How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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WASR96 said:
Well, I saw my doc today. Wanted to thank all of y'all who have been pulling for me. Doc said the disease is now uncurable. The spots on my brain are resistant to platinum based chemotherapy which is why it's continued to grow. They're going to keep doing radiation therapy to slow the spots from progressing and taking away my motor functions, but doc says I have a 5% chance of long term survival (long term being 2+ years.) He said I realistically have a few months. Going to put in my two weeks on Monday so I can make a few trips to see friends and family. Already set up my will and life insurance payouts earlier this year just in case it came to this. He recommended I tell my family sooner rather than later, but I cannot even begin to figure out how to tell them I don't have a lot of time left.
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Jesus Christ, man. I am genuinely sorry to hear that it has come to this. I hope you at least had a good life that wasn't filled with too much bullshit, i really don't know what else to say. That's some real bullshit.
 
The Feline Solution 2 said:
Jesus Christ, man. I am genuinely sorry to hear that it has come to this. I hope you at least had a good life that wasn't filled with too much bullshit, i really don't know what else to say. That's some real bullshit.
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Thanks man. I've had a really great life overall. I was lucky enough to get to do a lot of cool shit that most people don't get to do, and my only regret is that I won't be around to get to see both of my younger brothers accomplishments in their lives. My youngest brother is almost done with college, he's already been kicking ass by working to get experience while doing his full college course load. Thankfully my boss said he'd do me a favor by offering him a position at my workplace once he finishes his degree, I think he'd do really well here. My middle brother has been a mechanical engineer for a few years and just finished his PE cert and has been a fast burner through his company. Really proud of them both, especially with how quickly they got their shit together. It took me quite a bit longer after high school to start investing in myself lol. My life insurance is paying out half in advance due to my diagnosis, but I already have all my debt paid off, so we're going to take a few trips and just go have as much dumb fun as possible until I can't anymore.

I'm sorry to hear your work ended. You've always seemed like a good dude from your posts on here, and I wish you the best for the future.
 
Ewan McGregor said:
I am reduced to just wanting very simple things, extremely simple things. And that, not even that I'm allowed to
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How i feel for pretty much the entirety of my adult life. I am very much to blame for this situation because i did basically the opposite of
Ewan McGregor said:
I did everything I was supposed to do, I went to university, got a master's degree, all that.
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this. I long ago settled for the simple fact that life sucks (it has been better the older i am getting, most likely because i become more jaded with every year that's passing) and that i will die like a dog, most likely by my own hand. I don't even have a point here or know where i was going, as sure as i know that it doesn't help to know that many people are struggling with this whole life shit as bad as you/i are. Though i have to add that reading the last couple of pages made my perceived suffering feel insignificant, especially regarding the posts by @WASR96 and @Banquet Meal.
WASR96 said:
I'm sorry to hear your work ended. You've always seemed like a good dude from your posts on here, and I wish you the best for the future.
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Thank you, i mean that.
Slav Power said:
View attachment 8205219
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Next to Black Rain my favourite film starring Michael Douglas. Can quote most of it by heart. Think it is time for a rewatch. That kind of movie would never fly these days i think, even though the "bad guy" gets it in the end. Loved it for that ending especially.
 
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I saw a couple of days ago a pigeon with a fractured wing (he couldn’t fly anymore) so I decided to take care of him until I can go to a wildlife care center. I’m happy :) he’s cute but he looks a bit like if a homeless guy was a pigeon kek
 
nonnita said:
I saw a couple of days ago a pigeon with a fractured wing (he couldn’t fly anymore) so I decided to take care of him until I can go to a wildlife care center. I’m happy :) he’s cute but he looks a bit like if a homeless guy was a pigeon kek
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can you keep him as a pet? pigeons are SO smart and fun!!
 
The Feline Solution 2 said:
made my perceived suffering feel insignificant, especially regarding the posts by @WASR96 and @Banquet Meal.
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nooo...everyone is fighting some battle, and even if people are dealing with worse/better situations, it doesnt negate the difficulty of yours, for sure. i 100 percent agree with you that life sucks on the whole...im not really feeling it anymore myself these days, and if you ever want to talk or anything, i am here for you!! :)
that aside, it is so wonderful to see how caring people are on here, and is yet another reason i love the kf community so much :heart-full: :heart-full:
you dont see this anywhere else, and its amazing. i read everyone elses posts on here, and i hope you all have something good happen to you, even if it isnt life changing, just anything to help. life can be so difficult, and i am here for anyone who needs to talk it out or just vent. :feels:
 
Lingering butter taste said:
I’m gonna try going cold turkey from the farms for a week (Or at least modern farms, cause I genuinely enjoy the older 2013-2018 threads) and just doing whatever I want with my life. I’ll see how I feel by the end and any fuck up I make I’m automatically given pardon from cause. Because. Just because.
Starting now.
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Everything in moderation, my friend
 
The stupid brother thing continues to unearth a bunch of spiky feelings that feel like I'm en route to another minor depressive episode. I haven't had one for a while THANKFULLY, but they are sneaky little bastards that like to rest just below the waterline, especially with background stuff going on and anxiety and other shit and the lingering thought of death on my mind.

