Let's Sperg Let's Sperg: Final Fantasy 4 - The point where the name stopped making sense.

[AngeloTheWizard]

I might have to pick it up.

Back on topic, the party had assembled in the inn, and Yang presented us with a Master Key. Seeing as how he was just in the Royal Guard until about five seconds ago, this makes sense and allows us to get in. Cecil also hits upon the idea of using an abandoned waterway to get in, since we can't exactly walk right up to the front door, can we?

The entrance to the waterway is on the west side of town, just past the Devil's Road building. You must use the Master Key to get in, and you can also use the key (called the Baron Key) to get into the weapon/armor shop. The Waterway is full of aquatic enemies, though some will absorb lightning instead of be weak to it (Electrofish) or just not be weak to it (Gators). You can get three Hi-Potions for mapping out B4, which is a mostly straightforward run.

Level B3 is where it gets weird, with dark passageways and no lanterns to guide us. We're actually in the water here, by the way. Getting to where you need to go requires ignoring the obvious "hidden" path and instead, in the first "section" when you've just entered the water, hug the wall on the right in order to find the passage you need to take. Completing the map scores an Ether.

B2 is a tiny level, with a small side passage to the left of the staircase that gets us to another ether. Completing the map gives 3 Remedies, which are very useful.

B1 splits into two directions, and also gives us the whole "map" upfront, denying us a full map bonus. Heading left leads to a save room, and a secret passage on the east wall leads to this chest. The sword is actually weaker then Cecil's Mythgraven Blade, but it can inflict Curse. It lowers our Spirit as well, making Cecil's White Magic weaker, but if you feel it's worth it, go ahead. I don't, so it'll sit in our inventory until we get another sword guy.

The exit on the right leads us into Baron Castle. There's been a few changes, mostly that the whole damn place is a lot more empty then it was until we get to the main 1F area and...

This fuckin' guy, remember him? Cecil asks if he's joined Golbez, he skirts around the issue by saying he's loyal to Baron. Cecil also asks about Cid, and Baigan confirms that he's in here, and that Baigan mounted a rescue squad but only he survived. It's a load of bullshit, and even as Baigan joins us, you just know he's gonna stab us in the back like he did in the game's opening.

We don't even get control back before the Twins figure that something's up. Palom's poor manners for once work in our favor, as he outright declares that Baigan's acting stinks too. Baigan drops the act, turns into a monster, and we're forced into a boss fight.

Baigan is a multi-part boss fight, and I don't mean multiple phases, I mean he literally has multiple parts. His two arms use Bloodfeast to sap us, draining our HP, or Constrict to paralyze us. They also grant him an extra attack per action, and his physical attacks can poison. He also counters with Reflect when we hit him with Magic, something that can be dealt with by having Tellah hit one of the party with Reflect and then bouncing spells off the Reflec'ed party member. Baigan is weak to Ice, meaning that with a Pair of Ice Claws, Yang's kick will get a million miles of use in this one fight alone. Baigan's arms regenerate, so don't focus on them, instead, focus on the main body. Baigan only has 4,444 HP, less then what Scar had, so it should be too tough to take him out.

If you kill him and his arms are still around, his arms will dance in midair and then self-destruct, taking a couple party members with them as they do upwards of 2,000 damage. Unless you're down to two people, though, you'll be fine and it just means more XP for the survivors.

The Twins berate Cecil a bit for trusting Baigan so quickly, but Cecil is too distraught over how the people he used to trust are all turning out to be either on the villain's side or just straight up monsters. I recommend heading to Cecil's room in the West Tower and sleeping to heal up after the fight. Don't worry, there are no encounters.

The King greets us warmly, but when he deduces that we've become a Paladin, he says that that won't do at all. When Cecil refers to the King as "my liege", the King's act comes off-it turns out the King is NOT the real king and has been played by an impostor all this time. Though, to give the old King some credit, he refused to surrender his kingdom even when it meant oblivion, so, good on him. The "King" also mocks Scar, before finally transforming:

Time for a fight.

The Cagnazzo battle, in the 3d versions at least, is weird. You might be thinking, oh, he's water, blow him up with Lightning, right? Not exactly. He switches between two "modes"-surrounded by water, and NOT surrounded by water. When he's NOT surrounded by water, he's actually weak to Ice. But, when he's surrounded by water, he becomes weak to Thunder and Ice then heals him up. He can also retreat into his shell to heal himself.

When hit physically, he'll counter with Hold, and when hit magically, he'll counter with Silence. When surrounded by water, he can use Tsunami, which hurts like a bitch. It is possible to stop Tsunami by hitting him with Thunder, making Zeus's Wrath's invaluable. He also has access to Slow (which he'll use almost immediately) and Sleep. He's got a little over 10,000 HP, so get to work.

Curiously, Cagnazzo either doesn't have or never uses physical attacks, preferring status ailments and Tsunamis instead. Meaning that even if a guy dies, you won't get into a cycle of hurting where a guy gets rezzed and then immediately killed, unless he was rezzed in a Tsunami.

Cid barges in as soon as Cagnazzo goes down. He managed to break out and came running for the Archfiend, badass cred achieved.

Cecil admits that Rosa got taken by Golbez, and Cid just gets more pissed. Tellah suggests that we head to the airship but Cid asks who this "crusty old timer" is, before Porom steps in to stop the fighting. Introductions are made, and Cid takes us to his ship.

Much like Scar, Cagnazzo is not done with us. He triggers a trap that has the walls closing in on us, and the doors are locked, preventing us from escaping. The adults struggle to hold the walls, and Palom and Porom...well, they cast Break.

Or, to put it simply, they turn themselves to stone.

Tellah tries Esuna, but the spell has no effect as the Twins turned to stone of their own free will. So, start up the kill count meter, we're at 2 for the heroes, 2 "dead" archfiends, and a lot of innocents dead.

You thought 2 was heavy, starting us off with NPC death? Fuck you, we're going for PC killing already!

