Let's Sperg Let's Sperg: Final Fantasy 4 - The point where the name stopped making sense.

[AngeloTheWizard]

The Passage of the Eidolons leading to the Land of the Eidolons being more like a Lava Cave of the Eidolons okay I'll stop is covered in lava. Float works the same as Slyph Cave, and at least the lava is better in that it doesn't occasionally blend in with the background.

The guide I have says that 45 is a good minimum for when you're at the end of this dungeon.

This is what my party started at. A sensible chuckle was had.

The Passage of the Eidolons has plenty of XP stuffed enemies that aren't too tough to deal with. Okay, Death effects are rampant, but those are easier to deal with then status effects, especially when they're at a low chance of hitting anyway.

There's a small secret passage in the northeast of B1 that leads to a room with an Ether in the Northwest. I point it out because it's required for 100% map completion, and the map reward is a Soma Drop, which increases Max MP by 10 and is great for Rosa or Rydia.

B2 doesn't offer anything in the way of new tricks. There are Summoners, but they aren't too terrible, it's the Nagarajas they summon that are. However, on occasion they summon Goblins. Also, don't think too hard about lava and spiderwebs being in the same place without burning up. MAGIC, BITCH.

Mapping the place gets us another Soma Drop. Yay!

There are a couple of secret areas here. This one is in the southeast and the passage loops up and around. This is a Defender, a great weapon for Cecil, guarded by Imps and Fell Knights which aren't too tough, just annoying. The other chests (which are west of the chest with a Phoenix Down) have a new katana for Edge and a Poison Axe, a good weapon for Kain.

The Blue Diamond in the center of B3 leads to the Feymarch. It's a nice place if you like hardwood floors-and I do. There's plenty of treasure, and a mysterious diamond shaped imprint just south of the blue warp point that leads to a secret area with a Yoichi Bow and Yoichi Arrows, the combo of which makes Rosa an unholy terror. When warping around, use the pink diamonds to teleport between floors-blue diamonds will kick you back out.

In the town area, one can visit the shops to get an Aegis Shield for Cecil (slightly better then what he has) and a Luminous Robe for Rosa. Cecil and Rydia can also wear Luminous robes, but Cecil's armor is slightly better at regular defense and Rydia already has one. A Blitz Whip for Rydia is a good investment for the future.

This is in Whyt's house. There's a save point there. There's also a small subplot to go on. We can't do much now, but remember it.

Now to get some summons after visiting the shops and the inns!

Asura is first. Head to the Library then head down to the basement, the King and Queen are there. We must fight Asura before we can fight Leviathan.

The Code demands that Asura tests us. She uses healing spells on herself, so of course, what should we do? Reflect, of course! Have Rosa use Reflect. Then, proceed to do nothing but heal your own party while Rydia throws Dragon summons at Asura. She counters everything, and assuming Cecil has Draw Attacks equipped, he'll be able to tank it if you're careful.

If not, she'll hit Rosa, like she did to me because I'm a dumbass, and well that's bad. Still, the constant bouncing White Magic will help. Asura will absorb any element except what the Dragon uses (Holy, me thinks), but keep up the Dragon summons and eventually, she'll go down.

Leviathan says Fuck You, however. His first move? TIDAL WAVE. This will likely kill most of the party. Cecil and Rosa may be the only ones who survive. The first thing to do is Slow Leviathan, which can be done with a Spider's Silk and is recommended that you use an Item. Then, get to work Raising and healing the party, then Shell them. Leviathan has a pattern, he will Blizzara twice and Blizzaga Once, then Tidal Wave three times in a row. If you're fast, you can kill him before he does more Tidal Waves. Rydia should do nothing but Summon Ramuh the entire fight. He's weak to Thunder, see. Kain can Cry to reduce Defense.

I was extremely lucky in that only Edge went down for me...and that was perfectly fine. Just keep up the healing and the Ramuh summons, and eventually, Leviathan will be yours.

So finally, with all this done, we're ready for the Sealed Cave. From what I'm told, the Sealed Cave SUCKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS...but we gotta go.

Next Time: Don't make me, Daddy!

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Much like the Passage of the Eidolons, The Sealed Cave has XP loaded enemies. My walkthrough is recommending at least level 49, though everyone in my party (save for Edge) is 50+, so we're already on track.

Chimera Brains take the cake for "most fucking annoying enemy", capable of wiping the party in two casts of Blaze. You can Berserk them, but it's better to run. They appear either in pairs or with two other enemies on the first floor, and they're the typical "lion bodied" sort of Chimera with a green coat of paint, so run if you see them.

The party can shimmer up and down these ropes throughout the cave, so if you see what looks like a dead end, it might not be if one of these is around.

Doors are the last of the trick mechanics. They're "trap" doors, which start the fight by using Libra on a target then Nth Dimensioning them to death. However, we have Cecil, and Cecil has an Aegis Shield that makes him Immune to Death, and if we've been doing this properly, Draw Attacks as well. So just have the party beat the shit out of the trap door, because after it uses Nth Dimension, its next move is to spawn another monster in its place. If you want to be REALLY tricky, hit Cecil with Reflect, and when it tries to Nth Dimension him, it'll bounce back and kill the door.

