How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

  • Want to keep track of this thread?
    Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
    Create account
Mandy Stroyer said:
Realized an old friend has been looking for me and somehow managed to find and subscribe to my youtube that has no videos, let alone personal info on it. I'm extrapolating on the "looking for me" part since if I ever did tell him my youtube channel, it was 2+ years ago which means he had to have dug through messages in an attempt to find any way to contact me. The separation was pretty unceremonious, I just had too many things going on to reply and changed my number without remembering to tell him and once I did remember, decided not to since I was not feeling up to talk to anyone.
Click to expand...
Damn, it sounds that your friend is good at searching, you should introduce him to this place.
 
Yellow Rose Of Texas said:
Been feeling this way sometimes too.I feel powerless against the current tide and there’s nothing I can do cause I'm just a reserved nerd who rarely socializes outside the internet. The last half decade of moral shaming from people on the left didn’t help me avoid getting blackpilled either.
I hate I’m in the situation I’m in because of my own mistakes and the harsh world we currently lived in.
Click to expand...
I'm with you and I'm with the person you quoted. Our society is dying, and this particular death is uniquely heart rending compared to the despair of previous collapses. I'd rather live with the Black Death than this horror show, because at least that plague didn't attack the very human soul. Every hobby I've ever enjoyed, every community I've ever participated in, and every person I've ever loved has been systematically ruined by the culture war mind virus rot. I've fought relentlessly against the rot in every space I've been a part of for over 20 years and my fury and mental energy have almost run dry. At this point I have to take literal blue pills to suppress the overwhelming urge to die every waking second because death would be less painful than this shit, but I have too many people I'd hurt to give into the urge.

I think it's important to not fall to self-loathing or self-blame. It's not our fault, and there's nothing we could have ever done to combat the situation against vampiric psycho fucks with nuclear weapons and cognitive behavior brainwashing models made before we were ever born. I'm not going to virtue signal by telling you you're not allowed to be blackpilled or that you need to grindset bootstrap yourself into mindlessly plodding forward as the world falls apart. Going innawoods and shutting it all off and not letting the plague touch you is one of the better options. For me, it's an act of rebellion to keep my agency and mind in a society dedicated to sterilizing them out of existence. The absolute demons responsible for this ruin may have the weapons and a dystopian surveillance state, but the infrastructure they rely on to wreck this bleak oppression is fundamentally very fragile and the table could flip in a matter of weeks. I don't think they'll be on top of things in 50 years.
 
Jace on ice said:
I find it super concerning just how many people took this at face value and not a shitpost that I completely made up for humor's sake.
Click to expand...
I recently had a home-grown autist proudly explain to me how he lost his virginity by hiring a prostitute, touching her box, failing to get hard, and leaving in embarrassment with the wingmen that were waiting for him in a getaway car. Most importantly, he really insisted that prostitution is a key feature of white culture and called me an anti-Christian Jew. He was not joking.

Merging your meme and porn folders sounds really plausible in comparison.
 
I just accidentally overheard two strangers I'd met talk about me (didn't realise I could still hear). They said "He was pleasant." "Yes, he was".

So now I feel good about myself.
 
GAY DEAD MUPPET GANGBANG said:
I feel like I'm very codependent of a personality and I have always been like this. Lacking self confidence, I always feel like I need HELP from someone and I don't like being alone.
Click to expand...
Ah, in a way this reminds me of that time Null talked about the Nine Inch Nails song "Only". Idk where I'm going with this. I really like the album this song's on.. I can't really comment on your situation since I have no real relationship experience, but I hope things work out for you.

King Metalia said:
Lesson one of pornography consumption is don't start a porn folder in the first place.
Click to expand...
Sir, (mam?), this is a forum where people autistically gather information and archive things lest they disappear from the Internet. You think people here wouldn't be data hoarders about their gooning material?!

Jace on ice said:
I find it super concerning just how many people took this at face value and not a shitpost that I completely made up for humor's sake.
Click to expand...
I wouldn't be surprised if for some people here the two folders would be one and the same...

Thread tax: went for a long 10km walk today. Was alright. Feeling too melancholic and empty these days to feel much about it. Kind of trying to give myself a habit of going out more, although I don't particularly enjoy it.
 
long waters said:
went for a long 10km walk today. Was alright. Feeling too melancholic and empty these days to feel much about it. Kind of trying to give myself a habit of going out more, although I don't particularly enjoy it.
Click to expand...
Yeah I'm in the same boat where going out alone just makes me feel lonelier and isn't really enjoyable. I've had friends to do things with for my entire life but every attempt to reach out to people, meet people at church, do literally anything social has fallen flat for the last two years. It sucks on a profound level, like living in an isolation cell at ADX Florence. Me and my dad are going to go walking through the woods this weekend so at least that's something. Need to get a bike again, I used to spend hours just cruising beach and woodland trails and getting shredded.
 
