I sure love the insultingly dystopian Code of Conduct training. Like none of this shit is applicable to my department, we never get gifts, even from our company, nor we would have any possibility of HR issues if we were still full remote. Also all the CEOs are basically best buddies, and like 4 companies own all the corporations anyway. But oh no, little drone don't insider trade.
Is this what the kids these days call a humiliation ritual?
I'm doin rad right now, because I'm about to finish transcribing a song I stopped transcribing two years ago. There was a specific part that was giving me trouble, so I dissected it note-by-note, compared it to another less detailed version of the same basic tune, and filled in the missing gaps.
It was the NES version of Maniac Mansion's title theme. That bit that comes right after one of the keyboard swipes is KILLER, and I still haven't gotten it completely correctly, but it's a hell of a lot better than it was back when I gave up.
I also miss a bit being a bus driver. While the freight was annoying as hell i worked with lots of nice people.
Now i'm studying hard for an exam that is due next week and i'm nervous as hell about it. But i know that if i fail i can just go back to being a bus driver. Old boss called me a couple of weeks ago asking me if i'm willing to go back. It should reassure me but now i doubt myself even more thinking that i will fuck it up since there is no consequence from it except all this time i wasted.
I am very physically tired. I walked 10km yesterday and I slithered into my bed at 9pm. Still woke up tired which absolutely sucks. My body is looking real nice, though, which is the only reason I keep doing it.
Tattoo artist I have been dating wants something serious with me so now I have a boyfriend. He’s putting in some serious work hours lately so we don’t see each other often right now but that will change when he’s got his own shop going again soon. I’m looking forward to seeing how this unfolds. He’s not afraid to get his hands dirty to go where he wants to in life and neither am I, so I think there’s a good foundation. Fingers crossed.
Realistically I know I'd be happier forgetting this site and all adjacent sites, and surrounding myself with people and friends who don't mind my race+aren't very politics savvy, but I feel like I'm not in the right place for that rn. Maybe someday when I'm happier but as of right now this place is a good distraction.
I have been applying to competitions. Won one and lost another one. My mind for some reason cannot see the joy in only one victory and sees the whole thing as a fucking failure. Maybe it was the way I told I lost the second competition, but I am frustrated more than anything
I need to eat steak more often. I've said it before, but I have a vague inkling that my bad mood is caused by not having enough steak.
Had some yesterday and I'm in a good mood today.
There is a non-zero chance I may actually have to go live in the suburban hellsprawl of New York City
You all know me
You know how heart-rending that is
Definitely could be doing better. Money's super tight because of /vague gesturing to stupid world news shit/ and me not having a job due to health issues. Husband's doing his best to help, and I've put out a bunch of leads, but nothing. The combo of feeling freaking useless + money + pain + worrying about both our families...had several very bad mental health days in a row.
On the plus side, though, today was a little better. I got a mini-canvas painting kit recently that I'm working on, so I can give the finished art to my MIL for Mother's Day. Turns out putting on a podcast and painting tiny sections hyperfocuses me enough to not think about stuff. Hoping to have that and the relief painting I'm working on for my mom done in a week or so.
My birthday's next week, too. Hopefully that'll be nice. Though I'm still going to say I'm [current age] for a bit; not ready to admit I'm that much closer to 40
Had my first job interview in a while after applying to a dozen schools. I am in the awkward position of being too late for the normal hiring season and too early for the desperate rush of schools filling last minute openings. Hopefully they call back next week wanting a demo.
I think certain people in my life are still treating me differently after my recent interpersonal drama, which stings a bit. I am trying to be normal and reasonable about it but the more immature part of me is still a bit bitter.
You can always tell when someone's never tried to kill themselves before. Logically, I know everyone's got problems, but being told that fact hits much differently depending on who is saying it. People always think it's a good pep talk to tell you that they've been through shit, too, and they got past it! Isn't that inspiring?
I need to eat steak more often. I've said it before, but I have a vague inkling that my bad mood is caused by not having enough steak.
Had some yesterday and I'm in a good mood today.
You can always tell when someone's never tried to kill themselves before. Logically, I know everyone's got problems, but being told that fact hits much differently depending on who is saying it. People always think it's a good pep talk to tell you that they've been through shit, too, and they got past it! Isn't that inspiring?
Makes me wanna take a long swig of my Jack Daniels, it does.
Oh, so you had a bad day one time and you got your nails done, then everything was fine and dandy, huh Sharon?
Times like those are when I wish I had visible SH scars. Bet you never did that, Sharon.
Fuck me. Lmao.
Exactly! I think some people just will never understand serious mental health issues. I've gotten it all, that I need to do x, I just have to do y, you can't do z. Try harder, be better. You can be sad, you can tell us anything, but no, not like that. Only in the way that's normal and cool and doesn't make people uncomfortable to witness. It makes me really hate people, sometimes. I don't want to be given a pep talk that sounds more like a scolding from Mrs. Sharon with her husband and two kids and normal problems at home. But you can't say that without sounding like a self-absorbed asshole, so you say thank you and pretend it didn't make you feel worse lest you be othered further in their eyes.
Thank you for wallowing with me for a bit. All things considered I do think that you and I are doing pretty okay given our circumstances, Petite.
THEY CAN JUST TAKE YOU PLACES??!?!?!?!