The southeast door, after killing the monster, hides a room that has a Kotetsu (a useless katana for Edge, as he should have a pair of Kiku-Ichimonjis by now) and an Ether. The door in the northwest is the way onward and is another monster. Mapping all of B1 gets us 3 Gaia Drums.

The next room after the exit from B1 is already mapped, has two chests (a hi-potion and an Ether), and two Trap Doors. Kill them for easy XP. The rooms beyond the doors are empty, so head southwest to reach B2.

Sealed Cave B2 isn't much different from B1. Only the rope to the west (the one Cecil is standing in front of) has anything, the other is a dead end-literally, the rope is broken, so the party just climbs back up. There's a ton of doors to the north, use the trick on all of them and collect the loot. Standouts are the Lustrous Sword for Cecil and a Black Cowl for Edge.

Mapping B2 gets us 3 Red Fangs. Like before, the transition between floors is already mapped for us.

Now that we're in B3, Chimera Brains have disappeared from the enemy listings, and the enemies are still swollen with XP. Grind to your heart's content, as it's not like Cecil is in any danger of falling to the enemies.

B3 is split into two floors, north and south. Each has their own map, and each provides a bonus instead of the two parts being on the same map like it usually is. All together we get 5 Blue Fangs. Also, the transition down to B4 has a Save Point.

B4 is nothing special. The biggest thing is that Yellow Dragons get added to the enemy mix, and you may have fought one if you failed to kill a Trap Door. They're not super threatening, Cecil can take their blows pretty easily, and they fall to repeated attacks. They are dripping with XP though...Mapping B4 gets us 3 White Fangs.

B5 has no encounters except the boss. Mapping it gets us a Megalixer.

We actually acquire the Crystal without too much trouble. No bosses, no Golbez showing up...it's when we leave the room that it all goes to shit, though.

It's the first appearance of recurring friend, Demon Wall. He is actually moving throughout the fight, and if we take too long, he kills us. We need to do about 100,000 damage before it squishes us, so here's the plan:

Cecil straight pure attacks. Kain uses Cry, THEN attacks. Edge also attacks. Rosa Slows the wall (it counters magic with Petrify, so be careful), then Hastes the fighters, and Rydia nukes it with Leviathan. With a little luck, you should take it down.

We have to walk out, as Teleport is disabled.

As we are leaving, Golbez decides to remind us that not only does he exist, he is a cocksucking asshole. Kain drops to his knees, then stands up and says he's alright. Then he knocks Cecil out and takes the crystal. Nobody thinks to shoot Kain in the back, or for Rydia to cast Stop on his dumb ass before he just walks away, Crystal in hand. Luckily he doesn't steal the Falcon as well.

We return to the King emptyhanded, but he mentions one last bit that could help us turn this all around. In our darkest hour, we find the strength to go on, in the words of the Mysidian Legend. The King can't believe that Mysidia is real, and believes that the Elder, who's been praying all this time, is out to revive the Lunar Whale. However, we can't get to the surface with the exit being sealed and the Tower of Babil super-guarded...

But Cid continues to be a badass. He upgrades the Falcon AGAIN, promptly collapses, and is out of the plot from here on out. Semper Fidelis to all are armed engineers.

So while Mysidia is our next plot destination, we're going to do a LOT of sidequesting first. Trust me when I say it's better that way.

Next time: Sidequests ahoy!

 

[Water-T]

I remember in the SNES version, "Virus" did a lot of damage to the Demon Wall. Does that strategy still work in this version?

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

I remember in the SNES version, "Virus" did a lot of damage to the Demon Wall. Does that strategy still work in this version?

Possibly, but Demon Wall doesn't counter Summons with the Petrify trick. He also doesn't counter Spider's Silk with the same, and those items easily drop from the spider enemies in the Passage of the Eidolons. So really, it's better to have your first dude (probably Edge) hit him with Spider's Silk while Rosa gets busy Hasting everyone. Also I forgot to mention, Rydia should equip a Rod (hopefully the Faerie Rod) for an Intelligence (and therefore damage) boost. Cecil is also better with the Defender then the Lustrous Sword-Defender has higher raw damage, Lustrous Sword is weaker but is Holy element and is therefore quite useful. The Demon Wall does not attack, it's literally an MMO "DPS check" in JRPG form, so whatever does tons of damage, do it.

If "Virus" got turned into Bio in this version, then it's possible that it inflicts Sap, which is literally the best status ailment ever. The reason you hit Rubicante with it in his fight is because he's not immune to sap, which will slowly drain his health. If it works on the Demon Wall...have Rosa ready with Esuna, is all I can say.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

This "volcano" here is our way out. Try to land and you'll burrow up to the top of the world.

Head to Mist and enter the house in the Northwest. This will be waiting for you. If you haven't grabbed the treasures already, WHY THE FUCK NOT? Give this to Rydia so she can pump out magic all day long.

This is waiting where Edge first fought Rubicante. Wait to give this to FuSoYa, our last joiner.

There's a town on the east side of the world map, on that series of small islands. It's all tiny humans. You'll need the hovercraft to access a small cavern to the south of the town.

Talk to this guy in the Adamantite Grotto and give him the Rat Tail to get Adamantite. This'll come in handy later.

