I sure love the insultingly dystopian Code of Conduct training. Like none of this shit is applicable to my department, we never get gifts, even from our company, nor we would have any possibility of HR issues if we were still full remote. Also all the CEOs are basically best buddies, and like 4 companies own all the corporations anyway. But oh no, little drone don't insider trade.
Is this what the kids these days call a humiliation ritual?
I'm doin rad right now, because I'm about to finish transcribing a song I stopped transcribing two years ago. There was a specific part that was giving me trouble, so I dissected it note-by-note, compared it to another less detailed version of the same basic tune, and filled in the missing gaps.
It was the NES version of Maniac Mansion's title theme. That bit that comes right after one of the keyboard swipes is KILLER, and I still haven't gotten it completely correctly, but it's a hell of a lot better than it was back when I gave up.
I also miss a bit being a bus driver. While the freight was annoying as hell i worked with lots of nice people.
Now i'm studying hard for an exam that is due next week and i'm nervous as hell about it. But i know that if i fail i can just go back to being a bus driver. Old boss called me a couple of weeks ago asking me if i'm willing to go back. It should reassure me but now i doubt myself even more thinking that i will fuck it up since there is no consequence from it except all this time i wasted.
I am very physically tired. I walked 10km yesterday and I slithered into my bed at 9pm. Still woke up tired which absolutely sucks. My body is looking real nice, though, which is the only reason I keep doing it.
Tattoo artist I have been dating wants something serious with me so now I have a boyfriend. He’s putting in some serious work hours lately so we don’t see each other often right now but that will change when he’s got his own shop going again soon. I’m looking forward to seeing how this unfolds. He’s not afraid to get his hands dirty to go where he wants to in life and neither am I, so I think there’s a good foundation. Fingers crossed.
Realistically I know I'd be happier forgetting this site and all adjacent sites, and surrounding myself with people and friends who don't mind my race+aren't very politics savvy, but I feel like I'm not in the right place for that rn. Maybe someday when I'm happier but as of right now this place is a good distraction.
so since finding out my ferritin was low, taking supplements has… actually worked. It’s shocking.
I am full of beans. I can do 15k steps a day easily and work out an hour a day without “hitting a wall”. I am an athletic person and want to do even more physical activity a day, so I’m excited I’m able to build more stamina now rather than being stuck at this level of fitness for ages.
I’m happy I can actually exist without feeling constantly exhausted- I was just resigned to “well I’m exhausted if I work out or if I don’t work out so might as well work out for my health.” Every day was just constantly pushing myself to do anything- I mean I did it but it was like I was dragging myself.
Best of all, my anxiety and sleep issues have been non-fucking-existent since about day 3 of treatment.
I didn’t expect it to be this fast (has only been over a week) but I guess with ferritin levels my body doesn’t have to “work harder” to use my iron stores so it can be effective pretty quickly.
I’m pissed that docs my whole life have been like “lol you just have anxiety/depression” when I was begging them to look “deeper” for years… I had to doctor shop for someone who listened to me slightly more than the others ones did and he still fought me BUT he at least would finally do tests if I did a bunch of other (not relative) tests.
So basically I guided him to giving me tests for everything I knew was wrong with me and I was right for all of them.
I won’t let myself stew in the anger of being unheard for years though. I have to enjoy the now and the fact I am almost the healthiest I can possibly be
Feels like a rebirth honestly. and apparently I’m supposed to feel even better down the line.
Oh and even THINKING is easier too, and my imagination is stronger. Didn’t expect that bit, but I’ll take it.
I have been applying to competitions. Won one and lost another one. My mind for some reason cannot see the joy in only one victory and sees the whole thing as a fucking failure. Maybe it was the way I told I lost the second competition, but I am frustrated more than anything
THEY CAN JUST TAKE YOU PLACES??!?!?!?!
