbez versus Zemus. After a bevy of spells, they combine to form Twin Meteor, a pretty sweet spell, that does 99,999 damage in a game where the cap is 9,999. One extra 9! Zemus says his spirit will live on, even if his shell is destroyed-and as soon as he says it, his shell is destroyed.
Edge complains that they should have left Zemus for him, and as Cecil struggles to decide what to do to Golbez (either forgive or impale him), Zemus starts to get back up.
And I...have seen enough hentai to know where this is going. Sorry, Rydia.
Golbez and Fusoya jump in again, but Meteor does 0 damage to Zeromus, and since Golbez is still a 'dark' sort of guy, the Crystal he brought with him sheds no light. Zeromus then Meteors Golbez and Fusoya, hitting them each for 9,999 damage.
After a brief scene of our allies praying for our victory, Golbez hands the Crystal to Cecil. The prayers of our allies reach us and help us pick ourselves up off the floor.
Once everyone has prayed, Golbez tells Cecil to use the hallowed light within him to fill the Crystal. This is a hint to use the goddamn Crystal, to reveal...this. The true form of Zeromus.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cHBCD6c8LA
Zeromus has a rotation based on his life. When he reveals, he uses Black Hole, which removes all status effects (this is to strip your party of buffs). Then he uses Big Bang, which hurts a lot and you need to Defend against, and it also inflicts Sap. Thankfully, Black Hole removes the Sap. After the Big Bang, he will eventually Black Hole again, then use Osmose, then double Big Bang, which sounds like a porn title.
At 90,000 health, roughly 60% of his health, he shifts to Osmose, Big Bang, Black Hole, Flare, Osmose, Black Hole, Big Bang, repeat. A 20% of his health (30,000), he shifts to doing just Meteor, Osmose, Wall.
He counters White Magic cast on him with Wall, counters Black Magic with Flare, and counters Summons with Aspir. And he absorbs Flare, so don't think you can cheese him with Reflect, mostly because he'd just Black Hole it away.
So here's the plan: Kain jumps, a lot. Edge throws everything he can, Fuma Shurikens, Excalibur, everything save for the Knife. Rydia and Rosa defend, and when Zeromus does a little shaky shake to telegraph his Big Bang, everyone defends. Rosa then heals the party, and continue to do damage. After the second Black Hole, have Rydia slap Zeromus with a Spider Silk. If you're powerful enough, you should be able to get Zeromus to the 60% mark before the double Bang. After that, when he does his Black Hole in that rotation, Spider Silk him again. From there, just keep healing and damaging until you see the Meteor go off to signify that he's now at 20%. At that point, Edge should throw his Knife, and you'll be close enough to killing him that you can just finish him.
You can also be an idiot like me and forget to re-equip Throw...and still win, because I'm awesome.
Zeromus promises to "never die as long as there is evil", but that explosion is a pretty convincing "he's fucking dead" sign. Kain and Rosa are worried, but Fusoya reminds the party that as long as there is darkness, there is also light.
Fusoya says he will finally join the Lunarians in their slumber, and Golbez asks if he can come with-he feels unworthy of returning home after what he has done.
Cecil calls out to Golbez, wishing his brother farewell. For a brief moment, he sees Golbez not as an imposing figure in his black armor, but as the child he once was and smiling.
The Lunar Whale is returned to the Dragon's Maw, and we get a "where are they now?" epilogue. The actual stuff is in normal text, my silly jokes will be in italics.
Palom is back to his old tricks. He's attempting to impress other kids with his tales of powerful sorcery, while Porom continues in vain to knock some sense into him. After hundreds of hours of punishment involving "spell transcription", Palom goes on to become the greatest salesman of magic spells in all of existence, with Porom keeping the books straight.
Edge still pines for Rydia, and is torn between his throne and chasing after her. Edge went on to write "The Lusty Summoner and the Pit of Tentacles", first in a series of books known as 'the Second Ninja Sutra'.
Rydia returns to the Feymarch and brings humans and Eidolons closer together. The end result of this togetherness results in the birth of the first human/Eidolon hybrid, who strangely has the same hair color as Rydia, a woman known as Terra Branford.
Yang and his wife haven't changed at all. Yang keeps up his training, as always. Eventually, Yang meets a powerful fighter known only as "Doomfist". After a battle that lasts for hours, the two call it a draw upon the ruins of Mount Hobbs. As in, the mountain is now a pile of rocks.
Edward gets constant requests for "that song about the paladin". Edward eventually creates a mildly popular Youtube site, but sometime in 2016, fails to ever make new videos and is largely forgotten by his former fanbase who wish for nothing more then to have the old Spoony Bard back.
The Dwarves are hard at work rebuilding their home. Tragically, a shift brought on by the region's tectonic plates throws the castle into the lava, and the dwarves are forced to perform in bit parts in Disney films to raise the funds to build a new castle.
Kain joins the long long list of broody, angsty antiheroes that Final Fantasy is known for. Luckily, he takes one look at the other people on the list, realizes it's no place for someone actually awesome like him, and leaves the list.
Cecil and Rosa are married, and become the King and Queen of Baron. With that, the credits roll.
Well, it took a long, long time, and the eventual abandonment of one of the game's major subplots. In the end...goddamn, that was a damn good game. But with @Ravelord handling FF5, what will I do while he does that? I can't just jump to FF6, that would be impolite!
But wait, wasn't there that one game, where Final Fantasy's creator teamed up with the creator of Dragon Quest and the artist of Dragonball Z in the game design equivalent of a jam session, that produced what Squaresoft called their Dream Team and also one of the greatest JRPGs of all time?
Oh right, that one.
Til next time, Kiwis.