Go to Fabul Castle, head to the West Tower and talk to Yang's Wife. She'll give you a Frying Pan, which we need to wake Yang's lazy ass up. He won't be joining us, but it's a good idea to do it.

Head to the Slyph Cave, since we can freely move between Under and Overworld now, and use the Frying Pan on Yang. Rydia will learn Slyph from the cutscene, and Yang will give us Augments. Give 'em all to Cecil.

Also, on the second floor is one of the friends we learned about back in The Feymarch. Talk to him, and head out.

Kokkol's Forge is in the Southeast of the Underworld. With the Adamantite in hand, we can forge Excalibur, just like we did back in FF1. Give the master smith on the second floor the Adamantite, and Cecil will also hand over the Mythgraven Blade to be reforged into Excalibur.

One of the friends is outside the Forge, by the way. Talk to him, and then head out.

Head back to Baron and go to the East Tower, then head down to the second floor. You'll find the King of Baron, who is actually motherfucking ODIN. He offers to help us, but the Code must be observed, and so here we go.

This is a tough fight because of Zantetsuken. He does telegraph it by raising his blade into the air, though. When he does, have everyone defend. At first, have Rosa slow him, then Protect and Haste as many people as possible. Have Cecil and Edge attack, and have Rydia throw Ramuh at Odin-he's weak to Lightning. If you're high in level or just lucky like me, you can kill Odin before his first Zantetsuken.

Oh also, you will probably want to steal the Darkness Augment from him. Edge can do it but it might take a few tries.

Finally, return the Frying Pan to Yang's Wife for a...Knife. Unlike other knifes, this is actually the best weapon for Edge to throw at enemies. Also, don't use Darkness on anyone just yet-and yes, it is the exact same ability that Cecil started with as a Dark Knight.

Now, to Mysidia. Upon your return, the Elder will come and meet with you. The Mysidian Legend will be repeated, though now, the words of the legend are a lot clearer.

The Elder leads us in prayer, and soon, the sky turns dark and a whirlpool forms in the center of the Mysidian Sea. The Elder shouts Hallelujah, as the Lunar Whale rises.

It may not look like much, but the thing is actually triple the size of the other airships, and even has its own theme!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igLy60cgVXQ

Next time: TO THE MOON!

 

[Wallace]

Man, fuck Trap Doors. The SNES version doesn't have the Augment system in it, so your only hope is to be quick enough on the draw to get off a Reflect before you eat the instant death attack.

If you're got Float, Feymarch B3 is a pretty good place to grind. The Arachne monsters only attack with Quake, and since you're floating, it's harmless.

Does the version you are playing have the encore dungeon, and will you be playing it?

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Man, fuck Trap Doors. The SNES version doesn't have the Augment system in it, so your only hope is to be quick enough on the draw to get off a Reflect before you eat the instant death attack.

If you're got Float, Feymarch B3 is a pretty good place to grind. The Arachne monsters only attack with Quake, and since you're floating, it's harmless.

Does the version you are playing have the encore dungeon, and will you be playing it?

The fact that you can use Augments and manipulate things in such a degree to ensure an easy win does make the Sealed Cave a thousand times more easier, I'll admit. And trust me, you have Float by the time you have the upgraded Falcon unless you've literally been running from everything.

I'm not sure what you mean by the "Encore" dungeon, my googling doesn't reveal anything aside from there being a Cave of Trials and a bonus dungeon on the Moon. I may do a few sidequests but certain things like the Iron Giant from 3 require a much stronger autism then I possess, so depending on how nightmarish this stuff is I may skip it.

 

[Wallace]

Yeah, the bonus dungeon on the Moon. I call dungeons like that "encore dungeons" because they're only available after beating the game. Like an encore.

 

[Ravelord]

There are no encore dungeons in the Steam version. However, I think there are two superbosses. At least one of them with multiple faces.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Man, I go back to college and I forget this thread for a couple weeks.

This is a side by side comparison of the Whale and the Falcon, just so you believe me when I say the Whale is massive. It's FF4's version of the Invincible.

So first things first, let's head to the moon. It's not the most impressive cinematic, it's just a gif of the moon getting larger (implying we're flying closer to it)

But once you get to the moon, head back and head to the Underworld with the Falcon (you can use the Crystal in the Lunar Whale to travel between worlds, and use the 'cube' to pilot it).

For some reason, we only had to go to the moon to get Excalibur. Anyway, Excalibur is awesome-it gives Cecil a strength boost (he's at 83 for me) and has a whooping 120 Attack, and has the Holy element tacked on which is just sweet.

While we're down here, let's grab the three of the Eidolons who are down here. I've already documented the one on the second floor of the Slyph house, and the one in front of this forge house, but there's a third in the Dwarf Castle Pub. Go get him, then return to the surface to get three more that we can get to for now-one in Kaipo, one in the Black Chocobo Forest (from WAYYYYYYY back in the Troia segment), and one on Mount Ordeals. The other two are in the Hummingway Abode (that we can't get to yet) and the Lair of the Father, which is coming next.

The moon is criss-crossed with tunnels and caves, and we need to go through most of them. Start with the ones in the west, then head to the ones in the east, and then head to the crystal palace in the center. And be ready for all the spoilers ever.

