How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

  • 🏰 The Fediverse is up. If you know, you know.
  • Want to keep track of this thread?
    Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
    Create account
AnOminous said:
God will do to me what needs to be done. Maybe it will be punishment. Maybe it will be atonement.

It will be what I deserve. I'll just have to accept it.
Click to expand...
I'm afraid you're going to force me to quote CS Lewis here.

"Are the gods not just?"
"Oh no, child. What would become of us if they were?"

God never gives us what we deserve. If he did, we'd be dead already. The world often falls below justice, but God always goes beyond it. The God who died for his creation erases our sins, and forgets our transgressions. God's wrath has a limit, but his love and mercy are infinite.

None of this had made me less afraid of death, but maybe it will help somebody.
 
I hate being awkward in my speech mannerisms. I feel like my vocabulary used to be much wider, but now in conversations I end up trying to look for the right words or most elegant way to phrase an idea but can't find it so I look like a buffering retard half the time. Funny enough, this doesn't happen with strangers at all. I can be a conversationalist and happily engage people on the fly very easily. It's only with people I happen to know or with subjects I actually care about.
I hate blanking like that. Probably a weird mix of anxiety plus not reading or engaging with heavier things as much as I should be.
Also fun how all of this goes away the second I have alcohol in my system. I become a natural linguist who can very easily entertain people when I'm drunk. Trying to stay sober out of some misplaced masochism though, just so I can prove to myself I actually function as a non-retard without it.
I hate my brain being mush half the time. I hate feeling stuck and awkward a good deal without any backbone, especially knowing people can see that and dig in on that fact, which just makes the issue a perpetual spiral.
I know the answer is just "don't do that", but yeah I feel kind of permanently fucked when it comes to having any sense of assertiveness/gift of gab half the time and it's really fucking killing me.
 
(((I am NOT a jew))) said:
Start now, mate. Don't even think about the friendship and where it's going. Do something for yourself. Easier said then done but truly I implore you to do it.
I've made a lot of mistakes, but the single biggest regret in my life was that I spent so many years (still do) trying to socialize with people and be that normal guy instead of working towards my dreams.

I promise you if you actually fully commit to one or two things that give you some artistic fulfillment, you WILL find those people. And they will usually be way better friends than just people in a fandom who like the same things as you. A lot of amazing filmmakers and writers met their wives through their fields. You'll make those connections if you just truly trust yourself and do the damn things.
I'm not saying it's easy. But some of your posts remind me a little of myself and you seem young. I really think you should go for it. Even if you don't publish that stuff anywhere, you'll just be in a zone when you're working on something you're really good at.
Please, please work towards those things my pal.
Click to expand...
I really appreciate these words, especially from someone who had similar experience.
I just don't want to start new acquaintances if I already have someone to talk to. I get tired of talking to more than one person very easily, for some reason. But I think I might just go for it if I won't have one bazillion excuses why I shouldn't do it and then forget about it. I hate how my brain works sometimes.
 
Trying to take up a hobby in baking foods like bread and cookies, working on losing weight, struggling with shattered confidence because of people I used to associate with online, and otherwise just trying to stop being so anxious over people who I realistically shouldn't care about.
 
I'm trying to lose weight for an event but it's hard. I'm not allowed to weigh myself due to my past with EDs, so I just gotta tell by the mirror, and it's pissing me off that I'm not noticing a massive difference yet. I don't even know if there IS a difference, and I've been eating literally butt nothing.

My strat is essentially I'll let myself eat like I'm in my ED, but not think like I'm in my ED. Cause that was really what made it hell, the way I thought, the constant self hate, the constant obsessing, the constant doomscrolling /fph/. None of that anymore, I literally can't. Like I just can't, I will actually snap if I do. I wouldn't wish that life on my worst enemy.
 
Last edited:
Getmeout said:
I'm trying to lose weight for an event but it's hard. I'm not allowed to weigh myself due to my past with EDs, so I just gotta tell by the mirror, and it's pissing me off that I'm not noticing a massive difference yet. I don't even know if there IS a difference, and I've been eating literally butt nothing.

My strat is essentially I'll let myself eat like I'm in my ED, but not think like I'm in my ED. Cause that was really what made it hell, the way I thought, the constant self hate, the constant obsessing, the constant doomscrolling /fph/. None of that anymore, I literally can't. Like I just can't, I will actually snap if I do. I wouldn't wish that life on my worst enemy.
Click to expand...
Why are you bothering competing? You're a nigger, remember? You need to be focused on spreading the word for other blacks to feel as constantly miserable as you are.

