How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Blue Flying Leaf]

Nothing prepares you for retail because there's a fool born every minute

 

[AnOminous]

I'm visiting Mom this week. I moved something on the porch and saw something large and black with a funny red spot on it scurry back further into the shelf.

I was once rooting through a woodpile picking out tinder and accidentally pulled out an entire widow nest and had dozens of these things all down my bare arm.

Not one of them actually bit me. I think spiders actually like me. I once had a huge wolf spider that would follow me around the house about six feet behind me and just watch me.

I once had a brown recluse actually literally CHARGE at me to bite me for no reason at all and had to stomp it. I hate those evil motherfuckers. Pit bull of spiders.

 

[Blue Flying Leaf]

They are dangerous and you shouldn't mess with spiders for no reason. Small black widows can't penetrate skin, but larger ones will.
Spiders won't like you, they have no intellect to do that. Wolf spiders are predators and they don't "watch you" they are evaluating if you are prey.
Woodpiles and other dark and moist spaces should be kept away from house. As well as bushes, grass and so on so you prevent them getting inside.

 

[AnOminous]

Spiders won't like you, they have no intellect to do that. Wolf spiders are predators and they don't "watch you" they are evaluating if you are prey.

Wolf spiders are our friends and almost anything they actually do kill is something we want dead. Don't talk shit about wolf spiders you fag.

 

[WhoBusTank69]

This job however - plenty of eyes on me. ... my only concern is how my coworkers and managers perceive me.

Everyone feels like that when they actually care. It's the people who don't that get away with doing dumb things on the clock.
The way I coped with that is realizing that if you aren't actively being talked at by your superior you are doing a good job. The other peons alongside you don't matter, just your bosses, and if they're happy you can rest easy.

 

[gobbles]

I am getting arthritis, and I am not old. I’m on NSAIDs, and my hands still hurt. Badly.

Well, at least I have hands. Maybe this will inspire me to cut out sugar and eat more vegetables.

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

From what I know, it pretty much means adults doing kids things cause they still find them fun. Like coloring or playing with Legos

Wait, how the fuck it can be directly linked to pedos then, if it is not sexual in nature? You can find people of all ages in CoD lobby for example.

 

[Lingering butter taste]

Wait, how the fuck it can be directly linked to pedos then, if it is not sexual in nature? You can find people of all ages in CoD lobby for example.

Dude I have no fucking clue
I think it comes from the idea that a beer drinking dart throwin adult can’t understand someone of his age preferring fucking around at an empty playground, so it must be a fetish.

 

[Unnecessary Surgery Land]

Woke up from a nightmare and I can't go back to sleep. Oh, and don't forget the sleep paralysis ontop of it.

It was one of those nightmares that was so vivid it made you question your own reality for the first minute upon waking up. Fuck that.

Being a human with a human brain is too weird sometimes. I don't get why the brain tortures itself for fun.

I feel kinda like a dumb baby since I can't get back to sleep.

Thank you, I keep telling myself that but I keep thinking “But what if this? What if that?”. I’m prone to “what if” thinking I guess.

You sound like you’re suffering from a form of OCD. There is a type of OCD that focuses on “what if” with pedo stuff. I read about it when I was forced to take psychology classes and it sounded like pure hell.

Edit: reading your other posts on this thread, does your therapist suspect OCD with you at all?

 

[Lingering butter taste]

Wait, how the fuck it can be directly linked to pedos then, if it is not sexual in nature? You can find people of all ages in CoD lobby for example.

I know there was another time when reparenting was brought up on the sub (Pretty much when you fuck up you advise yourself in the way you think a good parent would, if you had a shit parent) and someone said it was “extremely pedo-adjacent”, fucked me up for a good few weeks haha

 

[Lingering butter taste]

Woke up from a nightmare and I can't go back to sleep. Oh, and don't forget the sleep paralysis ontop of it.

It was one of those nightmares that was so vivid it made you question your own reality for the first minute upon waking up. Fuck that.

Being a human with a human brain is too weird sometimes. I don't get why the brain tortures itself for fun.

I feel kinda like a dumb baby since I can't get back to sleep.


You sound like you’re suffering from a form of OCD. There is a type of OCD that focuses on “what if” with pedo stuff. I read about it when I was forced to take psychology classes and it sounded like pure hell.

Edit: reading your other posts on this thread, does your therapist suspect OCD with you at all?

Sorry to double post but I only now just saw what you said and I have literally no clue how to insert quotes into an edit (I’ve tried several times, I just can’t figure how to work it out)

I don’t know if she suspects it, I’d have to ask. All I’ve heard from POCD was that pedophiles have it so ya I definitely fucking don't hope I have that. Though I would say my life has been pure hell when it comes to this, yes.

 

[Unnecessary Surgery Land]

it so ya I definitely fucking don't hope I have that.

From what I read- while I dont doubt some pedos have it- it's not exclusively a pedo thing.

Basically people obsess over if they're suddenly going to turn into or are secretly a pedo. It almost always stems from trauma (which you have) They will analyze everything they do, think or say.

I have family with OCD. She was convinced she was going to become schizophrenic. Her entire life revolved around "these are the signs". She was very convincing to the point that I believed her. However, she was not schizophrenic. The doctors told her she wasn't and she was diagnosed with OCD.

Crazy interesting stuff, which is why I focused on OCD whenever I did psych research papers. However, she still gets moments from time to time where she is convinced her brain is gonna suddenly schizo out. You need to do pretty constant specialized OCD therapy to keep shit at bay.

I don't know for certain, but I think if the brain can convince itself it's schizo, it can convince itself of other awful things.

 

[Shitted Scaredless]

Sorry to double post but I only now just saw what you said and I have literally no clue how to insert quotes into an edit (I’ve tried several times, I just can’t figure how to work it out)

I don’t know if she suspects it, I’d have to ask. All I’ve heard from POCD was that pedophiles have it so ya I definitely fucking don't hope I have that. Though I would say my life has been pure hell when it comes to this, yes.

Spoiler: Mild pl

as someone who occasionally gets the worst sort of intrusive thoughts known to man, I'm very sorry to hear you're going through this.

I know it's very cliche and hard to believe when you're in the thick of a spell of then, but you aren't your intrusive thoughts. If they cause you distress, it means you know they're wrong, which is good. Sometimes the brain is an asshole and likes to go "hey, you know what would be fucked up?". It sucks, but its important to remember that your intrusive thoughts aren't your actions, and intrusive thoughts aren't something controllable. You aren't having them on purpose, you aren't a bad person. The brain just really sucks in how it torments us sometimes.

Anyway. Tomorrow is my first day off. And I'm really frustrated at the idea of being financially responsible. What I mean is I have some tip money. I know I should start saving immediately, not spend any of it. But damn do I also want to go buy myself something stupid as a reward for doing adult shit. But I cannot. I must be responsible.

 

[Blue Flying Leaf]

Anyway. Tomorrow is my first day off. And I'm really frustrated at the idea of being financially responsible. What I mean is I have some tip money. I know I should start saving immediately, not spend any of it. But damn do I also want to go buy myself something stupid as a reward for doing adult shit. But I cannot. I must be responsible.

Congrats on being an adult.
My personal thing is to never look at "tips" or whatever you get. Pocket it, put it in drawer. Look into drawer if you have hard times.
Counting how much you have is becoming aware of it and you'll spend it on random garbage.

 

[niggercattle]

I just want to stay indoors and scroll the farms and make sure I’m being a decent human being

lol

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

Congrats on being an adult.
My personal thing is to never look at "tips" or whatever you get. Pocket it, put it in drawer. Look into drawer if you have hard times.
Counting how much you have is becoming aware of it and you'll spend it on random garbage.

DEPOSIT THAT SHIT. Put it in a separate savings account if you don't want to spend it, but don't leave it around to get stolen, frittered away, or accidentally tossed. If it's an inconsequential amount (a relative term, depending on person and circumstances), then a drawer is OK if you know you won't dip into it. But if you actually need it or want to know where you stand/ what you can and can't afford, you've got to know what you have.

 

[Blue Flying Leaf]

DEPOSIT THAT SHIT. Put it in a separate savings account if you don't want to spend it, but don't leave it around to get stolen, frittered away, or accidentally tossed. If it's an inconsequential amount (a relative term, depending on person and circumstances), then a drawer is OK if you know you won't dip into it. But if you actually need it or want to know where you stand/ what you can and can't afford, you've got to know what you have.

Nah, hard cash is hard cash.
Paycheck is for bills and credit cards.
I do like to surprise myself by finding cash in clothes and stuff. Keeps the motivation going lol.

 

[AnOminous]

I feel kinda like a dumb baby since I can't get back to sleep.

I'm glad I haven't had one of those in years. That's actually my definition of a nightmare, is something you can't get back to sleep after because the thought of going right back to that again is terrifying. I used to have that and occasional sleep paralysis and hypnagogic hallucinations where the dream imagery would come through to the waking world until I shook myself awake. Also I'd be afraid of mirrors.

About 20 years ago I did lucid dreaming practice and after a few months haven't ever had anything like that again. While I have occasionally had dreams with extremely disturbing content since then, they don't really faze me and I go right back to sleep. No more of the "monster chasing me but I'm running in slow motion and can't breathe or scream" bullshit though. I either just realize it's a dream and wake up on purpose, or levitate or fly away, or just do some immense jump to somewhere it can't get at me.

I ordinarily wouldn't recommend messing around with your mind like this, because it can actually cause sleep paralysis and shit like that, but if you already have it, why not? The last deliberate lucidity I had, I met my subconscious which basically said leave my shit alone and I'll leave your shit alone and haven't done it again.

And don't feel dumb about it. It's entirely reasonable to be upset and unsettled when your own mind is literally playing tricks on you.

 

[I was a Teenage “JA”-man]

My addiction is back I kicked it years ago but I spent 100$ today got nothing out of it because of my sense of urgency, broke down infront of my family after realizing what I did I’m working on stopping it and calming down as we speak I feel sick and never wanted to become bossman jack… first alcohol now gambling

Edit, Called the gambling help center, got a bit of help and I feel better, knowing I’ll make my money back.

 

[Doggo]

I just got approved for a one bedroom apartment. Brand new, too. I’m going to have to pare down my possessions significantly, but I think I can make it work. I’ll be living alone, which is great because I value my privacy. I move in from tomorrow, but I’m going to look at it today.

I’m excited.