How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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fist_of_khonshu said:
just told I should be happy to be breathing because other people have it harder.
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This is such an unhelpful bit of advice, and it’s a dumb one too because there’s always someone with objectively worse issues but how does that work? Like you rank everyone in earth by issue severity and the top ten get to bitch and the other almost nine billion or whatever get told to shut it?
It’s always worth a sanity check: ‘is this really a problem? Why is it a problem?’ Is a good thing to ask yourself. But frankly, if the answer is yes and it’s making you hurt then it’s a problem for you. Relative misery isn’t a game any should play.
I hope it gets better.
 
Cold as hell from my feet and fingers from snow shoveling and the rain.
Otterly said:
This is such an unhelpful bit of advice, and it’s a dumb one too because there’s always someone with objectively worse issues but how does that work? Like you rank everyone in earth by issue severity and the top ten get to bitch and the other almost nine billion or whatever get told to shut it?
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You should write a book. I'd buy it.
 
Quite Good, it seems much of my mothers mental health issues are clearing up (some of it was induced by medication,more reason to hate big pharma), on a personal level I feel I have gained a sort of acceptance that there’s always going to be people who either dislike or don’t understand you or anything you have to say, I wouldn’t call it a blackpill moreso an acceptance that some people are more naturally anti-social and avoiding the outside world isn’t always a bad thing, especially when you are getting older, the biggest challenge in all of my 27 years of life has been kind of accomplished in that regard, sometimes the only winning move is not to play
 
Squanto Airi said:
I can't shake this feeling that I'm falling behind in life to everyone in my family.
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Boy don't I know it. My two cousins are both married and have kids and financial stability (they're both female so the marriage and financial stability required zero effort on their part).
PetiteFeet said:
I have just accepted I will die alone. And that's okay. As long as I'm not in pain and I don't have any people I care about that will grieve me.
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That's about where I am. I don't think there's a woman on this earth who will put up with my shit while I am simultaneously able to put up with hers.
 
Old nav I used to fly with is in town and wants to meet up tomorrow. He's a filthy RC-135 nav now, but he's offering to cover wagyu steak so I won't hold that against him ;). In all seriousness it'll be good to see him again and reminisce about the "good ol' days" lol.
 
Anxious because my follow up appointment with the doctor is tomorrow. Now that I know that I have scoliosis I'm wondering what the course of action will be for my back and hip pain. Living with this shit every single day for years now has been utterly exhausting and I'd like to have some sort of relief for it.
 
WASR96 said:
He recommended I tell my family sooner rather than later, but I cannot even begin to figure out how to tell them I don't have a lot of time left.
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How does it feel knowing your time is up sooner than later? I would not even know how to process that. At least you KNOW so that you can live your life to the absolute fullest with the people you love, that's a blessing in itself. When that time comes, say hi to Tinseltown for me.
 
The Last Stand said:
How does it feel knowing your time is up sooner than later? I would not even know how to process that. At least you KNOW so that you can live your life to the absolute fullest with the people you love, that's a blessing in itself.
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Sort of empty, but also calming in a weird way. I've come to terms with the fact that I at least did everything I could to fight it. I got to accomplish all of my main goals, so I'm happy about that at least. Sure, there's a few odds and ends I would have liked a few more years to do, but now that I know time is limited, I'm just trying to make the most of it and spend as much time with family as I can. It's pretty hard to do that when they're all tossing themselves into their work to avoid thinking about it, but I also understand it's harder for them to process than it is for me since they'll still be here, and things like my birthday and holidays are going to be hard for them for a while.
The Last Stand said:
When that time comes, say hi to Tinseltown for me.
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I'm going to make sure I find Gary Plauchè first to let him know I'm a massive fan of his work, but will do.
 
WASR96 said:
Sort of empty, but also calming in a weird way.
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I like this answer.
Is it sad? or just acceptance?
People tend to tiptoe around people in your scenario, but everyone I worked next to in hospice has said don't do that. What's your take on that subject? Do you prefer to have it out in the open or let people work their way through it?
 
