How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[EzRolling]

Some clients seem hellbent on complaining or being difficult. Swear I wanted drugs/alcohol at the end of last night at 12:30AM. Also waiting on roughly $5,000+ in payment from both employers and clients which is stretching me really thin especially with the work van having a $430 repair and title transfer [$800~]. Least I have a $1,200 borrow amount on my CashApp at times like this. Woke up today still kind of feeling the same way. Decided I’ll start work a little early and grab a cup of coffee to try and chill out a bit.

Around day 21 of sobriety and sticking to it but all this definitely would have been an excuse in the past to use.

 

[PetiteFeet]

Getting real fucking tired over my lack of stamina (ironic, I know).
I'm withering in my chair like a little old lady and it's only 6PM. I've been up since 11AM. I did some light housework because I've really been neglecting my home lately, I walked the dogs at the beach for like 30-45 minutes and I helped my mother buy groceries, yet I feel like I've ran a marathon.
Lesson for all the younglings; don't become a sedentary shut-in NEET, even if you're mentally ill and sensitive in general. Once you hit the big Three-Oh, your body starts tanking if you haven't been taking care of yourself.
Fuck.

My mom bought me a ton of flower bulbs - tulips, grape hyacinths, lent lilies and more. I should probably get them planted before frost sets in proper. Maybe it'll help take off my mind from the holidays, not that I have anything to fear like a surprise visit from my sister and her family for my birthday.

 

[The Feline Solution 2]

Fucking beautiful Sunday. Girlfriend was cleaning the apartment, had a load of clothing in the washing machine, suddenly sounds of bombs falling, washing machine is now broken. Never seen a washing machine jump in the air before. Amazing. The rubber sealant is completely torn and the drum is misaligned. Fuck me. At least it's the Black Friday weekend and the prices for a new one aren't too bad. In the end it is my fault, thing is ~25 years old and was spazzing out regularly for at least two years, should've bought a new one the minute i was back on german soil. I'm just happy the whole house isn't underwater, thing sounded like it was about to explode.

Edit: Just checked, there's a laundromat not even a block away so things really could be worse.

Edit edit: Why the fuck does every modern washing machine come with a wi-fi connection?! For what purpose?

 

[Imam Shamil]

I want a wife and I don't have a wife. What the FUCK, man!

 

[YHWH's Strongest Soldier]

I want a wife and I don't have a wife. What the FUCK, man!

Shit man, have you tried wanting harder?

 

[No. 7 cat]

Chest infection tho I thought it was worse as there was some pain in my right chest. Went mistakenly to the ER which is physically near me, but it's sloooow. Some slight wheezing still. Okay tho. Antibiotic prescribed. Also painkillers which I won't take. It's better to bear up regarding middling to minor pain.

 

[PetiteFeet]

I want a wife and I don't have a wife. What the FUCK, man!

if you can lower your standards down to "cave troll", I'm single
But seriously, wanting romance and love and not having it sucks. The dating scenes of today terrify me, even if I ignore apps like Tinder and similar hook-up apps.

 

[EzRolling]

Getting real fucking tired over my lack of stamina (ironic, I know).
I'm withering in my chair like a little old lady and it's only 6PM. I've been up since 11AM. I did some light housework because I've really been neglecting my home lately, I walked the dogs at the beach for like 30-45 minutes and I helped my mother buy groceries, yet I feel like I've ran a marathon.
Lesson for all the younglings; don't become a sedentary shut-in NEET, even if you're mentally ill and sensitive in general. Once you hit the big Three-Oh, your body starts tanking if you haven't been taking care of yourself.
Fuck.

My mom bought me a ton of flower bulbs - tulips, grape hyacinths, lent lilies and more. I should probably get them planted before frost sets in proper. Maybe it'll help take off my mind from the holidays, not that I have anything to fear like a surprise visit from my sister and her family for my birthday.

What’s your sleep schedule like and any prescriptions?

My girlfriend (who practically NEET’d all the way to 31) has that lack of stamina. Like not even being depressed or anything she sleeps for 12-14 hours. Which is wild to me because it’s like “Your time awake in a day is less than the total time I’ll spend at work in a day”

 

[Overwritten Tapes]

Getting real fucking tired over my lack of stamina (ironic, I know).

Dog, I'm in halfway decent shape and am out of steam 2-3 hours into my day. I literally take 3-4 doses of ephedrine plus 2 doses of caffeine pills a day, even on my days off. Shit sucks.

 

[Stephanides]

been doing EMDR therapy and journaling as well as prepping for a hospital visit regarding my DSD

 

[Quijibo69]

Came back home and pop a bluster in my toe. Yummy!

 

[Juan Números]

Takes a lot of time and paperwork and absolute bureaucratic nonsense even when it's relatively simple and family members are cooperating instead of acting like absolute faggots and fighting. Thanks, like it doesn't suck enough that your dad died, now you have to spend months coping with the bureaucratic bullshit it involves. I understand the "robot mode." I would otherwise be collapsing into a stupor of grief.

Thank you for your answer.

Honestly that was what surprised me the most, as the succession is supposed to be extremely straightforward, we're all in excellent standing with each other and agree on the way forward.

