How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[⋖ cørdion ⋗]

My two cousins are both married and have kids and financial stability (they're both female so the marriage and financial stability required zero effort on their part).

Wow, chud. Don't you know how selfless they are, restraining themselves from bouncing dick twice a weeknight? They deserve whatever their CEO husbands got them!

Meanwhile I'm single and barely making rent on a 50 hr/week job. I'm not dooming myself on staying single forever (kiwiladies ) It's just that I'm about halfway through my 29th year on this earth and I have little to show for it.

Once you drop the idea that life ends at 30, you realize you got a lot of life left. If you don't specifically care for kids, or dont mind dating a hoe who already has em, that's your primary deadline out the window. You could find a reasonable (boy)wife at 36 and have 35 years together. That's more time than you've been on earth already.

Those who do speedrun marriages likely do so to drown out the voice in their head going "you've got no purpose, no personality, no passions" with "uhh but I had kids! as a woman! that's my destiny in life fulfilled!". I look at my life right now and wonder what a partner would add. Something good, surely, but it's also not enough to turn my life around and make me happy.

"Women seek in men what they failed to achieve themselves" as per Cher, the feminist icon.

 

[Squanto Airi]

(boy)wife

Despite having an anime pfp, I am straight. Also I would like to have kids, and my standards for women are low

 

[Dizzyuntildeath]

Despite having an anime pfp, I am straight. Also I would like to have kids, and my standards for women are low

Not a winning combination.

 

[Hildy's interior cuckshed]

Well, I saw my doc today. Wanted to thank all of y'all who have been pulling for me. Doc said the disease is now uncurable.

You should try a nutritional approach before throwing in a towel. A terminal diagnosis simply means that conventional medicine is of no help anymore; as you've experienced yourself, it was of no help in the first place. Plenty of people made full recovery from "untreatable" advanced metastatic cancer.

 

[PetiteFeet]

I baked a small batch of vanilla cookies that I'd intended to put some cute icing on but I couldn't find my cookie cutters that I'd left at my parents house last christmas, so no icing on my wonkily shaped cookies.
At least they're tasty and I feel somewhat accomplished despite missing the mark of my original idea by lightyears.

Mildly optimistic about the holidays. I say mildly because there's still 20+ days left for the heavens to fall down and me having a mental breakdown. I think I feel mildly elated that my sister and her family are going abroad for christmas, so I don't have the looming threat of pretending to love being alive in front of two children too young and innocent to know the depths of my complicated feelings on my life as a whole.

I would like to attempt to go to my pottery class tomorrow and pick up my last project, a failed soap dish that I haven't glazed so it's just nude clay, but my social anxiety has a habit of making mountains out of molehills, and the fact that I haven't shown up to a single lesson since summer vacation has become quite the molehill.

 

[WASR96]

I baked a small batch of vanilla cookies that I'd intended to put some cute icing on but I couldn't find my cookie cutters that I'd left at my parents house last christmas, so no icing on my wonkily shaped cookies.
At least they're tasty and I feel somewhat accomplished despite missing the mark of my original idea by lightyears.

Mildly optimistic about the holidays. I say mildly because there's still 20+ days left for the heavens to fall down and me having a mental breakdown. I think I feel mildly elated that my sister and her family are going abroad for christmas, so I don't have the looming threat of pretending to love being alive in front of two children too young and innocent to know the depths of my complicated feelings on my life as a whole.

I would like to attempt to go to my pottery class tomorrow and pick up my last project, a failed soap dish that I haven't glazed so it's just nude clay, but my social anxiety has a habit of making mountains out of molehills, and the fact that I haven't shown up to a single lesson since summer vacation has become quite the molehill.

I won't pretend to know what you're dealing with, but I hope you can end up going tomorrow. I've had a lot of says this year where I just stayed home all week and it definitely makes me feel worse. I'm in a local gun club that I've been missing quite a bit this year, but they're always happy to welcome me back for their monthly back up gun matches (even if I place dead last every time lately because of my left hand being a shaky nuisance, I still have fun) I'm sure they'll be happy to have you back. Good luck, and thanks for the reminder that I need to pick up stuff to make cookies and bon bon's before my brother gets back to town lol.

it was of no help in the first place.

I appreciate it, but it did substantially help in the long run. I could barely move or keep food down when I first went to the ER in March. My original scan had my lungs looking like "fireworks" with how fast it managed to move to my lungs, stomach, and neck. All those are completely clear now. They won't even consider brain surgery an option anymore when they originally did have it as one, it's so aggressive that they said it'll be back a week after they remove it. I'm still going to receive radiation therapy and discuss trial treatments with my doc. Who knows, maybe a miracle will happen, but I trust my Oncologist since he's fought like hell for me. I'm at peace with the inevitable.