Dizzyuntildeath said:
I like this answer.
Is it sad? or just acceptance?
People tend to tiptoe around people in your scenario, but everyone I worked next to in hospice has said don't do that. What's your take on that subject? Do you prefer to have it out in the open or let people work their way through it?
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I'd say it's acceptance. I went through the entire denial stage when my doctor gave me the news, but I think anyone would being told you're going to die. Plus my previous doc never gave me a real prognosis when I started this whole thing back in March. I was told how well my cancer normally responds to chemo, and I was told how happy he was with the response my body had after every round, so I think it was just shock going from "you're responding the way we'd hope" to "it's uncurable now. 5% of people make it past two years, but realistically you're looking at months. Go home, hug your family, and give them the news." Took a while for it to even sink in, but since I know I did everything I could and I can't do anything to change it, I'm not going to dwell on what if's, I'm just going to make the most of what I have.

I'd agree with everyone you worked next to. I think it would be easier for them to process if they just addressed the elephant in the room. If they have anything they want to say to me, now is definitely the time to do it. It hurts for my friends and family to tiptoe around me, almost like it's my fault this is happening. I'd prefer we all just act like everything is fine and enjoy each others company while we can. They'll have a lot of time where they're going to have to process this when I'm gone, and I don't want them to spend time beating themselves up with "I wish we had more time" what if's when we literally have that time now.
 
WASR96 said:
I'd say it's acceptance. I went through the entire denial stage when my doctor gave me the news, but I think anyone would being told you're going to die. Plus my previous doc never gave me a real prognosis when I started this whole thing back in March. I was told how well my cancer normally responds to chemo, and I was told how happy he was with the response my body had after every round, so I think it was just shock going from "you're responding the way we'd hope" to "it's uncurable now. 5% of people make it past two years, but realistically you're looking at months. Go home, hug your family, and give them the news." Took a while for it to even sink in, but since I know I did everything I could and I can't do anything to change it, I'm not going to dwell on what if's, I'm just going to make the most of what I have.

I'd agree with everyone you worked next to. I think it would be easier for them to process if they just addressed the elephant in the room. If they have anything they want to say to me, now is definitely the time to do it. It hurts for my friends and family to tiptoe around me, almost like it's my fault this is happening. I'd prefer we all just act like everything is fine and enjoy each others company while we can. They'll have a lot of time where they're going to have to process this when I'm gone, and I don't want them to spend time beating themselves up with "I wish we had more time" what if's when we literally have that time now.
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Thank you. Exceptionally well said.
 
WASR96 said:
Go home, hug your family, and give them the news." Took a while for it to even sink in, but since I know I did everything I could and I can't do anything to change it, I'm not going to dwell on what if's, I'm just going to make the most of what I have.
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I hope when my time comes that I face it like a man like you are.
 
AnOminous said:
I hope when my time comes that I face it like a man like you are.
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Me too, but at the same time...

Since I suffer from pretty severe depressive disorder, I frequently have to answer the boilerplate questions "Are you suicidal now," or, "have you had suicidal thoughts in the past two weeks," etc. The answer to these questions is always no. It has always been no. I can say with 99.9% (repeating of course) certainty the answer will always be no. I have a feeling this tends to give people the impression that I must not be very depressed if I'm so confident (for lack of a better word) that I won't ever want to kill myself.

But the reason for that confidence is because the thought of death terrifies me. Sometimes it keeps me awake at night. I'm not a religious person, and I don't believe in an afterlife*️⃣. The unfathomable eternity of non-existence is extremely disturbing to me. So the answer to those questions is something more along the lines of, "I don't want to die, but I wish I'd never been born."

Yeah I know that in all likelihood I won't even know I'm dying when it happens. The brain releases chemicals and other things that ease the mental and physical stressors of the dying process. And once there's no more brain activity, it means I won't even know I'm dead. That isn't much of a comfort to me. I can honestly say if we achieve the Singularity or the Futurama technology to keep heads alive in jars, I would sign up for that without hesitation when this body is ready to conk out. I may wish that I was never born, but I was. And as shitty as my life is I want it to last forever.

*️⃣ I know there are a lot of deeply religious people here. Please don't try to convert or convince me. It won't happen. There's a good chance I'm older than most of you. I've lived through a lot, and I have my own personal reasons for believing what I believe.
 
Nick Bockwinkel's Belt said:
Boy don't I know it. My two cousins are both married and have kids and financial stability (they're both female so the marriage and financial stability required zero effort on their part
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Yep! Pretty much everyone except for me is in a relationship or married, most have financially stable jobs, and two of my cousins are having kids.

Meanwhile I'm single and barely making rent on a 50 hr/week job. I'm not dooming myself on staying single forever (kiwiladies ;)) It's just that I'm about halfway through my 29th year on this earth and I have little to show for it.
 
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