How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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One of my favorite people from when I was active duty passed away today.

He was the most racist man alive, half Korean, quarter Puerto Rican, quarter Italian. He would scream at every new guy in the squadron when they showed up regardless of rank and call them slurs until every man in the room was crying from laughing.

He accused a nugget with an Asian wife of "using ancient Jew magic to get slanty pussy" and said their children would be born retarded because they would be an affront to God himself.

He will be greatly missed
 
got my truck back from insurance last week, and waiting for parts in the mail for my second vehicle-which are arriving thursday. so happy dance i got my truck back before winter and the old car held together until i got the truck back, and its something simple and cheap that broke.
 
My medication isn't working as well as it used to I don't think.

Try not to become dependent on medication for these sorts of things. Find what's going on with your life and take steps to change it. (Don't get me started on Big Pharma ranting; I hate our over-medicated culture). This coming from someone who overcame something that probably would've just been prescribed: you don't need it.


Anyway, for me, I haven't lost anyone, but the relationship isn't the same and I feel like I'm just a bother to her and we haven't talked for days, when we used to talk every single day for 4 years straight. It's my fault that it's been mostly online, but that's how it had to be until now. It's not like I never wanted anything beyond that, but I guess I finally just pushed her too far.
I've been going to church of all places, despite pretty much never being religious and still not ever wanting to take it literally, but these are all good people. Really good people that we all need to be like. And there is something to be gained and learned from it at all.

I've been nothing but angry the past 5 years, seething anger that I couldn't control no matter what I did or who I talked to. And it just took one week of going to a new church, the pastor listening to what ailed me, and... don't get me wrong, I still absolutely fucking detest these people I've hated this entire time, but the anger just isn't there. I'll revel in their misery, I have no respect for them, but these random berserk filled rampage outbursts I couldn't control, I just don't care anymore.
I didn't even talk to him about that, but it helped. There's something to this. Maybe it was just a bunch of pent up frustration that manifested as anger and getting that out helped, but it's helped me and continues to help me and I like being there.

I like religion when you're allowed to view it as much or as little as YOU need. And I'd take Christianity and religion over islam and wokeness, I can damn well fucking say that.
 
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I have not been here since August, but I'll probably not return until January. I need more money, and fast. God knows how that will happen
 
My medication isn't working as well as it used to I don't think.
I believe, in my experience with medication, that means it’s working. The effects are now becoming everyday as opposed to the eye opening wow they were before, and that’s the goal. For stability to become and everyday norm for you. Keep taking them (Yes, I am disagreeing with what the other guy said.), but if you genuinely feel the dose is off or something, ask your psychiatrist. That can happen sometimes where the dose is too low, but here it sounds like you’re just getting used to the benefits. I will at least agree that you should be doing work on yourself as you’re taking your meds but that’s such a given I won’t even lecture you on that.

Edit: Read the rest of your post, sounds like classic effects of isolation. You’re disassociating and simply existing cause that’s literally what you’re doing, just existing. My past therapists frequently recommended going out at least once a week, if you have the mobility and/or time to, I’d give you the same advice
 
If you don’t mind me asking, I noticed you said “some form”. Are there different types of autism or something?
Autism is a spectrum and honestly this is a double-edged sword. On the one hand it lifts the stigma of "autist means barely responsive screeching retard" and shows that people with it can be a little odd, but overall normal. On the other and this is what I hate about the concept now every special snowflake self-diagnoses themselves with it and acts like someone who starts saying SHALOM after finding out they are 2% Ashkenazi jew. Like when tumblirites made themselves headmates, but more like a superpower, "ooh, I am autistic, I am basically a human computer". But the worst of all now every egocentric idiot like Musk can claim they have tism and everyone will just believe them since the line is so blurred.

But on the topic of miscommunication, more often than not I have the opposite, namely people don't understand what I mean.
 
I like religion when you're allowed to view it as much or as little as YOU need. And I'd take Christianity and religion over islam and wokeness, I can damn well fucking say that.
I will warn you, these are two conflicting sentences. Islam asks a lot of its followers, a fucking lot, but actual practicing Christianity does too. There’s fringe Protestant branches that are lax and follow that “as much or as little as you need” model, but they’re often looked down upon by the other branches. Don’t even get me started on Catholicism.

Just warning you that if you’re considering getting into Christianity, as someone who grew up in it, it isn’t just “Interact to your convenience”, Christians have a term for that. “Lukewarm”.
Autism is a spectrum and honestly this is a double-edged sword. On the one hand it lifts the stigma of "autist means barely responsive screeching retard" and shows that people with it can be a little odd, but overall normal. On the other and this is what I hate about the concept now every special snowflake self-diagnoses themselves with it and acts like someone who starts saying SHALOM after finding out they are 2% Ashkenazi jew. Like when tumblirites made themselves headmates, but more like a superpower, "ooh, I am autistic, I am basically a human computer". But the worst of all now every egocentric idiot like Musk can claim they have tism and everyone will just believe them since the line is so blurred.

But on the topic of miscommunication, more often than not I have the opposite, namely people don't understand what I mean.
Oh, I see. Thank you for explaining. I mean I’m not barely responsive, but I also wouldn’t call myself normal at all, even “a little odd” sounds like an understatement. That’s not a label I give myself, it comes from how people have seen me. I’ve always been looked at as very weird for the way I function, outside of being unable to understand other people, there’s also me being very sensitive to things like noises and lights in certain contexts. I avoid places like arcades or night parties or churches cause there’s just too much going on when it comes to the noises and the lights there, I hate it. I don’t mind loud noises as long as I control them (such as me choosing to go to a concert I know will be loud, or me adjusting the volume on my device) but you don’t at those places. I’m getting sick even just thinking about it, genuinely. Apparently that’s weird though. That was a shock cause I assumed everyone was like that. Another shock was my reactions to change, I get incredibly angry at change. Changes in routine, changes in my life, I just get very angry if I’m expecting one thing and now it’s going differently. I get very very stressed and sort of can’t function for a bit, and people have looked at me weird for it. I know change is apart of life and you have to get used to it but how the fuck do you get used to being completely sure of how your day is going, but now you’re not cause you have to drive to work rather than take the bus. It’s like, how does that not completely mess you up.
This turned into a ramble, sorry.
 
I will warn you, these are two conflicting sentences. Islam asks a lot of its followers, a fucking lot, but actual practicing Christianity does too. There’s fringe Protestant branches that are lax and follow that “as much or as little as you need” model, but they’re often looked down upon by the other branches. Don’t even get me started on Catholicism.

Just warning you that if you’re considering getting into Christianity, as someone who grew up in it, it isn’t just “Interact to your convenience”, Christians have a term for that. “Lukewarm”.

I'm not following it. I'm not religious. But there is wisdom to be gained from their perspectives.
 
I might have to cancel my birthday backpacking trip due to weather, so I'm pretty sad.
 
Autism is a spectrum and honestly this is a double-edged sword. On the one hand it lifts the stigma of "autist means barely responsive screeching retard" and shows that people with it can be a little odd, but overall normal. On the other and this is what I hate about the concept now every special snowflake self-diagnoses themselves with it and acts like someone who starts saying SHALOM after finding out they are 2% Ashkenazi jew. Like when tumblirites made themselves headmates, but more like a superpower, "ooh, I am autistic, I am basically a human computer". But the worst of all now every egocentric idiot like Musk can claim they have tism and everyone will just believe them since the line is so blurred.

But on the topic of miscommunication, more often than not I have the opposite, namely people don't understand what I mean.
Legit think they need to bring back Asperger's syndrome. That's how I identify my affliction. Fuck that faggot "high functioning" shit. I am NOT high functioning at all. Same time I'm no mute. Calling it a "spectrum" disorder is just idiotic imho. Besides, Hans Asperger was a proper old school Chud if there was one lol.

(millions must DIagnose)
Hans_Asperger-2870683736.jpg
 
If you don’t mind me asking, I noticed you said “some form”. Are there different types of autism or something?
here's the ai overview (kind of a layman's explanation)

The current diagnostic framework for autism spectrum disorder (ASD) recognizes three levels of severity, based on the degree of support required for daily functioning. These levels are:

Level 1: Requiring Support

Individuals may have noticeable difficulties with social communication and repetitive behaviors, but can typically function independently with support.

Level 2: Requiring Substantial Support

Individuals experience significant challenges in social communication and repetitive behaviors, requiring substantial support for daily activities and social interactions.

Level 3: Requiring Very Substantial Support

Individuals exhibit severe impairments in social communication and repetitive behaviors, necessitating very significant support for all aspects of daily life.

And after reading more of your posts, you do seem to be autistic, struggling with with loud noises and routine change is kind of the aspie stereotype.
 
here's the ai overview (kind of a layman's explanation)

The current diagnostic framework for autism spectrum disorder (ASD) recognizes three levels of severity, based on the degree of support required for daily functioning. These levels are:

Level 1: Requiring Support

Individuals may have noticeable difficulties with social communication and repetitive behaviors, but can typically function independently with support.

Level 2: Requiring Substantial Support

Individuals experience significant challenges in social communication and repetitive behaviors, requiring substantial support for daily activities and social interactions.

Level 3: Requiring Very Substantial Support

Individuals exhibit severe impairments in social communication and repetitive behaviors, necessitating very significant support for all aspects of daily life.

And after reading more of your posts, you do seem to be autistic, struggling with with loud noises and routine change is kind of the aspie stereotype.
Thank you for the info. I kinda always just thought I was a psycho douchebag and that’s why I freaked out over these tiny things. I’ll see with a psychiatrist where I fit, that makes so much more sense why school was such a hassle unlike everyone else.
This is a question I’ve always had, what’s the difference between Asperger’s and autism?
 
Thank you for the info. I kinda always just thought I was a psycho douchebag and that’s why I freaked out over these tiny things. I’ll see with a psychiatrist where I fit, that makes so much more sense why school was such a hassle unlike everyone else.
This is a question I’ve always had, what’s the difference between Asperger’s and autism?
Asperger's is level 1 autism, it's a mild version of autism
 
Legit think they need to bring back Asperger's syndrome. That's how I identify my affliction. Fuck that faggot "high functioning" shit. I am NOT high functioning at all. Same time I'm no mute. Calling it a "spectrum" disorder is just idiotic imho. Besides, Hans Asperger was a proper old school Chud if there was one lol.

(millions must DIagnose)
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Like I said I know nothing about Asperger’s syndrome, just what I heard growing up. I think the reason why it was changed is cause people sorta did just start seeing it as “high functioning” unfortunately. I remember I’d hear some talk about it and it was pretty much regarded as the “Whiny faker who’s too lazy to put effort into anything” disease. I haven’t seen anyone take Asperger’s seriously as a condition in a good while, even before “high functioning” became a term.

It sorta infected me, cause to this day my vague definition is “Whiny faker who’s too lazy to put effort into anything”, even though I know that’s most likely wrong. I remember on this very website I saw someone question if Asperger’s is even real, cause “It’s easy to grow out of”.

Asperger's is level 1 autism, it's a mild version of autism
Ah. I see. Thank you.
Is there a word for the level 2? (I’m assuming level 3 is just “autism”)
 
Like I said I know nothing about Asperger’s syndrome, just what I heard growing up. I think the reason why it was changed is cause people sorta did just start seeing it as “high functioning” unfortunately. I remember I’d hear some talk about it and it was pretty much regarded as the “Whiny faker who’s too lazy to put effort into anything” disease. I haven’t seen anyone take Asperger’s seriously as a condition in a good while, even before “high functioning” became a term.

It sorta infected me, cause to this day my vague definition is “Whiny faker who’s too lazy to put effort into anything”, even though I know that’s most likely wrong. I remember on this very website I saw someone question if Asperger’s is even real, cause “It’s easy to grow out of”.


Ah. I see. Thank you.
Is there a word for the level 2? (I’m assuming level 3 is just “autism”)
Level 2 and 3 were always just called autism as far as I know.
 
Level 2 and 3 were always just called autism as far as I know.
Ok, so they’re all autism it’s just that Asperger’s (level one autism) is like the specific term/subset. Kind of like the difference between schizophrenia and schizoaffective. Thank you, I know I asked a lot of dumb questions and I’m grateful you put up with them :)

Edit; I don’t wanna shit up the thread so do you mind if I dm for anymore questions?
 
Ok, so they’re all autism it’s just that Asperger’s (level one autism) is like the specific term/subset. Kind of like the difference between schizophrenia and schizoaffective. Thank you, I know I asked a lot of dumb questions and I’m grateful you put up with them :)

Edit; I don’t wanna shit up the thread so do you mind if I dm for anymore questions?
Sure go ahead
 
Mood at work went from "I hope I don't get fired" to "Wow everyone is a dick around here and it'll only get worse when the maternity cover is replaced with the pregnant she-cow".

I swear, I dare put my foot out and write up a solution or idea or mail only to be met with "that's wrong" regardless of what I do. It's so easy to be reactionary. You can always come out on top and you're always right. Due to my inexperience/short employment I just go "yeah, okay, I see". It's tiring. I guess I can stand it for the pay a year or two but god damn.
 
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