How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

[Lingering butter taste]

Nigger, you have serious issues. What you just listed is not light stuff that you can just brush aside. Talk with your therapist.

I guess, yea. I kinda just always assumed it didn’t affect me that much, maybe it did

 

[YHWH's Strongest Soldier]

I guess, yea. I kinda just always assumed it didn’t affect me that much, maybe it did

Have you considered that your obsession with being perceived as abusing people younger than you may stem from being abused yourself by your seniors?

 

[Chiang Kai-shek]

For the second - I think a bad thing to do would be to carry those concerns/"baggage" into the real world. From my (albeit removed) observation, yes, those things can be out there, but most people (and I mean young people) are just normal people underneath, so get to know people for real and avoid people who seem super- sucked-into negative views and opinions, or who think every interaction or romantic or make-female thing as a real battlefield. Mistakes and stumbles will happen; that is all of life's rich pageant. So don't get jaded; it's the kiss of death.

I think you’re right. Besides even if I do encounter someone deep into that stuff, just means one less person I’m incompatible with and saves me future headaches. Millions of people out there.

 

[Lingering butter taste]

Have you considered that your obsession with being perceived as abusing people younger than you may stem from being abused yourself by your seniors?

Maybe? Maybe. Honestly, maybe.

 

[Wigger Rights Advocate]

Starting a new retail job in an hour. Absolutely dreading it.

It was not good. Tomorrow won't be any better. Basically they gave me really shitty training for an autistic retard like me. Any advice or prayers in general would be greatly appreciated because this shit has me suicidal lowkey.

 

[Starscream's Loyalty]

My stupid fucking mail lady didn't deliver my business package for the 5th time and I'm SO CLOSE to fed-posting. Again, if I said this before, I'll say it again--Uncle Ted was right in many ways. I needed this package 2 days ago for Christ's sake.

And for any postal workers here--I'm sorry your bosses are retards and hire other retards 70% of the time. They scrape the bottom of the barrel bottoms for mail workers in my area these days---all the competent ones rightfully fucked off years ago cuz my country's postal service is utter SHIT.

 

[dick brain]

Been in a bad mood and I'm going to blog about it on kiwifarms.

Been thinking about my last relationship. I realized in retrospect that the relationship thrived not because it was healthy, but because it was what I'm used to from my childhood -- expecting an attack, feeling like I have to be prepared to defend myself. Verbally, in this case, but it's the same emotion. Having to preemptively plan or prepare an explanation or an excuse or a defense. I don't even think it came from an adversarial place, necessarily; she was just a presumptuous person, thought she knew everything about everyone. Initially I think the tendency towards confrontation was refreshing because it dispelled the anxiety of waiting for an attack. But it's supposed to abate at some point.

In CPTSD there's a concept of an inner critic, the Gollum voice in the back of your mind that levels unfair criticisms at you, and for most people it takes the form of their parents I guess, but mine is my ex, even though that's not where my trauma comes from. When I imagine myself being perceived a certain way and feeling the need to try to control that perception, I always end up imagining myself talking to her. Which is really fucking annoying because it makes me want to talk to her -- not because I miss her, but because I'm looking for a fight, or looking for the validation that comes from having my assessment of myself accepted, or something. I know that we aren't good for each other, but I find myself wanting to talk to her, for the wrongest reasons possible.

I'm coming up on 500 days of abstinence, partly motivated by trying to kick a habit of using other people to gauge my own worth, or to replace the love I never got, and partly to avoid hurting anybody until I sort my shit out and figure out how to be in a healthy relationship, and it sucks to still be dealing with this shit after that long. I miss feeling loved, but I don't know if I can differentiate between wanting to be loved and wanting to confirm that I'm lovable. And that aside I don't feel like I have as much to give to match what I'd be asking for, which probably isn't a healthy foundation for a relationship anyway. I don't have the bandwidth to even be a good partner, let alone build a life with someone. But I also don't see that changing any time soon, and I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. So I'm torn between trying to do what feels like the right thing and spending my best years alone in the hopes that it gets better someday, versus being selfish and probably wasting someone else's best years.

I don't know. I don't even really know what it is I want. Acceptance? Validation? Compassion? Mercy? Comfort? Is any of that love? Probably not. But love is the only way I've even been able to receive it.

I wish I didn't have to put that on somebody. I wish I had a normal life, a normal family that gave me whatever a family is supposed to give you, so I didn't have to go looking for it somewhere else, putting unreasonable demands on people in exchange for good dick and okay conversation. I've gotten pretty good at trusting my own self-assessment instead of hunting for validation, but I can't exactly give myself mercy and compassion.

I probably need to get better at trusting people, opening up to people, so the load is distributed instead of just weighing down the people closest to me. But my life has been and continues to be so fucked up that every time I open up to people they run the other way, and I'm too autistically fixated on honesty and authenticity to lie about it.

Whatever. The end.

 

[AnOminous]

I think the issue that makes me obsess over the farms is if I asked the average person “Hey, does kidulting make someone a pedo?” They’d say “Uh, no.”. That’s the issue, you can only really get these answers from KF.

It's super simple. Do you want to fuck kids? If the answer is no, then you are not a pedophile.

 

[Lingering butter taste]

It's super simple. Do you want to fuck kids? If the answer is no, then you are not a pedophile.

Thank you, I keep telling myself that but I keep thinking “But what if this? What if that?”. I’m prone to “what if” thinking I guess.

 

[Brenda Holiday]

Pregnancy complications, it's rare and serious but I'm trying to be positive because my baby has a high chance of living a normal life after surgery. It's still extremely stressful. I had a breakdown. I think stress combined with my disorder and hormones finally reached the boiling point. I know this is a low point but knowing that doesn't make it any easier.

 

[WhoBusTank69]

It was not good. Tomorrow won't be any better. Basically they gave me really shitty training for an autistic retard like me. Any advice or prayers in general would be greatly appreciated because this shit has me suicidal lowkey.

For my first retail job I got hired in the summer. They didn't expect me to last the week so I got minimal training and I was mostly relying on my coworkers.
Retail customers are the worst people in the world, Karens are real, the dumbest shit you have ever heard will be outdone again and again, coworkers can sometimes be just as clueless as you are or worse, if you volunteer to do more work and do even a passable job you will be pulled to do it again, let your supervisor know if you're ever uncomfortable or not feeling well because they generally actually give a shit. Pace yourself, be boring yet agreeable and nobody will have a problem with you.

Most importantly, nothing can prepare you for retail work. Get that bread. Survive.

 

[Blue Flying Leaf]

kidulting

what the fuck is this word?

 

[Juan But Not Forgotten]

Signal

You mean, the one where a journoscum (((coincidentally))) was added into group chat of US ministry of defense and leaked the identity of jewish agent in Iran?

 

[Lingering butter taste]

what the fuck is this word?

From what I know, it pretty much means adults doing kids things cause they still find them fun. Like coloring or playing with Legos

 

[Neurotypical Mantis]

the fucking bus people gave me a legal warning instead of letting me pay for a ticket with cash. nuke portland

 

[TokiBun]

Hey I know it's not much but I'd appreciate help in honoring my childhood cat who just passed away.

Spoiler: Me babbling about my cat

Clyde was an amazing cat who lived 20 amazing years after wandering onto our front door one day. He survived getting hit by a car a decade ago and never let it affect him.
Clyde was chill, he didn't have a very loud meow and he loved to follow family members on walks. In his younger years he would try and catch birds when he wasn't making me rescue baby bunnies he'd bring in!
Normally I handle pet death well when I know they've lived a good life and it's expected but it still felt so sudden y'know? I can't stop crying over the silly guy. I've been crying off and on today after going through old photos and seeing him when he was younger and happy. Everyone got to say their goodbyes before he passed. The pain will pass too it's just overwhelming to be hit with all this grief at once. But he's happy now, playing with his sister once again. Attached are some photos. I can't post more looking at them right now hurts too much.

 

[Friend of Dorothy Parker]

I just had a spider in my mouth. Omfg. Sitting outside, took a drink from my glass, vaguely saw something dark as I was tipping it back. Spat it out before swallowing and there was a mfing spider. Omg omg omg.

To be clear, I tempered my reaction and did not kill it, though after finding itself in a glass of liquid (and my damn mouth), odds are it will die anyway, I guess. Sorry, spider, but STAY OUT OF MY DRINK.

 

[DavidS877]

I just had a spider in my mouth. Omfg. Sitting outside, took a drink from my glass, vaguely saw something dark as I was tipping it back. Spat it out before swallowing and there was a mfing spider. Omg omg omg.

To be clear, I tempered my reaction and did not kill it, though after finding itself in a glass of liquid (and my damn mouth), odds are it will die anyway, I guess. Sorry, spider, but STAY OUT OF MY DRINK.

I'm visiting Mom this week. I moved something on the porch and saw something large and black with a funny red spot on it scurry back further into the shelf. Needless to say I found the spider spray and hosed that sucker down. And then stomped it and the two egg sacs for good measure. Hopefully they hadn't hatched.

I have a great spider tolerance, but not THOSE spiders.

 

[obsdj]

I just had a spider in my mouth. Omfg. Sitting outside, took a drink from my glass, vaguely saw something dark as I was tipping it back. Spat it out before swallowing and there was a mfing spider. Omg omg omg.

To be clear, I tempered my reaction and did not kill it, though after finding itself in a glass of liquid (and my damn mouth), odds are it will die anyway, I guess. Sorry, spider, but STAY OUT OF MY DRINK.

I'm visiting Mom this week. I moved something on the porch and saw something large and black with a funny red spot on it scurry back further into the shelf. Needless to say I found the spider spray and hosed that sucker down. And then stomped it and the two egg sacs for good measure. Hopefully they hadn't hatched.

I have a great spider tolerance, but not THOSE spiders.

Last night as I was getting ready for sleep, I noticed something dark on the ceiling. Turned on my phone flashlight and sure enough it was a massive spider. Tried to follow my general live and let live policy, but when I flicked the flashlight on again after a minute, it had moved. Closer. I appreciate spiders for their eating of bugs, but I cannot have a huge one hanging over my head while I sleep so I was forced to take action. It might still be alive somewhere, which is fine, as long as it stays off the ceiling when I'm trying to sleep.

 

[Wigger Rights Advocate]

For my first retail job I got hired in the summer. They didn't expect me to last the week so I got minimal training and I was mostly relying on my coworkers.
Retail customers are the worst people in the world, Karens are real, the dumbest shit you have ever heard will be outdone again and again, coworkers can sometimes be just as clueless as you are or worse, if you volunteer to do more work and do even a passable job you will be pulled to do it again, let your supervisor know if you're ever uncomfortable or not feeling well because they generally actually give a shit. Pace yourself, be boring yet agreeable and nobody will have a problem with you.

Most importantly, nothing can prepare you for retail work. Get that bread. Survive.

This is actually my 3rd retail job which is just pathetic tbh given how anxious I am, any normal person would've gotten used to it by now. But in my last two jobs I basically didn't learn much I feel like, just managed to not bring too much attention to myself because I was working at very busy stores and everyone was too busy to see if I was doing a good job. This job however - plenty of eyes on me.

I don't really care about Karens or rude customers, my only concern is how my coworkers and managers perceive me. I don't want them to think I'm too stupid, too slow, or worse - lazy. But I am slow, honestly guys I'm kinda retarded. I hate feeling stupid and worthless...