How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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So tired of reviewing applications for a position that opened up at work. It's clear none of these fuckers read the requirements section. Zero relevant experience, degree, or certs yet you want to hunt and defend against APTs. I get it, companies have had a massive disinterest in investing in cyber security and the days of spending to make sure "not petya" doesn't happen to their company are seemingly long gone. But applying for jobs that require a good bit of experience and then whining when you get "ghosted" on Reddit isn't going to get you anywhere.
 
Rekeita's Kidneys said:
Going to be checking out flight schools instead, old friend of mine kinda has me convinced it might be good for me.
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If your friends haven't mentioned it, review the medical requirements first and absolutely DO NOT get an official flight medical unless you're sure you'll pass, if anything is marginal it's best to fix it first, possibly with consultation with a flight physician WITHOUT an official record with the FAA(or whatever country you're in). I tell this to everyone considering becoming a pilot. Also figure out which kinds of ramen you like best for the first few years.
 
I'm in the middle of nowhere Nevada. My former employer called up my new employer begging that I go out and trouble shoot a medium voltage drive. I asked what their issue was and got no answer. I drive out about six hours to get to an open pit silver mine so remote that my phones give up about half way there.

Turns out that they had a 300 year flood. The mud and the muck is so bad that I nearly get my truck stuck twice just trying to get to the drive room. I get on to the company wifi and a sales guy from my old company finally let me know "I think some water got into the control section.

No, it was the main transformer section. 4160V was going into this VFD while water started pouring into it from the ceiling.

I do a 5kV megger test. The miners are like "it passed. Let's turn it on" and I have to explain that all this did was prove that the insulation is okay. It means fuck off if this thing is safe to operate. We need to do a turn test. They have no idea what this means. So I explain that I need a special device and about two days to take measurements.

They are like "you have one of those right?" Of course I don't because no one fucking told me they soaked a running transformer with water.

My only other option is to don a moon suit, stand in front of this death trap, and throw a switch. And even if this doesn't blow up, I can't promise that it won't die a few hours or days from now.

The lead miner keeps saying "we got spare parts". No...you don't have a spare transformer and if this thing goes, it's going to be hotter than the fucking sun momentarily and while yes, it is in a metal frame, I don't really want to experience this first hand.

All my fucking old company had to do is tell me what fucking happened. I would have brought the test gear. I just don't drive around with a $20k meter unless I have to.

So now I find myself, sitting in a shit hole hotel so gross I plan on sleeping in a chair than touching this stained bed, watching degenerates walk into this depressing casino attached, wondering if I'm going to be blinded and deafened in the morning.

Other than that though, it's all good. Oh, except I somehow lost my driver's license. I'm pretty sure I left it on the counter of the last hotel I was at trying to get here from another site.
 
DavidS877 said:
If your friends haven't mentioned it, review the medical requirements first and absolutely DO NOT get an official flight medical unless you're sure you'll pass, if anything is marginal it's best to fix it first, possibly with consultation with a flight physician WITHOUT an official record with the FAA(or whatever country you're in). I tell this to everyone considering becoming a pilot. Also figure out which kinds of ramen you like best for the first few years.
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Have an appointment with my GP this Friday. Gonna just ask upfront since I'm diagnosed with the 'spergers if that will fuck me over.

If I'm good enough to own guns, drive a car, no criminal record, no times in the loony bin... I should be fine.

Fuck I'd probably be less of a sad faggot if I was up in the air flying shit.
 
The good parts of my life feel like a fantasy, but the bad parts are so bad it makes me feel like an imposter. Life feels so empty, and I know I'll never be happy with a simple life in a lonely town but I couldn't ever permanently escape it.

I've done things and hungout with people that I would've never dreamt of, but at the same time I've accepted I'll probably spend most days feeling completely alone.
 
Brett DeLawyer said:
Your work saga is fascinating and I look forward to these update posts. Please don’t die in a mine transformer explosion, however badass that sounds.
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Agreed. Had a transformer explode a few blocks down the road from us shortly after 9/11. It was so loud and bright we thought we were under attack again. I wouldn't want to be anywhere near one of those things without the proper equipment to test it first, don't let anyone "c'mon man" you into doing something unsafe for yourself.
 