I do hope my hair finishes growing back before it's over though. I finally have peach fuzz on my head and face again, and I usually grow a pretty nice beard

 

[PetiteFeet]

I won't pretend to know what you're dealing with, but I hope you can end up going tomorrow. I've had a lot of says this year where I just stayed home all week and it definitely makes me feel worse. I'm in a local gun club that I've been missing quite a bit this year, but they're always happy to welcome me back for their monthly back up gun matches (even if I place dead last every time lately because of my left hand being a shaky nuisance, I still have fun) I'm sure they'll be happy to have you back. Good luck, and thanks for the reminder that I need to pick up stuff to make cookies and bon bon's before my brother gets back to town lol.

You're right. It'd be good for me to actually go, or at the very least put in effort to attempt, no matter what outcome I end up with.
Socialising is good for us, even in small doses.

 

[Idiot Doom Spiral]

Right now, I really wish the Dignitas Clinic accepted drop-in express checkouts appointments.

 

[One Sixth Native American]

Has anyone experienced burnout so deep they can’t focus on work anymore? What did they do to get over it?

I’m feeling great outside of work, life’s good. My workplace is just so poorly organized and managed that I’m constantly unable to finish tasks. It’s beginning to ruin my ability to focus on other focus tasks (like reading) that I used to enjoy…

 

[Nick Bockwinkel's Belt]

I haven't glazed so it's just nude clay

heh-heh...glazed nude....heh-heh....

I haven't shown up to a single lesson since summer vacation

Yeah, I know what that's like. It's one of the reasons I go out of my way to avoid becoming a "regular" at any establishment I go to. People start expecting me to show up and I don't want them worrying during the times when I just want to stay home for days/weeks, then when I do show up again I gotta hear the, "Hey stranger! Long time no see," BS. Right now it's the dog park. Fortunately I have a border collie, and regular visits to the dog park are required so I have no choice.

I do hope my hair finishes growing back before it's over though.

I remember when my dad's hair grew back after his treatment, it was all grey and wavy. He thought it looked so cool, and was genuinely disappointed when it turned back into the usual straight brown Slav hair once it was fully grown.

 

[WASR96]

I remember when my dad's hair grew back after his treatment, it was all grey and wavy. He thought it looked so cool, and was genuinely disappointed when it turned back into the usual straight brown Slav hair once it was fully grown.

The last time mine came back in, it was platinum blonde, which freaked me out since I'm normally a really dark strawberry blonde. Haven't been able to see what happens when it's fully grown back in since I never had enough time between treatments.

 

[Nick Bockwinkel's Belt]

Has anyone experienced burnout so deep they can’t focus on work anymore? What did they do to get over it?

I dunno how much of an improvement this'll be in whatever environment you work in, but I came to a realization while grumbling to myself about my co-workers taking 10-15 minute smoke breaks every hour. I decided if they were allowed to spend 2 hours a day standing outside sucking on shitsticks I should be allowed to do something similar. So I started taking morning and afternoon walks. No scheduled time, just when I felt like it I got up and left the building for a walk. I was ready to bitch about the smokers if management decided to give me shit about it, but no one ever did.

I dunno what your job is, but if it isn't something like pediatric neurosurgery or maintaining life support systems on the ISS I don't think it'll be a problem in the big scheme of things if you get up and walk away for a few minutes here and there.

 

[PetiteFeet]

Yeah, I know what that's like. It's one of the reasons I go out of my way to avoid becoming a "regular" at any establishment I go to. People start expecting me to show up and I don't want them worrying during the times when I just want to stay home for days/weeks, then when I do show up again I gotta hear the, "Hey stranger! Long time no see," BS. Right now it's the dog park. Fortunately I have a border collie, and regular visits to the dog park are required so I have no choice.

I actually feel the opposite. I don't mind becoming a regular, but I'm also lonely as fuck. Genuinely, I haven't seen any of the people I would call "friend" since like 2011. I've managed to fuck up my online friendships because of my mentally ill bullshit. I somehow keep fucking up everything, so I isolate myself.
I'd like to imagine I'm on friendly terms with the majority of the dog owners in the area I usually roam with my dog, I try not to start shit over petty things like differences of opinion with regards to things like dog training, discipline and how to get the results you want etc, or that's at least how it plays out in my head. But because of my personality disorder bullshit and general lack of socialisation, I've come to a point where I can't tell anymore.
The pottery thing is a class I've paid for and it's 6 months at a time, once a week. It's for people with psychiatric diagnoses in general and we're a total of 7 students and a teacher, so the bar is pretty low and there are no real expectations from the teacher other than we show up. My problem arises in that if I get out of the routine of going, I just stop attending. And once I've stopped attending, the invisible barrier that keeps me from literally everything I wish I could or want to do has become insurmountable again.
The incredibly silly thing is, I just need to pop that bubble of anxiety, which only exists in my head. No one is pressuring me, no one is going to give me snide remarks for "finally" showing up after nearly 6 months etc. It's just me.