When you reach the core, you're treated to a scripted battle of Fusoya and Golbez versus Zemus. After a bevy of spells, they combine to form Twin Meteor, a pretty sweet spell, that does 99,999 damage in a game where the cap is 9,999. One extra 9! Zemus says his spirit will live on, even if his shell is destroyed-and as soon as he says it, his shell is destroyed.
Edge complains that they should have left Zemus for him, and as Cecil struggles to decide what to do to Golbez (either forgive or impale him), Zemus starts to get back up.
And I...have seen enough hentai to know where this is going. Sorry, Rydia.
Golbez and Fusoya jump in again, but Meteor does 0 damage to Zeromus, and since Golbez is still a 'dark' sort of guy, the Crystal he brought with him sheds no light. Zeromus then Meteors Golbez and Fusoya, hitting them each for 9,999 damage.
After a brief scene of our allies praying for our victory, Golbez hands the Crystal to Cecil. The prayers of our allies reach us and help us pick ourselves up off the floor.
Once everyone has prayed, Golbez tells Cecil to use the hallowed light within him to fill the Crystal. This is a hint to use the goddamn Crystal, to reveal...this. The true form of Zeromus.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-cHBCD6c8LA
Zeromus has a rotation based on his life. When he reveals, he uses Black Hole, which removes all status effects (this is to strip your party of buffs). Then he uses Big Bang, which hurts a lot and you need to Defend against, and it also inflicts Sap. Thankfully, Black Hole removes the Sap. After the Big Bang, he will eventually Black Hole again, then use Osmose, then double Big Bang, which sounds like a porn title.
At 90,000 health, roughly 60% of his health, he shifts to Osmose, Big Bang, Black Hole, Flare, Osmose, Black Hole, Big Bang, repeat. A 20% of his health (30,000), he shifts to doing just Meteor, Osmose, Wall.
He counters White Magic cast on him with Wall, counters Black Magic with Flare, and counters Summons with Aspir. And he absorbs Flare, so don't think you can cheese him with Reflect, mostly because he'd just Black Hole it away.
So here's the plan: Kain jumps, a lot. Edge throws everything he can, Fuma Shurikens, Excalibur, everything save for the Knife. Rydia and Rosa defend, and when Zeromus does a little shaky shake to telegraph his Big Bang, everyone defends. Rosa then heals the party, and continue to do damage. After the second Black Hole, have Rydia slap Zeromus with a Spider Silk. If you're powerful enough, you should be able to get Zeromus to the 60% mark before the double Bang. After that, when he does his Black Hole in that rotation, Spider Silk him again. From there, just keep healing and damaging until you see the Meteor go off to signify that he's now at 20%. At that point, Edge should throw his Knife, and you'll be close enough to killing him that you can just finish him.
You can also be an idiot like me and forget to re-equip Throw...and still win, because I'm awesome.
Zeromus promises to "never die as long as there is evil", but that explosion is a pretty convincing "he's fucking dead" sign. Kain and Rosa are worried, but Fusoya reminds the party that as long as there is darkness, there is also light.
Fusoya says he will finally join the Lunarians in their slumber, and Golbez asks if he can come with-he feels unworthy of returning home after what he has done.
Cecil calls out to Golbez, wishing his brother farewell. For a brief moment, he sees Golbez not as an imposing figure in his black armor, but as the child he once was and smiling.
The Lunar Whale is returned to the Dragon's Maw, and we get a "where are they now?" epilogue. The actual stuff is in normal text, my silly jokes will be in italics.
Palom is back to his old tricks. He's attempting to impress other kids with his tales of powerful sorcery, while Porom continues in vain to knock some sense into him. After hundreds of hours of punishment involving "spell transcription", Palom goes on to become the greatest salesman of magic spells in all of existence, with Porom keeping the books straight.
Edge still pines for Rydia, and is torn between his throne and chasing after her. Edge went on to write "The Lusty Summoner and the Pit of Tentacles", first in a series of books known as 'the Second Ninja Sutra'.
Rydia returns to the Feymarch and brings humans and Eidolons closer together. The end result of this togetherness results in the birth of the first human/Eidolon hybrid, who strangely has the same hair color as Rydia, a woman known as Terra Branford.
Yang and his wife haven't changed at all. Yang keeps up his training, as always. Eventually, Yang meets a powerful fighter known only as "Doomfist". After a battle that lasts for hours, the two call it a draw upon the ruins of Mount Hobbs. As in, the mountain is now a pile of rocks.
Edward gets constant requests for "that song about the paladin". Edward eventually creates a mildly popular Youtube site, but sometime in 2016, fails to ever make new videos and is largely forgotten by his former fanbase who wish for nothing more then to have the old Spoony Bard back.
The Dwarves are hard at work rebuilding their home. Tragically, a shift brought on by the region's tectonic plates throws the castle into the lava, and the dwarves are forced to perform in bit parts in Disney films to raise the funds to build a new castle.
Kain joins the long long list of broody, angsty antiheroes that Final Fantasy is known for. Luckily, he takes one look at the other people on the list, realizes it's no place for someone actually awesome like him, and leaves the list.
Cecil and Rosa are married, and become the King and Queen of Baron. With that, the credits roll.
Well, it took a long, long time, and the eventual abandonment of one of the game's major subplots. In the end...goddamn, that was a damn good game. But with @Ravelord handling FF5, what will I do while he does that? I can't just jump to FF6, that would be impolite!
But wait, wasn't there that one game, where Final Fantasy's creator teamed up with the creator of Dragon Quest and the artist of Dragonball Z in the game design equivalent of a jam session, that produced what Squaresoft called their Dream Team and also one of the greatest JRPGs of all time?
Oh right, that one.
Til next time, Kiwis.