Not A Bunny said:
So, I talked the lady at the practice that was recommended.

Required: THREE three-hour sessions per week. Plus, two one-on-ones.

Eleven fucking hours of therapy a week.

I have my issues, but there is nothing so wrong with me that I literally need to spend that much time on therapy, let alone more than one full workday per week with people that have issues rather than mentors and people who can teach me to be better.

That doesn't even sound healthy to me. It sounds obsessive. It sounds like a recipe for dependence on therapy.

I am more than willing to submit to the idea that I need help. Lord knows. But there's such a thing as over-treating the problem, and eleven hours a week might fit that definition.
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That's absolutely standard for intensive outpatient. And most of it is group, so not really the intensity of 11 hours of 1:1 therapy. It's considered an alternative to in-patient. Very common for dependency or dual-diagnosis situations. Usually goes 6-8 weeks before tapering down. The point is intensity in order to keep people focused on the issues or in need of critical focus. People in these programs aren't cloistered away from reality like in-patient, but things stay more present than merely doing a weekly therapy session.

I've known some people to go through it, and it seemed beneficial - and they said that being around people far more fucked up was useful bc they saw how bad things could get (motivating, but at times sad or unsettling when someone fell off or disappeared) - though toward the end of their intensive phase they tended to find it less helpful - but good when they were in a more delicate place.

Core Theorist said:
Do you have insurance for this or something? Do they really expect anybody to pay for that much useless yapping?

I hate alcohol, but I would rather get drunk than listen to some armchair retard for ELEVEN HOURS a week and PAY them for the privilege.

Therapy is a fucking scam.
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This is a dumb take. First, it's a lot cheaper than in-patient, and insurance prefers it. Second, it's mostly group, not "listening to an armchair retard" for 11 hours.

From what I've heard, a fair number of people in these programs probably should be in-patient. And it can be a mixed bag bc a fair number are required to be there and have no interest in getting better (and yet those I've known still benefited from it).

Therapy (of various types) can meaningfully help people. Not those who think it's a crock or who maintain their arrogance, fair.

Not A Bunny said:
So, I'm not entitled to help because I'm giving up the bare minimum just to get my head right? Only to have to dive right back into the problems I had in the first place?
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Not sure what you mean here. No, you're not "entitled" to help - though it sounds like it's available to you. What you have are options, which you can use or not. You can pay for it or have your insurance pay for all or part of it. And sure, diving into your problems is one way that can help to get past them. Maybe you can sort yourself out solo or with minimal paid support - that's up to you. But it doesn't sound like you're being prevented from it.
 
Friend of Dorothy Parker said:
Not sure what you mean here. No, you're not "entitled" to help - though it sounds like it's available to you. What you have are options, which you can use or not.
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What I mean, specifically is that there isn't a happy medium between 1 hour a couple of times a month and 11, with three three-hour blocks.

I shouldn't have to put away my entire life because while I'm in a pretty lousy place, I'm not in such bad shape that I should drop everything, including the basic shit I need to do (which I have no one else to do unless I hired a maid and a personal chef), to be in a room full of people I don't want to be in a room with, let alone tell my problems to.

I get the idea of structure for people that can't function with the rest of the world. That's not me. What I need is a little more motivation to keep functioning normally.

What I'm throughly pissed about is that there is no middle ground. Three months, 11 hours a week? Not even a path of 3-5 hours?

The fact that the industry of therapy can't develop a even reasonable middle ground is a problem. It means that while I do need extra help, I can't get it without taking yet another step back instead of finally going forward.

Point being: I need a solution that integrates with my life, not one that demands I put everything on hold.
 
Not A Bunny said:
What I mean, specifically is that there isn't a happy medium between 1 hour a couple of times a month and 11, with three three-hour blocks.

I shouldn't have to put away my entire life because while I'm in a pretty lousy place, I'm not in such bad shape that I should drop everything, including the basic shit I need to do (which I have no one else to do unless I hired a maid and a personal chef), to be in a room full of people I don't want to be in a room with, let alone tell my problems to.