Meanwhile, Golbez and Kain plot to steal the final crystal. Kain hits upon the idea of offering Rosa up in exchange for the Crystal, and as the Enterprise launches, Kain approaches on a ship flying a white flag. Kain delivers his terms, and while Cecil implores him to open his eyes, the mind control is too stronk.

Next Time: We head to the land of Troia to acquire the Earth Crystal!

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Namingway update, since I forgot about him for a bit. Head south of Mt Ordeals even if you have to go back, and enter a small group of trees inside a circle to find a chocobo forest.

You'll find Recordingway becoming Campingway. He gave the Record Keeper to Fat Chocobo and is now a camper. You can sell him all of your tents for 300 gil total, no matter how many you have. The sidequest proceeds regardless.

Back in Baron, head into the Weapon Shop, you'll find Campingway in there.

He is now Jammingway, a singer. He allows us to listen to previous music we've encountered. This will end up in the hands of Fat Chocobo as soon as we hit Troia, but we have some detours:

I fucked up on the Augments already. See, Curse was waiting back at Mt. Ordeals once we beat Scar, but since I teleported out, I didn't get it. Once Cagnazzo is defeated, the Tsunami augment appears in the Ancient Waterway, and we can go to the Elder of Mysidia to get the Augments the Twins had. Curse was supposed to go to one of the Twins, which would get us the "Duelcast" Augment from the Elder which we could give to Rosa. I forgot to, so we're only getting Twincast (give to Cecil and Rosa), Bluff (give to Rydia), and Cry (give to Kain, oddly enough). Tsunami needs to be given to Tellah, by the way.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

It's possible to visit Mist and find some treasures hidden there. A sweet Polymorph Rod and some other goodies can be found in a secret room past the fireplace in one of the only surviving houses. Contemplate your sins, and check it out.

Welcome to Troia indeed.

You might get a few armor upgrades here, depending on party loadout. There's also some "Shard" swords for sale, elemental swords that have 5 Attack power but are made out of the elements in their name (Fire, Frost, and Thunder). Are they useful? WHO KNOWS?!

Namingway update: He has two dates with two ladies, so he is now Cheatingway the Two-Timer. Good luck, buddy. We get enlisted by him to distract the lady that works at the pub, and in fine JRPG tradition, Cecil asks for milk because anything alcoholic got censored here in the states Of course, the rest of the pub is engaged in outright prostitution, so come on Cecil, have a goddamn beer.

A member's writ is on sale at the pub for 100k. We need it eventually, but not today. We need it to get the Gil Farmer augment, mostly, and I'm told not to give it to anyone on my first playthrough, for those of you playing multiple runs, give it to Edward on your SECOND playthrough.

In Troia Castle we are told we can't get the Earth Crystal because it's stolen. It probably has something to do with how all the female defenders of the castle are in bikinis. The Dark Elf has magnetized the cave he's in, so metal gear will make our warriors slow as hell. Rings are fine, but weapons and armor need to be non-metallic to be useable. Which is where the Shard weapons come in...

However, there's one last thing to do in Troia before we head out to kick Elven ass...head to the left side of the castle's first floor, and you'll make your way to the infirmary, where we find Edward.

He can barely stay awake, but he's happy to see us. He gives us a little bit of Whisperweed, a plant that can project one's voice far distances. This becomes vital in the cavern that's up ahead.

Next Time: The Lodestone Cavern!

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

After a quick visit to Mysidia to get some non-metal armor for Cecil, we're off to the lodestone cave.

These little small forest "rings" mark Chocobo Forests. We need to go to this one, which is far north of Troia, in order to reach the Lodestone Cave. Specifically, we need the Black Chocobo which is only here. There's some in town, but farm grown Chocobos can't fly, wild Black ones can. Insert your own racist joke here.

The Black Chocobo can set down in the middle of a forest, unlike the Enterprise, and also waits for us. How kind of it.

As the party enters the cave, they discuss the field (sadly I have no shots of that). Yang mentions his claws are unaffected, and Tellah brings up his magic.

Anyone who is affected is paralyzed, unlike the SNES version where they were just slowed down tremendously...I think. Can't recall. Armlets count for this, so make sure anything that even looks metal is taken off. Rings are, for some reason, fine.

Getting full map coverage out of B1 actually requires you to move back towards the entrance to get the last lousy point. Dick move, Square. Gets us an Ether, though, and those are useful in here.

There's a small side room on B2 that gets us an Ether and 2000 gil. There's a few branching paths to get some extra loot too, and clearing the map gets us 3 Vampire Fangs.

The third floor has a save room right at the beginning, which is so very helpful after you've already taken a beating getting here. There's also a small room to the south that gets us some useful consumables. Otherwise, it's a straight shot to the passageway.

The B3 Passageway is just a small transitional area between B3 and B4, but it has some nice Faerie Claws in it, a good pickup for Yang.

B4 is another straight shot, but off to the right before the final boss is another save room. Very much worth it. The boss room is marked by a door, but don't go in until you head left of the door and grab an Emergency Exit from a chest. It's very helpful. Completing the map gets us a Dry Ether as well.

With everything said and done, it's time to fight the Dark Elf:

Cecil: "Buddy, I have been personally responsible for the death of two elemental archfiends. What do you got that they don't?"

Dark Elf: "A magnetism field!"

Cecil: "Yeah, despite my character model, I actually don't have any metal on me."

Dark Elf: "But, your sword?..."

Cecil: "Literally made of fire. Weak as shit but...wait...well played, bitch."

Dark Elf: "Hehe! You die now!"

It's good to see Astos still finding work after his defeat in FF1.

The fight is actually kinda easy. In the first part, just let the Dark Elf kill you. Oh, and, you did get the Whisperweed from Edward, RIGHT? Once he kills you, Edward will pull his most badass move ever: He crawls out of bed and begins playing his harp, which echos through the weed. The music not only revives the party, but counterspells the Dark Elf's magnetic powers!

Your Requiem. So let's get some suitably badass sounds for this:

You get a chance to re-equip, so put on Cecil's arms and armor. Then, have Tellah immediately hit the Dark Elf with Silence, and you basically win as all his power is in his magic. He's weak to fire and holy, but once you get the Silence up, heal everyone, have Yang Focus three times and then wait, have Tellah Haste the party and Cecil protect everyone.

