How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Incorrect Password said:
I'll have a rough draft up with ideas fresh in my mind, then five minutes later I'll be browsing YouTube shorts like some dementia patient. Hell, I'm writing this reply while my rough draft is open in the background.
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The maybe your ‘standing up and shoes on’ looks like putting your writing kit someone specific, then ‘all devices off, stand up, walk to desk, sit at desk, set timer for an hour.’
I think the key to it is do a physical thing that starts the action, to break the inertia
WASR96 said:
Back home finally. Discharge took forever as usual. Felt bad that my brother took time off work to wait with me and pick me up. Praying that was my last time getting chemo and staying inpatient. I'll get full body scans in a few weeks to see if it worked.
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Fingers crossed for you.
 
WASR96 said:
Thanks. I've done 7 rounds with one of them considered the harshest on the body besides the pink death so I really need this to have worked. I don't have much fight left in me.
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It sounds horrendous. We cannot make more targeted cancer treatments fast enough. You’ll be in my prayers, for whatever that’s worth to you. X
 
After over a month of planning, redesigning, and working, I'm finally done modifying a cool folk instrument I learned about and picked up not too long ago. It's my first instrument, and the only one I've ever been interested in enough to actually buy and learn to play myself. Been learning about music theory with it and it's fun being able to apply that knowledge as you learn it.

Only highlight of this pretty shit year to be honest, you have to make the good times for yourself instead of hoping they'll just happen to you.
 
It's been a terrible day,

Dog broke a window trying to get out while I quickly dropped the kid at school this morning, when I got back there was a crowd outside the house, they had to break the window's protection to help him. Some neighbor got me a vet (this was at like 8 in the morning) and a ride, and the vet said the injuries aren't dangerous, but it's taking a while to fully stop the bleeding. The worst one is on the front right paw, and since it moves, the wound doesn't properly close.

He's not in danger, but I feel terrible. The kid told me she could go on her own, but I insisted on taking her if only today, since it's the first time she goes to school from this house. Then this happened.

I have to get the window and the protection replaced now, thankfully I have the house owner's help, I'll pay them back later. It was something I was gonna do anyway (the windows were old and the glass was thin and shitty, which is in part why the injuries weren't so bad, had it been thicker glass, he could have died), but why did it had to happen this way?

I'm not a crier, but I've broken down crying to the vet, to the relative who owns the house when she came around, and then just to the dog.

It's been too much.
 
Vindicated,but still feeling hollow about it.
I pity normies that are only now realizing how fucked the internet has become and are completely MATI about it. We’ve been saying it for a while yet people just don’t wanna hear it. Seeing the internet slowly being occupied by terminally online communists and bots over the years is the worst.
I really miss those times when the internet was just for nerds and gamers. Now its just fill with propaganda botting bullshit.
Those who are still claiming we’re living in a freer internet environment than ever are either in denial or just one of them.
 
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Day was madness workwise (more to come tomorrow!) and disturbing quasi-workwise. Don't make violent threats at or about work, kids*.

*NOT me, ofc. But I am going to have a drink or two without guilt tonight.
 
Worried about the dog. Again, not in significant danger, but he's in pain and I wish I could do more for him right now.
He's got a check up with the vet tomorrow.
 
Sometimes I miss talking to my childhood best friend but she pooned out (tits cut, they/them and everything) and worships commie streamers. She genuinely thinks it's cool to murder people with political differences.

My final straw with her involved her trying to confuse a child with pronouns. Irredeemable. Didn't think she had that in her.

I get moments where I see something from our childhood days, remember an old inside joke then get an urge to reach out. But then I get just icy cold realization that she's not really there anymore. She's not dead yet she continues to exist. Just a pooner zombie. Her tits long wasted away in some biohazard bag.

Yet my stupid heart misses her. I guess it's a form of grief. Sometimes I feel guilty because I lost touch with her after high school (she got a bit too jealous of me having other friends) and wonder if I stayed in her life in that period, maybe she wouldn't have pooned out. Reconnecting later in our lives was nostalgic but terrifying and now she's out of my life again.

but my story isn't fucking entirely uncommon, which is horrifying.

Fuck college. Fuck gender ideology. Fuck evil SRS doctors.
 
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Got the dog and cat transferred to a local vet who isn't a rapacious monster like the hour away one who has been shafting me for a couple years because vets practically don't exist around here.
 
Not great right this second. On my way to my Thursday night makerspace open nights, I fell down a flight of stairs. I caught myself on the handrail so I didn’t go all the way down, only a few steps. I fucked my knee up and have a leak further down on that leg. I rolled my right ankle as well. I can still walk, I haven’t broken anything, but it does give me mild pain. Maybe 2 or 3 out of 10.

I’m ok, but my phone isn’t. Despite a screen protector, the screen still broke, which is going to be a $550 repair because I don’t have AppleCare on the phone. I should have ponied up for it, I’m an idiot. At least my iPad and watch both have it.

Edit: to make matters funnier, I even looked at the elevator that was directly next to the stairs and thought “I’m fat enough and I don’t get enough exercise, I’ll take the stairs.” So what does this teach me? Exercise is dangerous. Better to be a fat fuck and take the lift everywhere.

But on the bright side, my car is two days away!

Also, I took the screen protector off my phone. The display glass is still perfect, no cracks. I wonder if possibly I can have it done as a warranty job. I’ll update when I get it fixed on Sunday.
 
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Things are looking up!
I got a part-time job and my daily 20 minutes of meditation are starting to bear fruit. I only started a month ago, but being able to take a step back and assess a situation logically by focusing on the breath is quite useful.
I’m in full hopium mode right now, fellas.
 