I get the idea of structure for people that can't function with the rest of the world. That's not me. What I need is a little more motivation to keep functioning normally.

What I'm throughly pissed about is that there is no middle ground. Three months, 11 hours a week? Not even a path of 3-5 hours?

The fact that the industry of therapy can't develop a even reasonable middle ground is a problem. It means that while I do need extra help, I can't get it without taking yet another step back instead of finally going forward.

Point being: I need a solution that integrates with my life, not one that demands I put everything on hold.
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Ugh, the site fucking ate my reply.

So, again but (maybe) shorter: I agree with you that the gulf between 50 minutes/ week vs 11 hours/ week with randoms in a group is huge, and it is frustrating that the (insurance-paid) options are either minimal, or are set up for people who don't work or otherwise can be there 8-11 am m-w, plus a couple other times/ days during basic working hours.

I've served on a board/ volunteered at a place that provided both in-patient and outpatient psych and dependency services, and some of my fellow board members were former patrons of the place...and they all said that they had initially thought "I'm not one of these people; I'm just going through it and just need support beyond one day/ week," but ultimately found that they did benefit significantly from more intensive work. But in my own dark night of the soul period, I, like you, did not think the intensive programs worked with my life (tbh, maybe they would have been a good idea and have sped things along. But it did not fit my life, so I didn't go that route.)

That said: 100% understand where you're coming from.

Another thought: not long ago I was cold-called by my insurer about a program they were offering through a third party, at zero cost: weekly therapy (CBT, so not deep dives, but rather practically oriented) + a weekly meeting with a behavioral coach.
They called me on a stressful day, so I said sure, I'll do that (lol, the guy who called sounded completely surprised someone said yes.). The therapist and coach work in tandem (sort of; their coordination is through notes in their system). And I think it's great - not perfect, but really useful. Caveat: I'm not in a position of needing to work out deep things at this point, just looking for reinforcement of or reconnection to good habits.

And yes, most everything they've said are things I'm sure I've heard before a million times, but there is actually some value in having those conversations with a human and having to revisit them. I'll also add it's all by video, and I meet with the coach on the weekend, so it's very convenient. This is not an emotional catharsis exercise for me, and I won't say they're necessarily brilliant (well, I get the sense the program keeps them within strict bounds, so who knows if they are or aren't) but regardless - it's nice to have a couple of external anchor-points with accountability.

...my point in relating that is that your insurer may have some programs that could be of good help to beef up therapy, and that are something less than the standard intensive outpatient framework but something more than basic 1x/ week 45-50 minute sessions. If your insurance is through an employer, you could start with the EAP program and go from there. Maybe you've done that, and maybe your only options now are either (mostly) covered 1x/ week or the intensive outpatient program, so I get that the obvious options are frustrating. But maybe there are ways to cobble together things so you get more than the basic weekly but aren't committed to 11 hours in-person + commute time + the life/ work disruption of the intensive. Maybe that means paying out of pocket for 2 or 3 extra sessions/ week, or maybe there are some other programs insurance will cover in addition to the standard that can be helpful, too.
 
@Friend of Dorothy Parker: thanks. I have been trying to work that through today.

I know there are answers to my problem, it's just the cynical part of me hates that there are people like me - maybe a little too in my own feelings - that get railroaded into stuff like this for lack of better options and time enough to do research.

I also don't like the idea that IOP should be for someone like me. I don't want to take up the energy it consumes to treat me with extra resources I don't need when someone else probably needs it more. I rarely drink, I don't do drugs. I've never had any kind of suicidal ideation (I've probably put more time into longevity than any three people you know). My biggest problem is probably arrested development and even then, most people would be shocked to hear I'm not that well-adjusted.

So to have someone assess me as so under-functioning as to need that much therapy...well, umbrage was taken.
 
My cats health is deteriorating and he is now showing his age in almost the exact same way my cat I lost last year did. There's nothing I can do. I'm so scared I won't be here when he goes, whenever that is.
 
I made the horrible regretful mistake of bringing my troubled car into the dealership shop rather than the local autobody and am paying the price.
 