Why? Because partway through, he turns into a Dark Dragon and becomes way more powerful. Once he does that, have either Cid or Yang throw a Bacchus Wine at Yang for berseking, have Cecil cover Tellah, and Tellah cast Firaga. You've got 7,500 HP to get through, and the Dark Dragon won't go down without a fight. Tellah's spell and Yang's super charged first shot-especially if you have fire claws on-can basically solo the boss.

Once he's dead, grab the Earth Crystal and head on out, using Tellah's Teleport if possible.

Next Time: Return to Troia!

 

[Wallace]

Does Tellah's Tornado still work on Dark Dragon? That ended the fight pretty quickly in the SNES version.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Does Tellah's Tornado still work on Dark Dragon? That ended the fight pretty quickly in the SNES version.

Didn't try it, maybe it's worth it but I was going for consistency. The guide I used spelled out that strategy, so while Tornado could work...I had already died once to that Dragon and decided to do the "fuck this shit" maneuver.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

DO NOT GET ON THE AIRSHIP-Yet.

Return to Troia Castle. We have business.

Go talk to Edward. This triggers a small cutscene where Edward explains where he learned the tune that stopped the Dark Elf, and also gives us whatever augments he's going to give us. He only gives us Bardsong, but if given 2 Augments or more, he also gives us Salve and...Hide. Anyway, give Bardsong to Tellah. Don't worry about equipping it, Tellah isn't long for this world.

Oh, oops. Spoiler alert.

Head in to the room with the council of leaders, and another cutscene plays where Kain orders you to board your airship. He will take you to where Rosa can be found. So if this smells like a trap...well, you're right.

Before you leave, head to the opposite side of the castle from the infirmary and find the jail cell. Talk to the guard inside and tell her you have permission to go into the vault. You may need to talk to one of the leaders to make sure you do have permission (she's on the right side of the room, third from the bottom). Grab all the stuff, then prepare to head on out. Make sure you rest and save first, the Tower is brutal.

As soon as the party boards the airship, Kain's ship arrives. Cecil gives him the Earth Crystal, and the party then flies up into the sky to the Tower of Zot. No, we don't get a cool animation like the Cyclone. We just arrive.

You see, Cecil, this is why we don't hand over our bargaining chip until AFTER the villain's held up his end of the deal. You're lucky he hasn't slit her goddamn throat yet.

I will note, it is possible to leave the tower via a teleported pad to the left. However, we are unable to use our airship until our business in the tower is concluded, as the airship just flies back up to the tower when we try to use it. We can use Black Chocobos, but they are slow and only land in forests and immediately fly us back to the Troia Chocobo Forest when we get back on them and...look, just do the damn dungeon, k?

You see that thing? That's a Frostbeast. It's capable of dealing 1,000 damage to the whole party. If you see them, run. Trust me, because they show up in pairs and are very damn durable.

Everything else is comparatively weak, at least until we get up a few floors. The only other issue is the purple slime things that need to be hit with Tellah's Fire Magic, else, you're not getting far with 'em.

This chest, which you can find if you go northwest from the start and loop around, contains Flame Mail and is damn near required to make the Frostbeasts manageable. I gave it to Cid, since he needed the general defense boost anyway, the "half damage from Ice" was just a bonus.

Mapping out 1F gives us 5 Zeus's Wraths. Not bad.

Frostbeasts aren't on the second floor, they're replaced by Ice Lizards that lack the AoE 1,000 damage Icestorm. So, you can relax up here.

This chest contains a flamesword (and is the only chest on 2F), but before you open it, have Yang strap his Ice Claws on, especially if you've been using Fire Claws to exploit weaknesses. The chest is guarded by a Firehound, so it's better to do it now instead of re-equiping mid fight. He's got an AoE fire attack like the Frostbeast's Icestorm, which can be dealt with if you have Tellah "Berserk" the bastard-yes, you make him stronger so his really bad attack doesn't hurt you.

Mapping the floor gets us 3 Heavenly Wraths.

3F brings back the Frostbeasts, as well as a Fell Turtle that absorbs fire. You can either swap around a lot, or have Cecil return to using the Mythgraven Blade and Yang use Thunder Claws. I prefer to swap. Or just run from the Turtles, since they don't appear with any enemies weak to fire!

There are no chests on this floor. Just a lot of loops and the promise of a Blue Fang if you map it all.

The fourth floor has a small area that leads to three different paths. Take them all, you get good loot-a Gaia Hammer for Cid, Hell Claws for Yang (and a Flame Shield farther along), and a Sage's Surplice that can be helpful for the team-or at least, maybe their pocketbook back on Terra Firma. Mapping 4F gets you an elixir, and be wise to map all the side areas these doors take you, some are part of 5F.

Mapping what's left of 5F once we actually go to the end of 4F gets us 3 Bronze Hourglasses. There's a door partway through the final hallway of 5F that leads us to a save point, so fucking use it because holy shit ow these encounters are so much pain. The next door has a boss encounter just before you actually get to the door, so save FIRST, for the love of god.

You're also in my fucking way.

The sisters promise to take the Earth Crystal and kill you using Delta Attack so you never see Rosa again. This works by having Sandy (the tall bitch) cast Reflect on Cindy (the fat ass) and Mindy (the girl) cast magic on Cindy to have it reflected to the party. Tellah is your best weapon here, having him Silence Sandy as soon as possible. Even if she gets Reflect off, have Tellah Dispel the Reflect. Meanwhile, have Cecil heal people and Yang deliver beatins. Cindy has the most HP, however, Mindy will continue to cast spells on Cindy even though she won't be reflected. Once Cindy dies, silence Mindy and finish off the other two.

Or if you prefer, you can skip that and just silence Mindy. Sandy will constantly cast Reflect on Cindy, which will Reflect off and Reflect the party. Kind of funny. Cindy has some strong physical attacks and can counter with physical attacks when you damage her, but otherwise, it's Mindy's reflected magic you need to watch for. The sisters will constantly declare "DELTA ATTACK!" even after Sandy dies, and will only stop when Cindy dies. However, if Mindy is silenced, nothing happens.

