How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Endless Blabbery]

Hey, everyone.

Spoiler: Context

What about going on an adventure? Pick a place or a thing to go see/experience, and do it. That could be a vacation thing, or an afternoon or weekend. Doesn't have to be a big thing - find a cheap place with tiny cabins in the remote woods and do 2 days with no connection to anyone or anything. Or go drive to your state's giant ball of string. Or try something you've never done before - snowshoeing, paddleboarding, a basic intro to wall-climbing, take an app for identifying bird calls into the woods and see what you hear, tour a cave. Or go see an orchestra or a new museum exhibit. Or find some book or site about " x things to do in [place] before you die" or "x place's hidden secrets" and do one or a couple. These are all short time commitments and you may actually feel meh about them (before during and after) but going a step beyond literally just going outside is more likely to engage your brain, and brains like engagement and are more likely to start forming excitement or interest with more stimulation. Or even just go (in warm months) to a farmer's or floral market and buy yourself some flowers for your dining table (or dresser, nightstand, mantel, whatever). Yes, whether you are man or woman; beautiful things are cheering, and some effort to get them has double benefit.

You reminded me of my interest in botany. Fuck, I love plants, but more like a concept. I did try to plant tomato seeds, I think—and those motherfuckers died in a matter of weeks.

Have you considered worm composting? You can allegedly do that in a small bucket under your kitchen sink and I've heard you can do vermiculture relatively smell-free even in a small apartment. It's something I'd wanted to go to a class on because I think it's an interesting concept and I want to get into gardening, I have a comfy little garden that I want to maximise the potential of.

So I bought a plant. Unfortunately I cannot describe it otherwise I'd be soft-exposing myself but, yeah, I bought one. I'm now dealing with this after-buy high but I hope it fades away quickly because, really, buying a plant should not make me this excited.
I didn't buy any dirt, the lovely lady just gave me the little dirt reservoir and with the half-grown plant and I was told to bring it back in a few months when it grows too big for the dirt volume initially provided. I think they were lesbians. Lovely lesbian ladies, they were indeed :')
That's all I've got to say. I thought getting into the hobby was going to be way harder but I guess you can just buy stuff. Also, everyone in the store was weirdly excited—I don't mean this is an insult, but a neutral observation: everyone was so nice, it's hard to see. A fellow client gave me a tip on this random plant I was buying—I could only assume he had one of these bad boys in his own home. One or two men would buy decently-sized dirt bags and carry them to their car. There is an investment, time-and-money-wise, to grow living beings. That was cool

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

I thought getting into the hobby was going to be way harder but I guess you can just buy stuff. Also, everyone in the store was weirdly excited—I don't mean this is an insult, but a neutral observation: everyone was so nice, it's hard to see. A fellow client gave me a tip on this random plant I was buying—I could only assume he had one of these bad boys in his own home. One or two men would buy decently-sized dirt bags and carry them to their car. There is an investment, time-and-money-wise, to grow living beings.

That's actually really great. I kind of suck with houseplants, but I do a lot of outdoor gardening. When I first started I was unreasonably thrilled with the miracle that I could dig a hole, put a plant in it, and it would actually live and grow. It's still pretty cool.

 

[Candlelight Desolation]

I didn't buy any dirt, the lovely lady just gave me the little dirt reservoir and with the half-grown plant and I was told to bring it back in a few months when it grows too big for the dirt volume initially provided.

That's actually really great. I kind of suck with houseplants, but I do a lot of outdoor gardening. When I first started I was unreasonably thrilled with the miracle that I could dig a hole, put a plant in it, and it would actually live and grow. It's still pretty cool.

I have a potted plant of a succulent I keep in my bedroom and put it on my windowsill during the day where it'd be in direct sunlight considering my bedroom window faces west. The succulent in question is derived from a small piece of a succulent I've had since I was twelve years old which I got in school, and I bought a small pot and soil appropriate for it. They thrive on neglect, so I'm glad I have this little thing growing in my bedroom.

 

[PetiteFeet]

They thrive on neglect, so I'm glad I have this little thing growing in my bedroom.

Meanwhile I have an orchid that refuses to die. I know fuck all about plants, only that orchids are very fussy to care for and are delicate. Three years later this thing is still in a pot too small, in the kitchen window sill and somehow thriving despite everything.
I love the idea of taking care of plants and getting the satisfaction of seeing a plant continue to thrive but I have no green thumb whatsoever.

 

[Timmy Jolsen]

My dog is still alive. When his cancer came back after surgery I thought that was it, but it's been really slow growing and not in an area that causes pain or difficulty moving. With how shite 2025 was for me, at least I still got my boy.

Might get back into using KF a bit more this year again. After my 2025 I could use some good laughs, and lately Andrew Ditch has left me too horrified to look away.

 

[Motherf*cker]

im not trying to step on any toes, but i noticed that a lot of your posts mention drinking/getting high. this could be a definite strain in your marriage as well. not only is it expensive, but it can keep one from taking care of responsibilities, and i highly suggest that you limit it to special occasions.
also, its good that you arent in physical danger, but he is abusing you financially, and in the long run, this can be pretty harmful as well.

all that aside, i wouldnt let him get away with buying you gifts with your own money, anymore, and i would tell him that hes going out tomorrow and finding a job, and no more video games until he mans up and starts providing for the family.
i hope things get better for you, you deserve way WAY better than this, and he sounds like a massive loser.

Youre probably right, I am climbing out of the asshole of a situation and I am not going to lie I am on a number of things. s

You need to ditch this guy.

urgh I know. I had a chance to use a really cool old bit of machinery last week. The end stage was pulling a lever and I struggled to do it. Was a bit of an eye opener and I need to go lift some weights I think.

can you pinpoint what triggered the feeling? Was it something said, or done? Or an aspect of the meeting? Or just the weather?

Slowly working on it, the situation is complicated and there are lots of moving parts

As another site often says, stack your coins. I'm going to add start collecting copies or images of every single account, positive or negative; see what you do and don't have access to and get a plan for access; collect passwords; download statements; find out the cost of things for any life on your own; inventory everything; move personally important or valuable things to a safe place; talk to a lawyer; talk to a therapist; find a woman's divorce group, and create a plan and store it and everything related to the above offsite. And if possible make sure someone - anyone - knows what's going on. Not your mom or sister, though.

Whatever you ultimately decide, do these things at least as a hedge/ protection. I've learned the hard way myself and have helped/ advised a lot of women over the years. If nothing else, making sure you know exactly what is what is empowering. It may feel OTT or overwhelming, but it is worth it. Worst case, you do nothing with it...but you know you can if needed.

I appreciate you.
I have been using Grok to take notes and get informed about what he's doing. I have a financial plan and even am idea if where I can live quite reasonably. There are inexpensive means for separation that I will try and Grok even told me how to deal with my mother

---

Spoiler: Woman shit

Today was full of fuckery! I have an ongoing conversation with Grok and it's giving me the names like: Coercive control, intrusive helpfulness, martyr complex and weaponized incompetence which happened twice today.
I will put things like fresh parsley on the grocery list, it's usually something pretty common but some how he can never find multiple very common things on my grocery list. He doesn't make an effort to remember and it's never important enough for him to make an effort to find the thing.
Today I had enough, so I said that even though he was grocery shopping today, I would go get specific things (vegetables) because he was finding fewer and fewer things on my list. All I had to say was, without insulting him that I was willing to go to the specific store to get these things and he wanted to fight me until I said, "unless you want to go and make an extra trip to get them" fucking crickets.

Job hunting is still killing my soul so I applied for social assistance. I couldn't click the button which asked if I needed immediate help because I'm not in danger and I don't want interference so now I need his approval for my application. I told him that I'm applying for myself and blatantly asked him questions for my application so he has tried everything to stop me. He has tried to tell me that the official website is actually a scam may be four times so I have found his information on my own.
He is losing control and I can see it.
I am partially deaf in my left ear, so while I'm making dinner and washing a dish he wants to come tell me about fucking Ralph (haven't been following ragepig in a year, Ralph is just sad,) but for some reason he started telling me in my left ear. He then throws a fit and start degrading me because I asked him what the big deal about making sure that I can hear him. When he was at Costco he was supposed to have bought paper towel and he said that he couldn't find it, and then I mentioned that it was too bad that it wasn't on the shopping list for today Mom confessed that she had known that we needed paper towel but just had not bothered to put it on the list. Husband knew that I was annoyed and tried to bait me into an argument by talking into my left ear which has diminished hearing. I had a really bad and painful ear infection which didn't get stinted and my drum burst.
So my husband is trying to use my hearing loss to bait me into an argument and when we was in the middle of demonizing me for being in a bad mood about the paper towel and saying things like "clean the wax out of your ears" for the billionth time Mom decided that she is the most effected and stormed out of the room and didn't care when I pointed out that she is letting him treat me this way.
That is what mother does she always sides with my abusers.

TMI My remaining ovary has decided that it needs to permanently cramp all the time, typical. I have a feeling that sister has broken her promise and spoken to Mom.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Meanwhile I have an orchid that refuses to die. I know fuck all about plants, only that orchids are very fussy to care for and are delicate. Three years later this thing is still in a pot too small, in the kitchen window sill and somehow thriving despite everything.
I love the idea of taking care of plants and getting the satisfaction of seeing a plant continue to thrive but I have no green thumb whatsoever.