And hey, if life is your worst enemy, there's a magic potion that'll cure that. It's called bleach! I reccomend Clorox for fastest effect.

Hop to it, darkie!
 
The man The only man said:
Perhaps being a nigger hating nigger could be tolerable but due to having no other redeemable characteristics, it become off-putting to others.
Click to expand...
This is sort of what I mean when I say "don't hate yourself" although remove race entirely from this. If you're human, you're by definition deeply flawed and you will have moments of self-loathing, unless you are so damaged that you are completely un-self-aware.

But don't hate yourself as a routine practice. Recognize your own virtues. You have them. Cultivate them.
Lord of the Large Pants said:
God never gives us what we deserve. If he did, we'd be dead already.
Click to expand...
You have a point there. If I got what I deserved I'd be burning in Hell already.

Thanks God! For giving me at least the opportunity of getting BETTER than what I deserve.
MazonLabs Recruitment Rep said:
Hop to it, darkie!
Click to expand...
Fun fact, Redd Foxx died of a heart attack in front of his Sanford & Son crew. But because he had pulled so many convincing heart attack jokes, they thought he was just joking again.
 
Last edited:
This morning I decided to chop some of my hair off into more of a bob, and surprisingly it turned out OK. I can blame a fictional hair cutter or I could not give fucks and pretend I went to some fancy hair studio.
Husband kept telling me that he would trim my hair like he did it all through COVID but he doesn't have time.
Fuck it all.
 
My Uncle just died. We hadn't spoken in years due to a fight he had with my Mom.

I'm actually surprised by how empty it makes me feel.
I shed actual tears but I don't know why.
 
Finally went on my first date with a guy and then he ghosted me the day after :(, I know I sound like a loser but we had alot of things in common (video games, music), I don't know what went wrong.
 
(((I am NOT a jew))) said:
strumpets exeunt said:
I need to stop drinking. I can go a week before I hit the bottle, but any more and I get antsy. I don't even think it's a physical thing - I just crave the sensation
Click to expand...
I feel like my vocabulary used to be much wider, but now in conversations I end up trying to look for the right words or most elegant way to phrase an idea but can't find it so I look like a buffering retard half the time.
Click to expand...
Have you tried reading more? And both of you; alcohol needed as social lubricant is a danger sign - keep an eye on what you drink.
ChaosReignsOnSomeSaturday said:
My Uncle just died. We hadn't spoken in years due to a fight he had with my Mom.

I'm actually surprised by how empty it makes me feel.
I shed actual tears but I don't know why.
Click to expand...
Because he was important to you and he’s dead? It’s Ok to feel sad.
 
Today was an OK day even despite I didn't talked to anyone beside my family. I had a nice walk and drew little sketches of landscapes I had around my house, it was nice and relaxing. The only thing that pissed me off was the mosquitos that was biting my ass the whole time. I probably should text that person I was talking about here and ask how are they doing, but our last conversation didn't go well so now I have a feeling they hate me. Maybe later.
 
I've kept a (mostly) neat closely shaved beard for like 10 years now but I randomly decided to shave it off last Tuesday. Big mistake, I've never experienced razor burn like that before. I've got all the creams and balms and shit but my skin is fucked. It's getting better but I've got a few nasty spots on my neck and my face is flaky and dry. I honestly felt like calling in sick to work for the week. Not doing that again lol.
 
Upstairs retard has been pumping music from 2 to 6AM. I bought really intense earplugs but they just don't.. work? It's -5% at best. I have to be putting them in wrong or something.

I was gonna write a mail to the housing company about him but they want me to be certain it's the right renter, so I have to go ask a neighbor upstairs tomorrow. It's crazy how noise of all things just tick me off immediately. I read an article of a previously harmless guy show up at a party with a chainsaw and I honestly get it. Noise nuisance is a coughing baby vs nuclear bomb type situation.

Anyway. I'm fine being back to my old job. At least I was until today a coworker asked "so when are you leaving? you shouldn't waste your skills here". I don't know what I wanna do, and I ping-pong between "just apply and youll eventually get something" and "of course you need to educate yourself to be appealing", but like.. what? There are educations that award you an adult pay while studying but wtf would I study? Welding? I still like Excel and office tasks but I also don't wanna spend 4 years studying to be a data entry monkey because the new standard is PhDs in bottom tier jobs.
Room Temp Shrimp said:
Fighting alcoholism. Very ironic. I think im just bored.
Click to expand...
Rusty_Cage's sobriety vlog was basically "im so fucking bored and have so much time on my hands I need to actively find things to do".
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom