How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Unnecessary Surgery Land said:
I’m not telling you to pretend to be happy just try to change that internal dialogue.
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You are so right, friend. And thank you for that response. I wallow too much in my own misery and the way I talk to myself is awful. It helps to be told this and it's a thing I'm working hard on trying to unlearn what has been my entire life's worth of internal dialogue.
I hope you saturday has been well (the same goes for everyone else)
 
Otterly said:
Jeez, well they failed on the bedside manner. That’s a really stupid way of broaching the subject, and I can absolutely see why you’re pissed off. a tiny bit of tact wouldn’t hurt them would it?
A gentle hug, from a cold and rainy isle, anyway.
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This is one of those weird things. I actually wouldn't trust a brain surgeon with good bedside manner because he obviously lacks the psychopathy to do something like chop into someone's skull and cut into their brain and cut parts out of it.

I want the guy doing that to be a psycho, although I want everyone else involved to have empathy out the ass.
 
AnOminous said:
This is one of those weird things. I actually wouldn't trust a brain surgeon with good bedside manner because he obviously lacks the psychopathy to do something like chop into someone's skull and cut into their brain and cut parts out of it.

I want the guy doing that to be a psycho, although I want everyone else involved to have empathy out the ass.
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That's pretty much been the case. I've yet to meet a neurologist who wasn't an asshole, but my nursing staff has been fantastic lol. It was my Oncologist who broke the surgery talk news to me. I probably overreacted a bit and I'm just taking it day by day until I get the scans so I have some real info to base my next decisions on.
 
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Mildly nervous because I keep thinking about how I'm supposed to be irradiated soon to check what the fuck is wrong with my back and hips since they've been causing me grief. The irradiation doesn't make me nervous, it's the fact that I might have osteoarthritis that has me fucked up.
 
Am I the only one who feels people speak a different language almost? And I’m not complaining about modern culture, it’s been this way my whole life, but only now it’s really inconvenient in the adult world. When I think people mean one thing, they really mean the other. It’s hard to describe, but it’s like someone tells me something and I react the way I think is most reasonable but apparently that’s the “wrong answer”. It’s really bad now that I’m getting a job and am in college and stuff, cause now there’s sorta the expectation that you should “know better” but I just don’t. No, I don’t have this “common sense” you keep reminding me of. “Common sense should tell you—“ well it dosent. Everything you people say is gibberish and I don’t know what you want from me. Why do you just expect me to know what the fuck you want.
It’s like I’m on a different wavelength than everyone else and I don’t mean that in a “I’m so smart” or “I’m so dumb” way, my wavelength isn’t better or worse, it’s just different. I thought maybe I just didn’t socialize enough, but the more I socialize the more apparent it is how I’m inept to social norms and cues, and the more I get ostracized for that.
 
Lingering butter taste said:
Am I the only one who feels people speak a different language almost? And I’m not complaining about modern culture, it’s been this way my whole life, but only now it’s really inconvenient in the adult world. When I think people mean one thing, they really mean the other. It’s hard to describe, but it’s like someone tells me something and I react the way I think is most reasonable but apparently that’s the “wrong answer”. It’s really bad now that I’m getting a job and am in college and stuff, cause now there’s sorta the expectation that you should “know better” but I just don’t. No, I don’t have this “common sense” you keep reminding me of. “Common sense should tell you—“ well it dosent. Everything you people say is gibberish and I don’t know what you want from me. Why do you just expect me to know what the fuck you want.
It’s like I’m on a different wavelength than everyone else and I don’t mean that in a “I’m so smart” or “I’m so dumb” way, my wavelength isn’t better or worse, it’s just different. I thought maybe I just didn’t socialize enough, but the more I socialize the more apparent it is how I’m inept to social norms and cues, and the more I get ostracized for that.
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Tbh you might be some form of autistic, broad social ineptitude is a big part of that. I'm a sperg myself and have dealt with basically the same shit my whole life.
 
73_Autistic_Fuck_54 said:
Tbh you might be some form of autistic, broad social ineptitude is a big part of that. I'm a sperg myself and have dealt with basically the same shit my whole life.
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I have had a lot (and I mean a lot) of people tell me I should genuinely consider getting checked out for it, so thanks for the insight. I want to but I have no clue how you do so as an adult.
 
Lingering butter taste said:
I have had a lot (and I mean a lot) of people tell me I should genuinely consider getting checked out for it, so thanks for the insight. I want to but I have no clue how you do so as an adult.
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You could ask your doctor to refer you to a psychiatrist for an assessment, or seek one out on your own and make an appointment. Will probably cost quite a bit of money though.
 
Apparently I'm a communist according to my coworker for doing mail in voting. I had come down to the hotel lobby to get breakfast and I had my mail in ballot to send off. As soon as he saw it, he flipped out. It was kind of surreal how he went from mail in voting is wrong to "you kids these days have to many genders"..

I'm in my forties.

I could not calm this dude down. At one point I had to lean over to him and say "I need you to calm down. They are going to call the cops on us if you don't lower you voice".

I then got to drive him for forty minutes to the commissioning site as he continued to rant at me like I'm an idiot, naive child that doesn't know how the world works.

This guy is only like 9 years older than me. I just drove in silence, wondering what fuck is this really about?!?
 
Dog is still not great. The wounds in the paw and the hip are doing fine, the swelling in the legs is subsiding but much slower than I'd like, and most importantly, there's a couple wounds we had not properly noticed before (because of swelling the first day, they looked not very deep or concerning to the doc who saw him first). Both had scabs, but he pulled one off and it started oozing. Took him to a vet urgently and they cleaned the wounds as thoroughly as they could without sedating him (he's old, and sedation requires some tests they couldn't do immediately). One of them seems to be doing well, the other continues to ooze, and I'm cleaning it several times a day. He's no medication for the pain, and antibiotics.

What we really need is to do the tests, sedate him (if the results allow it) and do proper surgical cleaning, but, for one, there was no availability until at least wednesday, and for another, they gave me the cost and it's something I simply have no way to afford right now. They'd probably need to keep him a day or two, and that'd be even more.

I'm exploring alternatives and contacting people, but I don't know. The first doc has been giving me as much advice as he can from the photos and information I give him.

And beyond that, he has the worst time of all getting in and out of cars, and during transport (again, he's blind, nervous, and now in pain). He suffers a lot in that process, more than during the actual procedures. I know I probably will have to again, but I don't wanna take him anywhere if not strictly necessary.

I don't want to think of him getting worse, but I can't avoid the thought.
 
I never had any indication of Russian ancestry in my family but my grandmother died recently and we got a bunch of photo albums.

There are a truly shocking amount of photos of my grandfather smoking and drinking vodka while wearing a tracksuit.
 
Sad this week. On top of all my real problems, of which there are many, there's now also [insert crush-related disappointment here] and I find myself doing the "emotional eating" thing. I keep trying to remember to give myself a little grace, and feel/acknowledge my failures and disappointments instead of ignoring them and refusing to learn from them, but all I seem to hear inside my head lately is "Fuck you're stupid."
 
Nick Obre said:
Dog is still not great. The wounds in the paw and the hip are doing fine, the swelling in the legs is subsiding but much slower than I'd like, and most importantly, there's a couple wounds we had not properly noticed before (because of swelling the first day, they looked not very deep or concerning to the doc who saw him first). Both had scabs, but he pulled one off and it started oozing. Took him to a vet urgently and they cleaned the wounds as thoroughly as they could without sedating him (he's old, and sedation requires some tests they couldn't do immediately). One of them seems to be doing well, the other continues to ooze, and I'm cleaning it several times a day. He's no medication for the pain, and antibiotics.

What we really need is to do the tests, sedate him (if the results allow it) and do proper surgical cleaning, but, for one, there was no availability until at least wednesday, and for another, they gave me the cost and it's something I simply have no way to afford right now. They'd probably need to keep him a day or two, and that'd be even more.

I'm exploring alternatives and contacting people, but I don't know. The first doc has been giving me as much advice as he can from the photos and information I give him.

And beyond that, he has the worst time of all getting in and out of cars, and during transport (again, he's blind, nervous, and now in pain). He suffers a lot in that process, more than during the actual procedures. I know I probably will have to again, but I don't wanna take him anywhere if not strictly necessary.

I don't want to think of him getting worse, but I can't avoid the thought.
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Update, found a vet within walking distance (which is good as to avoid subjecting dog to the getting into and out of cars, which he reacts to terribly) who's willing and able to do the surgical cleaning, and I can afford. Already took a test and we'll have the results tomorrow; if it's ok we'll do it, if not he says with the current treatment (plus some extra antibiotics for some hardier bacteria), he would most likely recover, it'll just take longer.

I'm less worried, and I hope everything goes alright tomorrow.
 
Tumor markers went from the high 400s when I was diagnosed to being undetectable. Scans are finally scheduled for next week where I'll find out if I still have terratoma cells requiring surgery. Bloodwork was a little lower than last week but they said it's normal since my bone marrow is still trying to recover.
 
WASR96 said:
Tumor markers went from the high 400s when I was diagnosed to being undetectable. Scans are finally scheduled for next week where I'll find out if I still have terratoma cells requiring surgery. Bloodwork was a little lower than last week but they said it's normal since my bone marrow is still trying to recover.
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When you fight, we all fight with you.
You have my shitposts, friend.
 
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