I comfort myself in the fact that at least I have never neglected my dog in any way, shape or form. She's my big point of stability and I focus as much as I can into taking care of her, even when I can't take care of myself.

Spoiler: dog PL

This is Coco, my pride and joy, when she was around 1.5 years old. She's a lot greyer now but she's still as silly and energetic as when she was a youth.

 

[Nick Bockwinkel's Belt]

I'm also lonely as fuck

Yes. It's a four hour drive to my closest geographical friend lives. I'm an introvert. I don't mind being alone, but the loneliness is still there and sometimes it's painful. I know that doesn't make sense.

My problem arises in that if I get out of the routine of going

Also yes. It's why I washed out of college more than once. I'd just stop going to classes, and by then it'd be too late to drop them. I actually looked into possibly giving it another try a few years ago, and my transcripts are a mess. I don't think it'd be worth it to try and fix that stuff up with how useless a college degree is these days. It'd purely be for personal achievement.

And I guess since we're gonna dox our dogs now...

Spoiler: dog

 

[Unnecessary Surgery Land]

Things are really good but also not so good but also very good but also so-so...y'know?

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

I know I am bitching a lot about my job, but holy shit... Without powerleveling, today we needed space to move some shit, but we didn't have it, so we had to move one shit to move another shit on its place, so we could move more shit and move another shit to get space for the original shit. In the middle of it all boss tells us to move more shit, so while being on the verge of flipping my shit we move more shit and by the time we are ready to move the original shit, the truck comes and takes some other shit that frees exactly as much space as we needed where we needed it. Yesterday they told me "eeh, Juan, we don't have extra tasks today, find something to do" and today I had to stay 2 hours plus on top of the usual time. Why the fuck didn't they tell us to do something until the truck arrives? Why the fuck didn't they tell us beforehand or at least told me yesterday so I could do some of it? Honestly, if I had a place to go, I'd quit today.

 

[Nick Bockwinkel's Belt]

today we needed space to move some shit, but we didn't have it, so we had to move one shit to move another shit on its place, so we could move more shit and move another shit to get space for the original shit. In the middle of it all boss tells us to move more shit, so while being on the verge of flipping my shit we move more shit and by the time we are ready to move the original shit, the truck comes and takes some other shit that frees exactly as much space as we needed where we needed it.

Did they at least play the music for you while you were doing this?

 

[DenseDeerFather]

Not too well. For once it's not my mentals. I got hit with a bad fever so I'm currently trying to rest because I feel awful.

Just as that happens, a friend in a group chat mentions he may or may not be dead in a month if it doesn't work out with his "last option for Healthcare" and thanked us for being friends with him.

Everyone is freaking out and assuming he's talking about suicide and the statement is so vague that it could be an illness. He did not want to elaborate and I am going to respect that but at the same time I'm out of my depth here. It's hard to concentrate and figure out what to say I don't know much and I'm generally unwell right now.

I want to dedicate myself to figuring out what to do but at the same time, I don't know how useful I can be when I'm not really in the headspace to provide support and the whole thing is giving me a headache.

So that's fun.

 

[WhoBusTank69]

Just as that happens, a friend in a group chat mentions he may or may not be dead in a month if it doesn't work out with his "last option for Healthcare" and thanked us for being friends with him.

I can't believe @WASR96 is one of your friends that's crazy

 

[WASR96]

Not too well. For once it's not my mentals. I got hit with a bad fever so I'm currently trying to rest because I feel awful.

Just as that happens, a friend in a group chat mentions he may or may not be dead in a month if it doesn't work out with his "last option for Healthcare" and thanked us for being friends with him.

Everyone is freaking out and assuming he's talking about suicide and the statement is so vague that it could be an illness. He did not want to elaborate and I am going to respect that but at the same time I'm out of my depth here. It's hard to concentrate and figure out what to say I don't know much and I'm generally unwell right now.

I want to dedicate myself to figuring out what to do but at the same time, I don't know how useful I can be when I'm not really in the headspace to provide support and the whole thing is giving me a headache.

So that's fun.

That's a lot to unload in one week. Focus on getting yourself better first. Maybe your friend will be more willing to talk about his situation when he's had more time to process it himself. It sounds like he still has some sort of option left to turn things around at least. I'm not sure of your friends personality, but I definitely preferred my friends to still be lighthearted about it. Only one of them replied to my message. At first with "I don't even know what to say to that man" but after I said "nothing really to say about it, I wasn't expecting this either" he immediately came back with "damn, it should have been (name of annoying, now felon, coworker we had) instead. What a waste" which made me laugh and lightened the mood. I think it's easier to just rip that band aid off and move on with the time he still has. Hope you feel better soon, and good luck. Hopefully your friend gets the treatment he needs so you won't have to worry about that conversation in the first place.