How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Optimistic and yet shit. Fundamentally shit. Sorry for the wall of text I am on mobile and a bit retarded.

Looked into contingencies for my housing situation. Contingency found. I have the money to cover the rent, but won't be able to eat. At all. essentially pulling a miracle out of my ass and not a damn soul knows at my uni anything other than 'Naptime is an academic swot who always does well' except I'm losing weight from stress anyway and my hair. Lmao.

So, there's that.

Had to explain to my mother this shit, and she wants next month rent despite me not living with her and *not having anywhere to pay for.*. She's not happy with my decision, naturally. I told her to get off her arse and get a full time job for once and be a fucking grown up is the tldr.

I don't know why I bother. I got strep recently and her reaction wasn't 'oh gosh, are you okay Naptime?' or anything vaguely resembling concern. Devoid of empathy. Meeting Mr Naptime's mom blew my mind. Willingly having a hug insinuated without a scowl, or a tut, or as if I'm on fire. Genuine care for my life, my hobbies, my dreams. Active INTEREST. Asking QUESTIONS.

As you can imagine despite this good-ish news. I'm not doing so hot. Getting my meds upped. I have a few weeks until midterms. I will make a beautiful life for myself despite this.

I did in fact have that drink and I thank God that I got a bottle of gin a few months ago that I've been gently nursing. I am not feeling very stable, and I feel like I'm barely holding everything together whilst falling apart mentally. It took me to a very dark place for a hot second, then I realised I'm not a pussy and killing myself only causes more problems. Plus I'm too pretty to die, lol.

God bless and love to you all as always.
 
Been having a very stressful couple of months and I think it's catching up to me. I've been having a very hard time focusing and I have a bunch of stuff I've been putting off, only adding to the stress. Currently sitting in the library with my notebook open but can't bring myself to start studying, it's bad. If anyone has any tips I'd appreciate it, caffeine doesn't work like it used to.
 
Things are pretty normal right now, my job is stable and there's plenty of overtime so I can get just a little bit more on my salary which I'm saving for any sudden emergencies and to attend any necessities that my family may have.
In terms of personal and mental well-being I guess I'm alright, there are times where I feel awful and get very sad, but I'm always able to bounce back and focus on the good things, though there's always a nagging feeling of inferiority whenever I look at the success my friends or co-workers have achieved.
 
missnaptime said:
Plus I'm too pretty to die, lol.
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Heh, I find it funny you should say that. My inner motto has always been I'm too ugly to die. I need to get in better shape so I may leave behind a manly corpse that maidens will sob over. Not that it's something I'd ever seriously consider, hah.
 
WASR96 said:
How many obnoxious, drunk assholes accosted you on your way to the desk for a smoke, more money, or to drink with them? We had to cut through the casino portion as well when we got sent to Reno for work, 5 days in that fucking place and I never made it out the door without one of these happening on a daily basis.
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I was only there for a night, thank God. But once, I was doing a steel mill in Kentucky and the only thing for miles was a river boat casino that never moved. I did three months there. The number of boomers wondering around drunk and smoking, pulling their oxygen tanks was unreal.

Every night, trying to get to my room, some drunk would ask "so ya winning kid?" And they would get weird when I would tell them I don't gamble and I was just there for work.

Bret Michaels was there one weekend for a show. Holy shit the quality of his groupies has dropped off the end of a cliff.
 
Things are looking.... better for me? Ending a job I hate with an hour long commute through dogshit traffic for one closer to home, so less money on gas plus wear and tear on a car I don't really trust. And the pay is slightly better, with some actual OT mixed in to boot. So hopefully my financial situation begins to improve as I've been on the edge for quite some time now due to poor decisions and a string of bad luck.

Minus side is the job will be cold as fuck and they are already giving me hints of them potentially trying to sucker me into a management position which I want nothing to do with.
 
