🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

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My question is, does he even know whom he's stalking? If, hypothetically, Ashleigh Bainks was a false name, then it stands to reason that the man Sweet called up was, in fact, not her father, and may have just been a red herring, simply to get him to leave her alone. Could he be stalking the wrong person?
 
My question is, does he even know whom he's stalking? If, hypothetically, Ashleigh Bainks was a false name, then it stands to reason that the man Sweet called up was, in fact, not her father, and may have just been a red herring, simply to get him to leave her alone. Could he be stalking the wrong person?
Two possibilities: first, there's a (very) slim chance he's pullin the ol' :ruse: on us. This theory doesn't hold water, in my opinion, and the reasons are obvious: he's an idiot, number one, and number two he feels strongly that his cause is righteous, which means he wouldn't care if we saw what trail he was following. So the other option is that when he called up the supposed father, that perhaps the guy really didn't have a daughter, and he replied as such. Which would mean that Sweetness was trolled the entire time, right?
 
Man this is fantastic stuff, thank you very much! I suppose since Jaimas is getting his sources together I should as well, by which I mean, I'm going to be writing the Lolcow Wiki article on this dude and if anyone has sources for stuff like this then I would deeply appreciate it if you'd help me get it all in one spot.
 
Man this is fantastic stuff, thank you very much! I suppose since Jaimas is getting his sources together I should as well, by which I mean, I'm going to be writing the Lolcow Wiki article on this dude and if anyone has sources for stuff like this then I would deeply appreciate it if you'd help me get it all in one spot.

Great to hear that Sweets it's getting an article :)

The archive of Sweets' blog is fascinating. It's amusing that as far back as 2011, someone from the CWCki was parodying him:

Youliberalsandblacksarestupid.jpg
 
That's some fine detective work Mr

Calling Sweet Nostradamus is an insult to some 16th century scientist. Nastydumbass seems to fit him better.
 

Horrible Fart Monster said:
So what have I learned? I learned trying to stand up for myself didn't work, andafter all that nothing has really changed. I realized then I couldn't go on this way. I just can't deal with him or this twisted, moronic little status quo anymore. I want out. I'm tired of his unrelenting mental and physical abuse. I'm tired of him bullying, stealing, and tormenting me. I'm tired watching him flip out over the tiniest thing, bellowing and punching holes in the walls and breaking windows. I'm tired of him constantly hocking phlegm and spitting on the floor, making anobnoxious, persistent ratcheting noise that crawls up my skin and sounds like he's about to lose a lung. I'm tired of sitting around trapped in this house starving like a dog for days because he gobbles up all the food in thehouseand then takes the family car out for days at a time so we can't go shopping for more groceries. Above all, I'm tired of his cavalier attitude towards his thievery. Every time he's confronted about paying me back, he rolls his eyes innocently and says, "Duh, I is not steal ya's mo-neys." I don't think that burned-out moron even knows right from wrong anymore, or even remembers what he does five minutes after it's over. Something needs to change. And since he won't do the decent thing and just die, I have no choice but to move out of the house. I need to run back to AS(S)U and just hide there until he finally screws up enough to get locked away for good. Then and only then can I truly be safe, happy, and free.

Quit lying, Sweetums, you didn't learn shit.
 
Not only was he jailed for beating on his brother (apparently the brother caught a charge too), but he admits to a revolting side effect of being locked up:
To make matters worse, I caught something while I was locked up and these huge painful boils sprang up on my ass and crotch. So while spending the last part my summer largely bedriddden, draining huge gouts of blood and pus out of my flaming balls...

As with Chris's :briefs:, I found myself mentally screaming, Jesus H. Christ, why would you just admit that?

But then he talks about writing to one of his old college-newspaper mentors, who shot back this excerpted and, I think, not at all unreasonable response to being stalked:
We've covered this ground before, but apparently you need to be reminded of the facts once again.
I don't understand why you keep contacting me because I am one of the people that documented your plagiarism. You seem to have forgotten that when you were confronted by The Herald staff -- that includes me -- you confessed to deliberately plagiarizing ...
I have no intention of jeopardizing my job at ASU by bringing you on campus. You are persona non grata at ASU. You are officially not allowed on campus. You are not allowed on campus because you came up with this fantasy that you did not plagiarize and that various members of The Herald staff and the faculty advisor had formed a conspiracy against you and you started harassing them. But your column is still here, still proving that you were not conspired against, but rightly fired from The Herald for plagiarism.

You do not need to come to ASU to use a CD burner...
Do not contact me again. Ever.
Allow me to repeat myself, just to make sure you understand me -- DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN.
Get over your obsession to come back to ASU. You can't come back. As you say, the past is past and you should put that grudge behind you.
...If need be, I will send a copy [of this e-mail] to the Jonesboro Police Department, the Arkansas State Police, and the the Missouri State Police.
Have a good life, don't cross over into mine ever again.

Jesus H. Christ, why would you just admit someone wrote you THAT? Sweets takes the email as evidence of exactly the sort of liberal conspiracy he just got told very clearly does not exist. And so he wrenches the narrative, plaintively saying that it's not about the CD burner, that he wants to live in a dorm again and take a class or two so that he can be a shining light of conservatism, a mentor to these kids that he terrifyingly says he cares about (the ones he was writing for would certainly all have graduated by now, so he doesn't know the current batch), indeed a hero of sorts. Oh, okay.

I like the Topix links too because we now have a different story about "Ashleigh Bainks" (with whom he does not realize he was not having a "relationship" -- this girl was epically trolling him). Apparently "Carolyn Jones" wasn't her alias in this version of the story, but her friend. Or something.

I notice Sweets claims to be this amazing writer, but he uses the same "stupid-speak," containing nonstandard contractions like "I's," to represent the hypothetical positions of straw-man lefties; his brother's speech; and things said to him by campus staff. He can't do different voices at all. His brother is made to talk exactly like proponents of equal marriage, who sound weirdly like Boss Nass from The Phantom Menace. I wonder how he represents speech in his stories, but luckily I have enough fine single-malt to make me stop wondering.
 
Moar Sweets.

EDIT: Sweets was old-school CWCki forums, wanted to join PVCC, was rejected:

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3470622&userid=187352#post404925522

SA Goons discover our hero on TVTropes. Includes an informative screencap of Sweets arguing with another troper.

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3470622&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=26

Contributing to the TV.com forums:

http://www.tv.com/shows/family-guy/forums/man-this-is-worst-than-the-time-443-224188/
 
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From the links
While I was in town sorting out this mess, I found Capt. Stupid had also swiped my computer monitor and hidden it in his room. The door was locked, and taped to it was a gibbering, incoherent note filled with expletives.
Who wants to bet all their money that said note basically said "Stop posting all your shit on the internet you moron"?
 
From the links

Who wants to bet all their money that said note basically said "Stop posting all your shit on the internet you moron"?
I honestly, whole-heartedly believe that the note was probably terse but not overly insulting or aggressive.

Honestly, no joke at all, 100% serious, if Sweetness said the sky was blue I'd be sorely tempted to believe the opposite.
 
I honestly, whole-heartedly believe that the note was probably terse but not overly insulting or aggressive.

Honestly, no joke at all, 100% serious, if Sweetness said the sky was blue I'd be sorely tempted to believe the opposite.

It's why I only take the outline as fact. Everything else I see as bias, interspersed with omissions, hyperbole, and outright lies.
 
"To make matters worse, I caught something while I was locked up and these huge painful boils sprang up on my ass and crotch. So while spending the last part my summer largely bedriddden, draining huge gouts of blood and pus out of my flaming balls, I happily prepared my defense."

Thanks, John. I appreciate that. You just saved me from spending any money on food this week.

"So what have I learned? I learned trying to stand up for myself didn't work, andafter all that nothing has really changed [...]Something needs to change."


Remember, folks: Change is bad.

"I need to run back to AS(S)U and just hide there until he finally screws up enough to get locked away for good. Then and only then can I truly be safe, happy, and free."

Damn liberal scum, always wanting to cut-and-run back to their ivory towers.


"That is where you guys come in. Visit my site. Buy more books, buy some comics, spend, spend, spend. I will save up every penny towards finally living my dream. I will move into a dorm, or maybe an off-campus apartment, which will allow me full access to the AS(S)U perks package. I will have the life I want. I will be free. No one will ever hurt me, insult and ridicule me daily, or steal my money or my Hot Pockets and Ramens behind my back ever again."

Gimme, gimme, gimme, so I can live my dream. It's all about bootstraps with this guy.

BTW, folks - No offense intended towards those of you who are conservatives. It's just that Sweets here doesn't seem to hold true to his convictions.
 
"To make matters worse, I caught something while I was locked up and these huge painful boils sprang up on my ass and crotch. So while spending the last part my summer largely bedriddden, draining huge gouts of blood and pus out of my flaming balls, I happily prepared my defense."

Thanks, John. I appreciate that. You just saved me from spending any money on food this week.

"So what have I learned? I learned trying to stand up for myself didn't work, andafter all that nothing has really changed [...]Something needs to change."


Remember, folks: Change is bad.

"I need to run back to AS(S)U and just hide there until he finally screws up enough to get locked away for good. Then and only then can I truly be safe, happy, and free."

Damn liberal scum, always wanting to cut-and-run back to their ivory towers.


"That is where you guys come in. Visit my site. Buy more books, buy some comics, spend, spend, spend. I will save up every penny towards finally living my dream. I will move into a dorm, or maybe an off-campus apartment, which will allow me full access to the AS(S)U perks package. I will have the life I want. I will be free. No one will ever hurt me, insult and ridicule me daily, or steal my money or my Hot Pockets and Ramens behind my back ever again."

Gimme, gimme, gimme, so I can live my dream. It's all about bootstraps with this guy.

BTW, folks - No offense intended towards those of you who are conservatives. It's just that Sweets here doesn't seem to hold true to his convictions.

No offense taken. This guy's a lunatic and completely detached from any sort of reality. So, really the fact that he doesn't hold up to his principles has zero effect on me aside from making me hold on even more.
 
No offense taken. This guy's a lunatic and completely detached from any sort of reality. So, really the fact that he doesn't hold up to his principles has zero effect on me aside from making me hold on even more.

He seems to grab onto anything that he thinks will help defend his point, up to and including changing his story.
 
This guy has got to be one of the biggest hypocrites that ever lived. Just when I think my opinion of him can't get any lower, you guys dig something up even worse.
 
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