Admittedly, the biggest problem is that, on rare occasions, Cindy will cast Reraise. Still, even then, all Sandy does is cast Reflect on her sister, so it just means you have to cut through them again.

Go heal and save after beating them. 6F has no treasure, or map to be filled in. Just head north and find Kain and Golbez.

We give Golbez the Earth Crystal, only for him to pull this obscene level of absolute bullshit. Tellah, who has been done with Golbez's shit since Anna's death, enters into a plotline fight with Golbez. He blasts him with all his Ga spells, but Golbez shrugs them off. Tellah decides it is time, and while Cecil tries to stop him, Tellah's having none of it.

Golbez actually doesn't expect a shot of Meteor, and goes down from it. Sadly, so to does Tellah die. He gave his life to cast Meteor...

Golbez is still standing at the end, however, Kain also drops. Tellah's use of Meteor ended up shattering his hold on Kain, and while Golbez casually discards Kain, it does mean that Kain is back on our side. Yay!

Cecil tries to attack Golbez, but Golbez backhands our lead character. He's about to finish Cecil off but for some reason can't bring himself to do it. The reason why? If you've played Dissidia, you know the twist.

Tellah's last words are spoken to the party. He says that hate drove him to this, and asks us to avenge Anna. We can pick up Recall, Last Stand, and Fast Talker Augments after the cutscene ends. Give Recall and Last Stand to Yang, save Fast Talker for Rydia.

Kain admits he was conscious of everything he did, and just couldn't fight it. He tells us Rosa is right above, and he joins our party. If you have the Cry augment, give it to Kain now. If not, just move on.

Rosa and Cecil have a heartfelt hug as she is rescued. Kain also now admits, in a roundabout way, that he was jealous of Cecil and wanted to keep Rosa by his side. Cecil and Rosa accept his apologies and convince him to join the party. We're back up to a 5 man band again.

Leaving won't be easy, however. We have another boss fight, this time against another Elemental Fiend.

This is Barbariccia, the Elemental Archfiend of air. I'm going to call her "barbie" from here on out.

The Barbie fight isn't as weird as the Magus sisters one. In fact, it's relatively straightforward: She counterattacks when hit with a tornado like attack, so attack as little as possible. Yang should use Hermes Sandals on himself, then have him fully Focus, three times each time, and then attack. When she goes Tornado Form, have Kain jump and he'll knock her out of it. Also, have Rosa equip Twincast, just her. If she starts it, Cecil can combo without having it equipped in his abilities, and the two of them combine will use 100 MP each to blast Barbie with motherfucking ULTIMA. That's why they get Twincast.

Barbie tries to collapse the tower when you inevitably defeat her, but Rosa is quick on the Teleport spell, and we get out unscathed. All seems lost because Golbez has all the crystals...but Kain tells us he only has 4. The Dark Crystals remain unclaimed. He says that with all 8, the way to the moon will be opened. Kain also finally passes us a Magma Stone that, when offered somewhere appropriate, would open the way to the Underworld.

Dunno about you guys, but my "trap" senses are tingling. Why didn't Golbez take this stone from Kain after his hold was broken? Kain was face-tanking the floor at that point. Still, the party gets some sleep, which is good after just killing an Archfiend.

Next Time: Underworld, I guess?

 

[Water-T]

Damn, I love this thread. I'd love to see you do a walkthrough of FF VI next.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Damn, I love this thread. I'd love to see you do a walkthrough of FF VI next.

Thanks man! I'll probably inevitably put links to my previous few when I do 6, after @Ravelord does 5 (also dude, don't feel you have to like, wait on me to finish. 4's pretty fucking long).

I also have a confession to make. I'm totally blind now. I played the original SNES cut on an emulator up to the beginning of the Tower of Zot, so basically, I'm in new territory. Then again, I was in new territory in FF2 after Mysidia, so I guess it all works out somehow. Hopefully thread quality doesn't take a nosedive!

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Before we go on, I'd like to talk about Twincast. Twincast is great, but only if you strap it to characters that have some sort of relationship. Most pairings get what the twins had, a Pyroblast that's occasionally a Comet, though there is a somewhat arcane way to upgrade it to Twin Meteor. However, giving it to the following pairs results in different spells:

Kain and Rosa/Cecil: Bubble, which doubles everyone's HP.

Cecil/Rosa and Rydia: Faith, up everyone's magic power.

Edge and Cecil/Rydia: Bravery, upping attack power.

Cecil and Rosa: The aforementioned Ultima. And we're not talking the piece of shit Ultima from 2, it is the goddamn best of the bunch. At their current levels, this spell does just shy of 9,000 damage to EVERYTHING on the enemy side of the field. In other words, Sailor Moon WISHES the Power of Love was this strong for her. This is the Ultima that Terra (from 6) has to be level 99 to learn.

Anyway, we're going to do some clean up in the overworld before we head to the underworld. We have unfinished business.

 

[Ravelord]

Thanks man! I'll probably inevitably put links to my previous few when I do 6, after @Ravelord does 5 (also dude, don't feel you have to like, wait on me to finish. 4's pretty fucking long).

I also have a confession to make. I'm totally blind now. I played the original SNES cut on an emulator up to the beginning of the Tower of Zot, so basically, I'm in new territory. Then again, I was in new territory in FF2 after Mysidia, so I guess it all works out somehow. Hopefully thread quality doesn't take a nosedive!

I'm actually working on it. The problem for FF V is the introduction I don't want to add too many pictures just for the damn intro. But at the same time the important characters are basically dropped in the intro. I'll figure it out, though. Plus explaining all the mechanics and, because it's FF V, Death By Math (TM).

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

I'm actually working on it. The problem for FF V is the introduction I don't want to add too many pictures just for the damn intro. But at the same time the important characters are basically dropped in the intro. I'll figure it out, though. Plus explaining all the mechanics and, because it's FF V, Death By Math (TM).

