🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

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ToroidalBoat said:
On dA awhile back, Sweet said he doesn't watch modern TV and that he has to share the TV with Mama Sweet. IIRC, Sweet implied that she limits what he can watch.
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I read that as Sweet not being able to hog the TV when his mom wants to watch Wheel of Fortune or reruns of Matlock. (The selfish old cow has some nerve after working all day to expect to come home and inconvenience The Giant Brain of Blytheville after he's put in a rough day of drooling and farting.) He also makes it sound like they're watching on an old Magnavox CRT over a digital antenna with a converter box, so I don't think parental controls would be an option for Ma.

Dr.Scrotem said:
Latest journal - God of Hellfire :

http://haggismccrablice.deviantart.com/journal/May-6-2016-607499387
http://archive.is/xsd9R
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The Bad Boy of College Journalism, who never gets a single damned thing right, spells it hell fire on his sub-literate journal, even though many children know it's one word and even thought it's one word on the damned page he links to. He will correct the error and pretend it never existed in . . . three . . . two . . .
 
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Mother's Day post:
https://archive.is/kYvjN
But how to properly salute the woman who means the world to us? The one who gave us life, who feeds us, nurtures us, encourages us, celebrates our triumphs, consoles us in our defeats, takes care of us when we are hurt or sick or just feeling sad, loves us when we do well, still loves us when we are bad, cares for us despite our tantrums and little idiosyncrasies, knows when to hold close, knows when to let go sometimes, and is always there when we need her for a little advice, a joke, a story, or just an ear willing to listen...?
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Holdek causes Jon to have a minor chimpout:
https://archive.is/GSoym
Political Kiwi Exile Holdek said:
(I wasn't going to write this, but then I saw your racist comic and thought, ah, fuck it.)

Your submissions look nothing like the final logo. Do you think you're the only one with the idea to use a drop of water for a water treatment plant?
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Original Logo Do Not Steal said:
Uhhhh..... since it's what they asked for, you numb little fuck, no.

Drop dead, huh?!
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John Titor said:
Mother's Day post:
https://archive.is/kYvjN


Holdek causes Jon to have a minor chimpout:
https://archive.is/GSoym
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Go, Holdek!

That The Giant Brain of Blytheville -- the driest wit and best-known raconteur in three counties -- replies to Holdek's pithy comment with his typically devastating third-grade repartee -- "Drop dead!" -- surprises no one.

Sweet's Ode to Monther's Day is also remarkable for its mawkish, ham-fisted, semiliterate approach.
 
I'll just comment on this little section he wrote on Mother's Day.

Lazy Parasite said:
But how to properly salute the woman who means the world to us? The one who gave us life, who feeds us, nurtures us, encourages us, celebrates our triumphs, consoles us in our defeats, takes care of us when we are hurt or sick or just feeling sad, loves us when we do well, still loves us when we are bad, cares for us despite our tantrums and little idiosyncrasies, knows when to hold close, knows when to let go sometimes, and is always there when we need her for a little advice, a joke, a story, or just an ear willing to listen...?
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I know, I know! It's called "get a job and help pay for the rotting shack you two dwell in you miserable cretin". I think that's how you reasonably honor a mother who allowed you to basically live like a child with nothing to do for the past few decades.

As an aside, I like how Jon is too retarded to see that his design clearly never was implemented in the water treatment plant logo.
 
Dr. Merkwurdichliebe said:
Go, Holdek!

That The Giant Brain of Blytheville -- the driest wit and best-known raconteur in three counties -- replies to Holdek's pithy comment with his typically devastating third-grade repartee -- "Drop dead!" -- surprises no one.

Sweet's Ode to Monther's Day is also remarkable for its mawkish, ham-fisted, semiliterate approach.
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"The one who gave us life, who feeds us, nurtures us, encourages us, celebrates our triumphs, consoles us in our defeats, takes care of us when we are hurt or sick or just feeling sad, loves us when we do well, still loves us when we are bad, cares for us despite our tantrums and little idiosyncrasies, knows when to hold close, knows when to let go sometimes, and is always there when we need her for a little advice, a joke, a story, or just an ear willing to listen...?"

There's nothing original about this. Zip. It's the same kind of bland tripe you'd find on dollar-store greeting cards, except it's not as charming.That's something else I noticed about Jon: He's such a hack writer. Even his conspiracy theories and speculations about the world around him are either simply ridiculous or taken from somewhere else.
 
He Sets Me On Fire said:
"The one who gave us life, who feeds us, nurtures us, encourages us, celebrates our triumphs, consoles us in our defeats, takes care of us when we are hurt or sick or just feeling sad, loves us when we do well, still loves us when we are bad, cares for us despite our tantrums and little idiosyncrasies, knows when to hold close, knows when to let go sometimes, and is always there when we need her for a little advice, a joke, a story, or just an ear willing to listen...?"