I’m becoming doompilled and anxious about the indian menace in a way that is out of proportion with its effect on my immediate daily life, kind of like those people who freak out about climate change.
Taking a break from this website and touching grass would help, but this is the only site I visit and also touching grass is hard because I live in a city and the first sight that greets me when I leave the house is shitskins and the slum they turned my neighborhood in.
Also, my job search is not going well, so I’m a little on edge.

Edit because I wanted to add something positive: i walked 30k steps today, and I’m happier now that classes have resumed. I really love the subjects of this semester. I’ve also started getting into intermittent fasting and it kind of rules, I feel I can focus a lot better now.
 
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NGL friends, things are really dark for me and idk if I'm gonna be able to make it through.
Been off meds for a while and I can't afford a therapist anymore, so I'm sort of just coping being a retard and playing games when university isn't milking me dry.

EDIT: To add something positive... I'm aceing all my classes and got 100% assistence so far, which might seem like nothing, but getting out of bed is a struggle haha. Also took my cat to the vet and everything is okay.
 
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Slowly been climbing out of this rut I've been in since the breakup. It sucks not having someone to talk to/message all the time and that no longer being a part of my life has hit me the hardest. Work has finally calmed down at least and I have more time and resources freed up for hobbies. My DND group fell apart recently and that's probably for the best. It was getting political and sooner or later they'd figure out I'm a chud even though I keep my mouth shut. Also recently tried airsoft at a local field. Plenty of dudes older than me do it and it's a good way to test out the gear/kit you use for your real guns. And it's quite the workout.

Also no one has claimed the stray cat that lives by my apartment and since my neighbor was going to take it to the shelter in a month, I decided the time to "adopt" him is now. Cat supplies have been purchased and I just need to ask how much the pet deposit is.
 
Gorilla Man said:
Shit
I'm also trying to get fit, so it's not completely wasted
I was afraid I was going to end up shitting myself or losing my hair, so I was avoiding buying it. Its too late now (:_(
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Nah, dude, it's ok. I think, hair loss has more to do with smoking, not the nicotine itself. I am taking mine as a gum and it is great stuff if you are tired, but have to push through. I'd recommend buying it as those gum pads and starting with half of one plus a pad of a regular gum. If are not a smoker, your body won't be ready. I started with a half and then tried a whole pad the next day, holy shit if I was jittery at my job. Just chew it a little and then keep behind your cheek, so would slowly inject it into the body for a longer effect. I'd also recommend not taking it just because, only if you exhausted and have to go on. On the other hand, now I understand why people agree to inhale smoke, this stuff not only removes fatigue, it also raises your attention span and capabilities. Keep in mind though, that this is power on a loan, the next day you are going to be even more tired. And obviously don't use it too much since it gives you addiction.

For brains I can recommend glycine, even though it worked for me, but never for anyone else. Magnesium helps too. Transcendental meditation helps to recharge, just 10-15 minutes. Good luck with your stuff.

Envy Adams said:
To add something positive... I'm aceing all my classes and got 100% assistence so far, which might seem like nothing, but getting out of bed is a struggle haha. Also took my cat to the vet and everything is okay.
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Maybe you're just tired? Anyway, congratulations on keeping it up.
 
>playing ball this evening
>opposing pitcher is some tryhard douchebag I played with last year
Let's call him Fagballs

>we're creaming Fagballs late in the game
>I get on third base
>Am off for a split second, fielder tags me
>Technically should've been out, but the umpire had his back turned
>I start making the "safe" gesture

>Fagballs yells "You fucking know you were out!" at me
>I respond "SUFFAH!" in my best Ethan Ralph impression
>He glares at me, trying to be intimidating
>mfw looking back at him
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I have completed my work tour of Texas and am headed to family for the next week. Sure, none of this is really Texas specific.
I consider it a success.
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Also made it to H-E-B, a local BBQ place for brisket, and had the Buc-ee's brisket sandwich.

Now a week with family then an 800 mile drive home.
 
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