Dizzyuntildeath said:
"The old world has died and the new world struggles to be born. Now is the time of monsters."
Click to expand...
I like the original: "The old world is dying, and the new world struggles to be born; in this interregnum, a great variety of morbid symptoms appear." I just really like the word interregnum. One so rarely has the opportunity to use it in a sentence.
 
obsdj said:
I like the original: "The old world is dying, and the new world struggles to be born; in this interregnum, a great variety of morbid symptoms appear." I just really like the word interregnum. One so rarely has the opportunity to use it in a sentence.
Click to expand...
The world we live in, where we struggle to find ways to use words like interregnum is stultifying.
 
I was spoiled by playing a few times with a friend on voice, knowing he wasn't alt-tabing to other discords or what have you. It ruined me. Now I sit here wondering why we haven't played for a few weeks and I know why. It doesn't help my groomed alcoholism of "maybe if I get drunk, I'll magically meet and play with people". And it never happens, and won't ever again cause gaming be how it do.

I need to get back into romanticizing playing story-based games alone but I guess the few glimpses of not being lonely reminds me it's nice to talk to people. Those 5 hours a week I want to.. Then they start pestering me daily and I want it to end. Oh well.
 
It's official, my knees are bad (cartilage tear + arthritis). And I might be nuts in a mental sense, but who on this site isn't?
Also, this whole "career" thing is a massive scam...It's a modern Pool of Bethesda, but those who hop in want to get fame and money, not physical health.
 
GAY DEAD MUPPET GANGBANG said:
I'm not saying it's totally gone now, but the drive just vanished and I realized how much I needed this at the same time. Get my priorities in order, get past the codependency and be more with myself. If I can't be that without her, I can never be with her.
Click to expand...

You are correct you're not in a space to be in a relationship and not a good person to be in a relationship with.

Stop being needy, stop misdirecting your energy (you are not supposed to be a slave either to anger or sex), and deal with your shit. You need better emotional regulation; the rest of the world aren't rightfully your objects to lash out at or rebound (literally) into due to your own stuff.

GAY DEAD MUPPET GANGBANG said:
I feel ready to just work hard on my own, hang out, meet more people, and go from there.
Click to expand...
You're missing your own point. More people = new people to latch onto.
 
I got promoted some time ago to a position that implies a lot more people management responsibilities and have somehow become a lot less absent-minded than I used to be. Suddenly I feel like I can actually remember and keep track of stuff without effort? It honestly feels like reverse dementia. I still sleep like shit on weekdays and only properly tidy up my home when I'm having people over, but this sudden mid-30's boost of mental clarity is very nice.
 
Friend of Dorothy Parker said:
You're missing your own point. More people = new people to latch onto.
Click to expand...

No, I get what you're saying completely. I'm not looking to literally replace and keep on doing the same thing. I DON'T like being alone, but that's mostly because of a lack of self confidence in myself; I like having a community, which is what I've been doing in the meantime both online and offline while also just getting more comfortable and confident in myself to be able to handle things better, without losing all control to my emotions, exactly as you said.

I like your quote of "The world isn't there to put my frustrations on", and I agree. The path to straightening myself out has to start somewhere after all; these feelings aren't all going to go away in an instant.

This same mentality of "the world doesn't care what you're going through" is one I learned 10+ years ago and it helped change a lot of me then and this will do it for me this time too.
 
Last edited:
GAY DEAD MUPPET GANGBANG said:
I DON'T like being alone, but that's mostly because of a lack of self confidence in myself;
Click to expand...
Interesting, for me it's the opposite. I prefer being alone partly because I lack confidence. That way I'm the only one that has to deal with any inconveniences caused by my own self and I lower the risk of embarrassing myself. Probably a mix of insecurities, narcissism and force of habit.
 
Señor Stubby, the dog who was the last living remnant of a deceased close family friend, died today.
 
CT scan shows that some of the spots on my lungs shrunk, but not all of them. Kinda figured this was going to be the outcome, but part of me was really hoping this bullshit was going to be over. I want to go on my companies training trip to Florida, I want to go visit my best friend in Montana, I want to go hunting again with my Dad, and everything I want to do just gets further pushed back to endlessly deal with this shit.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom