🎨 Artcow Iconoclast / Jonathan Mack Sweet - The Chris-Chan of Arkansas

[Adamska]

You left out "masturbate furiously."

With Jonny's age and health, I wasn't sure if he could actually set his flag pole. But good point, put it in there with "wheeze creepily at pictures of teenagers wearing bikinis he found on deviantart".

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

New blog entry is up.

He talks about the water company using "his" concept for their sign. He then posts his no-talent designs and proves beyond the shadow of a doubt that his submissions were rejected out of hand.

One of his brilliant ideas involved a single drop of water -- That's never been done before. What genius! -- which, as he drew it, actually resembled an amorphous blob of some vaguely semi-liquid substance (quite possibly a bodily fluid) or perhaps a recently excised malignant tumor. Because the final design also used this incredibly obvious, common and cliched concept -- but with artwork that actually resembles a droplet of water -- Sweet claims that they used his idea.

If any of you ever consider drawing or photographing a drop of water, be aware that you will be violating both copyrights and trademarks held by Look Me In The Eye And Trigger My Kill Rage LLC.

 

[Adamska]

I'd planned today to upload a few comic pages, but apparently some folks are interested to hear about the job I mentioned in passing here.

So you have no job? Because you ain't no spokesman; those actually have charisma; all of your stats are dump stats. On top of that, a lot of companies hate when people do shit like this; example of that being when Chris lost his website doing the same thing with Coke.

My brother works for the water department up in Hayti.

So he actually does things like get jobs and earns money, something you are too retarded to do.

So a few years back he came to me with some notes and specs on a new treatment plant they were building up that way. He wanted me to come up with some designs for the sign in front. It wasn't a pay gig, mind, but, still, I thought that sounded like fun, and who knows, it could lead to something bigger.

I could maybe see him do this when he heard of a contest for the logo, and wanting to try to repair bridges, he told you about it. I can't see him being super interested in you doing it; he probably thought "maybe if my idiot brother got out and did something, he'd get better like Druggie Bro.". Alternatively, your mom might have again tried to get you to actually do something. Either way, I know it wasn't out of thinking you have anything remotely marketable.

So I quickly scanned some of the line sketches he presented me , uploaded them to the trusty old Win 6 (this was BLE-- the "Before Laptop Era"), then painted them to get a good idea of what the front of the new plant would look like.

Don't lie to me you dishonest Octaroon. I know for a fact you were working on Windows 98, since you wouldn't stop kvetching about that until right at this moment. You just lied your ass off blatantly. Now wriggle out of this and dig a deeper hole you gutless worm.

The large empty space on the dummies was, of course, where my potential design was to go.

To use some Whitewash Jones Blim-Blim speak like Jonny would:

The seal of Hayti, MO. I was given this to work from, thinking it was to inspire me. The color palette was very blue-, white- and gold-heavy.

More like: My brother knew I was creatively retarded, so he limited what options I had to worry about.

They wanted water drops on the logo. Makes sense, right? So I gave them two designs-- a falling drop, and a drop impacting on a surface.

Good job Jonny, you just proved that your design was not accepted. You also again prove you have no understanding of copyright and ownership if it doesn't belong to you.

The finished logo. Pared-down and simple. They used my one single drop. I guess they decided the bloop was a bit too fancy for 'em. Oh, well. I'm still honored to be a part of the whole experience.

Keep lying to yourself honky; it'll go as well as the times you lied about everything else.

And, speaking of brothers and water, a short comic in which Josh worries about his kid brother, who literally cannot wipe his ass without help.

Oh, I guess we learned that Jonny is just like Pigman Phil; he's too retarded to know to wipe his own ass. Probably because that takes time that could be used watching commercials and cartoons. And yes, I called you out on projection, since you are not creative and tend to lie about your role in things.

-snip-

Translation: I suck shit at comic design and art, and will never amount to anything due to deeming labor beneath me despite the fact I will die in a hovel, too retarded to feed myself.

Sadly, my computers won't play nice together.