I am not going to admit how many orchids0 have withered and died under my care. :-(

You may have a better thumb than you think!

I have been using Grok to take notes and get informed about what he's doing. I have a financial plan and even am idea if where I can live quite reasonably. There are inexpensive means for separation that I will try and Grok even told me how to deal with my mother

I'm really glad to hear that. (And I have a friend who has sworn by AI for approaching "family concerns" with her two problematic young adult sons for two years. Not a miracle, but really helpful, she's found.)

He has tried to tell me that the official website is actually a scam

I am sorry, truly, but he is a lunatic.

may be four times so I have found his information on my own.
He is losing control and I can see it.

Be very careful.

he wants to come tell me about fucking Ralph (haven't been following ragepig in a year, Ralph is just sad,)

Is he on this site?? Girl.

she is letting him treat me this way.

Your mother? It's not her job to let him do anything or not. Yes, she's awful in the way you've related things, but you can't hang on to the idea that she is "letting" that happen.

 

[Meat Target]

My latest funemployment endeavor is going to the batting cages in the middle of the day, when there's nobody around.

Suppose I should get my BP in now, before tryout season starts. February and March is when every BatDad in town starts demanding their 7-year-olds train 5 hours a day to make the premier travel ball teams.

 

[Escalating Violence]

The cute sassy black girl that worked at the gym I go to quit. Now they'll be no more "Ayyy wassup baby?" when i walk in now.

 

[Canoodler]

The past few months have been hell for me, but some good stuff has been happening lately, I'll take that as a sign that the worst of it is over.

 

[The Feline Solution 2]

buying a plant should not make me this excited.

Why not? I was sperging extensively how i wanted to buy one of these hydroponic "gardens" to put in my kitchen (my apartment doesn't get enough sunlight to pull up any plants naturally) and raise tomato plants and chilis on my old account. I never got around to actually buying one and raising plants yet but i am not even gonna pretend that i am not still toying with the idea and that it doesn't get me excited in a way, Having plants and watching them grow is nice.

Spoiler: Something like this is what i wanted to buy

Edit: Just realized pic i posted is in no way hydroponic but i can't find that setup that i wanted to buy initially right now.

 

[Wako Izumi]

I had a massive spontaneous nosebleed that stained my shirt and desk. I won't be able to get my hands on hydrogen peroxide for a while, and nothing I've tried to clean it is working

 

[long waters]

I had a massive spontaneous nosebleed that stained my shirt and desk. I won't be able to get my hands on hydrogen peroxide for a while, and nothing I've tried to clean it is working

I've recently had really good results removing a small bloodstain from a pillow casing with baking soda. I had cut myself shaving after a bath before bed and didn't realize it had stained the pillow until it was already dried up the next day. I'm not sure how well that would work with a larger stain on a shirt, but look up baking soda blood stain removal and give it a try if you don't have any other options.

 

[Squanto Airi]

I had a massive spontaneous nosebleed that stained my shirt and desk.

Did you see a hot anime girl or something?

 

[Endless Blabbery]

Why not? I was sperging extensively how i wanted to buy one of these hydroponic "gardens" to put in my kitchen (my apartment doesn't get enough sunlight to pull up any plants naturally) and raise tomato plants and chilis on my old account. I never got around to actually buying one and raising plants yet but i am not even gonna pretend that i am not still toying with the idea and that it doesn't get me excited in a way, Having plants and watching them grow is nice.

Spoiler: Something like this is what i wanted to buy

View attachment 8398412

Edit: Just realized pic i posted is in no way hydroponic but i can't find that setup that i wanted to buy initially right now.

That looks kind of hydroponic, kind of aeroponic. It's a weird set-up.
My friend asked if I wanted to build an aeroponic system in her apartment. I said yes, but then we realized that not only do we lack the materials (which cost a decent bunch), but the time needed to prepare everything is significant. And hell no, I'm not buying an already set-up system, that costs like more than 500 USD!
I also learned that fruits and flowers really need a lot of sunlight, which is relevant because if you were to replace the literal sun with LEDs, maybe that could reasonably increase your electricity bill. I generally oppose everything that requires a lot of logistics because, unsurprisingly, I live with my parents.

 

[Motherf*cker]

I am not going to admit how many orchids0 have withered and died under my care. :-(

You may have a better thumb than you think!


I'm really glad to hear that. (And I have a friend who has sworn by AI for approaching "family concerns" with her two problematic young adult sons for two years. Not a miracle, but really helpful, she's found.)


I am sorry, truly, but he is a lunatic.


Be very careful.


Is he on this site?? Girl.


