How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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If he's embarrassed about watching cartoons, either he's just easily embarrassed in general or he watches nothing but the shittiest gooner animu you can imagine and Bluey and My Little Pony or someshit.
 
Dizzyuntildeath said:
How old are you
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20

Core Theorist said:
If he's embarrassed about watching cartoons, either he's just easily embarrassed in general or he watches nothing but the shittiest gooner animu you can imagine and Bluey and My Little Pony or someshit.
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I wouldn’t say embarrassed, just don’t wanna deal with all that noise I guess. But that’s about it, the fact that there’s catches, you can have interests but you sorta have to make sure you have the right ones. It’s this sort of study guide that’s just exhausting. I dunno, I’m tired, it’s late.

I can assure you this isn’t the only reason why dying seems cool, just the one we got hung up on I guess.

I doubt people would laugh at you for liking cartoons (unless it's like, bluey or something), odds are the people you think would laugh at you are obsessed with Disney
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Bluey seems boring to me personally.
 
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I've got a surgery coming up in a couple weeks, and I'll be put under anesthesia for the duration of it. Of course, modern anesthesia practices are generally pretty safe, but things can always happen. I'm not particularly worried about an accident and me not waking up, but thinking about it has gotten me thinking about mortality and life in general and It's been pretty hard on me the last couple of weeks.

I'm pretty young so life and death hasn't been something I've put much thought into before. There are a lot of things I'd like to do before I die. Some of them are (relatively) easy, like visiting China or learning to play the guitar. Others, however, are more challenging, like finding a wife and starting family or making an impact on the world in some way.

Whenever I'm sitting at my computer and browsing kiwifarms or twitter or 4chan or whatever, sometimes I'll think something along the lines of 'I could die tomorrow, and one of the last things I did was call someone a faggot on /b/'. Even now as I write this, I could be out at a nightclub socializing or working on developing a skill. Because of these thoughts I've been trying to do more things that I think are more fulfilling, but when doing those activities I'll sometimes think 'I could die tomorrow, and this work will be for nothing.'

I'm sorry if I'm not making much sense, I don't really have a point to this other than putting my thoughts into words. I guess I'm just having trouble figuring out how to live life the way I truly want to. It feels like a paradox; if you could die at any moment, spending that time on useless (but fun) things would be a waste of a life, but spending that time on useful things would be a waste of that time (because you'd be dead). If I was sure that I would live til I was 70+ I feel like I would have a better grasp on things, but I can't be certain that'll happen.
 
Unnecessary Surgery Land said:
that's sweet af but sloooow the fuck down, dude. I get your dad needs help but your body is torqued too. Happy to hear you're feeling well enough that you want to do that.

You gotta throw your guilt in the trash though. You didn't ask for cancer.
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You're right. I'm just restless from having to basically "hurry up and wait" all year. My workplace has basically moved me to being fully remote and I've learned this year that I suck at being a patient. I'll definitely have to get some sort of part time job somewhere fun when I retire, I sure as shit never want to be stuck sitting around the house ever again. Glad to hear you had a good day, and I hope your corn bread was amazing. Looking forward to Thanksgiving this year to get some myself, it's been too long.
 
@Lingering butter taste look, I am on your side, but your problems sound like something that a bunch of weirdos on a gossip forum won't be able to help you with. Please, seek professional help. Take care!
 
Lingering butter taste said:
20


I wouldn’t say embarrassed, just don’t wanna deal with all that noise I guess. But that’s about it, the fact that there’s catches, you can have interests but you sorta have to make sure you have the right ones. It’s this sort of study guide that’s just exhausting. I dunno, I’m tired, it’s late.

I can assure you this isn’t the only reason why dying seems cool, just the one we got hung up on I guess.



Bluey seems boring to me personally.
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You sound like my old Aspie ex-gf back in the day. Maybe go find one of those businesses that host Settlers of Catan and Warhammer game nights. The girls are nerdier there and won't seem so frightening. Cross your fingers it'll be troonless too.
 
Just finished reading last few pages of posts here.

I'm in a bummed out mood because of various minor things, one of which being my enamelled pot chipped on the inside on the bottom and since the enamel broke off, I had to throw out some food. Lousy thing, although it's probably my fault, I must have been a dumbass in the past and thermal shocked it into breaking. I need to take note of this and be more aware of how I handle such pots in the future.

Incongruous said:
I joined this forum in October to talk shit about people who are so far gone down the gooning pipeline that they needed CSAM and animal abuse to satisfy their addictions, since neither me or any of my friends ever went that far. I'd go to their congregation spaces, snap some footage of them being degenerates, and then lambast them in the public sphere. I thought I could find companionship in talking about everything that's fucked up about them without ever addressing the things that were fucked up about me.
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Sounds kind of fucked up. The "since neither me or any of my friends ever went that far" implies that under different circumstances you might have, and that's horrifying.
Incongruous said:
And yeah, I go to therapy, but who doesn't lie to the therapist about whether or not they're a danger to themselves? The only thing I have going for me on the site as it stands right now is answering Q&A's by Exegesis and talking shit in the chat with Asterism and slungus22. But hey, maybe there's a chance that I'll find friends here still. If I keep making effort posts and stop being so evasive about my connections to the goonersphere, I might just find some people that don't think I'm a nuisance.
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I find the notion of making friends on KF odd. For me, it's more about monologuing about various tistic interests, sometimes shitposting, and in the process probably saying more than I should more often than not. Maybe sometimes someone might read my yappings and find something agreeable or interesting, but directly chatting with people or DM-ing seems odd to me.

Thinking about it some more, maybe that's a personal fault of mine. I usually avoid direct interactions with people online, unless we have some common goal to work towards like collaborating on some hobby project or playing some games together. Perhaps it's because most of my life I have only socialized through goal oriented video games or work, so I don't really get "just talking" to people. I feel like when I attempt to do that, I usually end up going on spergy rants and sounding awkward.

Fuck, I think I'm just using a lot of words to say I don't have proper social skills.
 
Not a bad day. My Dad ended up getting the same doc today who saved my life when my power port got infected and tried to kill me. Was surprised he remembered me by last name, but I came in without them being able to get a blood pressure reading, and apparently saw his Vikings cap and spent time bitching about how awful McCarthy has been so I guess I was a memorable patient for him, lol. He got him discharged today so I had him and my youngest brother over and cooked for them. Finally had my first beers since March, forgot how good they taste on tap. Tolerance has definitely dropped like a box of rocks so I'm feeling pretty good from just two glasses.
 
Finally had some time and weather to take my friend's plane up again. Asked him "How did the test flight go?" "Um, yea, about that, I haven't test flown it yet." Since I wasn't planning to take a passenger I went up, did some landings, no parts fell off, all was well, one minor issue he said he'll talk to the mechanic about. Hopefully the weather will hold and I can get some more flying this year, I think I've flown it far more than he has this year anyway, at least it keeps the insurance company happy.

Fancy "mattress in a box" will be here this week, so I'm trying to get the bed assembled. And since I like DIY I have to go cut the slats to length. And that will complete all the bedroom furniture. Except for attaching it all to the walls so it doesn't fall on a small child or when the supervolcano causes a giant earthquake, so I guess I should do that. And the blinds, I guess that would be good for sleeping.

Situation normal. Things going fine. New customer at work starting next week, finally some actual work to do instead of training and software testing.
 
Feeling fantastic. My contract got renewed! I have a job for another year, so finances aren't going to be a problem.

Excited to be able to buy something really nice for my mom this Christmas. I wish I could give her the whole world.
 
Having a small debt I can't clear, things still suck, everything is tasteless. No beauty to be seen, no rest for my soul, pedestals are broken, I'm alone and tired.
I don't want anything, I don't want things I was interested in 5-10 years ago or so.
Good material things tend to erode due to age but new material things are awful and distasteful. As an unspiritual person I tend to anchor to material things even when my materialism is hopeless but there is nothing I can change about it.
I'm a stranger in a stranger land, my values were never shared by others, I have nothing common with them. If they die out, that won't upset me.
Waiting for my birthday to get drunk, I want to make a mulled wine but I doubt I'll make it.
 
Decided to go to SMART (like AA) meetings starting this week. Hoping maybe a group would be helpful for not having alcohol/etc in my life. I’m functional even at 13 shots a day; although short term memory doesn’t always transfer to long term doing it. The functionality is part of the problem since I don’t think I’m as invested in sobriety and to those around me it probably hardly registers as a problem.

Don’t know what I’m expecting the meeting to be like; most of my socialization comes through work.

I used to be highly physically dependent on alcohol (and was hyper-functional; working about 90hrs a week) and that essentially required around 10 40% shots (daily) to not DT. Now I can and do go days without alcohol, but backslide into old rates a day or two a week. Told myself if I did the old consumption rate I’d go to meetings (which I did and guess I will now).
 
I'm trying to improve my mental health. I got rid of my X account. I never should've returned there in the first place, too much negativity. So far November hasn't been great for me, but I'm hoping Thanksgiving and Christmas will be a temporary time where I can forget about all of it.
 
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