The tunnels aren't much, but be prepared for some brutal fights. Dark Flans suck. Don't use fire on Dark Grenades, they heal and they counter with an explosion. Aside from that, just grab the loot and map each tunnel for 3 Sirens each.

Welcome to the Crystal Palace. To the east is a square that'll restore everyone's MP, so heal up and use it. Then head to the center. And by the way, this is OFFICIALLY your final spoiler warning. GTFO if you don't wanna know how it ends.

So we meet up with this guy, who is our final party member. Yes, he does join us, at least for a while.

Lunarians, aka the people of the moon, have been slumbering for a while. They did this because they escaped another planet a while ago and would have landed on Earth except that Earth was still evolving, so they created another moon for the planet and slept for a long time.

Remember way back in one of the first cinematics, we saw two moons in the sky behind Dark Knight Cecil? PLOT POINT, BITCHES!

There was one who wanted to burn the Blue Planet (Earth) to the ground, but Fusoya forced him into hibernation. Said evil Lunarian's will took on a consciousness all of its own and reached out to men with tainted hearts, like say...Golbez.

Zemus, the Dark Lunarian, plans to use the Tower of Babil's inter dimensional elevator which requires the energy of all the crystals to transport the Giant of Babil to the Blue Planet and burn it all to the ground.

Also, the Lunar Whale and other blatantly technological marvels are all Lunarian gifts to the people of the Blue Planet. The rest of the Lunarians await a day where the Lunarians can be perceived as equals.

One last thing, Kluya, the guy who gave us the Lunar Whale and all those other cool tech things?

Cecil's father. This means that Cecil is half-Lunarian.

Fusoya joins us, and has basically every spell in the game, including the badass Holy, Flare, and METEOR! And unlike Tellah, he can cast it!

Before we return to Earth to do battle with the Giant of Babil in the Tower of Babil, we'll be hitting up the Lair of the Father on the east side of the moon. Grind a little if you feel appropriate, then head over to that mysterious donut on the east. Why are we going there?

Bahamut awaits.

Next Time: The Lair of the Father!

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Alright boys and girls, there's a dragon waiting to meet with us.

The Lair of the Father is mostly like those Lunar Passages we went through, but with slightly tougher enemies.

This chest on the Southwest of the first floor has Genji Gloves. While it doesn't have the Defense of the Strength boost of the Giant's Gloves, the Magic Defense helps make up for it. I recommend them for Cecil, as the Dark Sages in this dungeon use Tier 3 magic on him and he needs every point. If you have trouble with the Dark Sages (especially when they come in groups), have Rydia Toad them all. It works, and they can't cast when they're frogs. Moonmaidens are comparatively easy, while they're fast, a Slow will stop them pretty quick.

Also, a note about FuSoYa-your MP problems are gone, as his Bless command is basically "MP Regen". Have fun!

A secret tunnel near the center of the map leads to a Genji Shield. Personally, I prefer the Aegis for its immunities.

Mapping the floors will get us a Golden Apple for each. Give 'em all to Cecil.

The second floor gives you Genji Armor pretty quick. It blows the Diamond Armor out of the water, however, it can also be given to Edge if you want him to be a pro-Genji. I would rather give it to Cecil, he's the one who's taking all the not-AoE hits.

On a small bridge leading north, you are forced into a battle with a Behemoth, providing the one and only 'encounter square' in the whole game. Thankfully, it's only once. The Behemoth attacks hard, counters physical attacks with swings of his own, and counters magic with a FULL PARTY TORNADO ATTACK. So...don't use magic on him. Get Cecil Blinked and Hasted, and also Haste up Edge. Heal any damage those two suffer. Rydia can use summons, preferably Titan, as he doesn't counter Summons.

Also, if you're obscenely lucky, I did accidentially hit Auto-Battle which had everyone queue up an Attack...and it turns out, the Behemoth is NOT immune to the paralyzing effects of Rydia's whip. Which is kind of hilarious. Just chunk down his HP while keeping up your own, and eventually, he'll go down.

Now the final floor. It's just a big area with no loot, there's two more Behemoth encounters as well. I highly recommend killing the Behemoths then going back to the Whale to patch up and save. They're one time only, so with that, you get a straight shot to Bahamut...

Also, at about this point, Rydia should be hitting level 60 and picking up Flare. Random Battles are now cancelled on account of nuclear explosion.

Near the shrine of the Hallowed Father, first sire of the Eidolons, is one of Whyt's friends. Talk to him because if you miss him, holy fuck you do not want to go back through this nonsense.

Bahamut is a man of few words. He speaks a few lines to declare his intent to try us, and then attacks us.

Now THIS is a battleground.

Here's how it goes, each person by what they should be doing.

Rydia: Leviathan over and over and over. Most raw attack power, therefore he's the one.

Cecil: Attack attack attack (This also applies for Edge)

Rosa: Has the most to do. She should Slow Bahamut then get to work Hasting everyone.

FuSoYa: Shell the party, Bless them, then defend (he's useless as Bahamut Reflects himself as soon as Rosa slows him). Alternatively, if you don't have Duelcast for Rosa, have him help out with the Hasting.

Edge: See Cecil.

Bahamut: Bahamut will count down from 5 to 1, then MegaFlare. He does this by bouncing it off his reflected self, so no tricks with Reflecting. When he gets to 1, everyone should Defend. This SHOULD result in the party living. Once this is done, assuming all the buffs have been cast, everyone but FuSoYa can join in on the offensive.

With a little luck and some good levels, he'll go down before he can even start counting a second time.

Bahamut costs as much as Meteor, but damn if MegaFlare isn't impressive.

Next Time: The Giant of Babil!

 

[Wallace]

Ouch, Bahamut bounces his MegaFlare off of himself in this version? Back in my day it was just a race to cast Wall/Reflect on as many of the party as you could before he struck.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Ouch, Bahamut bounces his MegaFlare off of himself in this version? Back in my day it was just a race to cast Wall/Reflect on as many of the party as you could before he struck.

The Walkthrough I've been using tells me he does, though I didn't see him do it. That said, whether or not he does it that way, Shelling and Defending with everyone cuts it down to about 1,100 damage per party member.

 

[Ravelord]

Maybe it's one of those it only works once. If you use reflect, he uses megaflare on his reflect afterwards.

P.S: I think I will stream or record an LP of FF V instead of doing screenshots (because I will probably go full sperging about the mechanics and watching a video would probably more bearable than a wall of text). Sadly I would have to use the GBA version which has a worse soundchip than Steam or SNES versions.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

Oh hey, look at this, a fucking update that doesn't take Angelo a week and a fuckin' half!

Alright, make sure you save your fucking game now. As soon as you return to the Blue Planet, you'll be forced into the Giant of Babil and can't get out until you beat it. Also, the Giant is a one time dungeon so make sure you're clearing those fucking maps.

Back on the planet, the tower fucking explodes and produces a Giant, as we see here. The Giant lets off some lasers that cause massive explosions, and our heroes lose faith-but quickly pick it up again as the Red Wings (free of Golbez's control) and the Dwarves come together to lay some righteous smackdown. Everyone's here, from Cid to Yang to even the Twins, freed from their Stone spell by the Elder of Mysidia.

Cid docks the Enterprise with the Lunar Whale, and the party boards the Enterprise. FuSoYa wants to get us close enough to jump into the Giant's mouth, and Cid replies it's no problem.

We land on its tongue. Cid is the greatest badass this series has ever seen.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJ1RY7YwZGE

Alright let's rip this motherfucker a new asshole!

We have a mouth, a neck, a chest, and a stomach to get through before we even get to any boss fights, and trust me, there's some brutal ones waiting. The mouth has no treasures and no mapping, but the neck does-though the neck is a small map.

Chest is where it gets interesting, a longer path that loops around and is pretty direct, but there's also actual treasure here. It's like they remembered what game it is! Highlights include an extra Fuma Shuriken and some Yoichi Arrows that Rosa already has. Sigh...

The Stomach has a couple of chests containing a Silver Apple and a Soma Drop, which are fantastic. You know who to give them to by this point.

The Inner Passage, which sounds a lot nicer then lower intestine, is where it gets...interesting. There's Armor Constructs and Clockwork Dragons here. Dragons can be Stopped but the Armor can't-but it's also weak to Thunder like just about everything in this dungeon, so go Ramuh go.

At the end of the path in the Inner Passage, there is a save point and a Namingway clone merchant. He doesn't sell much that you need, but if you lack Cottages, buy a few and use one, save the second for later.

The Inner Stair is where it gets UGLY. You must fight all four fiends, in order. And we don't have the counter for the wind bitch this time, so we'll just have to do our best.

Use Scar to get your buffs up. Blessing from FuSoYa, Shell and Protect, Hastes, the works. Once that's done, hit Scar with Curajas and maybe an Elixir. The good news is, Cecil's sword is way better against Scar then it was in the first round-cause he's a Paladin now!

Cag is the same as before. Have FuSoYa do the Thunder duties, and maybe hold off on physical attacks. He does counter them with Hold, after all. Magic is countered with Silence, except for Rydia's summons, so have her slap the fucker with Ramuh all the time. Getting him slowed is also a good idea.

Barbie will eventually shift and become invulnerable. So hit her as much as you can before she shifts, then switch to using magic. Have Rydia use that sweet Bahamut summon she just picked up, and maybe use Ultima with Cecil and Rosa. She will use Maelstorm, so be ready with a Curaga/Curaja to counter it, probably from FuSoYa.

The same tactics against Rubi work here like they did last time. This is me forgetting his fucking Firaga counter. Heal up, have Edge steal when he opens his mantle, and have Rydia slap him with Titan. He counters by healing himself with Blizzara, but Titan will rapidly outdamage him. Have Rosa Pray to keep Rydia's MP up, or have someone chuck an Ether at her, just keep up the Titans and eventually, they'll all go down.

Once they're all fucking dead, go back to that save point and save, then heal up. Or heal then save, however you do it. There's another boss, one final boss to kill off, and then we'll have saved the planet, and man it feels good to be on top of things for a change!

Did anyone think we'd be fighting a CPU today?

FuSoYa says to attack the Defense Node first. THIS IS A STUPID IDEA. The defense node does heal, yes, but the heals are weak. Instead, kill the ATTACK node first, because that laser will fuck your team harder than a barbed wire dildo.

Have FuSoYa Bless the party, then let him fucking rot for all I care, he contributes nothing to the team in this fight and the Attack Node's laser will just kill him again. Beat down the Attack Node and have Rydia summon Ramuh as much as she can-there's some Reflect nonsense going on, so be careful. Rosa should be ready on healing duties. Once the Attack Node is down, kill the CPU next-yes, kill the core, why? Because if it's the last thing alive, it'll go berserk and murder everyone. Then kill the Defense Node when everything else is dead.

The biggest problem in this battle is that the order of actions is entirely random. There's no pattern to any of it, so the Attack Node might activate and spam Laser Barrage over and over and over. If it happens, well, that's why I told you to go save. Once the Attack Node is dead, you can worry about rezzing people, especially if like me, your Edge went down in the opening salvo. Don't worry about the Defense Node dying to Ramuh's lightning strikes, it absorbs everything except Earth elemental, so Rydia can't kill it without using Titan.

Golbez appears, and seems utterly fucking flabergasted that we managed to win one of these. FuSoYa, however, recognizes Golbez. FuSoYa slaps Golbez with some weird Jedi power and suddenly, Golbez seems to wake up. A cutscene plays where Golbez snaps out of Zemus's control-yes, our major villain who was mind controlling everyone was mind-controlled himself!

Your spoiler warning, by the way, was two updates ago, fuck off. FuSoYa asks if he remembers the face (well, name) of his father.

If that sounds familiar, that's also the name of Cecil's father. Which means that Cecil and Golbez are brothers!

FuSoYa breaking Golbez from the curse proves too much for him, and like Tellah, he goes down from magical overexertion. That's what you get for not improving your stats from all your level ups, buddy. He gets back up later, though.

Cecil believes that their roles might have been reversed, but Golbez shoots that idea down, saying there was evil in him long ago and that Golbez abandoned him.

We then have an out of body experience where we get to play as a boy named Theodor. He's the child of Cecilia and Kluya, meaning that we're either young Golbez or Cecil. Eventually we find out that Cecilia is pregnant with another child, so that means we're young Golbez.

Kluya has taught the village how to use magic, and after Theodor gets a good night's sleep, we awaken some time in the future and find that there are some who disagreed with Kluya's teachings and used magic to strike him down. Kluya didn't defend himself, not even a Shell. This ends in Kluya's death.

To hit Theodor/Young Golbez with a double whammy, Cecilia then dies giving birth to Cecil. Some time later, Zemus starts to telepathically speak to Golbez, encouraging infanticide(!) and naming him Golbez. Golbez doesn't actually kill Cecil, instead abandoning him in the wilderness. The King of Baron finds him, along with some soldiers, and the good king sees the resemblance to Cecilia.

Golbez finishes explaining what happened: He left to the borderlands to hide, wracked by guilt. He knows now how much of a pawn he was in Zemus's game, and he announces his intention to end all this. FuSoYa elects to go with him, but of course, it won't be that easy, will it?

Cecil doesn't know what to do at this point, but now Kain shows up, and with Golbez no longer holding the leash, he's firmly back on our side. The party escapes the giant as the giant collapses outside the tower, barely ten feet from where he started. Sucks to be it, huh?

Edge, Kain, and Cecil all decide to go after Zemus, but Cecil orders Rosa and Rydia off the ship to try and protect them. I, meanwhile, want to fucking stab him for trying to fuck with our team composition. Don't ditch your White Mage, bro!

We can't open our menu or leave the Whale, so I just slap the Crystal to send us to the moon. Betcha Rosa and Rydia didn't leave, and opening the menu would spoil that.

Once we're back on the moon, another cutscene plays where Rosa comes back on the ship and mentions "hey dumbass, who's going to be the party healer?" Rydia also comes back on and announces "just as planned".

Finally, we come to the end of this update. Next time: Finishing the fucking Namingway quest!

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

I said Namingway Quest, right?

Fuck it! Fuck it! Fuck it! I have a better idea. We're getting the fucking Treasure Hunter augment first. Fuck this noise.

To do that, we need to map everything, so we need to hit up the final dungeon for this.

We need to hit the Feymarch first, now that we've gone and gotten all of Whyt's friends (it's possible to enter the Hummingway Abode, it's also where you get Sirens for sale to summon monsters to kill, and that's where the last friend is). This gets us the Piercing Magic augment, a great equip for Rosa as she can Reflect the party and then continue to spell cast through it.

This is the Hummingway Abode. Yes, they all look like Namingway clones in nice hats. The guy on the far right of the map will sell you high end items.

Now head to Baron. There's a soldier on the roof of the west part of the castle that'll give us an HP +50% augment. Pass through the infirmary to find him. Give this to Rosa as well, to protect her from AoE boom attacks.

Upon returning to the Crystal Tower, if you gave FuSoYa a bunch of augs, you'll get Bless, Phoenix, and Omnicasting. Omnicasting turns all those Single Target Spells into All Target Spells, so if you just heard "Haste the entire party at once", you're not wrong. Phoenix allows you to expend all MP to revive the party when fallen, so give it to Kain. Bless should go to Edge, he's fast.

Welcome to the core of the moon. Welcome to hell!

The first level has a ton of Dark Sages. Remember to hit them with Toad before they nuke poor Cecil.

This chest can be found in a secret area. Head east from the starting point and you'll find it. It loops around to this treasure chest, a Black Garb guarded by an Armored Construct. If you beat the Giant of Babil, you can handle these guys. Also, going west from the start leads to a sort of secret area that lets you get the better treasures on B2 and B3.

B2 is criss-crossed with secret passages. Navigating them is hard. You can find a Flame Whip for Rydia in one of them. You can also find a Dragon Shield, which halves "primary elements", or, in less retarded speak, is Fire, Ice, and Lightning. In the "secret" area, you can find a Sage Staff guarded by a Dark Sage and a couple Moonmaidens. You cleaved through them on B1, do it again. The Sage Staff will give Rosa a massive Spirit buff, and at this point, she should never be physically attack, so give it to her.

This platform is a boss fight, and waits on the third floor of the "secret" areas, but you must interact with it, not just step on it. Give Cecil the Defender, and if you've been having him kick instead of attack, make sure he has regular attacking. Give Rydia whatever Rod gives her the most Intellect as well. Also, cast Float on everyone. Trust me on this. Touch the platform, and you'll get in a fight with...

The White Dragon. He counters fucking EVERYTHING. Physical attacks are countered with slow, magic is countered with magic, and summons are countered with Quake. This is why you need Float. Have Kain cry while Edge Blesses, Rosa slows the dragon and Blinks Cecil, while Rydia casts Bahamut and Cecil Defends. Three Bahamuts and a wave of physical attacks should do it, just launch the physical attacks AFTER the third Bahamut. He will use Maelstrom every so often, but as long as Cecil has Blink, you're fine.

Killing the Dragon rewards a kick ass Katana. Give it to Edge, obviously.

Now to go back and go on the regular floors. These secret areas kind of dry up at this point, now it's just secret areas on the floors themselves.

On the non-secret part of B3, don't go down to the next floor as soon as you see it. There are secret passages to the south that lead to a cache of Dragon gear. Give them all to Cecil, except for the Shield-Cecil can use the Aegis Shield, Kain can't, so give him the Dragon Shield for AoE nonsense.

B4 is split into two areas, connected by a Passageway. There's stuff to grab, including a side room on the west side where an Elixir waits, but the real prize here is the Stardust Rod.

It's guarded by a Behemoth. You've fought them before, same strategy applies.

The fifth floor has a treasure room right next to the entrance that leads (via secret passage) to a Protect Ring. It is the best Gloves item in the game. Put it on Cecil, give Kain the Dragon Gloves. As you get Crystal stuff for Cecil, give the Dragon gear to Kain, as only Cecil can wear Crystal gear and you'll find a full set on the following floors. I was really lucking and got a 0.4% drop from the Dark Sages in the form of a Ribbon, which is also better then the Crystal Helm. You will find a few Ribbons down here as well.

From here on out, I'll just discuss bosses and really good gear. Also, if you find a Lil' Murderer, who does nothing but Libra themselves to reveal their Thunder weakness, use Bless to restore your MP to full.

The fifth floor also has a Crystal Shield, guarded by two Blue Dragons. They suck. They inflict Doom, and there's no way to counter it besides rezzing when they die. Just go all out and blow them the fuck up, try to make Kain die last if you have to in order to pop Phoenix (assuming you have it equipped). Yeah, you can Berserk them and Blink Cecil, but really, it's just a race.

Once you have the shield, go past the chest with the Protect Ring in the little room to proceed farther.

There's a chest with Crystal Mail on the east side of B5, guarded by a Behemoth. It's easy.

This fucker is a Red Dragon. He's a bigger dick then the Blue ones. The trick of Berserking then Blinking works, but only barely, this dude cranks out attacks. The fight is more endurance match than actual battle. Why fight him? He guards the Crystal Gloves, which have been already passed by by the Protect Ring we JUST got.

In the next Passageway you pass through (B5 is riddled with the bastards), you'll find a White Robe. It's Rosa's super armor, basically, and at her level was cranking her Spirit up to 97. Hell yes.

A chest containing a Crystal Helm on B5 is guarded by the same Dinozombie you've been killing all over B5. Whee!

There's a special room at the end of B5, where a Red Fang sits in a chest. If you pop a Siren here, you will fight the Flan Princesses, who have a whopping 2% of dropping the Rainbow Pudding...but are BITCHES to fight. I recommend not.

On B6, things start straightening out. You can go south, open a chest with a Cottage, and enter a room to get a Minerva Bustier (makes your ladies better physical fighters and is therefore SHIT!), and continue on. Or, you can head west of the chest with the cottage, and find a secret passage that leads all the way back up to B5 and gets us access to a couple of neat things...

This is basically the one Invisible floor this game has. Savor it.

We go back up to B5 after another secret passage and thankfully get to map out the 3% we had left. We also get access to some sweet gear. There's a Protect Ring with a Behemoth Ambush, they are literal cakewalks now. The Staircase leads us to a teleporter, and a Save Point. Oh jesus yes.

Past the save point is another weapon platform. This one has us fight Dark Bahamut.

The motherfucker opens with Megaflare, luckily everyone survived it. Being at level 70 with most of the party helps. Now he's guaranteed to Reflect himself and bounce it off to hit the party, specifically a random party member. Heal quickly. Do not use Summons, he will counter summons with Megaflare. Instead, have Rydia use the Stardust Rod (or just any Stardust you've collected), which is slow, but Comet hurts and pierces his Reflect. He may counter this with Flare on Cecil. Rosa should Haste and Shell everyone quickly, use Blink to prevent his physical counter-attacks from landing, and someone needs to pop a Spider's Silk to slow him. Kain can also Cry to weaken him. Eventually you'll take him down, and your reward is the ass-whoopin' Ragnarok.

Majestic.

Next Time: Lunar Subterran, part 2!

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

There's another save point down on B7, and there's not really any treasure between Dark Bahamut and there, so I'll meet you there.

Floor 7 runs you in a long loop, with a few rooms. The first room has the Save Point and a Cottage. The second room has the Holy Lance. It's on a platform like the last few awesome weapons.

There's been Ahrimans in this dungeon, they do a thing where they cast Doom on someone. Protection from Instant Death does NOT apply to the Doom countdown, and yes, there is a countdown. This is all about damage, have Kain cry while everyone attacks, have Rosa use Holy and have Rydia use Bahamut. Should kill him pretty quickly. Hell, in my case, he was dead before Rydia could even start casting her second Bahamut.

The third room has a nasty surprise in the form of messing with my screenshot capture. Oh, it's a Lunasaur, and he jumps you as you enter the room. I really hope your Rosa has Piercing Magic equipped, because he bounces Bio off himself and hits you with it. He is, however, weak to Holy and Fire, so have everyone attack, have Rosa slow him, then Holy him, and Rydia should drop Bahamut on his head. He counters summons with Heal, but you're doing 9,999 damage and he's healing (and yes, he actually HEALS, despite being undead) 3k. Your reward is a pair of Ribbons, hell yes.

This is B8. We're really at the Core now.

For the record, floors B1-B7 use The Red Wings as a theme, while B8-B11 use the Giant of Babil theme. You also cannot use Warp on these floors, which sucks a fat one.

There's one last epic weapon to acquire, and it's on this floor.

But to get it, we need to fight Opogoga...Opogaga...Opagaga? *checks wiki* Opogogo. Or, Super-Leviathan. He isn't too tough, but he does open with a Deluge. Then he does another Deluge, then he attacks a few times...the order is as follows: Have Rosa Slow, Haste, then Shell in that order. Kain cries, Edge blesses, Rydia summons Bahamut, and Cecil kicks ass. If you beat the rest, this guy should be no problems.

Our reward is the Masamune.

Pretty much every treasure left is nothing but a bunch of consumables. However, once we go and map out every floor, we finally get our hands on the goddamn motherfucking piece of shit cunt-bucket Treasure Hunter Augment.

Speaking of B11, both enemies (Zemus's Breath and Zemus's Malice) are weak to Stop, allowing you a chance to recover your MP. But we're not doing that. We're backing out and finishing the goddamn sidequests is what we're doing.

Next Time: Actually the Namingway Quest!

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

You know what? Fuck it.

I've spent, between reloads, about 200, possibly verging on 300, Sirens for this stupid fucking pudding. I must have angered Random Number Gesus, because that shit ain't dropping for anything. So I'm just going to tell you how the subplot goes while inserting stupid images I find humorous, and then we'll just go kill the main boss because fuck this.

(Abusing Namingway in the SNES version for fun and profit!)

Give Puddingway the stupid fucking pudding and he disappears. You can get a Phoenix Down in the house he was standing in.

https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net...vdx.png.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20130917043232

Puddingway is next found in the Dwarven Pub, changed to Mopingway, and is crying about how he found out that his girlfriend was cheating on him. Note that he did it first, and with how long it would take someone to get the damn pudding, it should have happened sooner. He attacks you. Beat him up and get the Eye Gouge augment.

He then goes to the Feymarch, and is now in love, calling himself Lovingway. He asks who you desire, and you are asked to put in a four letter name. My plan was, of course, to put in Null.

Head to the Tower in Mysidia, you know, the one we summoned the Lunar Whale from. He is now Weddingway. He gives you the (Name)'s Love augment, which will enhance your level ups, and you should give it to Cecil.

(This is, by the way, a 1,000% accurate summary of FF4's plot)

Head to Namingway's home on the moon. He's married now and has brought his fiance to the moon. As honeymoon locations go, it's not bad-oh I see what you did there, game. He also calls himself Hummingway, like everyone in that place does.

With this all done, there are now random locations you can run into him, but he stays at the same "random" location once it's picked, go look up a guide and you'll find him. He's going on a nostalgic trip around the world and is now called "Going-My-Way", and gives you the Safe Travel Augment, which prevents random encounters.

So basically, after all of that, which you had to go all the way around the world and more to get to, all you have proven is that you didn't need his fucking trinkets to begin with.

Now that we've fucked it to hell, next time: The finale!

 

[Water-T]

I waited fucking forever for an update, but that was worth the wait. I wish I could give you 1000 fucking stars.

 

[AngeloTheWizard]

I waited fucking forever for an update, but that was worth the wait. I wish I could give you 1000 fucking stars.

You're in luck, Water-T, tonight you get a double update!