Your mother? It's not her job to let him do anything or not. Yes, she's awful in the way you've related things, but you can't hang on to the idea that she is "letting" that happen.

Lolcows were something we enjoyed together but he hasn't been following them for quite a while, so he's not on this website and it's sort of weird that he had suddenly brought up Ralph.

It's not the permission because I expect her to be this way, its more like further betrayal because yet again she doesn't choose me, there is nothing there that says that this behaviour is wrong and she should stop it from happening to her daughter.

Why not? I was sperging extensively how i wanted to buy one of these hydroponic "gardens" to put in my kitchen (my apartment doesn't get enough sunlight to pull up any plants naturally) and raise tomato plants and chilis on my old account. I never got around to actually buying one and raising plants yet but i am not even gonna pretend that i am not still toying with the idea and that it doesn't get me excited in a way, Having plants and watching them grow is nice.

Spoiler: Something like this is what i wanted to buy

View attachment 8398412

Edit: Just realized pic i posted is in no way hydroponic but i can't find that setup that i wanted to buy initially right now.

Yay plant sperging.
I have some plants, a lot of them were either rescues people gave to me or plants given as gifts. I wasn't very good with plants, so I started off with succulents like peperomia , snake plants and rubber plants. A few of my plants are mother rescues she has two orchids which she has been torturing for years and they both had root rot and needed to be watered.
A cheaper setup would be to find a full spectrum grow light on Amazon. I have a small garden set up on a bookshelf and I have a grow light with an automatic 6hr timer, Tomatoes are hella easy to grow and if you want to keep the setup smaller for your apartment, a full spectrum grow light should be all you need, I got the one two heads for full light coverage

 

[KRAINOS]

Targeted individuals are fake, therapy is a psyop, vyvanse is just cocaine in a pill, stop drinking? Being sober is hell, everything goes so fast, hours just pacing over one _________ that I re-wrote a hundred times in my head and it won't go away, if the booze makes me happy then what's the harm? How do I exactly safely dose for a 70kg human to manage it. If one shot is 44ml then what about {deleted all of this, it just didn't make sense} I think that's the plan. No, of course not, the drinking has to stop. And if i don't use cash then SHE will see what I bought again. They really prescribe cocaine to people with racing thoughts, have you thought about that?

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

It's not the permission because I expect her to be this way, its more like further betrayal because yet again she doesn't choose me, there is nothing there that says that this behaviour is wrong and she should stop it from happening to her daughter.

Honey, I get it, but she's simply not going to to do that for you, and also you are an adult. Please understand I'm not saying you're wrong for being disappointed or angry or feeling betrayed. I'm just saying don't let her odd allegiance/ lack of sense/ lack of loyalty to you, her daughter, get in your way, and don't keep going back to a dry well. I'm meaning to encourage you to be ruthless in pursuit of your own safety and well-being, even if your mother is doing things that undermine you. I'm saying don't let your sadness or disappointment with your mom get in your head or take up space right now.

 

[Banquet Meal]

Mom decided that she is the most effected and stormed out of the room and didn't care when I pointed out that she is letting him treat me this way.

girl...idk. he sounds like a dickhead. and if you dont have kids, and hes too lazy to work...there is nothing holding you back. fuck him. honestly, you should refuse to get a job and tell him he needs to step up and be a man. there is NO excuse for a grown man sitting at home getting high and playing video games without a job. that is major loser territory. tell him you arent going to support his nonsense anymore.

as for your mom....there isnt much she can do...you are both adults. and if you arent willing to put a stop to his shit, she might worry that if she steps in, that when you guys make up, she will be made out to be the bad guy.
also, you dont need his permission for anything, i would leave his ass off any applications going forward, and just do what you can to get out of this situation. you deserve better than this.
if i were you, i would immediately stop buying his lazy ass weed...tell him that he can have weed after he gets a job like an adult. i hope you can get away from this tard, ASAP

 

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

I am nursing my third gin right now (because of course i do) and it's just 7PM, i already feel fucked up like 2AM. I need to get this shit in check. Sorry for sounding like @wry wrangler right now

A somewhat positive mindset about alcohol is enough to make my attempt at sobriety waver. I woke up at 5AM this saturday and basically did nothing productive. I could've nursed a hangover a few more hours and had a bit more going yesterday.. It gets easier to ignore the urge as time goes on but man.

Man, that sounds grim when you put it like that.

Even 500 QI chadoids like myself get groomed into certain mindsets. Same with my boss throwing tantrums over nothing. I imagine another coworker in her position and they'd just go "oh well". If she had that outburst in our previously populated office people would think her fucking nuts. Normal people don't aggressive over things. I don't recall last I felt genuine anger.