Probably because the age gap is so goddamn far that they can't communicate or stay in contact with each other. I find this description apropos considering you also creep on children and mumble how you'll stuff them with beans until they shit themselves to death.

If I had to spend all day transferring an unfinished bitmap from one machine to another

.pngs or bust you fucking plebe.

it'd take me two or three times as long to knock out a single page and waste my whole damn day.

This is with all that new-fangled tech too. I reckon it's due to his technical incompetence at everything that this is such a fucking struggle.

So I just stay with writing my dialogue out por mano, unless I really need a fancy font I don't readily have at my fingertips.

A wide variety of fonts tend to be more readable and are easily found for free you stupid faggot. Hell, just using Calibri or Arial can do the job.

There has to be some way to build a well-stocked library that doesn't require spending a fortune out-of-pocket for fonts which, chances are, you hardly never use.

Literally Google "free fonts" you proof that humans share a common ancestor with bacteria. I literally doubled mine doing that with some nice shit. Hell, the base pack gives you some decent ones. Georgia, Garamond, Arial, or Calibri do the job fine for most people.

Let's face it, no publisher or agent wants to read a manuscript that looks like something out of a calligraphy class you took at the public library last summer. Sorry, Aunt Mabel... save your Olde English-looking lettering and cute wingdings for the Christmas newsletter.

I guess Jonny doesn't know you can change fonts in MSPaint or Microsoft Word.

 

[NobleGreyHorse]

I also guess Jonny, like many people, doesn't know what the fuck Old English actually is. Protip: It tends to be found in very, very long poems beginning "Hwaet!" I know the sort of font he's talking about, but for some reason I tend to think of that as "Bad Tattoo 24pt" or "Thug Life Extra Bold" (as in the opposite of Jon's life; he has the thug tendencies, but bold, not so much).

 

[ToroidalBoat]

violating both copyrights and trademarks

No one told Sweet that common symbols or designs are ineligible for copyright or trademark.

Speaking of copyright, remember that old copyright disclaimer he seems to have plagiarized from some comic book?

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

Because the final design also used this incredibly obvious, common and cliched concept -- but with artwork that actually resembles a droplet of water -- Sweet claims that they used his idea.

Sweet struggles, strives, absolutely fights to give the impression that the world sees him as positively significant, even if in some tiny way - and he always fails.

which, as he drew it, actually resembled an amorphous blob of some vaguely semi-liquid substance (quite possibly a bodily fluid) or perhaps a recently excised malignant tumor.

Ah, he drew a self-portrait? Interesting aesthetic choice.

Oh, I guess we learned that Jonny is just like Pigman Phil; he's too retarded to know to wipe his own ass. Probably because that takes time that could be used watching commercials and cartoons.

Given that he's such a turd fetishist, one has to wonder if he wipes his ass much to begin with. Don't want all that good lube going to waste.

There has to be some way to build a well-stocked library that doesn't require spending a fortune out-of-pocket for fonts which, chances are, you hardly never use.

Actually, Jon, there is. And you can do it for free! I can explain how, step-by-step, so that you can easily download and start using tons of new, eye-catching, free fonts right away!

But I'm not going to. Figure it out yourself.

 

[Dr. Merkwurdichliebe]

I also guess Jonny, like many people, doesn't know what the fuck Old English actually is. Protip: It tends to be found in very, very long poems beginning "Hwaet!" I know the sort of font he's talking about, but for some reason I tend to think of that as "Bad Tattoo 24pt" or "Thug Life Extra Bold" (as in the opposite of Jon's life; he has the thug tendencies, but bold, not so much).

It's not surprising that the Bad Boy of College Journalism™ doesn't know dick about typography.

