How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[ilovecornsyrup]

Maybe you don't know it but you probably have. Don't hate yourself.

I don't think I hate myself. It's just that if I was to die today I would burn in hell and I don't think most people would even disagree.

This is a PL but I spent all my teenage years being a junkie and while I don't want to spell out the logistics you can probably figure. Now I'm sober and have my own apartment, a non-soul-destroying job, and I guess I feel fine apart from there being a hole in my heart. I kinda feel like a convict who has walked out of a prison, after having spent most of his life there, who doesn't know what to do with the real world.

I know that my past has made me jaded and bitter and I try to counteract that by being optimistic and nice to say my coworkers, but I think it will never be enough to counteract everything I have seen and done. I know what I deserve.

 

[Getmeout]

Well I do partially agree with you. You should kill yourself. I could normally empathize with someone having such crushing self esteem and depression, but the difference is that I wouldn't want my worst enemy to feel this way. I just want to vanish and not be a burden to the world anymore. You though, you want your sickness to infect those around you, so fuck you, down the road not across the street and do a backflip while you're at it.

If I hate myself for being black every other black person should.

 

[BackToBack]

This might be over. Everything that happened recently made me realize that I don't have future and my destiny is to be cashier at local store and nothing more. I don't know what to do after finishing my college degree because I have no academic skills, no social skills and the only thing I can do is draw mediocore pictures that wouldn't lend me to anything. And the sad thing is I pushed myself into this corner when I was younger and don't know if I even can fix anything now. My family always said that I will became something great and I'm sad I did not meet their expectations. I would do anything just to my life to be better but it's too late.
I'm thinking to maybe make my own art blog, but again, I'm not that interesting for anyone to follow me. Maybe I just want to met new people through it.
I'm a sad lonely faggot and here's some embarrassing info about me please don't bully me!

 

[The man The only man]

I'm thinking to maybe make my own art blog, but again, I'm not that interesting for anyone to follow me. Maybe I just want to met new people through it.

Become interesting, you reached your "rock bottom" and that allows you to have enough room to get some autistic obsession or hobby. I didn't have many interests but after I spinned the wheel and chose metal machining as an obsession, my life became more stable due to having some sort of self-confidence. You are basically admitting that you are a blank piece of paper, thus the only thing to do is to start doing something with that piece of paper. Just do something, anything, and keep doing it. Creativity and any other immaterial things are also muscles, so train those things.

 

[nycifer]

I honestly felt bad for a fellow associate this morning shortly before clocking out. She was in OGP and typically, I hate all OGP associates because they're notorious for getting in my way and being oblivious. But I also hate what their managers put them up to and this is one example.

So this lady is in the hallway with me and she is still recovering from her arm being broken, because weeks ago I saw it in a cast. And she's having to get to a box about above her height and mine. She struggled to pull a pallet jack on her own and she started to break down and curse her manager for taking a vacation. Which I get because I need to talk to mine and that bitch takes a vacation right around when I need to talk to her most.

Guiltily, I helped her with that pallet jack because she was trying to move pallets around so she can get a ladder cart in enough to use it to get to said box. She was just upset that her recovering arm is getting strained again and that her manager is putting her up to ridiculous tasks. I know, because mine have been doing this to me too in all the years I've worked in the store.

So after helping her, even offering to get said box for her so she wouldn't have to shuffle so much, I guess she was so upset that it went over her head. So I left her alone so I can do my task and she was really ranting up a storm that I could hear about what she does and the same repeated stuff.

I couldn't even be mad. I get it, girl.

 

[BackToBack]

Become interesting, you reached your "rock bottom" and that allows you to have enough room to get some autistic obsession or hobby. I didn't have many interests but after I spinned the wheel and chose metal machining as an obsession, my life became more stable due to having some sort of self-confidence. You are basically admitting that you are a blank piece of paper, thus the only thing to do is to start doing something with that piece of paper. Just do something, anything, and keep doing it. Creativity and any other immaterial things are also muscles, so train those things.

That's a good advice but everytime I do something I sick for validation and everytime I don't get it I feel like that one friend who does too much. I think I have to visit a psychologist because this isn't normal but I feel like there people out here who need this more than I do and I'm too scared to say what i feel to stranger in person. Thank you anyway, I think I will try something new when I have free time and energy for this.