There's nothing original about this. Zip. It's the same kind of bland tripe you'd find on dollar-store greeting cards, except it's not as charming.That's something else I noticed about Jon: He's such a hack writer. Even his conspiracy theories and speculations about the world around him are either simply ridiculous or taken from somewhere else.
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I especially like the "despite our tantrums," which reveals a lot more than Thumbskull intends.

News flash, Sweetums, most people -- the vastly overwhelming majority of us, in fact -- don't throw tantrums when we don't get what we want. Even most children don't engage in this behavior. That a 40-year-old man is blathering about how nice it is that his mommy still takes care of him despite his clinically insane outbursts over trivial bullshit is truly pathetic.

And the fact that you choose to describe your pathologically antisocial behavior and decades-long spree of criminal activity as your "little idiosyncrasies" has not gone unnoticed. If you were honest, you would have signed your Mother's Day card as follows: "Love, Your Son, Grendel. p.s. Hope that Beowulf fartknocker don't show up round here no more."
 
Dr. Merkwurdichliebe said:
I especially like the "despite our tantrums," which reveals a lot more than Thumbskull intends.

News flash, Sweetums, most people -- the vastly overwhelming majority of us, in fact -- don't throw tantrums when we don't get what we want. Even most children don't engage in this behavior. That a 40-year-old man is blathering about how nice it is that his mommy still takes care of him despite his clinically insane outbursts over trivial bullshit is truly pathetic.

And the fact that you choose to describe your pathologically antisocial behavior and decades-long spree of criminal activity as your "little idiosyncrasies" has not gone unnoticed. If you were honest, you would have signed your Mother's Day card as follows: "Love, Your Son, Grendel. p.s. Hope that Beowulf fartknocker don't show up round here no more."
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Grendel was actually successful at murder though. He's too stupid and incompetent to be Grendel.
 
Dr. Merkwurdichliebe said:
"despite our tantrums"
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It's just like the "TV ratings have ruined American lives," "college dating consists of phone sex," or "a protrusion of water from a liquid person's chest is totally a dick and inappropriate" things: classic Sweetish projection.

One of those tantrums was probably when the Sweet household installed that converter box Obamacable Sweet loves to loathe.
 
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Of course, Holdek metaphorically breaks a bar stool over Sweet's head, in a very satisfying fashion (I imagine it slammed down into his trunk, turtle-like, with Jon's headless body subsequently scrambling and crashing around the house, blindly looking for a pair of pliers or such). I'm going to paste it here in case Jon deletes it.

Holdek said:
Holdek Edited 1 hour ago
The appearance that's most memorable to me is the one where you're in your underwear looking in the fridge complaining about not having enough Hot Pockets or something, and your mother is begging you to stop with your fantasy of returning to ASU and to instead learn a useful trade and make something of your life. Then you tell her to stop her bitching and you go down to your basement and into a time portal that presumably takes you back to half-past 1997 (I don't think you posted the rest of the comic).

This was the most honest and revealing comic about the current situation in the Sweet household, IMO.
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He is physically unable to describe a buffet of any kind, even a crappy one at a Chinese place in a strip mall, without typing the word "sumptuous" in front of it. It's beyond "I don't think he knows what that word means" and into "I think he thinks 'sumptuous buffet' is one word."
 
NobleGreyHorse said:
He is physically unable to describe a buffet of any kind, even a crappy one at a Chinese place in a strip mall, without typing the word "sumptuous" in front of it. It's beyond "I don't think he knows what that word means" and into "I think he thinks 'sumptuous buffet' is one word."
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Buffets tend to be low to mid line foods unless you go to a place catering to richer clientele or if it's run by a casino. This to me tells me one of two things. The first is that Jonny probably has no goddamn clue what the word means. Fun fact Jonny: the internetz allows you to use a dictionary to double check your words; sumptuous means it looks expensive and grand. He's probably trying to use the word scrumptious and is fucking it up.

Second hypothesis, and something I find funnier: he is such a poor fuck that going to the Old Country buffet to eat worse than Denny's tier food is seen as a king's feast in his eyes.
 
Adamska said:
Second hypothesis, and something I find funnier: he is such a poor fuck that going to the Old Country buffet to eat worse than Denny's tier food is seen as a king's feast in his eyes.
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Pretty sure it's the latter. That institutional food served up by LunchLadyLand Inc. was actually "sumptuous" compared to anything he'd eaten out of a box in his previous life, or since.
 
AnOminous said:
Pretty sure it's the latter. That institutional food served up by LunchLadyLand Inc. was actually "sumptuous" compared to anything he'd eaten out of a box in his previous life, or since.
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And see, I actually find that quite sad - or would, if it was anyone but Jon Boy, whose unique lolcow trait of negating sympathy prevents people from actually feeling sorry for him. But I'm sure this is just due to liberals/progressives/whatever being heartless sociopaths, not because Jon is an unrepentant assbag who contributes nothing to the lives of those he encounters.
 
Yeah I'm pretty sure "sumptuous buffet" is one of his autism-related verbal tics, since many autists repeat verbatim snippets and phrases a lot.
 
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