If you feel like you're getting up on too many images, you can spoiler a few. Threads flow a bit better that way, I find. Maybe also put an explanation of mechanics under one too? The Dark Id did that for some of the more...egregious mechanic explanation dumps for some of his Let's Plays, it's probably a method worth copying (well okay, he put them at the end of posts but the point is he made 'em skipable)

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Man it's been a while since my last update. So here we go, cleanup detail before the Underworld. Speaking of, you can't get out of the Underworld for a while once you go in, so save to another file, for the love of God.

We start with Eblan Castle, on an island to the southwest and right next to a tower that SCREAMS endgame-it's a massive tower surrounded by a black pool of something, it's endgame. We could have come to this castle as soon as we got the Enterprise, but I skipped it. Anyroad, this is the West Tower. Have Yang put his Ice Claws on.

This chest is why. It's guarded by two Skuldiers which are weak to Fire and Holy (so Cecil's Mythgraven Blade is useful) and a Steel Golem which is weak to Ice (hence the Claws). The biggest worry is the Skuldiers using Thundara, so it may be best for Rosa to Shell the party, or also protect because the Steel Golem hits hard and is way faster then he fucking should be. It is quite possible most of your party will die here.

(If you do come here before Troia, having Tellah use Break on the Steel Golem is quite helpful)

We can find a dirty ninja magazine called the Ninja Sutra in the throne room. It can be used in the Dev Room, but aside from that, using it just causes our lead character to jerk off. Why? I DON'T KNOW!

As befitting a ninja castle...apparently...there's secret passages that lead to stuff all over the place and hidden goodies. Most of it is consumables, but that chest I showed you earlier has a Sleep Blade in it, a good weapon for Cecil but the Flame Sword I have has higher attack.

This one may potentially be harder. It contains a Lamia and two Couerls. The Lamia has status effects, and the Couerls have an instant death attack. Good luck. One of the better ways to handle this fight is to use a Bronze Hourglass to temporarily stop all the monsters, and thin them out quickly. Have Cid or Kain punch anyone that got confused.

The last monster encounter, after falling down some holes, is a Trio of Mad Orges. It's comparatively easy, and they're vulnerable to the same Stopping hourglass, so use one if you don't want three pissed off Orges beatin' on ya.

Aren't you a little tall to be a dwarf?

Anyway, this town is somewhat northeast of Eblan Castle, and is a welcome respite. Heal up, maybe get some new gear here. Also, the well in the center of town is where you're supposed to drop the Magma Stone into. You can do it now if you like, the only other thing to do is head back to the Lodestone Cave and grab the Whirlwind Augment from where the Dark Elf was.

Putting the Magma Stone into the Well causes a nearby volcano to erupt, and instead of covering the town in fire and ash, it instead blows a gigantic hole in the world and allows us access to the Underworld. Sure, why not?

We can meat Chea, I mean Puddingway here too. He's gathering pudding for his girlfriend, who loves the stuff. He only has one girlfriend now. He desires a Rainbow Pudding, but it's doubtful we'll have one for a long ass time.

Or if you have patience, head back to the Antlion's Den, go to the treasure room on B2, and pray for a good drop rate. Might be best to wait til you have Treasure Hunter, though.

Anyway, next time: The Underworld!

 

[Ravelord]

Protip if you want to farm earlier: use autobattle and buy a fuck ton of zeus' wraths. Make the fastest character use them while the rest defend.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Alright guys, it's been a couple days, but I'm here again. Let's do this.

When we descend into the Underworld, we lose control of our airship and get treated to a cutscene of the Red Wings in a battle with some Steampunk-esque tanks. Cid, the genius that he is, flies us right through the goddamn crossfire. Nice one, Cid.

After a crash landing, we find ourselves in the lava filled Underworld. Cid will be leaving us shortly so if he has anything good on him, take it the fuck away.

The underworld is a big place. You can get easily lost, but just head southwest and you'll see a castle right there. It's a Dwarven Castle, and they're friendly, so head on in.

Just head to the throne room and speak with Giott, rhymes with idiot, king of the dwarves. Golbez has been busy it seems, and two of the four crystals are already captured. This castle's crystal, however, remains secure. Giott wishes for our airship to join the defense, but it is a little wrecked. Cid will be leaving us to perform repairs, and also leaving us whatever inherited augments we'll be getting.

Giott and Cecil discuss the crystal when Yang detects someone eavesdropping. We head into the Crystal Chamber to find a bunch of dolls.

Also known as "our next boss fight".

This fight is actually really easy, the hard part is not killing everyone super quick so they can turn into the Calcabrina form for your Bestiary. I don't give two shits about filling it out. Have Cecil and Rosa Twincast Ultima, while Yang and Cecil can easily one shot these guys, it's best in my opinion to just nuke these fuckers. Ultima also helps if they turn into Calcabrina very quickly, because the damage is enough to one shot the boss.

That being said, it's possible for the Brinas to hit one of the Twincasters with "Confuse", which breaks the Twincast and SUCKS. Have Kain whack whoever gets confused, if needed.

If the dolls combine, Calcabrina itself has a devastating counter attack. Don't worry though, like I said, Ultima will handle it.

The dolls mention Golbez, and then Golbez appears. Golbez tells us why he wants the crystals, he wants to go to the moon. Apparently he's a really big fan of Sailor Moon.

We get immediately thrown into another boss fight. The first part is unwinnable because of Golbez's pet, but don't worry...things will change really quick. Have Rosa use Slow, since it'll stay throughout the fight.

After some time, Golbez hits the party with "Binding Cold" which stops us all dead in our tracks. Golbez then summons his Shadow Dragon which Deaths the whole party except Cecil with Black Fang. Damn...you know who would be good to have around right now? Didn't we have that one girl who could do summons?

Welcome back, Rydia. She can't do White Magic anymore, but she does have a bunch of summons and a lot of MP for her summoning and black magic. Admittedly, using Ultima in the last fight does make this fight harder, since we'll have limited MP without the use of Ethers, but it's not too bad. Pick Rosa up, and maybe Yang too, and get some Shell going. Trust me, it helps. Then, use a combination of Libra with Cecil and Summons from Rydia to exploit Golbez's weaknesses. He uses Barrier shift to play with his own weakness, so keep Libraing-it's cheap.