Horrible timing because I actually got a job interview next Monday. Maybe I can feel somewhat on top before Monday when all this shit other shit is over.

Regardless, I am buying fucking Smirnoff for myself because idgaf. I need booze. I drink alcohol three times a year; let me insert a fourth. Besides, it makes me stupidly creative.

Edit: got clarity. Although I had to nudge a little. I wish my emotions wouldn't go into such high gear when they are allowed to fester.

I feel disappointed but not surprised. Maybe I can actually get some sleep tonight and eat properly. I truly am my own worst enemy with the emotionally unstable bullshit.
 
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I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong but I'm struggling with an deep sense of hopelessness. I'm doing full time aerospace engineering school, running my own business, and dating. But, I can't help but feel like I've missed my chances at being sucessful or happy.

@WASR96 I'm sorry about all the struggles you're going through. I'll raise a glass for your health during Thanksgiving.
 
Rack Of CDs said:
I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong but I'm struggling with an deep sense of hopelessness. I'm doing full time aerospace engineering school, running my own business, and dating. But, I can't help but feel like I've missed my chances at being sucessful or happy.

@WASR96 I'm sorry about all the struggles you're going through. I'll raise a glass for your health during Thanksgiving.
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Thank you! Don't be so hard on yourself. It sounds like you're doing everything you can to invest in yourself and taking full advantage of your opportunities. Remember to take some time for yourself to do your hobbies or hang out with friends though, nobody can be "on" 24/7 when it comes to work/school :)
 
Struggling in at my new job. Sales position in an industry I've been in for a while, don't know if its sales specifically I have a problem with or just this kind of sales. I do like that I've had to become a lot more aggressive and blunt, but I often walk away feeling not great about what I'm doing or how I'm doing it. Coming up on a year so hopefully I can slide into something better soon. Realizing I burnt a lot of valuable time in my 20's in a field I really cannot stand anymore and just horrified that I won't be able to support kids in a way that stops them from getting sucked into neo feudal muck. Life is good, I just worry about when it won't be.

Been reading @WASR96 posts in this thread, hope you enjoy the time you have left.
 
Juan But Not Forgotten said:
It was more like "how did it happen that people think that I am a bad guy, I was doing everything right, it is not my fault". Fuck, that's what DSP would say. I mean, it sucks that he got laid off, but he is the prime example of misplaced anger. But damn, his dialogue with that korean is basically an average 4channer in a nutshell.
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I have thought these things out and still sympathize with the guy. Maybe this means I'm a psycho myself, but fuck you, blow me, I still do.
 
Today I walked to my parents place, a couple of kms from me, and I went downtown to try and do some christmas shopping because my mother forgot to buy a christmas calendar candle that'd suit my mother's tastes. Alas, it was a waste of time but I reckon it's good for my system to get subjected to the hustle and bustle of public transport and city traffic in general, because I'm so isolated on a daily basis.
I took both dogs for a walk straight after returning from my shopping trip, and while I attempted to pick up from one of them I accidentally dropped a leash in a tiny drop of shit.
Almost, but only almost, lost my figurative shit at a nigger beggar because he said something in what I can only assume was his native language and not our local tongue in a bad accent. Like, sir, I would happily buy your shitty homeless newspaper IF I HAD A HAND FREE WHILE WALKING TWO DOGS. Don't fucking harass me and try to integrate with the country you're in, instead of being forced to sell newspapers for pennies, it's not my fault you're standing outside.

I will endeavor to go to the forest tomorrow buuuuut there's a nugget of doubt that lives in my head. I'll chalk that up to being 4AM brain, but sleep just isn't hitting right now.
 
Local cops finally busted up the homeless encampment that was growing by the supermarket where they constantly panhandled. So I was finally able to walk into the store without having to pass through a cloud of BO and narcotic fumes. Small miracles.
 
Great. Looks like my Mom already went and told all of her siblings the news because I'm already receiving retarded texts from them about how if my doctor would just use ivermectin then it'll cure everything. Because obviously when hitting the hard reset on my bone marrow and white blood cells, TWICE, failed me, what's going to get the job done is a de-wormer. Thanksgiving is shaping up to be a cluster fuck. I think I'm going to plan to visit my best friend for Christmas and hope that this Thursday is the last time I ever have to see my Mom's side of the family. I know I'll get a "you're going to break everyone's heart!" guilt trip speech about not being here for Christmas, but I don't really care anymore. I want to go have some fun, and listening to everyone become an overnight armchair cancer biologist doesn't sound very fun to me. Heading out into the middle of nowhere with my best friend to shoot guns, get drunk, and eat 2am IHOP on Christmas day sounds like time much better spent.
 
Banquet Meal said:
can you keep him as a pet? pigeons are SO smart and fun!!
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Sadly I can’t (for more reasons) but I wished I could. Also, I’m pretty sure if you want to keep a pigeon (especially a non-domesticated one) you need to have another one as company since they’re extremely social animals. But anyway, I think he’ll have the time of his life at this wildlife care center I mentioned :)
 
Still can't find a fucking job, everything is in or near the city where I live an I live way the fuck out in the sticks with my parents, and I can't move out because rent is too goddamn high.
 
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