The month of hell is over, after five trips to the dentist (and getting my teeth drilled on twice) and finding out that I might not need surgery on my diabeetus foot (don't get the 'beets, it sucks).
 
Nick Obre said:
Worried about the dog. Again, not in significant danger, but he's in pain and I wish I could do more for him right now.
He's got a check up with the vet tomorrow.
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Dog is a little better now.

Bleeding on the front right paw has stopped, which was the biggest concern. Last night I was trying to bandage the paw, ineffectively, and he was tired and sleepy, and this is irrational but I feared I'd lose him during the night. So I stayed by his side for a while, dozing off myself, then I lay down on the couch and slept there, waking up often to check if he was breathing and if his paw was still bleeding. At one point, I don't know what happened, but the bleeding stopped and didn't come back.

Last night he'd also peed and there was some blood in it, probably due to the hematoma in the area. I was worried there could be internal bleeding, but during the night he got up and peed on the floor (I've always kept a training pad set out just in case, he peed next to it since he's not used to the position here, but I don't care) and it was clear of blood. He peed again just a moment ago, clear again, and managed to poo, which he hadn't since before the accident.

I've been cleaning his wounds the best I can, and fortunately it didn't start bleeding again. I'm a little relieved, but still feel terrible about this having happened at all. I could have let the kid go on her own. But then, it would have probably happened at any other time I left him alone inside. He did this once before, but it was on a first floor apartment right after I adopted him, and all he had to break through was one of those safety nets. He did hurt himself a little that time, but there was no glass involved.

Eventually he did get used to being in the apartment alone for a few hours, so I suppose he will eventually get used to being here. But I have to get the wooden planks I mentioned installed on the fence for privacy and also his safety, and then he'll maybe be able to hang out in the garden when alone. Though I don't trust it, he'll be nervous and crying if I take too long.

Who knows what happened in his past to make him like this.

Oh and by the way, during this whole ordeal, he gave me a headbutt right on the mouth, cut my lip inside, and I feared he'd knocked out my front teeth. Fortunately didn't happen, but I was bleeding a lot at first, too. I'm ok now. Didn't need stitches or anything for the cut, or so said the vet.
 
IRL: Things have been pretty meh. My meds make me feel so entirely blank and empty headed that I stopped taking them. But even then, when I stop taking them, I just become angry and paranoid. So I continue taking them til its a rinse and repeat. I'd try and switch meds, but health insurance lapsed from my previous job and I can't really afford it at the moment. I have enough to get me to January. It's just..Idk. It doesn't help in the slightest.

At Work: Fr the last week, a student has had the IPs to access three of the staff printers. Not to mention, somehow, they stole the toners out of the printers as well. Before this. they printed out sheets of paper with very off and specific things on them. Like, ominous Clippy memes. So, my co worker and I had to play detective and run around trying to figure out where the missing toner was, who was printing these things out and how we were going to work out how we'd gatekeep the printer IPs going forward
 
Unnecessary Surgery Land said:
Sometimes I miss talking to my childhood best friend but she pooned out (tits cut, they/them and everything) and worships commie streamers. She genuinely thinks it's cool to murder people with political differences.

My final straw with her involved her trying to confuse a child with pronouns. Irredeemable. Didn't think she had that in her.

I get moments where I see something from our childhood days, remember an old inside joke then get an urge to reach out. But then I get just icy cold realization that she's not really there anymore. She's not dead yet she continues to exist. Just a pooner zombie. Her tits long wasted away in some biohazard bag.

Yet my stupid heart misses her. I guess it's a form of grief. Sometimes I feel guilty because I lost touch with her after high school (she got a bit too jealous of me having other friends) and wonder if I stayed in her life in that period, maybe she wouldn't have pooned out. Reconnecting later in our lives was nostalgic but terrifying and now she's out of my life again.

but my story isn't fucking entirely uncommon, which is horrifying.

Fuck college. Fuck gender ideology. Fuck evil SRS doctors.
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I remember talking to a minor from Uk couple of years ago.
He was on the process of trooning out and constantly talking in chat about how much he hate capitalism.
Seeing people especially minors being psyop into hating themselves and their country so much to the point they became a tranny is just fucking sad and I can’t do anything about it. Socialist,tankie,marxist,whatever they call themselves all need to be fucking shot. They're the reason why we’re fucked as we are now.
 
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Found a new hobby. So I've been on dating apps for like 3 weeks and it's been what you'd expect. A few matches a day, a few conversations and 3 meet ups. Nothing all that serious but the number of crazy people/scammers is a joke so I've been keeping myself entertained by talking to obvious nutters and scams. It's pretty entertaining and I always report the scammers. The scammers are pretty funny tbh, it's always some chink bitch who works at a bank (jeet slave in China or Dubai) or some shit trying to get me to buy crypto. The snapchat and instagram bots are great too.
 
"We'll want to talk to surgery again for sure, but that's two weeks away so don't worry about it!"

Then what the fuck did I just endure two rounds of high dose chemo for? I haven't even had imaging done again yet but they still wanna talk surgery? That makes me feel like it didn't work. I wouldn't even be worried about it if the docs hadn't brought it up. The cancer spots were located on the part of my brain that controls motor function, and neurology already told me surgery would most likely fuck that up before I told them "fuck no" last time and opted for radiation therapy instead. My answer hasn't changed, and if that's my only option left at this point, it's sounding like a bullet to the brain basket would be a better cure rather than becoming a vegetable. It all just feels hopeless and I wonder what the fuck I did to deserve being put in this position in the first place. I don't even remember the last time I felt good, or I wasn't tired 24/7, or nauseous randomly, or feeling like I'm freezing to death when it's 87 degrees outside. Wish we were already at a point where I could just transfer my consciousness into a new body. I'd fill this useless one with tannerite and shoot it.
 
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