The amount of absolute malice some bureaucrats exude (with their catchphrase being very close to "computer says no") really took me aback, as with the amount of "fuck you, pay me" crap a lot of people try.

On the upside, we had another meeting with the clerk (?) handling the legal aspects of the succession (not that there is much, but still gotta do it) and I'm surprised that he's a bright young man who actually gives good legal advice (opposed to his ex-colleague who botched my grandfather's succession).

I'm still very worried about my mother. I have taken all the vacations days I could for Christmas so I'll be able to help with things around the house and keep her company for the entire holidays.

If it's not enough, I'll see if I can get some unpaid leave.

 

[Haunted Tamagotchi]

Very, very exhausted but getting by slowly. In my last month of pregnancy now, but given my history of early births, baby Tamagotchi 4 could be here any day now. I’m just glad I prepped Christmas presents well in advance, don’t fancy wrapping gifts while on the labour ward at hospital or something. In a way I’m kinda sad because this is my last pregnancy, but also relieved that I’m never gonna have to do this for nine months again.

 

[scatterbrain]

I'm curious about this version! I like tiramisu and never heard of a pumpkin one. I love pumpkin so I might enjoy it. Glad people liked it!

I'd actually be interested to hear about it, too. My cousin made a Tiramisu that heavily incorporated crema pasticcera instead of just mascarpone this Easter, after a recipe of some Michelin star cook. It was heaven.

Thank you! Glad people are interested. I used this recipe, though I ended up not making the whipped cream in the last step because I don't have an electric mixer and figured the whisking would kill my wrists. Instead I sprinkled some of this cocoa + espresso power I had on top (should have sifted it lol). Didn't have any candied ginger or freshly grated nutmeg.

If you plan on making it, mix the pumpkin mixture and the mascarpone + heavy cream separately, and make sure they're all room temperature first. Otherwise (according to the comments) it'll become too soupy. Mine ended up not being thick enough to form soft peaks but it thickened after being refrigerated for 8 or so hours anyway.

The lady fingers and mascarpone were a tad expensive, so I made only 1/2. It was still quite a lot, enough for a small family gathering to have a good portion.

I think next time I would put less sugar in the cup of coffee, or make a stronger brew. I tried drinking the leftovers and it was far too sweet, and I haven't even necessarily developed a taste for strong bitterness yet. Here's some.. potentially shitty pictures of the leftovers. My phone wasn't charged when I made it. My grandmother tried some of it even though she hates coffee (ergo tiramisu) and clearly looked borderline pained but told me it was flavorful and "good job" haha.

 

[PetiteFeet]

What’s your sleep schedule like and any prescriptions?

My girlfriend (who practically NEET’d all the way to 31) has that lack of stamina. Like not even being depressed or anything she sleeps for 12-14 hours. Which is wild to me because it’s like “Your time awake in a day is less than the total time I’ll spend at work in a day”

Anti-depressants and anxiety meds, I occasionally take 1/2-1 seroquel to sleep on. But I know what my issue is, and it's my sleeping schedule. That paired with close to two decades of rotting inside my own head, my 30s have just hit me really hard after I moved into my current living situation.
I logically know that I can't stay up till 2AM on the regular and that a healthy sleep schedule would fix almost all of my issues but I have this.. immature isn't quite the right word for it, side to me that wants to "catch up on my youth". Which is really, really stupid. I'm not 16 anymore, I can't reclaim my 20s and if I keep living the way I currently do, my 30s into my 40s will suck even harder than my teens and 20s.
My depression hasn't eased up despite my attempts at being more active and my weight loss. I just can't give up. I also have to swallow my pride and my desire to spite what my logic knows I have to do.

TLDR - muh mentals.

Dog, I'm in halfway decent shape and am out of steam 2-3 hours into my day. I literally take 3-4 doses of ephedrine plus 2 doses of caffeine pills a day, even on my days off. Shit sucks.

I've discovered that I actually get sleepy if I drink energy drinks, that and my anxiety spikes. Coffee depresses me no matter whether it's coldbrew, instant or regular filter.
Shit sucks, man. At least I feel more naturally sleepy after spending an hour+ outside, as opposed to just rotting in my chair and getting sleepy.

 

[obsdj]

The "holiday" season is driving me to make poor choices again. Since I don't drink or otherwise indulge in chemical pastimes, this tends to result in overspending, emotional eating, and rage-induced reconnections with people are bad for me. I'm buying too many games, consuming too much starch, and fighting hard against messaging a couple of folks with whom I used to have a highly unhealthy series of interactions. I've had plenty of rough years in my tired-ass life, but a lot has really conspired to wear out my patience, kindness, tolerance, and hope levels this time around the sun. I assume I'll get through to the new year without damaging myself much, but I'm less than optimistic. Things are tough.

 

[Basement Dwelling Dork]

I had a family member tell me I speak spanish like how Peggy Hill speaks english. It killed my interest in learning a new language entirely.

 

[The Feline Solution 2]

Thank you! Glad people are interested. I used this recipe, though I ended up not making the whipped cream in the last step because I don't have an electric mixer and figured the whisking would kill my wrists. Instead I sprinkled some of this cocoa + espresso power I had on top (should have sifted it lol). Didn't have any candied ginger or freshly grated nutmeg.

If you plan on making it, mix the pumpkin mixture and the mascarpone + heavy cream separately, and make sure they're all room temperature first. Otherwise (according to the comments) it'll become too soupy. Mine ended up not being thick enough to form soft peaks but it thickened after being refrigerated for 8 or so hours anyway.

The lady fingers and mascarpone were a tad expensive, so I made only 1/2. It was still quite a lot, enough for a small family gathering to have a good portion.

I think next time I would put less sugar in the cup of coffee, or make a stronger brew. I tried drinking the leftovers and it was far too sweet, and I haven't even necessarily developed a taste for strong bitterness yet. Here's some.. potentially shitty pictures of the leftovers. My phone wasn't charged when I made it. My grandmother tried some of it even though she hates coffee (ergo tiramisu) and clearly looked borderline pained but told me it was flavorful and "good job" haha.

View attachment 8234218View attachment 8234523

That recipe sounds quite good, i initially thought "Why pumpkin?" because i forgot about the pumpkin-spice-anything craze that has been going on for years. Never tried a pumpkin-spice-latte or anything like that yet because i live under a rock when it comes to these kind of trends, anytime i remember i want to try it the season for it is already over. Read in the recipe that it skips the alcohol, that's the only odd part for me. I prefer using Amaretto over Marsala in my Tiramisu (which i haven't made in a million years).

my weight loss

Crazy how you manage that on Seroquel, that stuff is notorious for the out-of-control weight gain. Had a female co-worker who was on it, she was pushing 300 pounds/150kg, she once showed me pictures of her from when she wasn't on it from a couple of years before and it was like looking at a completely different person. While i never took Seroquel i also ballooned like a motherfucker when i was extremely overmedicated on zog pills and lithium in my 20s, got up to 107kg in under a year when my usual weight hovers around 80kg, it was insane. Literally always hungry and didn't care that i gained like a tank thanks to being numb from the pill combo. There's a picture of me and my mother from my sisters wedding that we only saw years later and neither me nor my mother realized that the fatass in the photo was me, it was that bad.

and fighting hard against messaging a couple of folks with whom I used to have a highly unhealthy series of interactions

Resist, resist, resist. There's a reason for why you don't have contact with them. Contact leads to nothing good, i know that from experience. Had to do it myself after i quit using, which wasn't that hard because drug "friends" were never friends in the first place, rather accomplices. I don't know your exact situation but stay strong and resist that urge.

 

[PetiteFeet]

Crazy how you manage that on Seroquel, that stuff is notorious for the out-of-control weight gain. Had a female co-worker who was on it, she was pushing 300 pounds/150kg, she once showed me pictures of her from when she wasn't on it from a couple of years before and it was like looking at a completely different person. While i never took Seroquel i also ballooned like a motherfucker when i was extremely overmedicated on zog pills and lithium in my 20s, got up to 107kg in under a year when my usual weight hovers around 80kg, it was insane. Literally always hungry and didn't care that i gained like a tank thanks to being numb from the pill combo. There's a picture of me and my mother from my sisters wedding that we only saw years later and neither me nor my mother realized that the fatass in the photo was me, it was that bad.

Ozempic is my cheatcode but I was (and still am) quite heavy compared to how sedentary I am. My anti-depressants are the real reason why I ballooned aside from that NEET lifestyle. Plus eating your feelings etc.
And yeah, I'm beginning to suspect literally all of my meds are keeping me not only fat but also keeping me unmotivated in general. I don't have severe mood fluctuations, I'm usually a steady 0 on a scale from -5 to +5. If it wasn't for the fact I'm in the middle of my yearly winter depression and the sunlight I get is relatively limited, I would be pressing my psych nurse harder on trying to wean me off of my meds but it would be incredibly unwise to do so when I'm in the state I am right now.
Hopefully 2026 will be brighter and easier for me. For all of us, really.

 

[Otterly]

I've learned a lot about cancer this year and have been pretty disappointed with how much it appears that research into a real cure for it seems to have stagnated since the 80's.

Yeah, it’s a mixed bag. Cancer isn’t one disease so much as what happens when the normal processes that keep cells diving normally, where they should be, at the right rate, fucks up. So it’s not one disease, it’s thousands. And even within one type, like colon cancer, two individual tumours could have multiple, different , mutations. It’s a very hard problem to fix.
Some cancers now have really good treatment/almost cure rates. Most don’t.
Personally I think we need to use our own immune systems more - nothing we pump into someone is more targeted and effective than the immune system, we just need to program it to attack cancer cells . And as I’m sure you know well, all chemo just now is basically poisoning the shit out of you in the hopes that more of the cancer dies before the healthy bits of you do.
There are some good and promising immune therapies - they seem to work well in tandem with other existing treatments. I think the future will be immune+ classical for a while before we get our heads round being able to program a white blood cell to be effectively a nanobot which can go in and do what we need it to. That’s a long way down the line.
But yeah, it’s not simple, unlike rocket science.