I was especially amused by Sweet attempting to pass himself off as a grizzled veteran of the literary battlefield by advising people not to submit manuscripts in a font "that looks like something out of a calligraphy class." This valuable professional tip from The Giant Brain of Blytheville is, of course, something that students learn in high school at the latest. But it's almost certain that Sweet picked it up from a brutally honest rejection letter after submitting one of his ineptly plagiarized short stories to Amazing Autistic Tales in Brush Script.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

Does autism also effect how you see objects?
Because that finished logo resembles nothing Sweets did.
In fact, it looks like they already had a logo and his brother brought home coloring books and let his mentally slow brother have some fun coloring and pretending he mattered.

 

[TheUltimatePickle]

Can someone please tell me what the fuck Windows 6 is? I've been a Mac guy for the past fifteen years, but I'm pretty sure Windows Vista preceded Windows 7, or is Windows 6 just his retarded way of saying Windows 98?

 

[Ti-99/4A]

Can someone please tell me what the fuck Windows 6 is?

Vista would be 6th in the sequence, but the best we can figure is he's got Windows itself confused with Internet explorer. Explorer 6 was the last one that would run on windows 98.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

transferring an unfinished bitmap from one machine to another

There he goes with those cumbersome arcane methods of accomplishing simple tasks again.

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

Vista would be 6th in the sequence, but the best we can figure is he's got Windows itself confused with Internet explorer. Explorer 6 was the last one that would run on windows 98.

I've said this before about the apparent layout of Jon Sweet's intellect, but I find that it bears saying it again.

Jon is dumb. D-U-M-B dumb.

 

[John Titor]

This is incredibly sad. He can't even find free typefaces on his own.

And for the record, serif and "fancy" fonts are the worst to use for comics.

 

[He Sets Me On Fire]

While we're at it:

There has to be some way to build a well-stocked library that doesn't require spending a fortune out-of-pocket for fonts which, chances are, you hardly never use.

1. "Out-of-pocket" is used inaccurately here. The phrase means "paid for with your own money rather than with money from another source (such as the company you work for or an insurance company)." Even though every purchase and legal fee Jon runs up is going to be paid for either by his mom or the state, he's still not using it right.

2. Hardly ever, Nuckle-neck, hardly ever. Thought you went to college.

The joke of it all? The comic shown in the journal includes the racist depiction of a black man who doesn't know how to use the word "asinine" in a sentence.

People who live in glass houses shouldn't be so freaking ugly, Jon. In the name of decency, get a pillow case or something.

 

[TheUltimatePickle]

Vista would be 6th in the sequence, but the best we can figure is he's got Windows itself confused with Internet explorer. Explorer 6 was the last one that would run on windows 98.

Oh wow.... That's even dumber than I could possibly have imagined.

Windows 98 is a big part of why I switched to Mac. I distinctly remember it being not "just fine" fifteen years ago so I can't even fathom trying to use it now.

 

[Adamska]

Oh wow.... That's even dumber than I could possibly have imagined.

Windows 98 is a big part of why I switched to Mac. I distinctly remember it being not "just fine" fifteen years ago so I can't even fathom trying to use it now.

Now remember: Jon was retarded enough to stick with 98 until literally a year and a half ago. And he wondered why everything started to not work for him anymore and blamed it on society; not the fact he was too retarded to pay 200 dollars for a walmart brand piece of shit to fix said compatibility issue.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

he wondered why everything started to not work for him anymore and blamed it on society

I remember we were talking about how Sweet was really proud of learning the "backdoor" of transferring files from a fossil system via email, and he wasn't too happy when Hotmail ceased to "honor" old IE on Win98.

 

[Adamska]

I remember it was said that Sweet was really proud of learming the "backdoor" of transferring files from a fossil system via email, and he wasn't too happy when Hotmail ceased to "honor" old IE on Win98.

I like that it took him years to understand what the fuck an attachment is, and then lost it because IE6 can't do shit nowadays because the coding is too archaic.

 

[DrJonesHat]

I like the fact that my mother who freely admits she doesn't understand modern technology is more conversant in it use than Sweet, and that he's such a dundering incompetent, but he has the audacity to call US dumb.

 

[John Titor]

What gets me is that he acts like this "backdoor" means that Hotmail sides with him in his war against progress. Why the hell would they care?