How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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A month ago I got bit by an animal hoarder's German Shepherd. I still experience fatigue and have to sleep for 12 hours to feel normal. I didn't go to a clinic until a week ago, but they didn't find anything wrong. I admit I'm scared.
 
Doing ok. Drawing a bit more...looking forward to my Dungeons and Dragons after hours session on Halloween.
 
Asked for more work at the start of this week and now that this week is over i am once again contemplating if i am genuinely mentally retarded. I wish money was free.
 
Seasonal depression is kicking in, on top of the every day depression. I used to love Christmas and now it just makes me sad. It brings up memories of a time when I was happy and liked things and it's sad to know that's gone forever.
 
Feeling kinda numb on top of being annoyed with myself after today.
I needed to get blood tests done and of course, like a retard, I took my morning meds. Not only did I waste my own time, I wasted my father's time for taking me to the hospital for zero reason. I've walked my dog twice today and I went for a quick grocery run, bought a cote de boeuf and made veggies to go with it - now I'm exhausted despite taking a nap after the failed hospital visit.
I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Being on disability means I don't have any set-in-stone, important daily activities and since turning the big Three Oh my body has begun giving up on me, so any day where I actively try to improve my life I am thrown a cold, wet cloth in the shape of exhaustion. I can go for an hour-and-a-half long walk with the dog off leash and feel good but the second I come home I need a nap, and I don't feel like my stamina has improved at all.
I'm still really upset after learning I fucked up a friendship or long distance relationship because I attempted to take care of myself from giving social media a wide berth for two weeks. I feel like I'm stuck in arrested development, with the mental maturity of a 16 year old but my meat suit is aging. Just fucking kill me, I bring nothing positive to the planet. I'm a leech, an annoyance and an untalented, sub-50 IQ mouth breather that deserves nothing.

Just take care of my dog for me. She doesn't deserve an owner like me.
 
My dog died today. Went from being normal and fine and within an hour he started getting really sick and then died. Grief is a truly awful thing. :(
 
Who is the sick fuck that made it so that appliances like dishwashers/drying machines/etc don't actually have power cables and you have to wrap exposed copper wires together in a conversion kit? Once I figured out what to do it didn't take long but JFC, completely unnecessary.
 
WASR96 said:
"We'll want to talk to surgery again for sure, but that's two weeks away so don't worry about it!"

Then what the fuck did I just endure two rounds of high dose chemo for? I haven't even had imaging done again yet but they still wanna talk surgery? That makes me feel like it didn't work. I wouldn't even be worried about it if the docs hadn't brought it up. The cancer spots were located on the part of my brain that controls motor function, and neurology already told me surgery would most likely fuck that up before I told them "fuck no" last time and opted for radiation therapy instead. My answer hasn't changed, and if that's my only option left at this point, it's sounding like a bullet to the brain basket would be a better cure rather than becoming a vegetable. It all just feels hopeless and I wonder what the fuck I did to deserve being put in this position in the first place. I don't even remember the last time I felt good, or I wasn't tired 24/7, or nauseous randomly, or feeling like I'm freezing to death when it's 87 degrees outside. Wish we were already at a point where I could just transfer my consciousness into a new body. I'd fill this useless one with tannerite and shoot it.
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Oh, man. I'm really sorry. And I admittedly don't know about cancer in the brain, but I have known people to get chemo to shrink things enough so that surgery is possible. In which case, that would be a good - though I understand none of this you're enduring is "good" - thing. And might erase the discussion you had with the neuro, who sounds like maybe was talking to you pre-radiation and chemo.

And since you said you haven't had imaging, it could be that surgery is or was the expected next step. Though if they didn't share that beforehand, they suck.

Please accept my apologies if what I said is ignorant of your scenario, and I am sincerely not trying to skip past what is obviously crushing. I truly hate when doctors - as they so often do - drop bombs without context and a full and complete discussion. It's like it's someone else's job to be human. They could have held that comment until they were prepared to provide the why. It does nothing, I know, but I'm mad for you.
 
Friend of Dorothy Parker said:
It's like it's someone else's job to be human
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Thank you, I appreciate your kind words. Every doctor I've dealt with since starting this has had a lack of empathy or decent bedside manners to understand how devastating some of this news is. I don't want them to beat around the bush, but a time and place for everything, and yesterday's discussion should have waited until after imaging is done.
 
PetiteFeet said:
Feeling kinda numb on top of being annoyed with myself after today.
I needed to get blood tests done and of course, like a retard, I took my morning meds. Not only did I waste my own time, I wasted my father's time for taking me to the hospital for zero reason. I've walked my dog twice today and I went for a quick grocery run, bought a cote de boeuf and made veggies to go with it - now I'm exhausted despite taking a nap after the failed hospital visit.
I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. Being on disability means I don't have any set-in-stone, important daily activities and since turning the big Three Oh my body has begun giving up on me, so any day where I actively try to improve my life I am thrown a cold, wet cloth in the shape of exhaustion. I can go for an hour-and-a-half long walk with the dog off leash and feel good but the second I come home I need a nap, and I don't feel like my stamina has improved at all.
I'm still really upset after learning I fucked up a friendship or long distance relationship because I attempted to take care of myself from giving social media a wide berth for two weeks. I feel like I'm stuck in arrested development, with the mental maturity of a 16 year old but my meat suit is aging. Just fucking kill me, I bring nothing positive to the planet. I'm a leech, an annoyance and an untalented, sub-50 IQ mouth breather that deserves nothing.

Just take care of my dog for me. She doesn't deserve an owner like me.
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I know this is probably cheap ass advice but buddy you gotta find a different way of talking about yourself. I learned that even if you’re joking, constant self depreciation of yourself leads to absolute misery. It’s fine in small doses but I really hope you don’t carry this sort of internal monologue.

Clearly you don’t WANT to be in the situation you’re in. You aren’t a subhuman leech- you are a human being in pain. That’s the most human thing to be- please find a way to handle yourself with some dignity. I know it’s probably hard to fathom when you’re down that deep in agony. I’m not telling you to pretend to be happy just try to change that internal dialogue.
 
My old car came today! It’s everything I ever hoped for considering not everyone gets to own more or less their dream car, but I still worry that somewhere a monkey’s paw just curled. It needs some work to get it on the road, but at the very least, it starts, runs and sort of drives, although I wouldn’t try for very long. It’s not charging and the clutch is noisy. Though if these are my two biggest concerns, then I’m not doing terribly, I guess.

The biggest pain points will be parts availability. Much of it will have to come from overseas, so as few new parts as I can would be quite helpful. I have a full boot of spares though.

I’m cautiously optimistic!
 
WASR96 said:
We'll want to talk to surgery again for sure, but that's two weeks away so don't worry about it!"
Click to expand...
Jeez, well they failed on the bedside manner. That’s a really stupid way of broaching the subject, and I can absolutely see why you’re pissed off. a tiny bit of tact wouldn’t hurt them would it?
A gentle hug, from a cold and rainy isle, anyway.
 
Very pumped for my first day at a new job on Monday, yet no so happy about how my weight loss is going. I really want to look nice for my bf, and I don't think I'll be a good mom in the future if I can't keep a good appearance. It takes a lot of work and tons and tons of money when you have shit genetics. Life's tough.
 
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