After a couple of good summons, Golbez will falter.

So he just wanted to help, is what you're saying?

Time flows differently in that land, she basically went to the home of the Fae. So she's an adult now. Which means anyone who makes "I've seen enough hentai" jokes are now off the hook.

The party leaves, thinking that Golbez is actually dead. He isn't, because his sprite is still there, you dumb fucks. Then again they did just all take a thrashing so I'm not surprised they want to leave. Realizing their mistake, the party charges back in just in time to see Golbez warp out with the crystal.

The King forgives us for fucking up, and has an idea: Instead of fighting Golbez, since he'll be out and heading towards the Sealed Cave, go to his fortress (The Tower of Babil, nice biblical reference) and take the other seven! The party agrees, and with that, we have our next objective.

Next Time: The Tower!

Bonus: Dwarven Castle Theme

Underworld theme:

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Time for the tower. But first, there's some weapons and armor on offer in the tower that might be useful-Rune Armlets for Yang and Rosa (Rydia already has one), and a Dwarven Axe for Cecil were my pickups.

Head down to the basement from the East Tower and talk to a dwarf standing in front of a strange part of the wall. You'll be allowed down deeper into the castle. Head through it and you'll emerge back in the Underworld. Head west and north, and you'll find the Tower of Babil.

The Tower of Babil is...gigantic. And we're not even really at endgame yet. This is B13 of a shitload. The worst encounter on this floor is triple Flamehound, if you run into them, run. Flamehound x2 might be doable with Rydia's Shiva summon, otherwise, the party will eat a ton of damage. Mapping B13 and getting the few consumables in chests gets us 5 Antarctic Winds.

This can be found immediately on B12, and is good for Yang. There's a few extra treasure rooms as well, with different enemies. Same rules about Flamehounds applies. Mapping B12 gets us 3 Arctic Winds.

In the central treasure room, this guy attacks you for having the audacity to open the chest and get an Icebrand. He has 2,500 HP and is weak to Thunder, but if you don't one shot him, he summons backup and if he has backup, he counters future shots with a nasty beam. Kill him and move on. A similar battle occurs in the East Treasure room, with the prize being an Ice Lance.

B11 features the first appearance of Mystery Eggs. They absorb all elements, but become a regular enemy after a while. They're not too scary, and usually appear alone. Do not kill them, as they are worth 1 Gil and 0 XP. Mapping B11, with a quick detour to go up to B10 to get a Killer Bow for Rosa (B10 is split, you see), gets us a White Fang.

On B10 proper, head straight west and you'll find a Save Room. Useful if you're hurting and need a Tent to make up the difference. Otherwise, you can find rooms with various bits of ice based armor, which will be useful-we still have Rubicante, Archfiend of Fire, to fight so it's best to get strapping shit on. They're guarded by Security Eyes, but you can handle those things, right? Mapping B10 gets us 5 Hi Potions, quite helpful.

By the way, Cecil learns Raise at level 40, and you should be approaching it or at it already. This is very useful, as Cecil will rarely go down and therefore he can rez Rosa if she goes down and let her do the rest of the healing work.

B9 has mystery eggs that hatch into Green Dragons. They're nasty, and I recommend running. Aside from that, there's no cool treasures to worry about, just map it out and get your 5 remedies. There's a door in the center that's locked, so just go east after mapping out that area.

The next two floors cannot be fully mapped. Don't worry, you'll be coming back. Pick up the few treasures, head up to B6, and prepare for a boss fight.

Meet Rubicante and Dr. Lugae. Dr. Lugae will be our boss fight tonight.

Rubicante mentions Eblan Castle and its ninja forces. He trusts the Doctor to handle things here until his return. Rydia talks first and Dr. Lugae hears us. Kain taunts him a bit, and Dr. Lugae says he'll keep the tower clean of vermin like us.

Oh I see, game. You meant Doctor Victor Frankenstein.

There are two ways to do this. One, kill the doctor first. He is weaker, and this skips the second part of the boss fight. The other way is to kill Barnabas, the monster (who's actually a robot), and then do the Barnabas-Z fight. We'll do it the hard way, so start by Thundering Barnabas down. Hilariously, Barnabas wastes his first turn smacking the Doctor instead, so it's not too hard to kill him off. Have Rosa Protect and Shell everyone, this is important.

Barnabas Z is the Doctor riding in Barnabas himself. Cecil should defend, as Lugae will find a mysterious red button that will blow him the fuck up, so it might be best to try to mitigate the damage. This button also kills Barnabas Z, and initiates the final fight with a transformed Dr. Lugae.

So that guy Lugae is really a robot, and you're his boyfriend, so that makes you...a gay robot.

The ability he's using here is Reversal Gas. It makes all damage into healing, and all healing into damage. As you may guess, he then spams heals.

Throw Elixirs at him instead, and kill him easily. Have Rosa Curaga too.

Lugae dies promising he'll kill all the dwarves with the tower's super cannons. That locked door back down on B9 is now our destination. He also says that the tower reaches above the surface (we saw it earlier) and Rubicante put the crystals up there. Still, we have to go help our buddies out.

Unequip Yang, by the way. He's about to leave us.

Inside the cannon room, we fight three Goblin Captains, which you can one shot at this point. They activate the cannons on high just before they die, however, and Yang decides he's going to stop them. When the party argues, he kicks them all out, literally.

The party then has to walk out, because the game isn't done killing characters yet.

Golbez tries to blow up the bridge to leave as we try to cross it. Luckily, Cid shows up and saves us with the Enterprise.

We're pursued as we make our exit from the Underworld, so Cid unveils a bomb he has. He plans to use it to re-seal the Underworld. He jumps off the Enterprise, bomb in hand, and blows it.

So one update, two character deaths! Who's next, my boys?

Next Time: Return to Baron!

Bonus, Tower of Babil music:

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Oh right, I'm still doing this.

Baron Castle is far more friendly at this point. The soldiers are aware they were pawns in Golbez's game, and the only force still loyal to him are the Red Wings. Head to the east tower and talk to Cid's mechanics.

The un-named mechanics, who I am calling Biggs and Wedge since those two were Cid's assistants in FF14, install a lifting arm on the Enterprise that allow us to carry our hovercraft around. They also mention the Cave of Eblan next to the Tower of Babil. Since Dr. Lugae and Rubicante spoke of Eblan earlier, this is a massive clue bat saying "go this fucking way". They also say that even if you killed Cid, he'd pop right back up. FORESHADOWING!

The Cave of Eblan is southwest of the Tower of Babil, and requires the Hovercraft to reach. It's also full of secret passages, fun! Cecil's standing in front of one right now. This floor also has a bunch of Steel Golem encounters, and they're weak to Ice, so have Cecil use the Icebrand for this floor. Mapping the place gets us a few Bacchus's Wines.

The next floor reveals why Eblan was so empty. Everyone's here! This is a mini-town, so stock up, get new gear, and rest.

Some of the guards mention a tunnel being dug to the Tower of Babil, so that's our next stop. Especially since the Prince of Eblan has been going that way and our entire party may as well be nobles, so that sounds like a new character!

And as this dying guy tells us, he's foolhardy enough to be one of ours too.

There are two passages we must get through, and they're both split into two parts. A full map of the first passage gets us some Hermes Sandals, while fully mapping the second gets us a few Decoys. The second part of the second passage (confused yet?) has a save room directly to the east of where it begins, where a hidden treasure chest offers a Blood Sword and a battle against the same Steel Golems you've been killing this whole cave.

At the end of the passage, we find Rubicante and someone else, whom we can presume to be our new party member.

This is Edge. Edge thinks he can solo Rubicante. He is wrong. Rubicante even asks "do I know you?"

Edge tries throwing a Flame attack at the Archfiend of Fire. Rubicante responds with Inferno. It does a lot of damage. He doesn't finish Edge off, however, as he considers the man a worthy foe and wants Edge to become stronger for their rematch. Rubicante is quite possibly the best of the fiends simply because A: He gets the most character and B: He's something of a gentleman.

The party rushes to help Edge, but he writes us off as "lesser men". He says he'll take on Rubicante himself, however...

Rydia cements herself as one of the few rational people in this plot. Edge wises the fuck up at this point and joins us, but not before hitting on the ladies of the party. He may be on the lookout for a boyfriend free girl, in which case Rosa's out.

If you have Reach from the Dev Room back in the Dwarven Castle (which I missed and I don't feel like going back and getting yet), give it to Edge so he can sit in the back and use melee attacks at full strength. Better for him that way. Aside from that, he's mostly ready to go, though he could use a few levels.

Next Time: Tower of Babil 2, Electric Boogaloo!

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Hey guys, I had a hell of a week, but I'm gonna be getting back to my once a day posting schedule. Depending on how this goes I may even do multiple updates a day, but for now, here we go with a return to the tower.

Once we exit the cave, we find ourselves outside a wall of the tower proper. Edge pulls some ninja bullshit and spins really fast to warp us inside. Do I ever wish we could do that throughout the rest of the game.

Floor 1F (or B1 if you prefer) is a straight shot. Sorcerers appear and are summoners, if they're the last alive and take damage they'll summon back up. Comparatively, the new Ghost Knights with Reflect and party-wide Bio are a lot less troublesome. Both are new arrivals on this floor.

This chest on B2 contains an Ogrekiller, and three Mad Ogres guard it. Slow them down and kill them, it isn't hard. Finish the map and get some Bomb Cranks, then head on.

Floor 3 has Lamia Matriarchs, which are basically better Lamias and do a lot more status effects. There's also a greater likelihood of Balloons (improved Bomb type enemies) on this floor. Aside from that, it's relatively straightforward-a Lilith's Kiss in a treasure chest and a Red Fang for mapping it. That said, B3 and B4 is split. So you'll have to go down to B4, bounce back up to B3, you know this kind of arrangement by now.

This chest on B4 (the first part of it) has an Ashura weapon. Give it to Edge, it's a minor improvement for Attack and Accuracy. B4 also has Green Dragons, which are rare and come up later, so if you see one RUN! They're pretty damn tough. Storm Anima also appear, but unless you're using Cecil's Thundershard (why?) physical attacks will handle 'em.

The second part of B3 has this. I dunno what it does right now. So map it and move on.

At the end of B3, there are two doors. The first door you come to is a Save Room, the other leads onward. Make use of the save point, then head out.

Mapping B4 gets you some X-Potions, by the way. The second half of B4 is just a straight shot to B5.

Avoid the center platform on B5. It leads to a boss fight and we want to get lootz first. Also, swap out any ice weapons on Cecil and Kain and replace them with others. Ogreslayer on Cecil is great, Kain can use the Stoneblade or the Dwarven Axe. Map out the rest of the area, then head up for a boss fight.

You thought your parents were bad. Edge's parents arrive and speak casually, then drop the bombshell pictured above and attack as monsters. The battle itself isn't much to comment on, trade blows and don't be afraid to fire off some powerful magic, as the end of the battle comes with an HP/MP restore. During the battle, Edge will call out to his parents, and eventually the "real" people inside the monsters take control and suicide themselves to save Edge.

Rubicante arrives while Edge is broken up over his parents' deaths, and Edge blames him. Rubicante replies that Lugae did it, not him. Rubicante calls emotions a weakness, and Edge unleashes a storm with nothing but rage alone, allowing him to learn Flood and Blitz ninjutsus. Rubicante is impressed, gives us a full heal, and demands that we fight him.

During the fight, Rubi swaps between two stances-when the mantle is open, he uses Inferno, a super powerful fire attack that hurts us and heals him. While closed, he uses physical attacks. Also, while the mantle is closed, Ice and Water attacks will heal him (a cryptic hint is dropped in his dialogue prior to the fight, where he says the icy winds of hell's ninth circle would not penetrate the cloak of flame he wears). Can we stop him using Inferno? We can. If Edge attempts to steal from him while his cloak is open, he will switch immediately back to closed form without using Inferno. So try to save Edge's actions for when he's all closed up-in fact, feel free to Haste Edge so he's always ready to go. Rubicante can also be Slowed, so have Rosa do that, and then Shell the party as well. Rydia can use Bio and Quake to help out with damage. Protect is also nice.

Rubicante will counter physical attacks with a party wide Fira, but it's quite weak. The biggest problem is if he drops Edge with physical attacks, which is quite possible. If he does, get Edge back up as soon as possible. Without Infernos, the fight will go smoothly. Keep up the healing, the stealing, and the killing, and eventually, Rubicante will go down.

After the fight, Rubicante gives us what is effectively a "Good Game, Well Played" speech. The soldiers of Eblan show up just in time to congratulate Edge on a job well done.

The next room contains the crystals, however, there's a trapdoor that's unavoidable and will send us down to B6. As we are unable to return to the surface levels (we can't get back to the teleporter which is probably still inactive and there are no stairs up), we have no choice but to go down. Map out the few floors you couldn't finish the last time you were here, then head down to B9.

Once we reach B9, we're given a brief cutscene of our party stealing an enemy airship, which Edge dubs the Falcon.

Say hello to our newest ride. There is one tiny problem, though-the lava pools may as well be gigantic cavern walls as far as our ship is concerned. No flying over them. So the only place we can go is the Dwarven Castle from before...hey, maybe we should go there!

Next Time: Underworld Part Deux!

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

So fuck the main plot for now, we're visiting the Dev Room that I completely missed the first time. Head to the Dwarven Castle and enter the Lali-ho Pub (it's the door in the back of the Weapons and Armor Shop). Head directly to your right when you enter, and you'll find a secret passage that leads to it.

In order to get the Reach Augment, you need to talk to everyone. And I mean everyone. Also get into every fight you can get into, win or lose. If you are playing the DS version, get the Lustful Lali-Ho from the Break Room and get it confiscated by Nagahori. If NOT playing the DS version, skip that part. The Reach Augment will appear in the Break Room. Give it to Edge and replace his "Throw" ability with it, trust me, he only needs it for a couple fights.

Once you have it, return to King Giott.

No one mentions trying a third time, but I guess we don't want to risk it, as Golbez is reportedly at the gate of the Sealed Cave, looking to force it open. We plan on beating him to the punch, and I just know it's not going to work, because when have things ever gone right for us?

Now, we can't reach the Sealed Cave without flying over lava, but unfortunately, we don't have anyone who can help us upgrade the Falcon to resist such temperatures...or do we?

YES. Cid survived, in no particular order:

• A point blank bomb explosion that was enough to seal the gigantic hole to the Underworld
• Falling a million miles to the Underworld's surface
• The rubble collapsing on him from the fall
• Being transported, possibly across land, all the way here

And now he's here, waiting for dinner, and as the medics say he bitches about the food but eats it all up. Any one of those events would have murdered the fuck out of previous Cids, but here he is for all to see! And he upgrades the Falcon for us, then gives us his fucking Augments too.

With everything settled, it's time to head out to the Sealed Cave.

Next Time: Sealed Cave!

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Before we actually go to the Sealed Cave, we have some business. First, Tomra, a town to the South of the castle (and a little West too).

Buy an extra Ashura for Edge, and a Chain Whip for Rydia. Grab an Ogrekiller for Kain if you think he needs it. Sell any Dwarven Axes, sell the old weapons Edge and Rydia had, basically just sell anything that doesn't have elemental extras or a cool effect.

Just go for broke in the armor shop, that's all I have to say.

So, do we go for the Sealed Cave now? FUCK NO! There's another cave that we can go to first to fight bonus bosses and get new Summons for Rydia! Head to the Northwest corner of the Underworld so we can enter the Slyph Cave.

First things first, most of the floor of the Slyph Cave is poisonous. However, getting around that is easy, and you already have it: Have Rosa cast Float on everyone, and you'll be fine. You will need to refresh it every floor, though, which is annoying. The more annoying things? Malboros start appearing here. For the uninitiated, malboros in Final Fantasy are massive plant monsters that hit you with every status effect ever. Esuna is your friend.

B1 and B2 are split into multiple areas as usual, so mapping will be a pain. There is a Save Point in the second area of B1 though.

If you want a full map bonus, head to the south of the first area of B2 first. This will let you explore the rest. If you just wanna get through it, head around the loop and enter the exit in the back, which takes you down to B3.

If you head Northeast from the Savepoint on B1, you'll find a hidden path that brings you to this. You can see the chest when you initially enter the Cave if you head straight east, but it's fucking with you, letting you get close but not letting you have it. Give it to Rosa, even if she doesn't actually shoot that damn bow much.

This chest on B2 holds a Mage Masher (good weapon for Edge) and an ambush. It's a Bog Witch and a bunch of Toads. Have everyone aim at the Witch except for Rydia, who should use the Dragon Summon. You can fight this same battle all over the floor, just use Dragon here to quickly end things so Edge can get his new toy. Otherwise, once the Witch is dead the Toads are no threat at all.

On B3 you can find a house with that other guy who supposedly died during our first trip to the Underworld. There's currently no cutscene associated with him, he just goes "..." when we try to speak to him. Also, this house has an easy way out of the cave by going up the two flights of stairs, so use a tent and save if you must.

The game pulls a dick move regarding maps, in order to complete the cave, one must find a secret passage on a side area in B3 that leads onward. Basically, you have to go from B1 to B2, then take the loop around to the B3 area, and to the southeast of the entrance of that side area is the side passage onward. This map is confusing, and I cannot find actual maps of the place.

The reward for mapping each floor, however, is a Silver Apple each. This raises the eater's HP maximum by 50, and are very good. Once you've done everything in the Slyph Cave, you'll find your way to the Sylph Stash. A bunch of chests with traps on all of them. Don't use fire spells on the Soul enemies, and try to get an Ifrit (or fuck, an Ultima) on the Marlboros. Hourglasses/Stop effects are your friends. Good luck if you go for all of them. The passage onward leads out, but we're still not done-we have the land of the Eidolons to visit, which is where we'll pick up next time.