Had a bit of a setback with my foot but moving around with crutches and hopefully soon I will be able to use a walking boot to walk again. My toe is pretty messed up looking and it lost part of its bone but the wounds healing and I got feeling in it. I came pretty close to losing it and part of my foot .
 
Rome's rightful successor said:
I made the horrible regretful mistake of bringing my troubled car into the dealership shop rather than the local autobody and am paying the price.
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Oh i know those horrors. I need a new drive-train control module which means it has to go to a Jeep dealer (to program the module apparently). I can't wait to see how much they're going to rape me for this time.
 
When staying at a rural, quality hotel in Nevada, you want to make sure it looks swanky from the outside.

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Around 10 pm local time, I got woken up by one of the local lot lizards, offering her services. I ended up turning her down. As I was closing my door, I heard her yell down to the parking lot to someone "stay in the fucking car".

I imagine it was "take your kid to work" day for the local prostitutes.

Getting up early in the morning, I had to walk through the casino section of this shit hole to get to the front desk. As much as bossman Jack is a degenerate gambler, at least he isn't in the middle of fucking nowhere, feeding twenties into a slot machine.

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Getting to the site, I spent the entire morning disassembling the VFD and attempting to remove about 40 lbs of dust, mud, and other shit. Eventually we got to the point of attempting not to die. I kicked all the employees out of the room and told them that if they hear a loud bang, wait fifteen minutes and then enter to get me to the hospital.

Donning my moon suit and then racking in the switchgear, I was pleasantly surprised not to be blown up. Walking over to the VFD, I said a quick prayer, and then pressed the button to perform startup to diode mode, hearing the main contactor close, the fans kick on, and then the precharge isolation reactor close. I cannot express the feeling of relief and joy that this $600k drive didn't immediately explode in front of me.

I then heard behind me, over the noise "hey! Good job. You fixed it!". I ripped off my helmet and realized one of the managers had walked into the room, after I kicked everyone out, to watch me work.

In my defense, you can't really see well in a moon suit and that is on purpose.

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He was wearing a helmet and normal clothing. I did not handle it well, yelling and cussing for him to get the fuck out of the room.

At this point, the transformer has survived the 4160 entering it, but now I had to get the VFD to start controlling the rectifier action, where it would fire IGBT's and push reactive current back to the utility. This means I would be chopping the voltage at high frequency, in and out phase with the incoming voltage. So I was really not out of the woods at all yet. This was really going to stress it.

Reaching for the bright red interlock button, this time, I tried to scan the room first for idiots, while muttering the lord's prayer. All clear, I pressed the oh fuck button.

Holy shit it survived. I leave the room, the miners are waiting on the ground. "All good so far". One tried to go pass me. "No don't go in there. I need operations to start the crusher. The power cells need to energize the motor for us to be sure. And until then no one enters"

3 hours later, with me sweating like a pig in a moon suit, operations finally started the crusher..

I have no fucking idea how this transformer survived. Their one manager asked if it was fixed.

"Yes. But it could last 15 years or 15 minutes. We have no idea when it will fail, but for now, your entire system is ready for production"

I got a job offer on the spot for more than I currently make by about $40k. But there is literally nothing for miles. I would have an hour long drive, one way each day, to get to the nearest trailer park. Kind of no point making money when you got fuck all to spend it on.
 
Managed to get a new job and i am not sure how i did it :story: Starting next week, two days per week, mild kitchen work (very mild, just me, another dude and a convection oven in that kitchen, pretty sure it's violating a number of building codes as well) and bullshitting the customers into buying overpriced specialty food from Italy/Sardinia. Gonna make a bit over a thousand € but it's all under the table so i keep my Jobcenter benefits etc. It's in a swank part of town so now i am off buying some presentable clothing, trying not to spend a fortune.
 
Fuck the American healthcare system. Underprovisioning, overcharging, difficult to find meds, no one is willing to help, people lie to you through their teeth. Cannot get my meds and there's no end in sight for the problem. Doctors, pharmacists, everyone higher up on the chain, none of them are people that should be tolerated.
 
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